Archive of Our Own

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 2:13 PM
Cassie
WAG MEETING
SAP MEETING
PEOPLE WHO ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PLAYER ON THE OTTAWA CENTAURS MEETING
Harris
We should have gone with that one, it really rolls off the tongue
Cassie
Fuck you 😘
Caitlin
Aren't Shane and Ilya at practice right now?
Selena
Yeah, Nick said that they were going to be there all day
Cassie
It's fine, it's probably better they're not here anyway
Lisa
👀👀
Harris
Is this going to get bitchy because if it is I need you all to wait for me to get a snack
Cassie
NO! Not bitchy at all
Nicole
Damn lol
Harris
Alright well then I guess we are ready for the PWAIARWAPOTOC meeting
Lisa
Holy shit 🤣
Selena
It really has a nice ring to it
Caitlin
Cas is gonna kill us all and start with Harris
Cassie
1. I hate you all
2. I have decided that it is time to formally abdicate my title as head wag
Harris
Head PWAIARWAPOTOC
Selena
This reads almost as if either Bood is getting traded or you're getting divorced
Nicole
WHAT
Cassie
NO
Caitlin
jesus christ
Lisa
What are you talking about, Cassie?
Cassie
I was defacto “head of the wags” because I'd been here longest and Zane is AC. But we have completely missed the fact that our captain has a partner
Harris
A PWAIARWAPOTOC
Lisa
Harris!!! Shut the fuck up 💀
Selena
You think Shane should be head WAG/SAP?
Lisa
Captains partners are traditionally the “head wag”. That's how it was in Toronto.
Nicole
In Chicago too.
Caitlin
Okay but would Shane WANT that?
Harris
He couldn't organize hang outs and stuff as much since he's off the ltir now.
Selena
And you know Bood would never let your place not be the main spot for get togethers
Cassie
Counterpoint: It will irritate Shane and piss Roz off.
Harris
Oop. All in favor of making Shane Head of the WAGs/SAPs/PWAIARWAPOTOC?
Lisa
🤚
Harris
🤚
Cassie
🤚
Nicole
🤚
Selena
🤚
Caitlin
🤚
Today 7:29 PM
Ilyusha 🩵
So you all hate me?
What the fuck?
Ilyusha 🩵
I work for TEN YEARS to become Shane Hollander's WAG and you decide to make HIM the Head of the WAGs???!
I am chop liver. I am dirt beneath shoes. You wish I were dead.
I was going to get laid tonight but he has been nonstop ranting since we left practice. You all will pay.

THREE AND A HALF 🏳️‍🌈FlAGS🏳️‍🌈

Today 8:25 AM
Ilyusha 🩵
Barrett.
Troy.

TROY BARRETT
Barrett
Holy shit WHAT
Ilyusha 🩵
I am mad at your boyfriend.
Harris
Good morning, Roz.
Ilyusha 🩵
Hello, Traitor.
Barrett
What is happening? And why here in this group chat? You could call or text each other and leave me out of it.
Ilyusha 🩵
I do not plot behind other people's backs

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 8:49 AM
Harris
Our actions are breaching containment
Ilya is trying to tattle on us to Troy 🙄🙄🙄
Selena
What a babyyyy 🤣
Cassie
Shaaaaaaane. Come get your man!

THREE AND A HALF 🏳️‍🌈FlAGS🏳️‍🌈

Today 8:55 AM
Ilya. Enough.
Ilyusha 🩵
Shanya! My honor!
I am trying to work out and my phone is blowing up because you're being ridiculous.
Barrett
What exactly is happening?
Harris
The PWAIARWAPOTOC voted to make Shane Head of the Wags and Roz is crashing out
Barrett
I haven't had enough coffee for this conversation

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 9:07 AM
As Head of the WAGs
Lisa
👀👀👀
Nicole
🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂
Caitlin
Uh oh…
I am organizing a brunch this weekend on our day off
And if a certain SOMEONE can't stop being insane he will not be invited
Ilyusha 🩵
You are going to plan brunch in my house and not invite me?
Watch me.
Cassie
(Should we be here for this?)
Selena
(I'll add brunch to the calendar)
Lisa
🐕🚶‍♂️

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 3:41 PM
Cassie
Excuse me? King of the WAGs?
Ilyusha 🩵
Oh. He is King now??
Lisa
I mean, kinda? We would call Cass Queen Cassie sometimes 🤷🏽‍♀️
If I'm King, wouldn't you also be King? Since we're married.
Ilyusha 🩵
Continue
Nicole
Technically ☝️ He'd be king consort since he did not inherent the power but is married to the reigning monarch
Selena
Why is that what we're talking about?
Cassie obviously needed Shane's attention for something
Cassie
Thank you, Selena
Caitlin
You can tell Selena has 3 kids lolol
Cassie
As I was saying!
Shane, I have emailed you the Centaurs WAGs master doc
Harris
The PWAIARWAPOTOC Parchment, if you will
Cassie
I won't 😘
Holy shit this is a lot of stuff
Can I also abdicate my title?
Lisa
I only saw Cas adding something to the doc once and it gave me anxiety. What all is in it?
Cassie
Team schedule, our calendar(s), WAG fund information, event planning
Charity outreach, likes/dislikes for every player and WAG, a phone tree, there's also a link to a wag jacket pinterest board
Nicole
How soon is too soon to discuss WAG jackets?
Ilyusha 🩵
Never
It is entirely too soon! Do you want to jinx us?
Harris
Hockey boys and their superstitions 🙄
We should discuss a PWAIARWAPOTOC Parka
Selena
You're so fucking annoying, Harris. I love you.
Caitlin
Okay, but we should talk about it after the new year, right? They take a long time to design and make
I am not discussing playoffs or wag jackets before the all star break at the very minimum
Lisa
Oop 😳
Ilyusha 🩵
I love when he is all bossy 😍😍😍
Cassie
Keep it in your pants, Rozanov
Ilyusha 🩵
You can't tell me what to do
I am King Consort
Ilya.
Ilyusha 🩵
Yes, sweetheart 🤐
Nicole
🐕🚶‍♂️

