Archive of Our Own

The day started out wonderfully.

Buck should’ve known it wouldn’t stay that way.

He began his day with a run before his shift, stopping in at his favorite cafe to grab a latte on his way back. His favorite barista, Gabbie, was working that morning. He wasn’t sure what she did to make her lattes taste so much better, but she was into witchcraft, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Anyway, after a quick shower, he drove to the station. Surprisingly, the traffic was light, which automatically made for a better morning.

The scent of cinnamon drifted through the station as he walked through the apparatus bay. Buck smiled. Bobby was making french toast for breakfast.

Buck wandered into the locker room. His gaze caught on Eddie’s locker next to his.

His chest tightened. He wanted to tell Eddie, wanted to spill all of his feelings on the floor in front of Eddie and hope that his best friend saw the mess and would accept them for what they were.

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

There was no chance of reciprocated feelings. Eddie was straight.

So, Buck did what he’d always done. He shoved his feelings down, changed into his uniform, and headed upstairs to the loft.

“Morning, Cap,” Buck said as he stepped into the kitchen.

Bobby looked up with a smile. “Good morning, Buck. You’re bright and early today.”

“Got an early start,” Buck replied, wandering over to the coffee pot. “Got a good three miles in.” He poured two cups of coffee, one for him and one for Bobby. Turning, he set Bobby’s mug on the counter by the stove. “Need a hand?”

Bobby shook his head. “Nope, all good. It’s just about ready.” He picked up his coffee mug. “Thanks, Buck. Three miles, you said?”

Buck slid onto one of the island stools, wrapping his hands around his mug. “Yeah. I woke up an hour before my alarm, so I figured I’d make the most of it.”

“Well, your old man here got five in,” Bobby teased. “So what’s your excuse?”

Laughing, Buck lifted his mug towards Bobby. “No excuse. I’ll take defeat like a real man.”

Bobby clinked his mug against Buck’s and they both sipped.

“Good morning, team,” Hen’s voice came from behind Buck. He spun around on the stool. Hen and Chimney walked into the loft together.

“Hi, Hen,” Buck called. “Hey, Chim.”

“Hey, pal,” Chim answered, dropping into the seat next to him. He pressed his elbows onto the counter and dropped his head into his hands

“Hi, Buckaroo,” Hen said, patting his shoulder as she walked past him. “Smells good in here, Bobby.”

“It’ll be ready in ten.” Bobby scooped the french toast out of the pan and plated it before dropping a couple more pieces in. “Actually, Buck, I know I said I didn’t need help, but there’s strawberries in the fridge. Could you slice those up, please?”

Buck stood. “On it, Cap.” He crossed over to the fridge and grabbed the carton of berries. He rinsed them in the sink, grabbed a cutting board, and started peeling the green tops off of them.

“Chimney, you okay?” Bobby asked, looking over at Chimney, whose eyes had slipped shut.

“All good, Cap. Just running on four hours of sleep and the hope that eventually, both kids will sleep through the night,” Chim sighed.

“My offer still stands, Chim,” Buck started, “I can take both kids any night for a sleepover.”

“You’re going to regret that, Buckley,” Chim insisted. “Neither one sleeps longer than two hours at a time right now. You won’t sleep either.”

“I can handle one night of no sleep if it means giving you and Maddie a break. Plus, it gives me good old quality time with my niece and nephew. I can’t let Uncle Albert be their favorite uncle.”

Chimney pointed at Buck. “Text your sister. Get it on the calendar. Plus, that means Maddie and I would have some free time. Alone time, if you know what I mean.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Ew, Chim, stop.” Hen threw him a look, sitting next to him. “Nobody needs to know what you’re doing with your spare time.”

“Yeah, especially me, Maddie’s brother.” Buck pretended to gag before popping a strawberry in his mouth. “I’ve heard enough.”

“Good morning, glorious people!”

Buck’s head snapped over to the stairs. Eddie and Ravi walked into the loft together.

Buck furrowed his brow. Glorious people?

Something looked…different about Eddie. He looked lighter, less stressed, more carefree, which was an odd, but charming look on him. He seemed to have this…glow about him, like he’d figured out the meaning of life.

Like a damn teenager seeing his crush in the school hallway, Buck’s heart started beating a little faster. A warm blush flushed his cheeks.

Ridiculous, Buck thought, you are completely ridiculous.

“Well, good morning to you too, Eddie. What’s got you in such a good mood this morning?” Hen asked with a delighted smile.

“Yeah, this is weird.” Chimney raised an eyebrow and pointed an accusing finger at Eddie. “Who are you? Our Eddie barely smiles before he eats breakfast, what have you done with our Eddie?”

“It’s kinda freaking me out,” Ravi agreed. “I don’t think he’s stopped smiling at all. Like not once since he got here.”

Buck watched Eddie as he sauntered up to the counter. The strand of hair that Eddie usually gelled back was hanging loose today, curled over his forehead. God, Buck wanted to touch it, push it back and run his fingers through Eddie’s hair.

“Is a man not allowed to be happy?” Eddie asked. “I actually have a question for you, Bobby.”

Turning the stovetop off, Bobby leaned back against the counter behind him and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s that?”

“Would you officiate my wedding?”

The knife in Buck’s hand slipped, nearly slicing into his thumb.

“Wedding?” Hen asked, her mouth dropped open.

