Chapter Text
Ilya was used to the comments people made about him. He had to develop thick skin if he wanted to be able to browse his social media mentions. He knew things were going to blow up once his trade to Ottawa went public. The best way to cope with the fan outrage from Boston was to delete Twitter and Instagram off his phone.
Traitor. Washed up. Throwing away his career. Sell out.
He pretended these comments didn’t bother him and when asked he would vehemently deny it and distract Shane by kissing him all over his face telling him he was worth being closer to him. It wasn’t technically a lie. This past summer with Shane was the happiest he had ever been. His cheeks hurt with how much he smiled when he was with him.
However, the summer went by way too quickly and Shane went back to Montreal. Ilya now alone in the large home he purchased in Ottawa. He bought it with their future in mind. The idea of eventually building their family here, raising a kid, and maybe a couple dogs brought an ache to his chest. It was more than Ilya ever let himself dream. A faraway dream, he reminded himself. Retirement wouldn’t be for another ten to fifteen years, if there were no major injuries.
It was hard for Ilya to imagine hiding for this long. Almost unbearable. His friends were left confused in Boston, but Shane was afraid of people knowing. The risk of people finding out is too high. Both of their careers would blow up and Ilya wouldn’t be able to go back to Russia. Sveta and Cliff were left hurt and confused, but Ilya didn’t know how to lie to either of them. Both of them would see right through him, so he stopped responding to their texts with immense guilt.
He promised himself he would reach out to them soon, but time kept passing by and the silence remained. Ilya wanted to mention coming out to a couple of his closest friends, but every time he had the chance his throat would close up. Shane might change his mind about this all being worth it. If Shane left then he would be truly alone. He wasn’t sure Sveta and Cliff would forgive him if the relationship he left them for blew up completely in his face.
Ilya knew it would take time to rebuild his sense of community in Ottawa. For starters, Shane’s parents started reaching out to him once Shane was back in Montreal. They asked if he needed help unpacking the rest of the many boxes that sat collecting dust since the day he moved in or if he wanted to come over for dinner. Ilya knew they meant well, but couldn’t help feeling like it was just an obligation they were trying to fulfill.
David and Yuna were making an effort for the sake of their only son. He knew his parents had the right to be skeptical of their relationship. It wasn’t unreasonable—he knew what his reputation was. It unfortunately didn’t make it hurt any less, but Ilya would try for the sake of Shane.
It didn’t matter if his relationship with Shane made sense to them. They loved each other. He knew it baffled Yuna to move to a losing team and how it lacked loyalty to the team that drafted him. A team he had the chance of winning cups with. It was one of the differences between himself and Shane. Hockey was a means to an end, a way to get out of Russia. Shane lived and breathed Hockey. It was his life.
To make Shane happy, he makes an appearance at the Hollander’s family home for dinner. It was weird showing up without Shane, but he put on a brave face. He even forgone the formalities of calling them “Mr. and Mrs. Hollander” at their insistence. There was never a time he showed up empty handed whether it was a bottle of wine, flowers, or fresh bread even when they told him he didn’t have to. His father would be appalled at his manners if didn’t bring a gift for the host.
As time goes on, Ilya finds it harder to show up for dinner. Both Yuna and David would text him periodically inviting him over. He would say no more than half the time. Ilya knew they meant well and wanted to get to know their son’s partner better, but he was afraid of what they might see if they got to know him. Ilya was not good at letting people in. Most people didn’t care to see the man behind the persona. He remembers David’s comment to Shane, “were there not any nice men in Montreal?” with no regard to Ilya being present.
~
Meeting his new team didn’t go the way Ilya expected. He didn’t expect the team to roll out a red carpet and bow down to him, but he could read the clear hesitance of all of his new teammates. The stiff hellos and handshakes left more to be desired. The reputation that previously protected him is now hurting him.
His teammates in Boston loved him. Ilya really should reach out to them. Any time the Bears had a chance to speak about their captain it was fond and filled with high praise. He may be an asshole, but he’s our asshole. He really cares about this team, especially the rookies. He is Papa Bear to his cubs. His speeches are legendary. Even after he left Boston, they spoke highly of Ilya. It made Ilya’s chest ache at the thought. He didn’t regret leaving Boston, but he missed the camaraderie.
Ilya didn’t let this deter him and pushed through the awkwardness. He treated the team like he would a woman at the bar with respect and a flirty smile. He was confident, charismatic, and charming. Cocky as well. It worked best to keep conversations strictly hockey. He stayed quiet when other topics were mentioned.
Wyatt Hayes, an alternate goalie traded to Ottawa this year, who loved to discuss and relate any conversation back to a comic book story line. Ilya floundered during these conversations because he barely watched the first Captain America movie. He also noted the difference in speed in which the team took to him as Ilya continued to find common ground.
He didn’t know where to begin with Evan Dykstra. His main thing was keeping the dude away from the aux. The dude’s taste in music was horrendous. Dykstra was polite, but still remained distant.
