Work Text:
I say, I repeat
I think this is the end for us
“Well, so?”, Takano asked Onodera for the second time. "If you don’t love me back, why don’t you tell me already? What do you want to do?”
Some bad cycle at Emerald, Takano barging in his apartment so he wouldn’t eat lots of junks, Onodera putting up a fight (because, seriously, who wouldn’t?)... Nothing unusual, it had happened so many times the younger one was almost getting used to it, knowing deep inside that Takano didn’t mean harm, although he was a bit overbearing sometimes.
However, until now, he had never snapped like that .
You say, I hope you meet someone better
I suppose our love was not as deep as I thought
"I certainly don’t want it like that!”, Onodera also snapped, shocked at his own words right after he’d spilled them. Wide eyed, he then remained silent, staring blankly at Takano’s eyes, scared and confused about the situation at hand.
Deep inside, maybe he had always taken Takano’s love for granted? Like it would never change, no matter what Onodera did?
"Look, I’m tired”, he finally said. "My doorsteps are not the place where I want to have this conversation. And now isn’t the time, either. It’s better that you leave.”
And like this, we have a crack in our relationship
I'll look pathetic, turning around, leaving you behind
"It seems to me that you don’t know what you want.”, Takano sighed, looking down for an instant, trying to keep his cool.
"I’ve been thinking for sometime now… Maybe we aren’t meant to be. We were in this situation before, more than ten years have passed and we’re still here! Nothing changed, except that you became someone I can’t read at all. You don’t tell me what you think of me or what you feel for me. I’m tired too.”.
He sighed again. "Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just leave. Leave it all alone.”. He turned around. "Good night.
What I've said is a lie
When I told you to leave, it was a lie, a lie
Onodera watched as Takano opened the door and left his apartment, feeling his heartbeat insanely loud inside his head. Wait, what did Takano say? It seemed like…he was giving up on him.
And he didn’t want him to leave his life, no. Onodera couldn’t face what he felt for the other man all honestly, but he knew what he felt so damn well.
More than ten years ago, he felt like he couldn’t keep all that love inside himself for too long and confessed to Saga-senpai, not thinking about the anything else. He couldn’t recover well from the heartbreak and becoming unable to convey his deepest feelings was the consequence.
What should he do now? If Onodera were to say everything he so carefully kept inside his heart, locked safely, it would only make him vulnerable to another heartbreak again. So what was there for him now? What was different?
What I've said is a lie
Please don't leave, it was all a lie
"Wait.”, Onodera pleaded, grabbing Takano’s arm before he could enter his apartment across the hall.
The other only stared back.
"Please…”. Onodera gulped, feeling that the words were piercing through his throat and refusing to leave. "… Don’t. I…”
Your shadow, always tired,
Biting your lips, lonely, you were alone
"You stopped me other times as well”, Takano said, pulling his arm free. "I’ve been waiting for too long.
Bearing the pain, holding back your tears
Everyday you spend in pain
The sadness and resignation inside Takano’s eyes scared Onodera like nothing did before. And finally he realised the importance of that moment. There wouldn’t be another chance to stay neutral about this. If he couldn’t convey his feelings to Takano, everything would be over. However, if he could, then… What? Onodera felt like that was the most terrifying moment of his life.
And what surprised him was that losing Takano terrified him the most.
What I've said is a lie
When I told you to leave, it was a lie, a lie
He pulled Takano again back to his apartment, closed the door and pushed the other against it. "This is not easy for me. I… don’t express myself well, it’s been such a long time since I did, but…”. He sighed, trying not to go off track. "I’ll just say this.”. He took a deep breath and came closer to Takano. "Please.”. He took Takano’s hands on his own and kissed them awkwardly, but tenderly. "Please, don’t go. I can’t… lose you again.”
"Are you… serious about this?”. Takano’s eyes were wide opened, vulnerable. "I don’t trust myself to recover for another delusion like…”
What I've said is a lie
Please don't leave, it was all a lie
Onodera looked into his eyes, deeply, caring. He cupped Takano’s face on his hands, smiling shyly and uncertain. "I know. And I’ve never been this serious. Will you still accept me?”
This time, when Takano kissed him with the intensity of ten year’s worth of love, Onodera didn’t back away, didn’t resist, didn’t lie to himself. He kissed back, pouring all his feelings on the kiss. And in case Takano didn’t get the message…
"Maybe I’ll never get used to it, maybe I won’t say it enough, but now I need to say it.”. He hugged Takano tightly. "I never... stopped loving you.
Takano hugged him back and, for the first time in ten years, the tears falling on Onodera’s coat were tears of joy.