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peter had been playing murder mystery 2 for 4 hours that day. being in the 21+ age group after using berwald’s face to verify himself, he dealt with a lot of accusations of being a child over voice chat. he’s not a child! he’s a solid 58 and a half! he just looks and sounds ten!
a voice spoke, coming from the sheriff. peter was the murderer this round, but set his role aside for the purpose of fighting this man on voice chat.
peter, already having gone on a whole tirade, says “i’m older than you, you know! respect your elders!”
the man, likely in his 20s, responds “you’re trying to convince me you were born 1967. do those numbers stand out to you at all?”
“well thats the year i was born! seriously, what’s your problem? why don’t you believe i’m my actual age!”
“because you sound 10, obviously! little british–”
“i am NOT british do not call me that.”
“then where are you from huh?”
“i’m from the principality of sealand! the best country in the world!”
“...where the hell is sealand chat”
“it’s in the ocean!”
“yeah i just looked up the population, literally one person lives there and thats the prince of sealand.”
“well the reason why im not listed in because im a government secret!”
“peter!” timo, who was watching his adopted son on the other side of the room, rushed over and grabbed peters ipad.
he mutes the ipad and game’s voice chat and reminds him, “the reason why we’re not counted is because we’re secret. we are supposed to stay secret. you shouldn’t imply there’s any government secret involved.”
“but dad, he wasn't believing me!”
timo’s finger slips, accidentally unmuting the voice chat.
“i know he didn’t believe you, but that’s something you can expect. after all, you definitely don’t look or sound your age. you’re mentally and physically 12, even if you’ve been a micronation since 1967.”
“yeah, but still! i wish i looked all grown like you! i wanna be a big, strong country like you and sweden!”
timo pats his head, “i hope you can be someday. now you should leave that game, you’ve been on it for hours, and your father is almost done with dinner.”
“okay awesome! love you!”
“love you too!”
peter notices the mic icon is green on his screen. and the man from earlier is still in front of him. assuming he unmuted it instinctually when he saw his ipad again, he didn’t think too much of it. he left the game and went off to go eat whatever tf sweden was making idk im not gonna name stuff this is a crack fic dont expect that much out of me.
—
the next day, he opened youtube, almost ready for his daily doomscroll on shorts. he chooses to look around the home page for a bit first.
CRAZY FAMILY CONVINCED THEY’RE COUNTRIES | MM2 VC TROLLING
236K Views - 8 Hours Ago
peters first thought is “wow thats hilarious i wonder what they’d think of the nations” before looking at the thumbnail and seeing his own avatar.
he puts the idea of a peaceful hour in front of a screen aside and exchanges it for a far less peaceful and unenjoyable hour. the video was only about 8 minutes, but he knew he’d be scrolling through the hundreds of comments for a good while.
he watches the video, hearing his own voice over the screen. eventually, it gets to the part where timo stopped him from talking to the man. he made snide remarks, stuff like “kids name is peter AND he’s being scolded. what sort of nonsense was that about being a secret anyway?”
his comments take a break after the mic unmutes. he instead chooses to listen in.
timo’s voice sounds a bit distant over the screen, so the man subtitled it. “–that’s something you can expect. after all, you definitely don’t look or sound your age. you’re mentally and physically 12, even if you’ve been a micronation since 1967.”
the youtuber says something along the lines of “these guys are like… crazy crazy.”
peter’s voice is back to being heard, saying his comment about being strong.
“theyre… so serious about it.”
“wait the guy speaking is a woman? that’s… unexpected i guess.” (said after the mention of his father making dinner)
“okay well thats it for this server. i don’t think it can get any better than that kid. like seriously, not only does he say he lives in SEALAND, which has a population of one, he claims to be a government secret? and got his mom in on it too? anyways…” peter stopped listening.
he walks into the other room, where berwald and timo are being all romantic and stuff cause theyre in love or whatever. since he’s clearly a bit scared, timo asks if anything’s wrong. berwald would ask the same, but he knew timo would do it so he didn’t. the light concern in his eyes should be enough to convey his point.
“so… before dinner yesterday i was playing my game right… and as it turns out the guy i was fighting was recording..” he reluctantly says, “not only that but uh, we were unmuted during part of it. so he totally heard some of our conversation..”
“can i see the video?” timo asks, which peter agrees to and hands the ipad to him.
berwald and timo watch the video together, and get to the part where the mic unmutes. timo pales a bit at his voice being audible saying such private things.
“i can contact my boss and see if he can take this down.” berwald states.
timo, panicked, replies “but if we do that, we risk looking suspicious! what’s weirder, some random people over a screen claiming to be countries or the government taking down a video that talks about it!”
peter chooses to leave the room at this point. he accesses his secret phone (the one that timo and berwald are actually fully aware of) and goes to the same video. multiple comments are calling peter crazy, saying his parents raised him to be weird, and some even implying that two men shouldn’t raise a child because the kid ends up like this. he’s absolutely offended by those kinds in particular, because it’s actually all england’s fault.
he resists the urge to respond to the comments ridiculing and probably doxxing them (he’s been learning a lot from ladonia!), rather choosing to scroll and read more. some were about the second half of the video, but a majority talked about him. this is NOT the kind of recognition he wants (even if it’s kinda nice people are first hearing about the wonders of sealand because of him).
eventually, he lets himself set it aside, still hearing his parents discuss how they plan on handling the situation. he goes onto youtube shorts and lets himself get absorbed.
