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Josuke wasn’t sure what he had been expecting when he flew to New York for the Speedwagon Foundation Christmas party but it certainly wasn’t this . The level of opulence of this party was next level and it was all he could do to stop himself from gawking at it all. An enormous Christmas tree dripping with tinsel and ornaments stood in the center of the room. It was devoid of presents but he was sure any brightly wrapped packages would look like specks under its impressive boughs. The entire party area was just as impressive: done up in reds and golds with twinkling lights everywhere. Christmas music played over speakers and fake snow--at least it looked fake and he wasn’t close enough to feel if it was cold--was clumped stylistically on the ground.
He figured he at least looked like he belonged at the party. Josuke had purchased a tailored purple suit with a gold shirt and matching shoes. He wasn’t specifically in Christmas colors but it was an emergency and that emergency was that he looked really good in purple.
“Josuke!”
He was surprised when Joestar-san’s wife came to hug him since he disrupted her life.
“Um, hi,” he said, unsure whether or not to hug her back.
“I’m so glad you made it! Was the ride from the airport alright?”
When his plane landed, there was a limo there waiting to take him to the hotel where the party was being held. Josuke had never ridden in a limo before and the driver out front had held a placard with his name and everything.
“Yes!” he said far too loudly. “Um. Thank you for inviting me.”
Suzi reached up and pinched his cheek.
“Don’t look so surprised. I can’t blame you for Joseph.”
She patted his cheek and smiled broadly. Josuke put his hand where hers had been and smiled back. Suzi left to go say hello to more people and Josuke was beginning to wish that he had thought to ask Koichi or Okuyasu to come. He could use some familiar faces and, besides, he knew here they had that tradition of kissing under mistletoe and he felt himself begin to blush at the thought of catching Okuyasu under some.
“Grunkle Josuke!”
Before he could react, he felt a tiny form tackle him from behind. His knees buckled and he nearly dropped to the ground.
“H-hey, Jolyne.”
He struggled to get back to his feet with Jolyne still clinging to his back. Guests--who he figured were Speedwagon Foundation employees as well as high society New Yorkers who now had to meet Joseph Joestar’s illegitimate son get knocked to the ground by a seven-year-old. She waited until he was fully standing before dropping back down to the ground. He turned, rubbing his back.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” she exclaimed. She was bouncing up and down on her sparkly gold flats and clapping her hands. “There’s no one here my age and I’m stuck at the kids’ table with Shizuka who’s a baby and super boring!”
“I’m not exactly your age,” he pointed out.
“Yeah, but you’re fun at least.” Her eyes lit up. “Your suit is so cool .”
Josuke brushed his hands down it before placing them on his hips. He hitched his chin a little and grinned.
“I know, right?” He looked around again and added, “Where’s your dad?”
She got a devious look on her face and Josuke knew from experience that that was never good. Jotaro had tried to keep her from the bulk of the Stand-related incidents back in Morioh but he knew that Jolyne and “trouble” went hand-in-hand.
“Arguing with Great,” she said.
“About what?”
“You’ll see.”
On that ominous note, she darted away to the snack table. Josuke furrowed his brow as he puzzled over her words. He would see what? What was Jotaro arguing with Joestar-san about? What did it have to do with him? Josuke groaned. He really hoped that there wasn’t any danger going on. He had come all the way to the part and was jetlagged (but looking fabulous) for a good time. He didn’t want the party (or his suit) ruined by some enemy.
“Josuke! There you are!”
At the sound of his name, he turned and saw a woman striding towards him with purpose. He recognized her, vaguely, from pictures as Joestar-san’s daughter, Holly. His half-sister he had never met and who was older than his mother.
“Hi,” he said as she approached.
Holly put her hands on her hips and said, “Don’t you ‘hi’ me. You have to come with.”
“I do?”
She nodded. “Yep. C’mon.”
Holly took his hand and dragged him through the party. He saw waitstaff holding trays of food as he passed and felt a profound disappointment that they were going too fast for him to grab a bacon-wrapped scallop from a waiting tray.
“Where are we going?”
“Backstage,” she said with a wink.
Josuke had no idea what to do with this information. He had just gotten to the party and had already been accosted by three of his family members. If this was what it meant to be a Joestar, he was beginning to want a refund on his new family.
Holly took him to a room off of the main party room. Josuke was amazed they were able to book two large rooms for the party and this one seemed to just be a staging room.
“I’m so glad I asked your mother for your measurements,” Holly gushed.
“My what?” Josuke looked down. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
She pursed her lips and tipped her head to the side.
“You can’t wear that during the big show. Come here.”