Zane Boodrom was the one Ilya mainly tried to keep an eye on. He was drafted to the Centaurs as a rookie and has never been traded. He gave up the captain title to Ilya when he joined the team and gave no indication of having any hard feelings. The man seemed genuinely puzzled that Ilya even cared and further confused when Ilya would ask for his opinion on plays during practice.
Ilya found himself spending the most time with their rookie, Luca Haas. He was a Swiss teenager who was the second overall draft pick. The kid had a lot of potential and always stared at Ilya with a star struck expression. It was something he was willing to overlook compared to the quiet distance the rest of the team kept him at.
Despite their personal failings. Ilya was going to whip this bottom of the league team into shape. The team had good, even great players, but they didn’t know how to work as a cohesive unit. They had long accepted they were bottom of the barrel and were content with staying that way. Ilya had his work cut out for him and was not going to let this stand. He wasn’t going to let the talent on this team lay wasted. Ilya wasn’t known for backing down from a challenge.
Coach Wiebe and the rest of the management team were ecstatic to have Ilya on the team. Wiebe noticed the tension within the team, but was optimistic things would only improve with time.
~
However, for as much as he had been trying, he still felt like an outsider. He knew this was partially his fault. Bood was essentially chairman of the social committee and Ilya had said no to almost every social event.
Ilya could tell when his presence wasn’t welcome. Wiebe encouraged him to go to show up anyways. Ilya showed up to the bar a couple times and realized he killed the vibe for everyone except for Haasy. After that he decided he would rather spend time on the phone with Shane. The time they had together was limited and was one of the rare moments he actually felt wanted.
He also acknowledged he made it harder for his teammates to get to know him when he fielded their personal questions like they were the press. He could only explain away the time spent with Yuna and David under the guise of the foundation so many times before it became suspicious. His personal life was made up of the Hollander’s so much that it was hard for Ilya to be honest.
Despite these things, Ilya didn’t understand the cold reciprocity. The Centaurs warmed up to everyone else. He didn’t expect to become best friends with the team, but this was nothing of what he expected coming to Ottawa. The Centaurs were known for their openness that apparently didn’t apply to him. He thought they would at least give him a chance. It was as if they already made up their mind about him.
He wasn’t sure how long this could last before Wiebe would talk to him about the lack of camaraderie with the team. They all listened to him on the ice and during practices, but the team lacked the edge it needed. They weren’t moving like a team who trusted each other. Ilya wasn’t sure how to fix the issue as it was obvious to anyone who watched the team function that they didn’t care for their captain. Ilya would waive his no trade clause if Wiebe wanted to let him go. Ilya was embarrassed that this would be his legacy.
~
Harris Drover joined the Ottawa Centaurs as social media manager after the preseason had already begun. When Harris joined the Centaurs he was worried about the team's new captain. Rozanov was a notorious asshole, but Boston had loved him making the trade to the Centaurs even more baffling. Even more confusing is he provided no definitive explanation for this career ending change.
Harris is an openly gay man and has no intention of going back into the closet. He worked hard to get to where he was and had no plans to let anyone get in the way including one of the best players in the league. The Centaurs had a reputation for being a losing team, but were one of the more tolerant teams in the NHL. It was one of the main reasons he chose the Centaurs, plus it was close to his parents' orchard.
On his first day meeting the team, he kept the pride pins he always wore on the collar of his jacket. Taking a deep breath, he walked into the bustling locker room with Coach Wiebe. Wiebe ensured that there wouldn’t be any issues and if there were to let him know. We are a team who supports each other.
It didn’t take long for the room to settle down in the presence of Coach Wiebe. “Hey guys. I have someone I want to introduce.”
Harris smiled and tried not to feel awkward as he stood with the full attention of a room filled with half naked, muscular NHL players
“This is Harris Drover,” Wiebe continued, “He is going to be our social media manager. We are working on expanding and improving our online presence. We want to take advantage of the attention on us right now.” Everyone knew that meant the media attention brought on by the mystery of Ilya Rozanov joining the team.
“Make him feel welcome and expect to see him around with a camera.”
A chorus of agreements resonated throughout the room making Harris’s smile widen. He looked around the room at everyone with a sense of hope that this was all going to work out until his eyes caught on Rozanov. His eyes were focused on the collection of pride pins on his collar. He looked up, meeting Harris’s eyes realizing he had been caught looking. His facial expression didn’t give anything away, Rozanov gave a small nod and smile.
Harris wasn’t sure what to think after this small interaction, but still had a sense of unease about Rozanov. He would have to talk to someone on the team about him, but the resounding positivity throughout the room was more than enough to offset these feelings.
~
Harris was sitting in his new office as the end of his first day was getting close to being over. It went as well as he could have ever hoped. Coach Wiebe and the rest of management were excited to have him on board. They essentially gave him free reign over the Centaurs social media accounts to do as he pleased with the expectation of reason. He had been sent management’s policies and code of conduct to read alongside his onboarding.
He was looking forward to getting to know the team better. From the advice of Wiebe, he sat in for an hour of practice without a camera to help gain an understanding of team dynamics. Rozanov had a commanding presence as he guided the team through drills. Despite this there was something off with the way the team jived and he could read the frustration between Rozanov’s brows as the team struggled to connect and missed passes.