“I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone, Eddie.” Bobby tilted his head. “How long have you been with…your significant other?”

For a second, Eddie’s eyes flicked over to Buck. His breath caught for a second before he dropped his eyes to Eddie’s hand in search of a ring.

Eddie wasn’t wearing a ring.

But, that was normal, right? Like, he probably proposed to his girlfriend–wait, fiancé–and put a ring on her finger. He wouldn’t have got himself an engagement ring, right?

Oh god.

Okay.

Well, Buck knew this day would come eventually, right? Like, he hadn’t expected Eddie to stay single forever. And look, Eddie was a great guy. Anybody would be lucky to marry him.

It didn’t mean Buck had to like it.

When Buck lifted his gaze back up, Eddie was already looking at Bobby again.

“So, I’m not actually with anybody right now–"

Wait.

What?

“Wait, what?” Ravi interrupted, like he’d read Buck’s mind. “You’re single?”

Buck’s neck suddenly twinged, like a knot had formed out of nowhere. Was it whiplash? Could a conversation give him whiplash?

Eddie’s face turned red. “Well, yeah. Right now, technically, I am single. I’m just planning ahead.”

“How far ahead?” Hen teased. “Wouldn’t it be easier to be with somebody before you start planning the wedding?”

“It’s just something I’ve been thinking about!” Eddie defended. “Is it so wrong to want to have something planned ahead of time?”

Buck could see Chimney and Ravi desperately trying to hold back their laughs. He didn’t see the humor in Eddie discussing his future marriage, especially when Buck wouldn’t be the one standing with him in front of the altar.

“This is coming from the guy that said it was easier to be single. The one that said he feels like he has to perform when he’s dating,” Hen said. “That same guy is getting a headstart on wedding planning before he’s even in love with anyone?”

“No, I am in love with someone,” Eddie argued.

And suddenly, Buck couldn’t breathe. He was already in love with somebody? God, that meant it was only a matter of time before Buck was going to have to quit his job and move to Seattle or Vancouver or literally anywhere else where he didn’t have to watch Eddie Diaz be married and in love with someone that wasn't him. 

“Oh?” Hen raised her brows. “You’re in love with someone and you’re not even dating them?”

Ravi snorted. “Dude, just ask her out.”

Eddie’s face turned even redder. Buck didn’t know his skin could turn that color.

“Look, I don’t need all the comments and jokes from the peanut gallery.” Eddie turned back to Bobby, who’d been watching this entire exchange go down with a grin. “Would you officiate my future wedding, Bobby? It’d really mean a lot to me.”

Bobby nodded. “Eddie, I’d be honored to officiate your wedding. Whenever it comes along.”

Eddie beamed. “Thanks, Cap.” His eyes flicked over to Buck once more, but the contact only lingered for a second. “I’ll set the table for breakfast.”

“That’d be great, thank you.” Bobby lifted the plate of french toast and a bottle of syrup. As he walked behind Buck to get to the table, he paused and leaned in. “Look alive, Buckley. It’s all hypothetical.”

Buck took a breath. Was he that obvious?

Before Buck could say anything back, Bobby kept walking towards the table.

“Buck, are you going to finish cutting those berries before they rot?” Chimney poked at him with a teasing grin.

Buck shook his head. “Yeah, sorry. Just a sec.”

Something was rotting, but it wasn’t the berries.

It was Buck’s entire future, apparently.

*

Over the next few days, Buck had tried to accept this new reality.

He’d tried to accept that Eddie was in love with a mystery woman and planning their future wedding. He still thought it was a little ridiculous that Eddie hadn’t even asked her out yet and was already planning their wedding, but that was none of Buck’s business.

He kept telling himself that him and Eddie were never going to happen anyway because Eddie was straight.

It didn’t make it any easier. Especially because his skull was thicker than most, apparently, and he just couldn’t seem to get that message through.

Every time Buck saw Eddie after that morning, he just seemed to glow even more. He’d literally never, in the almost ten years of knowing Eddie, seen him like this. Not even when Shannon came back into his and Chris’s life.

What was so special about this mystery woman anyway? Buck didn’t get it.

But, clearly, she must’ve been someone pretty incredible to make Eddie fall so quickly. Eddie didn’t do that. He didn’t fall in love with people before he really knew them, before he had a connection with them.

So, Buck resolved himself to be happy for his best friend (as happy as he could be) and to just wait to be asked to stand up in his wedding. Eddie would ask him to be a groomsman or hell, maybe even his best man. They were best friends, after all.

The next time Eddie brought up his future wedding, Buck was working out at the station with Chimney and Ravi. He was in the middle of a set when Eddie waltzed in wearing that white gym outfit he’d bought awhile ago from Target.

“Hey, guys!” he exclaimed, a bright grin on his face. He dropped a towel and a water bottle onto the mat before he started stretching.

Buck nearly dropped the barbell on his face.

How the hell could Eddie even make a simple white t-shirt and matching gym shorts look so hot? And the way his muscles flexed when he stretched his quads? Buck couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough for this.

Ravi, his spotter, caught the bar before it could crush Buck’s nose.

Jesus Christ.

“Damn, Buck, you good?” he asked, looking at him with concern.

“Fine,” Buck muttered. He reracked the weight and sat up, wiping sweat from his brow with a towel. “Thanks for spotting me. I think I’m done.”

“What? We just started working out,” Ravi argued. “You barely did three reps.”

