Work Text:
“Stark, attend a function in Asgard with me.”
As far as opening lines went, it was definitely a new one for Tony. Not only had he believed himself to be alone in his penthouse, but he had also thought Loki rated Tony as highly as he rated shit on his shoe.
Tony had been on his way to bed when it happened. He was in sweatpants and a baggy band shirt and his Iron Man suits were painfully far away.
He turned slowly to face the mage who was watching him semi-impatiently. Right. Well.
“Um, I’m sorry. I thought we were enemies?”
Loki didn’t quite click his tongue, but it was close. “We have not battled for longer than a Midgardian year. There has also been a treaty signed with Asgard and I, and my hostilities to this planet are included in that document.”
“Well, yeah, but-” there are a lot of loopholes in that.
“I am also aware that you are interested in the technology of the Aesir,” Loki cut in.
“Well, sure-” but they won’t let me fucking look at anything.
And he interrupted again. “Then attend this function with me.”
Tony waited a few moments this time, seeing if he’d be overridden, but when he wasn’t, he began to interrogate. “Okay, firstly, why me? Secondly, what kind of event are we talking about? And thirdly, what the actual fuck?” He smiled tightly. “Just for general clarification.”
Loki smirked like Tony had amused him. (But he actually smiled a lot around Tony, not that he’d noticed Loki didn’t smile around anyone else on Earth or anything.)
“What you would be attending is a meeting between the realms. The gathering is rather important and political, and I will be despised and dreadfully bored during the entirety of it.” Loki’s smile suddenly became shark-like, “And you are interesting, Stark, but mortals are not allowed on Asgard and nor are male lovers.”
Tony blinked, understanding all too simply why he’d been chosen. “So, basically I’m a giant ‘fuck you’ to the royal family?”
“Yes, rather,” Loki told him easily, looking like a cat that had gained the cream, before he actually had it.
“Right, so; why exactly would I be saying not only yes, but agreeing to be your mortal boytoy?”
Loki tilted his head, looking surprised that Tony needed the clarification. “You will be attending a royal function on another planet where the Allfather will not be able to reject your presence without look ungenerous. You will be the first mortal to be allowed on Asgard for any extended period.”
“And the lovers thing?”
Loki waved a hand dismissively. “A friendship between us will do well enough.”
“And the AllDaddy won’t know you’re lying?”
“Oh, of course he will,” Loki looked greatly amused. “But to announce it in front of all his dear guests? When he has spent such time claiming I am reformed and welcomed again? Come now, Stark, you move in political waters as much as I do.”
Tony was still smiling thin and suspicious - even if a part of him was already making grabby hands at the mere thought of being on Asgard. It was too bad he didn’t trust Loki as far as he could throw him.
“Right. Sounds interesting. Still not sure I believe you’ll get me there in one piece. I only buy that we're 'allies' in as much as we're 'not one of your immediate targets’. Which, case in point; you’re going to make me laugh if you keep saying you’re ‘reformed’.”
Loki just grinned wide and vaguely delighted. “And you wonder why I might pick you.”
Tony narrowed his eyes. "Was that a compliment or a thinly veiled threat?"
"Will you believe me either way?"
Tony didn’t even have to think about it. "Not really."
"Then, I shall venture nothing,” Loki answered, “But I will make my request once more; attend a function on Asgard with me."
Tony tapped his fingers against his leg, weighing up all the options as well as all the advantages. He had a lot of difficulty believing Loki would do all of this just to kill him. Sure, that could still happen, but he didn’t think it would be instantly. It seemed too important to get Tony on the planet.
And hey, if he was part of some grand plot to fuck everything up, being an Avenger meant he should be in the thick of it, right? Making sure he was there to save the day? Can’t stop the bad guy if you’re not in the story, right?
He’d just have to try and get something out of Loki while he was there too. “I get your help gaining three things of my choosing from Asgard.”
"Two,” Loki bartered instantly, “and I’m allowed to overrule the items you select."
Tony narrowed his eyes. "You have to have a damn good reason for the veto."
Loki made a face but nodded. "Very well."
Nice. “Right.” That settled that. “When is this thing?"
"Two evenings from now. We will arrive along with the Alfheim dignitaries. Odin will not refuse you in front of such important political support."
It was going to be like messing with Howard all over again.
"Gotcha. So you'll want me in Aesir garb and on my best behaviour?"
"I will have something made for you,” Loki told him simply, eyeing him in a way that made Tony think he was taking measurements.
"That still didn't answer my other question."
When he replied, Loki actually smiled at him. "Now, Mr Stark, why would I ever ask you to behave?"
Tony found himself fighting back his own grin.
“I will be back in two nights.” Loki disappeared too quickly for Tony to reply; lost in a burst of green magic.
When he was gone, Tony just chuckled and told his AI. “Well, looks like I’ve got a hot date. Clear my schedule, will you? I think I'll be gone a few days."