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I felt like a little kid, with how the blanket was wrapped around me and covering my mouth. I looked stupid, like a burrito. My eyes were red, I was sure of it. The pillow against my cheek was warm. Hair was brushed out of my eyes gently. I could still feel the way the small round tablets rolled around in my mouth.
"Why'd you try to take that many?" Darry quietly asked. He sounded tired.
"Dunno," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact with anyone, "just wanted to."
Soda put his hand on my shoulder. He sat close to me. I still remember the panicked way he yelled 'spit it out, spit all of them out' from a couple feet away when I stood by the cabinet in the bathroom, rushing over to take the pill bottle out of my hands. I did it, so aren't you proud? "Honey, that isn't a good reason, we could've lost you," he reminded me. I felt his thumb running over my shoulder in a comforting manner through the blanket.
I stared at the floor. "I know." My answers had been short.
Darry sighed and quietly pocketed the aspirin bottle, kneeling down by the edge of the springy bed. I stared back at him. I wanted to turn over. "Are you okay?" He asked instead of lecturing me.
"...mmm," I hummed as I turned over and ended up facing Soda, so I turned back over, the blanket uncovering my mouth. Great, back to looking at a guy who roofs houses and has a few gray hairs. "I have a headache." I silently moved one of my hands out from under the blanket to ask for the aspirin bottle back. I think I'm stupid. I don't know, I got a passing grade, which is above a C to me, (seriously, what the fuck?) for a long theme paper, I'm pretty smart in my books.
Darry shook his head. "I'm not givin' them back, baby. You ain't right in the head."
"Take two out and give them to me then?"
"No."
I turned over. He was stupid, it was supervised at the very least. Soda had scooted away a little to give me some space. I curled up back into a fetal position and sniffled a little. I could feel my hair tickling my neck.
"We wouldn't've gotten on without you, savvy?" Soda quietly asked.
"Mm-mm."
"Neigh."
"Mmm?"
"Words, please, honey."
I shook my head and turned around. Darry was up and he was avoiding looking at me, like he was scared.
"Did any of your new friends influence this?" He asked hesitantly.
I picked up my head to stare at him in confusion. The headache came back. "...what?"
"You know, the people you've been hanging around."
My memory felt a bit foggy as I put my head back down. "I've only been around y'all and Two. 'N' Curly. Nobody would encourage me to eat a five course meal of make-the-headache-go-away."
"Then what caused it?!" Soda whisper-shouted. I know he didn't mean to, he was worried, but it made me slightly annoyed. "We need to know how to help."
I thought for a few seconds, grinding my teeth unconsciously. I remembered seeing Johnny, (I think, but he looked real disfigured with burn scars) then having a real bad headache, trying to talk to him, and all he did was smile, then quietly say 'can't hear you.' "I don't know." I wasn't in the mood to be called insane then have to visit the crazy-people doctor, as Curly called it. I think Dally also called it that.
"You ain't goin' to school tomorrow," Darry said quietly.
I sat up quickly and I got a little light headed. "No, Darry, I gotta go! I can't miss!"
"No, you tried to..." Darry trailed off and nodded. I knew his voice would've broken, had he said it. "You can't value school over health."
"Why not!?" Both of my brothers stared at me like I was insane. "I'm doing lousy, I've gotta catch up. I didn't even swallow any!" I might've been lying.
Soda put a comforting hand between my shoulder blades. I flinched. "That isn't the point. You're not in the right space, Neigh," he whispered.
I sighed and shoved his hand away, laying back down, curling up again. The blanket got pulled away from my mouth when it looked like I was trying not to breathe. Darry was in my line of vision again. "What?" I mumbled.
"What'd you see?" He noticed my confusion replace my annoyance. "You act like this when... Johnny comes back. Is that why you were talkin' to nobody?"
I stared at him. The conversation drifted into my head, the way I grinned and started asking Johnny what he was doing here, asked him how he was doing, all the good stuff. "...I wasn't talkin' to nobody. I was talking to Johnny." He's alive.
I swear.
I saw him.
I saw him.
I saw him.
I saw-
"Johnny's dead, baby."
All three of us remained silent before I sharply laughed. Then the laughs turned into sobs as I hugged myself. I hugged myself tightly. I wanted to claw at my skin. The tears falling out of my eyes felt like the flames that had cursed my clothes during the church fire.
I wished Soda hadn't caught me.
I wished Johnny would talk to me.
Hands held onto my shoulders and I only sobbed harder, curling in further on myself. My nails dug into my skin.
Why hadn't I just swallowed the aspirin quicker?
I'm a bawl baby!
"Pony, breathe," Soda's voice sounded underwater. "Darry, he didn't need that reminder!"
Pain was shooting through my arms. I loosened my hold, holding my breath to cool the hyperventilating, but it only made it worse. The headache was worsened, so I started sobbing from the pain now instead of the reminder.
I blacked out a while after that when black dots clouded the corners of my vision.
Surprise to no one.
When I woke up the next morning, everything ached. I was facing the window. I turned over and blinked a couple of times. I had a headache. I looked at the clock.
I was late for school.
I almost bolted out of bed, but pain shot through me and I got light headed. I flopped back down into bed, taking deep breaths. Most of last night flooded back into my head.
I didn't want to miss school.
Forcing myself to endure the pain, I got up and went to the bathroom, going for the medicine cabinet. I paused when a useless post it note was on the shelves.
Don't open.
I took off the note and tried to open the cabinet, then I noticed a few bandaids on my arms. A sigh exited my mouth, leaving the bathroom. I paused and went back in, then forgot what I was supposed to do. So, I left once more, heading towards the kitchen. There was chattering and laughing in the living room that immediately ceased as I passed by.
"Pony?" Soda called out.
I looked over. I could've sworn I saw Dally and Johnny by the door. Two-Bit and Steve were with my brother. "Hi." My headache came back, then I remembered what I was supposed to grab. Eh, too late.
"How're you doing?" Soda asked.
"Dandy."
"You sure?"
I stared at him before going to the kitchen. "Yup."
"What're you doing?" Soda suddenly popped up in the kitchen too.
"Why are you following me?"
"Just worrying."
I grabbed a bowl and the cereal box out in the open. "Can you take me to school?" I shook the box to the side, cereal falling into the bowl.
Soda's eyes looked watery. "You ain't going today."
I paused, putting down the box as I looked into the living room. Two-Bit waved at me. I looked back at my brother, then pointed at Two-Bit, then also Steve, though more reluctantly. "Is it a holiday?"
"He was drunk."
"...shoot. So, can you take me to school?"
Soda sighed and put his thumbs through his belt loops on his jeans. He didn't look tuff. Actually, I didn't either. I was in lousy pajamas (probably?) and had bandaids on my arms. "You aren't going today, Pony. Tomorrow you can, but... not today."
I frowned and grabbed a spoon. I didn't feel like grabbing milk, so I started to eat the cereal dry. What is wrong with me? "Can you get me some aspirin, I have a headache," I mumbled.
"Ask Darry," Soda went back to the living room. I rolled my eyes.
Throughout the rest of the day, I was watched like a hawk. It was annoying. I got stared at when I stared at the butter knives, I got stared at when I walked around sort of like a ghost, and finally got stared at for staring at one place for a long time. I was so done with it. I had tried to ask for aspirin again, though I just got told to drink water.
I was so sick of it.
I saw Johnny in the bathroom again that night when I was brushing my teeth and we stared at each other. He smiled, just like last night. I smiled back and felt tears well up.
Someone was hollering for me outside the bathroom, and I ignored it. Just to smile with him one more time.