Work Text:
His words held no weight to it. Something so careless and thoughtless. It’s stupid, I should know better. My worries have been bordering on damn near insanity ever since Rockys oddly expressive robotic text to speech translator translated what needed to be translated. The translated didn’t translate well with my psyche though.
And I know Rocky didn’t mean to make me feel like this. I think I’ve always been like this. I tend to overthink. It’s not a bad trait to have a lot of the times, it does help me catch onto mistakes I make. Like, the many times I took some math test at the back of the classroom, checking over and over and over the test until the teachers voice broke me out of my dazed little mind with ‘Five minutes left! Make sure to double check before turning in your test. You still have time’. I got an A, even if I left with a headache. There’s that other time where I was wondering what outfit I should wear to a date I had landed. I couldn’t decide what outfit to wear so I just ended up canceling the whole thing. Tried to re-schedule but they blocked me. I over thought that too. A bit sad, but at least I didn’t have to waste money and it saved me greatly from awkward introductions and questions about what my goals were. And theres—or- well, no point in overthinking this too.
It just helps a lot of times. I guess. I do believe that. However, everything that exists always has a weakness. I may be smart, but I still feel a bit dumb sometimes.
I wish I had my old self help playlist. Stratt didn’t think to add it to the list of things to pack because she thought I was going to die anyway.
It’s honestly my fault, and I’ve kind of been ignoring Rocky because of it. Obviously, I can’t ignore him much, he’s everywhere, we talk almost every moment of the hour, minute, and maybe second (not really a crazy thing to say when you’re on a ship with no one but each other). But I do think I have been giving him a bit of attitude. Well, not attitude since I’m not really mad at him. Just…moody? Is that the right word? Sometimes I feel like I have alzheimer because I genuinely cannot remember the word I should be using right now. That’s besides the point.
I’ve just been…more quiet than usual. Standoffish? Hm, no. Less jokey-jokey with him. Yeah, that’s more accurate.
It makes me feel like a bad person, I feel like I should be punched by the biggest speedo-wearing guy there is — but I genuinely can’t help it. I feel like if I say anything more, do anything more, I’ll break down crying in front of Rocky. That’s embarrassing.
To clarify, crying isn’t embarrassing— I’ve cried many times in front of Rocky. He’s my best friend, I’m not afraid to cry in front of him. And yeah, crying might be an exaggeration but still, the reason why I feel this way is so embarrassing, I genuinely cannot- CANNOT let him see me this way. Be this pathetic over nothing.
He probably doesn’t even know why. He probably thought he was being funny too.
If I wasn’t so sensitive over the most mundane things, I probably would have laughed.
And it’s strange really, I really do think that I would have laughed- some other time, if he had said it earlier or later than the time he did. Objectively, it’d been a rather funny joke. His sense of comedic timing is impressive honestly. There’s been too many times where his jokes have made me almost pass out. Turned my skin into shades of red I didn’t know where possible to turn to. And I’m so serious about that too. If I ever saw someone turn as red as I do when Rocky says some joke a Gen Z kid would find corny and deem it ‘millennial humor’ I would call the ambulance.
Sometimes I say, ‘oh that’s not funny’ and pretend to be mad at him to annoy him— but that never works because, again, he’s the funniest Eridian I know (great now I’m stealing his jokes). I would say he got it from me— but I don’t want to offend him.
Anyways I’m getting off track. I don’t want to move on from this topic and feel better about myself by thinking about how funny Rocky is because then I won’t know how to go about it and it’s going to nag at me until I die of the many things one can die from in a space ship floating through space. If I had a journal (which I do) I know that that last thought I just had was a ridiculously long run on sentence.
I just… I need to know the best way to go about it.
Jesus…why can’t this be something as easy as literally anything else. Throw me some question about- I don’t know, the h-r diagram? I’d probably be able to answer it within an appropriate time frame. Throw me some obscure fact I have no business knowing? Trust that I’ll probably know it.
Ask me why I’m over thinking why Rocky joked about kissing me with tongue? Well, I wouldn’t know.
I don’t even know what prompted him to say that! We hadn’t even been talking about anything remotely close to making out!
Where he got that idiom from is the greatest mystery of the century. Sure, he has that computer I gave him but, how in the four seasons Orlando baby did he learn to say something like that? Unless Twitter was somehow on it, I genuinely can’t think of a single way he should have found out about kissing with TONGUE!
And with me!
He doesn’t know how his words have affected me. I can’t stop thinking about them.
‘If Rocky had tongue, Rocky kiss Grace with tongue’ Buddy, we were talking about our favorite planets!