Harris couldn’t imagine the reason for Rozanov leaving Boston for Ottawa, he thought as he continued to watch practice. He could sense the hesitation from Bood, Wyatt, and Dyskstra. He wondered if anything had happened between them and if Rozanov was living up to his asshole reputation. Was it the reason for the disjointedness of the team on the ice? It had only been a month and a half since Rozanov joined the team.
It intrigued Harris and he was interested to see how everything progressed throughout the season. He could only hope that Rozanov wouldn’t make his life difficult here.
~
Ilya was used to people not liking him, but it was usually not his own team. Harris had been a part of the staff for less than a month and the Centaurs accepted him with open arms. It was different from Ilya’s own welcome to the team, which confirmed that it was something personal. Ilya had been nothing but kind since he joined, but was constantly met with a sense of distrust. He cut back on his jokes as they were met with blank looks. He stopped speaking as much. It was fine if they didn’t want to be friends
He tried to tell himself that he was fine. He was used to skating into a stadium full of boos and thriving on it. Ilya knew this was different, though. He felt like he was being rejected by his own team which was not conducive to the team working well on the ice. They had lost all of their preseason games and the articles that came out after were nothing but hurtful. He was getting nervous that Wiebe would want to trade him.
~
It was at the end of their last practice before the start of the regular season when Bood approached him at his locker.
“Hey, Roz. Cassie and I are hosting a final get together with everyone this Saturday before the season starts. We would love it if you made it, dude. I think it would be good for the team to see you there.”
”Okay.”
”Okay,” Bood repeated back, surprised at the easy acceptance.
“I will be there. Text me the details.” Roz said, slinging his bag over his shoulder about to leave for the day.
Ilya knew he needed to make his presence known outside of practices and games. He knew he wasn’t what they expected, but he had thought they would have warmed up to him by now. The current disconnectedness wasn’t working for them and he had been waiting for an opportunity to attempt to fix it.
”That’s great, man,” Bood said, clapping Roz on the shoulder, “and just to let you know Harris will be there. Hope that won’t be an issue.”
Ilya went still, confused as to why there would be an issue. He had been nothing but nice to Harris since he arrived. Harris had been a bit more closed off with him than the rest of the team, but he couldn’t recall doing anything to make the guy uncomfortable. Ilya had even gone out of his way to bring Harris a coffee and introduce himself personally. He wasn’t sure why Bood thought he would care if Harris was there.
“Okay…why would I have issue with this?”
Bood shifted uncomfortably as he didn’t expect to have to spell it out for him and Roz looked genuinely confused. “Because you know..,” he started hesitantly.
Ilya was hit with a sudden realization of what was happening and he felt sick. His teammates thought he was a homophobe. It was a shock to his system and he had to get out of there.
His face must have given away his feelings as Bood looked like he was about to back track, but Ilya left the room in a few large strides. He wanted to get out of their as quickly as possible without running away.
Bood was left standing there in awkward silence at Rozanov’s sudden departure.
“That went well until it didn’t,” Dykstra stated.
“Shut up, man.” Bood snapped, lacking any real bite. He was now wondering if they had Ilya all wrong.
~
Ilya made it to his car and out of the parking lot before he started wiping the tears from his face. His team thought he was a raging homophobe. That’s why they were so distant and weird with him. For months they had kept him at arms length while opening their arms to every other new member.
He thought hard about his time with the team and couldn’t think of any comment or chirp during his short time with the Centaurs that would indicate he was a bigoted. Ilya had become usually quiet during his time with the team. Shane had even pointed it out during one of their calls.
He was known for being an asshole on the ice and maybe a bit rough around the edges off the ice. But he never used slurs and he did his best to keep the locker room in Boston clean. Nyet. We don’t say such things. Too easy. Insult how shit at hockey they are. Not how good they suck cock! He couldn’t be compared to players like Dallas Kent from Toronto.
Ilya laughed wetly at the irony of his teammates thinking he was homophobic. He didn’t know what to do about it either, especially since he was still a Russian citizen. He had to be careful speaking to the media due to the propaganda laws. He wasn’t sure what exactly would happen to him if he spoke out, but he didn’t want to find out. He didn’t have anyone left in Moscow, but he still wanted to be able to visit his mother’s grave.
However, he wasn’t going to let this revelation stop him from showing up to Bood’s. Not showing up would mostly likely reinforce their beliefs that he was a closed minded asshole. He wondered if he was still even invited after practically storming out of the locker room. He should probably send a text to apologize to smooth things over.
The buzzing of his phone pulled him out of his spiraling through to. Ilya grabbed his phone seeing texts from Jane. It warmed his heart. He loved Shane so much. It made the move to Ottawa worth it and he couldn’t let himself lose sight of that. They had both been busy with preseason games and they texted and called as much as they could. Ilya missed him so much. He looked down at his phone reading his texts.
Jane: Hey, baby
Jane: Call me when you get home. I miss your voice.
Jane: I have my glasses on ;)
Ilya smiled between his tears. He grabbed his bag from the trunk and went inside to call the love of his life. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.