“Yeah, and? I’m still done.” Buck stood, turning away from him.

“Can you at least spot me?”

Buck groaned. “Can you ask Chim? I have to–” he paused, trying to think of a plausible excuse. “Do something. Far away from here. Something that’s not in the gym.”

“You have nothing to do, Buck. Your chores are done. You literally asked me if I wanted to workout because your chores were done,” Ravi argued. “Please give me a spot.”

Eddie finished stretching and hopped on the treadmill next to Chimney. “Wanna race, Chim?” he teased, his lips pulling into a smirk.

Chim laughed. “Hell no, I wouldn’t want to embarrass you, Diaz.”

“Oh, c’mon, old man! Put your money where your mouth is!” Eddie punched the treadmill speed up to a light jog.

“I’m too mature for bets, Edmundo.” Chimney turned his treadmill speed up, however, like he wasn’t too mature for a race.

Eddie looked over at Buck. “What do you think, Buckley? Think I can take him?”

Buck swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Definitely. Ed-Eddie.”

What the fuck, Buck.

“Chim, tell your brother-in-law to give me a spot,” Ravi called across the gym.

“Give him a spot, Buck!” Chim shouted. “He gave you one!”

“I only did three reps!” Buck argued.

“And nearly bashed your nose in,” Ravi pointed out, unhelpfully.

Eddie turned the speed up on his treadmill, going from a light jog to a run. “Give me, like, ten minutes, Rav. I can spot you when I’m done here, as long as you spot me back.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t bail on you like Buck bailed on me.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man. I’ve got stuff to do.” He turned to leave the gym, but only managed two steps when Eddie’s voice rang out.

“Hey, I’ve actually been meaning to ask you guys!”

Buck stopped in his tracks.

One of the treadmills beeped, slowing to a stop. A second later, the other one followed.

The silence grated in Buck’s ears, but he spun on his heel and looked at Eddie.

A drop of sweat trailed down his neck. Buck wanted to lick it.

Shut up! His mind screamed. Shut up shut up shut up!

Eddie didn’t look at him once as he beckoned Ravi over. Buck suddenly felt like he was on the outside of an inside joke.

“Guys, I wanted to ask you both,” Eddie started, “and hold the laughs please because I’m being serious here. And yes, I’m mostly talking to you, Chim.”

Chimney raised his eyebrows and bit down on his lip.

“I wanted to ask if you would stand up in my wedding,” Eddie finished. “When the day comes, of course.”

Buck’s stomach lurched.

“Right, planning ahead,” Ravi said.

“Unless something has changed since the other day?” Chimney asked.

Eddie laughed. “Uh, no. Nothing has changed. Still single, still just planning ahead.”

“Well, Eddie, I’d love to stand by your side,” Chimney said, clapping Eddie on the shoulder. “As long as you have an open bar at the reception.”

“Same here. My only request is tequila at the open bar,” Ravi added.

Eddie grinned. “That can most likely be arranged.”

“Nah, I’m just joking with you, Diaz. I’d stand by you either way,” Chimney said.

“Thanks, Chim,” Eddie murmured, softening. “You both have been such great friends, I can’t imagine not having you guys up there with me. Eventually.”

Buck felt like throwing up.

“Eventually,” Ravi echoed.

“Alright, Rav!” Eddie exclaimed. “You ready for that spot?”

“Yeah, dude, let’s get it.” Ravi sat down on the bench and took a drink of water before laying back and putting his hands on the barbell.

Buck stood there, frozen.

Chimney and Ravi had been such great friends to Eddie? He asked both of them to stand up as groomsman in his wedding, but not Buck? He was standing there the whole time, for that entire exchange, yet Eddie hadn’t asked him to be a groomsman?

Had Buck misinterpreted the last decade of friendship with Eddie? Had Buck assumed they were better friends than they actually were?

Eddie was Buck’s best friend and he’d thought he was Eddie’s best friend, but—

No.

Maybe Eddie was going to ask Buck to be his best man? He still didn’t have a best man.

Buck had to be his best man, it was—

“You good, Buck?”

Buck flinched. He looked up at Eddie.

“Y-yeah, yup. I’m good, so good,” Buck stuttered. “Good, good, good.”

Eddie chuckled. “Alright, buddy. If you say so.”

Buddy.

Fuck.

*

Another week passed.

Eddie still hadn’t asked Buck to be in his wedding.

He was trying not to freak out about it, but his mind was a wasteland of negative thoughts and terribly low self-esteem, so it wasn’t really working.

He caught himself rethinking every interaction he’d ever had with Eddie.

Every late night beer.

Every movie night with Eddie and Chris.

Every night spent on the Diaz’s couch. Waking up to make them breakfast the next morning.

Every time Eddie said he was like family.

Had it all been…a lie? An awful misunderstanding of Eddie’s kindness?

Buck’s stomach was in a constant knot.

And now, he was being mentally and emotionally abused. Or psychologically tortured? Being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment, definitely.

The entire team was out for drinks at a hook-and-ladder a few blocks from the station. They’d had a good shift, a great shift even. Buck saved a cat in a tree, he and Eddie had rescued two kids from a house fire, and there’d been no fatalities.

Hen ordered a round of tequila shots to celebrate.

And then Chimney ordered another round.

And Eddie ordered another.

Buck quit after three. Eddie did not.

Eddie was three beers and six shots deep at this point. 