She spun on one foot and all but skipped over to what looked like a dressing table. It was bedecked with lights all around the mirror and there was a makeup kit resting on it. Holly picked up a garment bag that was draped over the chair and presented it with great flourish.
“Ta-da!”
In the few minutes he met his half-sister, Josuke was beginning to doubt that she somehow birthed someone as taciturn and distant as Jotaro. She handed the garment bag to him and something inside jingled . Josuke took the hanger and lifted it up. With his other hand, he unzipped it and was greeted by the sight of bright green velvet.
“What’s this?”
“Your costume!” Holly chirped. His confusion must have been evident on his face because she added, “Oh, did nobody tell you? Every year, papa dresses up as Santa and he and an elf pass out Christmas presents to the guests!”
“And I’m…” Josuke felt icy horror grip his chest as the realization slowly dawned on him. “I’m going to be the elf?”
“Yep!”
He chomped down on his lower lip and worried it with his teeth. Mistletoe aside, maybe it was a good thing Okuyasu didn’t come with him. He did not want to be seen like this. Holly pulled the garment bag away to show his costume in its full glory. There was no doubt that it was wellmade but Josuke couldn’t picture himself in the green velvet tunic and candy cane-striped tights. Even so, if Holly’s tenacity was anything like Joestar-san’s, he would have no choice but to surrender himself to all of this.
“ Great ,” he enthused.
--
His mother (who probably knew and who was probably eagerly waiting for photographic evidence back home) had sent his measurements but Josuke still felt foolish. The tunic ended at mid-thigh and the patent leather belt just exemplified his backside in the tights. Once he was in it, Holly set upon him like a vulture. She bobbypinned the hat to his hair--though he did appreciate how she was careful not to mess it up--and all but forced his feet into the pointed slippers.
The slippers as well as the hem of the tunic all bore little gold jingle bells so he made noise every time he moved. Josuke looked into the mirror of the vanity and curled a lip at his reflection.
“Sit, sit,” she said. “We have to get you all elf’d out.”
Josuke sat glumly in the chair as Holly applied blush to his cheeks and used spirit gum to adhere latex ears above his own. The makeup was awful and nothing he would ever do himself. He wished he had his things so he could at least apply purple lipstick and keep a semblance of himself in this outfit. Holly delicately sprinkled glitter on the tops of his cheeks.
“Oh, you look darling ,” she enthused. She leaned over him and grinned at them both in the mirror.
Josuke, despite it all, found himself looking for any similarity in their features. Holly was, after all, his half-sister.
“Yeah. Great,” he said glumly.
She gave his shoulders a supportive squeeze before righting herself.
“I have to go check on Santa.”
“Joestar-san?”
“Oh, you don’t--” She shook her head to stop herself. “No, no. Papa isn’t doing it this year. He can’t support people constantly getting off and on his knees. We have a new Santa.”
“A new Santa? Who?”
She smiled again and gave him a wink before leaving the room. Josuke quirked a brow after her, wondering why she hadn’t given him an answer. He turned back to the mirror and examined himself. His hair stuck out from the front of his hat that was perched on the back of his head. He felt foolish and like he didn’t look at all like an elf. The top of the tights, as well, was digging into his waist. Josuke stood and turned to view the backside. The back of the tunic barely went over the slope of his ass.
“I’m the hoochiest elf,” he muttered and tried to tug it down to no avail.
The door to the room opened again, this time revealing Suzi.
“Oh, Josuke, you look amazing!” she exclaimed and clapped her hands. “Come, come. The guests are waiting.”
Maybe being tackled by Jolyne was a better first impression compared to this…
Josuke put a smile on his face and followed her out into the large, carpeted hallway of the convention area of the hotel. Out in the open, he was aware of how many people would see him like this. It wouldn’t just be the party guests, no. Other people staying at the hotel--rich, fancy people who could afford to stay here--would see him. Josuke felt pathetic as he jingled behind Suzi and reentered the party. In his absence, an immense throne had been set up. It was made to look like gingerbread and was surrounded by fake lollipops and candy canes. It was currently vacant.
Josuke walked towards it and spotted Jolyne smirking at him over a plate of sugar cookies. The little devil knew about this, didn’t she? It seemed that everyone knew about it but Josuke. Even his mom was in on the conspiracy. He glanced back in the direction of the other room, missing his purple suit and his nice, nice shoes.
Suzi stopped near the throne and motioned for Josuke to stand next to it. Near him a long, red carpet had been unrolled and people were already starting to queue up on it. On the other side of the throne were stacked presents all neatly wrapped in gold and red paper to match the decor.
“I found Santa’s elf!” Suzi brightly told the first guest in line.
“Hi,” he said flatly.
The guest looked at him and then turned to whisper something to her companion.