—
meanwhile, on the other side of the world, alfred f(reedom) jones gets a video with an absolutely crazy title recommended to him. figuring he has about 8 minutes to spare, he taps on it.
and then he hears the little british accent of peter kirkland.
he rereads the title and realizes this is a big deal. so he does exactly as anyone would. he finishes watching the part with sealand and finland, and then contacts the government to take it down.
surely this won’t have any consequences!
—
peter hit his 2 hour screen time limit on youtube shorts, so he closes it with a sigh. he is 58, so really he shouldnt need a screen time limit, but he kinda gets it. suddenly he’s remembering the video, and he checks his watch history to find it again.
just to see that it’s completely gone. he guessed that meant berwald somehow managed to get timo to give in.
he peeks into the other room, and sees timo giving a presentation on why it’s a bad idea. so it definitely was not them.
he checks his phone and sees a message from america, of all people. it’s rare for a micronation to get a text from another nation, especially from a superpower! so he clicks on it quickly.
America: hey lil dude! totally saw this video of this guy playing roblox and saw you were in it.
America: i watched it and figured that it’s a bad idea for it to be on the internet where anyone can find it so
America: i got it taken down!! the hero is always here to help!!!
America: anyway don’t think this is me recognizing you as a country bye peter
Sealand: okay well fuck you too america
after replying to his evil evil messages, he went to tell timo and berwald the news.
“hey so america sort of meddled and got the video taken down.”
berwald hummed in acknowledgment, while timo looked at him with fear.
“it’s an even bigger deal if america is the one banning it!”
“well uh we can’t really get him to take it back… it’s gone. so let’s just hope they don’t think too much about it..?” peter attempts to calm his dad down.
timo sighs before closing his presentation and sitting on the couch. “i’m sorry i accidentally unmuted your microphone. if i hadn’t we wouldn’t be in this situation. but maybe you should be a bit more quiet about the existence of nations. we’re not known by most people, only some individuals who aren’t meant to tell anyone else. so please be more selective with who you tell that.”
peter nods, “i will. i kinda just got a little mad… i wish people took me more seriously!”
“i understand how that feels, trust me. but just know even if it becomes a big deal, i love you okay?”
“i love you too!!”
their lovely little moment of family happiness was HORRIBLY interrupted by a call from ENGLAND of all people. not only that, but it was on sealands ipad. his EVIL TERRIBLE older brother never calls, so he rushed over to answer, since it had to be serious.
he puts it on speaker and is met by british yelling.
“did you seriously think that was worth it? alfred said you leaked our existence over the internet, and really? what was that for? is it because we arent recogn–” peter hangs up. he does not wanna deal with this guy right now.
he goes back into his room to play games to cheer him up. its out of his hands anyway, since now everything that happens is america’s fault!
—
mr youtube opened his studio to see his latest video, one of his more popular ones, was taken down. with no stated reason, too.
he has been considered a bit paranoid by his family and friends, but that’s because the government does actually seem to be after him.
after a young british boy who’s claiming to live in sealand reveals himself to be a “government secret” in his video, just for it to mysteriously be taken down soon after? not to mention what his mom / dad / gender neutral / twink parent said about him being a micronation. clearly something’s wrong.
maybe they’re not pretending to be countries, and they’re actually serious.
mr youtube is most definitely going to be accused of being a conspiracy theorist. maybe he is.
but there’s too much for his theory to ignore.
—
NVM I THINK COUNTRIES ARE ACTUALLY PEOPLE. THEORY ABOUT WHY THE GOVERNMENT IS AFTER ME
2M Views - 6 Hours Ago
peter is going to kill america.
he begins to type furiously on his ipad.
Sealand: I HATE YOUUUU YOU MADE IT WORSE !!!!
Sealand: (screenshot of thumbnail)
America: whoops!
America: maybe this is actually your fault for saying it in the first place tho
Sealand: DIE I HOPE YOU DIE DIE DIE DIE
Sealand: I HATE AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!
America: lmao ok peter bye
Sealand: IM TELLING
Sealand: I HATE YOU
Sealand: please react i survive off of recognition
(5 minutes pass)
Sealand: go die
angrily, he shuts his ipad. now without the sounds of aggressive typing, he can hear timo talking to berwald. it’s clearly about the reveal that peter accidentally caused.
he can imagine that the other nations are upset with timo as well. but probably much more angry with him because he’s young and dumb or whatever.
he mostly just feels bad for his dad right now. caught in the crossover of his objectively dumb impulsive decision.
but whatever, he’s only 58 and a half! that’s practically a baby and he is NOT at fault and it’s actually all america. blame him NEVER sealand