Eddie was drunk.

And god, was he clingy.

They were sitting in a booth at the back of the bar. Hen, Chimney, and Ravi sat on one side while Eddie sat with Buck on the other. Bobby had been sitting with them, but he’d gone home to Athena already.

Eddie’s thigh was practically plastered to Buck at this point. The contact burned. It burned right through Buck’s jeans. If he looked right now, he’d probably have a third degree burn. There’d be blisters.

And not only that, but Eddie kept looking at him with this…this look, like–well, fuck, it was like a love drunk look. Don’t ask Buck to explain it, it’s just–

Eddie’s eyes were bright and a little glazed over from the alcohol. His cheeks were flushed with the prettiest shade of pink Buck had ever seen. There was this glow just pouring off of him. He was completely and totally radiant, it was sickening. It made Buck want to throw up and get down on his knees and beg Eddie to love him back.

“Who needs another round?” Hen asked, holding her empty bottle in the air and shaking it. “This one's on me.”

Eddie lifted his empty bottle and clinked it against Hen’s. “Me! Me, Hen, I need another round!”

Buck felt a corner of his mouth lift in a half-smile. He couldn’t help it. Drunk Eddie was ridiculous.

“Me too!” Chim exclaimed. He was well on his way to being drunk too. Buck had already texted Maddie and given her a heads up. “I’ll help you, Hen. C’mon, bestie.” Chim wrapped his hand around Hen’s wrist and started dragging her out of the booth with him.

“Hey! Get me one too, please!” Ravi added. “Should we do another shot?”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “Yes! Ravi! You are so smart!”

Buck and Hen exchanged a look. He shook his head lightly.

“Uh, gentlemen, no more shots for tonight. Some of us have to get up and take care of our children tomorrow morning, like real adults,” she teased.

“Chris is at a sleepover,” Eddie murmured. “I get to be a fake adult tomorrow because my kid won’t be home.”

“Well, lucky you,” Hen deadpanned. She walked over to the bar, Chimney following close behind her. Ravi excused himself to the bathroom and then, they were alone.

Buck snorted. “Not sure it works that way, Eds.”

Eddie slapped his hand down on Buck’s thigh, stroking his thumb across the denim. 

Buck inhaled sharply, nearly choking on his own saliva.

“It works that way for me because I know you’ll be around to help me get through my hangover and take care of my kid,” Eddie practically purred, grinning stupidly at Buck. He squeezed his hand against Buck’s thigh. “Because you’re my best friend and I love you.”

Buck froze.

Surely Eddie didn’t…

He loved Buck as a best friend, right? That’s what he meant?

Yeah, that’s–he loved Buck because they were best friends.

Which, honestly, was really nice to hear after convincing himself all week that he wasn’t Eddie’s best friend.

Buck chuckled, pushing Eddie’s hand off of his thigh. There was going to be a handprint there. A handprint in the shape of Eddie’s hand because it was just on his goddamn thigh.

What the fuck.

“You are so drunk, Eds,” Buck teased after he caught his breath.

Eddie dropped his head against the back of the booth and blinked slowly up at the ceiling. He giggled.

Eddie fucking Diaz just giggled.

“Yeah, I am.” Eddie snorted. “I am sooo drunk. Wow.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have this last round?” Buck asked. He pushed his glass of water towards Eddie. “You should drink some water.”

Eddie rolled his head along the back of the booth until he was looking right at Buck.

“Buck.”

Buck looked back at him. “Eddie.”

“Buck,” Eddie repeated.

“Eddie,” Buck echoed, letting out a little chuckle.

“Buck, you are…so. You are so,” Eddie hiccuped.

Buck furrowed his brows, his smile never fading. “I am so?” he prompted.

“You are so pretty.”

The smile dropped off of Buck’s face. He stared at Eddie for a long moment.

Eddie hiccuped again before giggling. “Blue eyes.” He lifted his hand and poked his birthmark. “Birthmark.”

Buck swallowed around the lump in his throat.

Elevator music started playing in Buck’s head. No thoughts, nothing going on behind his eyes at the moment.

Eddie just called him pretty.

Eddie just poked his birthmark.

What the fuck.

But—

No.

Eddie was drunk.

Eddie was so drunk.

The elevator music stopped abruptly, the bar noise rushing back in. 

“I–Eddie, you should really drink some water,” Buck mumbled, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing. “You’ll feel better if you have some.”

“Buuuuck, I feel great,” Eddie slurred. “I already feel better. I–” he hiccuped. “I feel so floaty and I’m sitting with my best friend, the person I l–”

“And here we are!” Chimney shouted, slamming a beer in front of Eddie.

No, wait, no! Eddie was about to say something! What the hell was he going to say? The person he…

Liked?

…Loved?

Eddie had said that once already tonight, that he loved Buck, right?

As a friend, dumbass, Buck’s mind hissed, we’ve already established that this man is straighter than an arrow.

“Chim! Thanks, buddy!” Eddie’s face broke out into a wide grin. “You are the best friend ever!”

Okay.

Okay okay okay.

This was fine.

Eddie was drunk and saying things he didn’t really mean, like Chim was the best friend ever. Eddie had told Buck he was his best friend.

Except Eddie was drunk and saying things he didn’t really mean, so maybe he hadn’t meant that Buck was his best friend after all.

Buck wondered if he could exchange his brain for a different one. Maybe Amazon had new brains for sale.