Great…
He probably shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was that he was the topic of gossip, elf costume notwithstanding. This was his first, official appearance as Joestar-san’s son. These society types were bound to talk.
“Santa should be here any minute.” Suzi craned her neck and glared somewhere in the back of the room. “ Any. Minute. ”
The music playing overhead suddenly grew louder and became the Elvis version of “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Josuke turned and saw the man of the hour approach. He was massively tall, whoever he was, and was wearing a padded red velvet suit with fur trim. He walked on heavy boots and seemed just as pleased as Josuke was to be in such a festive outfit. Santa reached the throne and dropped heavily into it. Josuke peered into the fake beard to find a pair of tired-looking, pale green eyes under thick, arched eyebrows. He squinted a bit, the pieces falling into place.
“Yare yare,” Santa muttered.
“Jotaro-san?” he hissed.
“No,” Suzi said and tugged on Josuke’s carefully pinned hat. “ Santa. ”
“Oh. Right.”
As far as he knew, there were two children at the party and Shizuka was a baby and Jolyne clearly knew that her father had been roped into this. He wasn’t sure why they were keeping up the illusion. Even so, he wanted to make her happy. He had brought such misery into her life that he felt that he had to do something .
The line went quickly. All Josuke had to do was call for the next person and direct them to the throne. Jotaro was a pretty terrible Santa. Guests would come and sit on his lap and he would wordlessly shove a present into their hands. Judging by their faces as they left, Josuke felt like they missed when Joestar-san played the part. From what he knew about his father, he would definitely get into it.
Halfway through the line, Josuke spotted someone familiar. Kakyoin looked good in his deep green suit, he thought, and the red silk of his shirt perfectly matched his hair. For tonight, Josuke noticed that he had traded his usual cherry earrings for what looked like cranberries.
“Kakyoin-san! Hi.”
He grinned and, without any prompting, went and sat right down on Jotaro’s lap.
“Hey, Santa,” he purred and twisted his fingers in the synthetic fibers of the fake beard. “I’ve been good all year and I think you know what I want for Christmas.”
“Do I?” Jotaro asked back, his voice low and husky. “And what is that?”
Kakyoin smirked and said, “You’ll just have to come down my chimney tonight and find out.”
Josuke bit his lip and wondered if he should remind them that this was technically a family party and that Jotaro’s young daughter was present. He cleared his throat loudly.
“Santa,” he said pointedly, “the present?”
Jotaro gave him a filthy look but dutifully handed over the wrapped present. Kakyoin slid from his lap but not before giving him a farewell kiss flush on the mouth.
“Oh, my,” the next guest said as Josuke let her pass, “What will Mrs. Klaus say?”
“Nothing,” Jotaro said flatly. “Because we’re divorced and she’s in Florida.”
Suzi gave him a look and Josuke was surprised to see his nephew actually look a bit sheepish. Even so, he resumed his practice of simply shoving presents into people’s hands. The rest of the line went the same way. At one point, a man in an impossibly tight suit with impossibly tall hair did a running leap to land on Jotaro’s lap. The next man in line--who wore, Josuke noticed, a ring that matched the first man’s--had to come and tear him off before Jotaro sicced Star Platinum on him.
Jolyne approached last, holding Shizuka. Jotaro put them both on his lap and even posed for a photo when Holly got out the camera.
“Send that to my mom!” Jolyne shouted.
“I will, darling,” she said. Holly lowered the camera and added, “Josuke, get in. Come on. It’s a family picture. All the kids.”
He shuffled closer and leaned over the throne. All the kids. That included him. He felt something warm tingle in his chest despite all of the embarrassment he had been put through.
“Here, Mrs. Kujo.” A Speedwagon Foundation employee appeared as if from nowhere to take her camera. “Let me get all of you.”
Holly smiled and went over to the other side of the throne.
“Everyone,” she said. “Mama, you too. Find Papa.”
“And Nori!” Jolyne exclaimed.
Kakyoin pointed at himself, surprised, before walking over. Holly pulled him close to her and put an arm around his shoulders. Jotaro, though, wasn’t having any of that. With a mittened hand, he tugged on Kakyoin’s shirt sleeve until he sat down on his other thigh. Josuke watched this with mild bemusement and didn’t even notice someone coming up next to them until his shoulder was squeezed. He turned to see Joestar-san beaming at him.
“Oh, hey,” he said and hastily added. “Sorry about the wallet, I--”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you made it.” With his cane, he gestured towards the camera. “Now smile.”
Josuke did and the flashbulb went off. He felt, well, pretty good. Maybe he didn’t want a refund on being a Joestar. This party was alright. He didn’t even mind wearing the elf costume--almost. He wished he could have at least been able to keep his shoes.