Chapter Text
Selina held up another makeup brush and danced it across Bruce’s face, lathering him in products that Bruce couldn’t figure out the name of in a million years. “Give me 15 minutes and nobody will ever know you were a guy.”
Bruce shifted in his spot uncomfortably. Something about what Selina said didn’t sit well with him. It felt like a great emptiness inside his soul had been poked, lightly enough to remain inconspicuous yet hard enough to leave a mark. He frowned and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not here to mess around,” he replied back with a brooding tone, “this is dangerous, Selina. Not fun and games.”
She scrunched her nose before dabbing his eyelids with black eye shadow and blending it with silvery glitter. “I know, but this is fun. Never in a million years did I think I’d get to put makeup on my… boyfriend.”
He grimaced. “Don’t call me that.”
“What ‘boyfriend’?” She said, putting emphasis on ‘friend’. “I thought we were dating, or is the big, scary Bat not ready for that?”
“I— Never mind. Just finish putting this on me, does it really take girls this long to do their makeup?”
Selina nodded. “Yep, ‘girl’.”
Bruce froze in place. He was supposed to be strong. A strong man. That’s the role he’d been destined to play ever since his parents were killed. And yet, a single word had stopped him in his tracks. No. He had to remain strong. He had to be tough. He was the Batman, not a scared child who never felt comfortable around the other boys. Every boy had that phase… right? “Whatever.” Bruce said, hardening up again, before he looked down at his watch. “We’ve got 10 minutes left.”
Selina smiled. “Well, if you’d like to admire my work, be my guest,” she said as she handed him the aged hand mirror.
Bruce held it up to his face and stared. He felt a mix of joy and horror. If he looked at it from a certain angle, he almost looked like his mother. Almost. There was only so much you could do to hide the masculine features underneath the makeup. He shook his head in disapproval, his emotions were getting the better of him. This was for the mission, nothing more. “We’re never doing this ever again,” Bruce said through gritted teeth.
Bruce had stumbled into the Iceberg Lounge as a ‘tipsy’ young woman named Dana West. As she moved through the packed crowds, he saw men stare at him in a way he’d never experienced before. A few even went as far to catcall him, not knowing they were really catcalling for a man. Bruce couldn’t help but feel baffled at the attention. It wasn’t bad, per say, but it wasn’t exactly the kind of attention he’d want.
Plus, he needed to get some information, and fast. Selina broke off from him with a wink and a kiss, causing Bruce to shiver. His cheeks burned ever so slightly, but he decided he’d rather not think about being kissed by a woman as a ‘woman’ and ran off to find some goons. It didn’t take long, and before he knew it, he’d got everything he needed to know. The attack on Gotham was happening later in the week, June 9, 1984. But it wasn’t just that, a gang war had started between Black Mask aligned gangs and Penguin aligned gangs, and this attack was planned to be a way to get the upper hand. Well, and take out the gangs who wouldn’t submit to Penguin.
Bruce lingered for a bit longer in the club and felt himself sink completely into the character. A bit too much. He danced alongside other girls and felt truly alive, for the first time in who knew how many years. It was a cacophony of euphoria and freedom. He didn’t have to perform. He didn’t have to measure up to his parents. He didn’t have a reputation to uphold. He was just a girl in a club.
It wasn’t before long that Selina and him headed back home and prepared for the upcoming battle they’d be facing.
Selina threw herself down next to him in the red queen bed. “I’m beat. You got everything you needed, Bat?”
He nodded as he slowly took off the ‘girl costume’ he’d adorned for the club. First the heels, then the wig, and so on before he was in his underwear. He quickly threw on his blue silk robe and headed over to the bathroom and washed off the makeup. It took longer than his black eye shadow usually did, but he cleaned himself up for the night.
Bruce slid under the covers next to Selina as she snuggled up next to him. “You have fun?”
“Yes,” he said quietly, barely above a whisper. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to enjoy himself, but it felt wrong to do so. It went against everything that had been beaten into him by society. Crossdressing wasn’t ‘normal.’
He bit his lip, deep in thought. The life he lived, it was one he had to. He had no choice in the matter. This was his mission, and his alone. It was true for both Bruce and Batman. He couldn’t change the path they were on. It wouldn’t be right.
At the same time, it felt like he’d been living on autopilot for so long. His life felt more like an abstraction than something real. That night at the club, even though it went against his basic instincts, was the first time he’d felt alive for at least a decade, if not more. It wasn’t fair. A part of him called out to be free, but he knew deep down that that could never happen. Bruce Wayne can’t change.
Selina rubbed his shoulder. “What’s going on, Bruce? I know your brooding face, so tell me.” She said as she lightly shook him.
“It’s fine,” he mumbled, “nothing important.”
“Well, Bat, you’re important to me. Very important. I don’t know how much I can help, but I’d rather do something than sit here watching you be even more miserable than usual.”
He sighed. “D-do you ever wish your life could’ve gone differently?”
Selina laughed. “Of course, I don’t think anybody hasn’t thought that. We all have things we regret.”
“Yeah,” Bruce said, “I know. I just… I don’t know.”
She snuggled closer to him. “Look whatever it is, I’m here to listen.”
“Have you ever done makeup on any of your other boyfriends or guys you knew?”
She nodded. “One or two. You really should try it more often, Brucie. You looked so pretty in that outfit. Me-ow,” Selina said as she play slashed her long black nails at him.
“Pretty. Huh,” Bruce replied, “that’s new.”
“I can say it more often if you’d like. Bruce is soooo pretty. I love when she dresses up like a girl.” Selina suddenly flushed red, whether out of embarrassment or 'otherwise', Bruce couldn't tell. “I mean, he. Sorry, you just looked so much like a girl.”
“I think that’s enough for tonight,” Bruce said as he turned off the lights.
Something about being called ‘she’ made him feel all sorts of weird. It was a strange warm numbness that radiated out of his body. It probably didn’t mean anything… It didn’t mean anything. At all.