“Um, excuse me, Edmundo Ramon Diaz,” Hen scolded. “I paid for the round. Thank me, not Howard.”

Chimney gasped. “Howard? Have we really come to this, Henrietta?”

Ravi slid back into his seat. “Just got a girl’s number, thank you very much for asking.”

Eddie gasped and lifted his drink towards Ravi. “Ravi, you dog!”

“Hey, whoa, I was very respectful to her,” Ravi argued, clinking his glass against Eddie’s.

Eddie took a long drink from his bottle. “Thank you, Hen. Thank you for this wonderful beverage. This is excellent.”

Hen let out a loud laugh. “Eddie, you are so lucky we don’t have to work tomorrow. You’d be miserable.”

Dropping his head against the booth again, Eddie giggled. “Yeah, definitely.” He slapped his hand down against Buck’s thigh again. “Good thing I’ve got Buck to take care of me.”

Buck frowned. “What?”

“I know you will. You always take care of me,” Eddie murmured. He leaned over until his head was resting on Buck’s shoulder. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

This was quite possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to Buck.

Buck caught Hen’s eye. She gave him a knowing look. He suddenly felt extremely exposed sitting here, like Hen knew every little secret he had.

The air in the bar was starting to choke him. He needed fresh air.

“Hey, uh, I’ll be right back,” Buck stuttered. He slid out of the booth before anyone could say anything and bolted for the door.

Stepping out into the cool night air, Buck sucked in a deep breath. He held it for a few seconds before letting it out slowly.

Being in love with your straight best friend fucking sucked so bad.

He leaned back against the brick exterior, letting the crown of his head rest against the building. There was too much light pollution in the city to actually see the stars, but Buck closed his eyes and imagined them up there.

For a few minutes, he just stood there.

How the hell was he supposed to live like this? How was he supposed to get over this stupid infatuation with Eddie so it didn’t leave him mentally debilitated or was he just doomed forever?

Buck was aware he was being dramatic, but that was kind of his default, so.

Once he felt settled, Buck made his way back inside. He slid into the booth next to Eddie, leaving a little gap between them.

Eddie filled the gap right away, plastering himself right back against Buck’s side.

“Tonight is really making me think about my wedding,” Eddie said, completely unprompted.

Buck sucked in a breath.

“Oh, yeah?” Hen asked. “Why’s that?”

“I’m just surrounded by my favorite people,” Eddie slurred. “All the people I want with me on my wedding day. All the people I want standing with me.”

Buck softened. He still didn’t really care for the idea of Eddie getting married to somebody else, but as long as Eddie was happy, Buck could swallow his pride and be happy for him.

“Actually, Hen, I wanted to ask you if you’d stand up with me. Or for me,” Eddie said. “Or–you know what I mean.”

Hen grinned. “Well, damn, Eddie, it took you long enough to ask!”

Eddie let out a breathless laugh. “Is that a yes? Hen, I’m very drunk, you’ll need to be very explicit with your words here.”

“Of course it’s a yes, Eddie! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Yes! She said yes, everybody!” Eddie exclaimed.

A round of cheers went up around the bar.

“Oh my god, I said yes to standing up in his wedding, not marrying him!” Hen shouted through a laugh. “Happily married to the love of my life already!”

“Now it’s complete! My bridal party is complete!” Eddie grinned so big that the corners of his eyes crinkled. “All my favorite people standing up with me!”

Buck’s stomach hurt. Really, really hurt.

Who was Eddie’s best man?

“Wait, who’s your best man?” Ravi asked, like he’d read Buck’s mind.

“Oh, Christopher, duh,” Eddie sassed. “My son, my pride and joy, the light of my life.”

Holy shit.

Wow.

Buck had to go home right now. He actually couldn’t do this.

Eddie hadn’t asked Buck to be in his wedding. It wasn’t a real wedding, Eddie was still very single, but the fact that Buck didn’t even make the cut for Eddie’s hypothetical wedding?

Buck’s not sure he’d ever recover, actually.

“Uh, um,” Buck started, intelligently, “I’m gonna get an Uber. I have to go.”

“Aw, Buck, no,” Eddie whined. “Don’t leave us.”

Buck forced a smile. “Sorry, Eds. It’s been a long day.”

“Wait a second, Buck,” Hen said, holding up a hand. “You have to take Eddie with you.”

No. Buck absolutely could not do that, thank you very much.

“I c-can’t,” Buck stammered. “Just call him an Uber when he’s ready to go.”

Chimney shook his head vigorously. “No can do Buckaroo. He is completely and totally wasted. No way he can be home alone.”

Eddie giggled. “Not a good idea, no.”

“He could choke on his own vomit and aspirate,” Ravi tacked on.

Eddie scrunched his eyebrows together. “Yuck.”

Buck hated when his friends used logic because now he was picturing Eddie doing exactly that.

He closed his eyes and blew out a breath.

“Fine, okay. Eddie, let’s go.”

Eddie blindly fumbled for Buck’s hand, grabbing onto it and dragging himself up. As soon as he was steady on his feet (or as steady as he would be until he sobered up), Buck pulled his hand back and shoved it into his pocket.

“Thanks friends!” Eddie grinned widely at everyone sitting at the table. “Thanks for the fun night and the drinks and for standing up in my wedding!”

Buck ordered an Uber while Eddie said his goodbyes.