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 11:43 PM
FOR BRUNCH TOMORROW:
Cassie, Caitlin, Selena, and Nicole will have a driver arrive at your houses at 10:30 AM to bring you here. Wyatt and Troy volunteered to take Lisa and Harris.
Cassie
A driver?
Nicole
What is happening?
Ilyusha 🩵
Your husbands are on parent duty so arrangements have been made for you to get to and from our house
1. So you can relax and 2. So you can drink and not have to worry about getting home
Harris
Ah and Troy and Wyatt are taking us because they don't also have to wrangle children?
Ilyusha 🩵
Exactly
Caitlin
Who are these drivers?
Luca, Jordy, Felix, and Bergy.
Selena
Aw, can I have Luca? My little Swiss son ❤️
Nicole
I forgot you guys billeted for Luca when he got drafted
Caitlin
They actually have 4 kids lolol
Ilyusha 🩵
Luca is my son
How dare you
Alright! Your drivers will arrive in the morning and we will see you then. Goodnight!
Cassie
Goodnight 😘
Harris
Goodniiiight
Selena
Goodnight!!
Lisa
Goodnight ❤️❤️❤️
Nicole
Goodnight 😊
Caitlin
Goodnight 😘✌️
Say goodnight, Ilya
Ilyusha 🩵
Goodnight, Ilya 😏

🐴🏒The Centaurs of the Apocalypse🏒🐴

Today 4:25 PM
Did everyone get home safe?
Young
I returned Nicole in one piece!
Boyle
She was more wine than woman but she is in bed taking a nap so 👍
Chouinard
Luca got Selena home just fine
Wyatt
I had to practically pour Lisa into bed when we got home
LaPointe
Caitlin and I stopped for McDonald's when we left
Dykstra
She came in the door with a giant diet coke and a big mac box 😅
LaPointe
She got me a happy meal
Bood
Bergy returned Cassie safe and sound. She's sleeping it off.
Barrett
Harris is also knocked out
Boyle
What did you guys even do today lolol
We can't say
Ilyusha 🩵
Sisterhood of the Traveling Puck 🤞
🤞

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 10:17 AM
Ilyusha 🩵
Cassie can you please take back your crown
My husband is drunk with power
Lisa
He didn't drink much yesterday he's gotta get his fun somewhere
Selena
What is he doing?
I'm being proactive
Harris
Oh god
Nicole
Do I wanna know?
Ilyusha 🩵
I woke up to him making many spreadsheets
Cassie
Oh no not spreadsheets
Caitlin
The horror
We have a lot of intense roadies and practices in the coming weeks and I want to be prepared!
Ilyusha 🩵
He is already booking spot for Holiday party
Selena
Wow we should have made him King WAG sooner
Harris
Patriarch of the PWAIARWAPOTOC
Cassie
Remind me to slap you next time I see you, Harris
Harris
No ❤️
Lisa
SHANE couldn't have been head of the WAGs until this season
Before that he was our good friend Jane from Montreal
🤦🏻‍♂️
Ilyusha 🩵
Aw my Jane 😍 my favorite girl in the whole world 🥵
Shane removed Ilya from the Chat
Nicole
I thought you guys agreed you wouldn't do that anymore 🤣
Caitlin
Yeah it hurts his feelings
Well, I am Head of the WAGs and I'll do what I want
Cassie
We got the SAP Sheriff out here 🤣🫵
Harris
PWAIARWAPOTOC Patrol 🤣🫵
Caitlin
WAG Warden 🤣🫵
Shane removed Caitlin from the Chat
Selena
That one seemed excessive
I just removed her so I can tell you all that I am setting aside money from the WAG Fund for her baby shower
And if you have any ideas for planning the shower/gifts to email me
Obviously we'll wait for a few months but, again, I'm just getting ahead of things
Cassie
Aw Shane
Harris
Look at youuuu
Nicole
👑👑👑
Shane added Caitlin to the Chat
Shane added Ilya to the Chat
Ilyusha 🩵
I would like to remind my husband, the King, what the Russians did to the Romanovs
Well, I would like to tell my husband, the king consort, that I am putting away my spreadsheets and am laying out in a different set of sheets
Lisa
👀
Harris
👀
Cassie
👀
Selena
👀
Nicole
👀
Caitlin
👀
Ilyusha 🩵
Long live the King!