“Okay, chatty Kathy,” Buck muttered, sliding his phone back into his pocket. “Let’s go wait outside. Goodnight, guys.”

“Goodnight, brother-in-law,” Chimney said.

Hen reached out and patted the back of Buck’s hand. “Goodnight, Buckaroo. See you on shift in a couple days.”

“Bye, Buck,” Ravi added.

Buck wrapped his hand around Eddie’s wrist, dragging him towards the door. He didn’t want to be holding Eddie like this, but at this point, with how gone he was, Buck didn’t think Eddie could find his way out of a wet paper bag, let alone the bar.

“‘M so tired, Buck,” Eddie whined as they stepped outside. Buck guided him down to the curb, so they could sit while they waited for their ride. “Wanna sleep.” He tipped over, falling into Buck’s side and resting his head against Buck’s shoulder.

Buck clenched his jaw so tight that it hurt.

“Soon, Eds,” he murmured. “We’ll be home soon and then you can sleep.”

Eddie sighed happily. “Thanks, Buck. I love you.”

Again. Again with the I love you’s.

Embarrassingly enough, tears sprang into Buck’s eyes.

Eddie said it twice now. He loved Buck.

But not enough to ask him to be a part of his wedding.

Not enough to be anything more than friends.

Not enough. Never enough.

A few minutes later, the Uber pulled up. Buck practically hoisted Eddie from the ground and shoved him into the backseat of the car before crawling in beside him.

It took exactly two seconds for Eddie to lean against him and fall asleep again.

The drive felt longer than it usually did.

When the car finally pulled up in front of Buck’s house, he shook Eddie’s shoulder.

“Eds, c’mon. We’re home,” he murmured. “Time to go in.”

Eddie blinked awake. When he looked up at Buck with his glassy, confused eyes, a slow grin spread across his face.

“Home,” Eddie echoed. “With you. Always wanna be with you, Buck.”

“Okay, that’s nice, now get out of the car, alright?” Buck said.

Eddie climbed out of the car. Buck thanked their driver and crawled out behind Eddie. Just like he had in the bar, Buck wrapped his hand around Eddie’s wrist and pulled him along, only stopping to unlock the front door.

He took Eddie to the bedroom, flicking the overhead light on.

“You can sleep here tonight,” Buck said. He crossed the room to the dresser and dug through the drawers, looking for a shirt and a pair of shorts for Eddie to sleep in.

When he turned back around, Eddie was stripped down to his boxers and laying on top of the covers already.

The clothes in Buck’s hand slipped from his grasp and dropped to the floor.

Eddie yawned. “Buuuck, can you shut the light off, please? It’s too bright.”

Buck averted his eyes, looking at literally anything else besides Eddie laying on his bed in his underwear.

“Y-yeah, sure. Sorry.” He went over to the switch and shut it off. “Do you–you want to cover up? I can help pull the blankets back.”

Eddie hummed. “No, just want you over here with me.” He patted the mattress next to him. “C’mon, Buckley.”

Buck stood by the door, contemplating what to do.

On one hand, absolutely fucking not. Why would he do that to himself? Why would he knowingly go to bed next to Eddie when it wasn’t real? Eddie was drunk, he wasn’t in complete control of his actions. He probably hadn’t even realized what the hell he’d just said.

On the other hand, the louder, more insistent, screaming hand…this may have been his only chance to be this close to Eddie. Ever.

Could Buck really be that stupid?

Apparently, the answer was yes because before he even realized what was happening, Buck was laying beside Eddie on the mattress.

Eddie had already fallen asleep by the time Buck wandered over and sat on the mattress. For a minute or two, Buck watched the even rise and fall of Eddie’s chest. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, like every bit of tension he carried had melted out of his body.

Buck should really not do this to himself. He should stand up and walk out to the couch and sleep there. Put space between him and Eddie, lick his wounds in private, and pretend he wasn’t dying inside in the morning when Eddie woke up.

He didn’t do that, though.

He pulled his feet up onto the mattress, rolled onto his side so his back was to Eddie, and fell asleep.

*

When Buck blinked awake that morning, he was quite possibly the most comfortable he’d ever been in his own bed. It felt like he’d slept on a cloud made of every single soft material known to humankind, like velvet and cashmere and silk.

As awareness slowly settled into his brain, he realized there was an arm thrown over his waist and a leg slotted between his. Someone was breathing against the back of his neck, raising goosebumps on his skin.

Who the hell was in Buck’s bed? Did he bring someone home with him last night? Surely not, he hadn’t been drunk enough to do that—

Oh, fuck.

Fuck!!!!

He brought Eddie home with him last night.

Eddie was the one clinging to him like a damn koala.

Suddenly, Buck wasn’t so comfortable in his own bed anymore.

As quickly as he could without disturbing Eddie, he slid out of his grasp and planted his feet on the floor. Looking over his shoulder at the man behind him, Buck was struck with such a strong feeling of want that it made his stomach start churning.

Dropping his elbows to his knees, he pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes for a long second.

He had to get some space.

Pushing himself up, he grabbed a hoodie and slipped it on. He headed for the kitchen, opening curtains on the way to let in the sunlight. Once he made it to the kitchen, he gathered everything he needed to start a pot of coffee. For a moment, he debated if he was hungry or not, but then he remembered the way Eddie’s leg felt between his and he wasn’t hungry at all.

After pouring a cup of coffee for himself, he wandered outside to the back patio, hoping the fresh air would help settle whatever the hell was wrong with him.

As if he didn’t know what was wrong with him.

He was in love with his straight best friend who was planning his imaginary (‘future’) wedding and he wasn’t good enough to be asked to stand up there with Eddie on that day.

Damn.

Buck never really had a lot of friends growing up. He tried, he really tried making friends, but it just never really worked.

Until he met Eddie and it was just like…everything suddenly made sense. Like the last piece of the puzzle was put into place.

But he caught himself wondering, as he sipped his coffee, if he looked too far into Eddie’s kindness. Maybe he was so desperate for a friend at the time he’d met Eddie that he’d just clung to the man and Eddie was too kind to tell him otherwise.

Well, message fucking received now.

The patio door slid open behind Buck.

“Dude, what the hell happened last night?” Eddie’s voice was raspy and tired. He dropped into the chair next to Buck. When Buck looked over at him, he was wearing the t-shirt and shorts he’d gotten out for Eddie to wear to bed last night.

The sight of Eddie wearing his clothes was quite possibly one of the hottest things Buck had ever seen.

Life was a prison.

Buck chuckled. “You had a lot of tequila. That’s what happened.”

Eddie groaned, pressing the heel of his palm to his forehead. “Why did you let me do that? You’re supposed to be my friend, why didn’t you stop me?”

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Buck forced a smile. “I did stop you. You wanted to do another shot, but Hen and I shut that down pretty fast. Want some coffee?”

“I would love some coffee, but I’m afraid I’ll just throw it right back up.” Eddie slid lower in his seat, his eyes slipping shut. “I have to get Chris in, like, two hours. Do you think this hangover will go away before then?”

Buck snorted. “Not likely.”

“Great. Now Michelle’s going to run back to all the PTA moms and tell them that Christopher’s dad was a hot mess when he came to pick up his son from her house.”

Buck almost said ‘emphasis on the hot part’, but he took a sip of coffee to stop that from slipping out.

“Hey, you had fun last night. That’s all that matters,” Buck said instead.

“Yeah, I did have fun.” Eddie looked over at Buck with a soft smile. “Did you have fun?”

Buck thought back to the saw trap that Eddie had put him through all night.

“Uh, yeah,” Buck said. “I sure did.”

“Did I ask Hen to stand up in my wedding?” Eddie asked, his brows scrunched together. “I have a vague memory of yelling to the entire bar that she said yes and everyone thinking we were getting married.”

Buck blew out a breath through his nose. He didn’t want to talk about Eddie’s wedding.

“Uh, yeah, you did,” he mumbled before taking a long pull from his mug.

“Huh. I wasn’t sure if that was something I made up or not.” Eddie let out a big yawn. “Man, I could sleep for another twelve hours. I did not–”

“Why didn’t you ask me to stand up in your wedding?” Buck blurted.

Eddie stilled, looking over at Buck. He was looking at Buck like he’d grown a second head or like he’d told Eddie that he was thinking about moving to Antarctica to be one with the penguins.

“Why didn’t I ask you to stand up in my wedding?” Eddie echoed.

Buck suddenly felt ridiculous. “It’s just–well, I kind of thought you might? Like, you’re my best friend and I just thought you’d want me to standing up there with you, you know? It’s not a big deal, I’m just surprised,” he rambled.

Eddie didn’t say anything, which only spurred Buck on.

“I mean, I understand why you asked everyone else to be a groomsman. Or a groomswoman, in Hen’s case. They’re all great, you know, I know you know that. Like, Ravi is so kind and Chimney, he’s going to be the wedding clown, you know, like a class clown, but in your wedding. And Hen is just–she’s so solid, like just such a great friend. She’s going to be the one that makes sure everything is running smoothly. And Chris as your best man, obviously, that just makes the most sense because he’s Chris. There really isn’t any other explanation for him, just–he’s Chris, of course he’d be your best man.”

Buck somehow managed to say all that in one breath.

“I just thought I’d fit in there somewhere, you know?” he continued when Eddie STILL didn’t say anything. “And it’s totally okay if you don’t want me up there,” Buck lied, because he’s a lying liar who lies, “it’s your wedding day after all, so I don’t really get a choice–”

“No, you should get a choice,” Eddie finally interrupted him.

Buck sucked in a breath. “I should?”

“Well, yeah,” Eddie said.

“Okay,” Buck said, “why should I get a choice?”

“Buck, I kind of thought you’d be the groom at my wedding.”

Okay, Buck knew he wasn’t the brightest bulb out there all the time, but he’s pretty sure that made zero sense, right?

“Why–why would I be the groom at your wedding, Eddie?”

“Why wouldn’t you be the groom at my wedding?”

Buck opened his mouth, closed it again, then opened it. “Because you would be the groom at your wedding? It’s your wedding, not mine. You would be the groom and your fiancé would be the bride?”

“No?” Eddie argued. “Why would I have a bride? I don’t want a bride, I want a groom.”

“Okay, I’m not–” Buck paused, trying to comprehend. “I’m not really understanding here. You’re straight, Eddie. Why would you want a groom instead of a bride?”

Slowly, realization started dawning on Eddie’s face. Buck wasn’t quite sure what he was realizing, but his heart pounded in his chest.

“Oh, shit. Buck, did I–did I not tell you?” Eddie sat forward, his elbows on his knees. “I thought I told you.”

“Told me what?” Buck said, a little breathless.

“Was that a dream? Did I dream that I came out to you?”

Everything running wild in Buck’s mind came to a screeching halt.

Sorry, did Eddie say come out? Like…of the closet?

“I’m going to need more context here, Eddie.” Buck’s hand started shaking. He set his mug down on the cement and clenched his hands into fists.

Eddie huffed out a breathless laugh. “Okay, so apparently I’m an idiot, so I apologize for that.” He pushed himself out of his chair and started pacing in front of Buck. “Well, Buck, I–fuck, I’m just going to say it. I’m gay.”

Buck’s very happy he’d already set his mug down, otherwise it would’ve shattered into pieces on the ground.

“Since when?” Buck asked, super intelligently.

Eddie stopped pacing and looked at Buck. “Probably since always. But I didn’t know until I was living in El Paso last year. And I didn’t really accept it until a couple weeks ago.”

A couple weeks ago…when Eddie came into work absolutely glowing and started planning his wedding.

“This whole time I thought you’d met a woman,” Buck breathed. “I thought–I don’t really know what I thought.”

Eddie laughed. “No. I did not meet a woman. I am not interested in meeting women ever again. Well, that’s not–I’m not interested in meeting women to date women, is what I meant.”

Okay. This…is this what it feels like to have a bomb drop on you?

If Eddie was gay, that meant Buck maybe did have a chance with Eddie? Right? Like, he wasn’t misreading this entire conversation? Eddie did, in fact, say the words ‘I’m gay’?

Buck must’ve been quiet for too long because now Eddie was filling the silence.

“Buck, I didn’t ask you to be a groomsman at my wedding because I was kind of hoping you’d be the groom. I want you to be the one standing with me at the altar.”

Shaking his head, Buck pushed himself out of his chair. “Hold on. What?”

Eddie smiled, a soft little grin that made Buck’s knees feel weak.

“I guess you get a two-for-one special today, Buckley,” Eddie murmured. “I’m gay and so in love with you that it, quite frankly, makes me feel crazy.”

Buck froze. He’s not sure there was anything else he could’ve done at that moment. What the hell was happening right now?

“I’m sorry,” Buck muttered, holding a hand up between them. He screwed his eyes shut. “Can you repeat that?”

A hand landed on Buck’s waist. He flinched, his eyes flying open.

Oh god. Oh Jesus H. Christ.

Eddie was right there. Right in front of him. Closer than he’d ever been before. This was…Eddie had spooned Buck in bed last night and they still hadn’t been this close before.

“Buck, I love you. I am in love with you,” Eddie murmured. His eyes were soft. “I think I’ve been in love with you since the beginning, but I didn’t realize it until a couple of weeks ago.”

The hand on his waist burned in the best way possible.

“You love me?” Buck asked.

Eddie nodded. “Sure do.”

“And you want to marry me?”

“Also correct.”

Buck pointed at himself. “Me, Evan Buckley? You want to marry Evan Buckley?”

“That is your name, right?” Eddie laughed.

Buck let out a breathless laugh, a grin growing slowly across his face. “Eddie. You are such an idiot.”

And then he surged forward, cupped Eddie’s cheeks with his hands, and captured Eddie’s mouth with his own. Eddie responded immediately, putting his other hand on Buck’s waist and pulling him in.

The kiss was bruising, hard and hot and all teeth.

Buck couldn’t fucking breathe. He’d spent the last week and a half in his own head, planning a funeral for his and Eddie’s friendship while Eddie had been planning their wedding this entire time.

What the fuck (in the best way possible).

Buck pulled back, needing to desperately take in some oxygen. He pressed his forehead to Eddie’s.

“I thought I’d been wrong about our friendship this entire time,” he breathed into Eddie’s mouth. “When you didn’t ask me to be in your wedding, I thought you meant more to me than I meant to you.”

Eddie sighed. “Buck, you’ve been my best friend for almost ten years. The best friend I’ve ever had. You mean the goddamn world to me, Evan Buckley.”

When Buck kissed him this time, it was slow and sweet and the best kiss Buck had ever had.

“I love you too, by the way,” Buck whispered. “Have for a long time.”

Eddie grinned. “Thank god. Otherwise, me planning our wedding would’ve been extremely embarrassing.”

Buck laughed. “I can’t believe you want to marry me.”

Eddie grabbed one of Buck’s hands and linked their fingers together. “I do. I really, really do. I’m going to get you a ring and everything.”

Of course Buck had to kiss him again. He was allowed to do that now. He was allowed to put his lips on Eddie’s and hold Eddie’s hand and sleep in the same bed with Eddie.

Wow.

What a fucking plot twist.

Buck was struck with a thought then. He stroked his thumb across Eddie’s knuckles.

“You stole all of our friends,” Buck stated.

Eddie furrowed his brows. “What?”

“You asked all of them to stand up for you. Ravi, Chimney, Hen, and Chris! Who’s going to stand up for me?”

Eddie snorted. “You’ll have Maddie. You can have Chimney. I’ll keep Ravi and Hen.”

Buck grinned. “Okay, deal.”

They shook on it. Eddie lifted Buck’s hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight, Evan Buckley?” Eddie asked softly. “Just you, me, a bottle of wine, and wedding planning?”

Buck fucking melted. “Nothing would make me happier, Mr. Buckley-Diaz.”