Archive of Our Own

  Everything was finally coming down.

  Will had gotten plenty of hugs, plenty of praise. But something felt… wrong. He had done what he needed to in order to outsmart Vecna, right? If he just faced all those fears, then they would go away. The uncomfortable silence, the loneliness, the anger, the arguments, the tears, the violence, that look… The look in Mike’s eyes. 

  Vecna had given him a vision. He told Mike. And his face… The immediate disgust, the hatred in his eyes. Revulsion, and it stopped Will dead in his tracks. It’s been haunting him ever since. But Will told everyone, even Mike. He didn’t really.. look repulsed…? But… What was he thinking? Mike hadn’t said much to him afterward, and right now… Where is Mike right now? He must have slipped away somehow. He gulped…

  It’s not like Will cared about what Mike thought of him now, Mike was just a Tammy. Mike couldn’t hurt him. Vecna couldn’t hurt him. Mike could never love him, anyways. He should have let go of that dream long ago… He was just being stupid. Will walked away to get a snack.

–

  As hard as he tried, Mike couldn’t stop himself from pacing. When he sat down, knees would start to bounce, and he would breathe too hard, until he was shaking. He couldn’t say the words. Not even in his head. Mike Wheeler was in plain distress. 

  Something was happening inside his brain, and not even he himself knew what it was. But something, something, was coming to a head. He didn’t know how to deal with this, all of this, if it was a bad choice, a stupid choice, something he couldn’t take back… Mike squeezed his hands into fists until he could feel the nails digging into his palms. Are you REALLY Mike the Mighty? This is pathetic. 

  He sat down. Got back up. Paced again. Sat down. This was hard. Too hard. He felt like giving up. Mike gripped his knees so hard his arms shook and stared at the ground. He needed to be brave. Why couldn’t he be brave anymore? 

  He was always so good at it. Whenever something scary happened, he was able to just put that behind him and keep going, even when he was a kid. So why was it failing now? Mike swallowed hard, and his throat ached badly when he did. Only just now realizing it, he had been holding this I’m going to cry feeling in his throat for far too long. Touching the underside of his jaw, Mike realized how sore it was, and his embarrassment bloomed yet again. It’s fine. It’s fine. Just forget about it, it’s fine. 

  But this was, just maybe, his only chance. If Will didn’t already hate him, of course. 

  That… Feeling. When he looked at Will. When Will looked at him. When he smiled. When he laughed. When he finally looked happy. It made Mike warm inside.

  But that look, those eyes. When Will looked up, all bathed in flames and blood dripping down his face. Mike saw something he had never seen before. Something happened. He felt it, in his chest. It was like…

  An EXPLOSION.

  And it all clicked. Mike was in love.

  Real love. Love he never felt before. Well, love he had been feeling all along, but now he knew. He knew it was love.

  And it was terrifying. 

  Mike was sick to his stomach at the very thought of taking one step. Saying even one word to Will. Where in the world is Mike the Mighty?? 

  He needed to be brave. How had Will gotten so brave? Will had always been shy, but he was also so brave, everything he's been through… And now, with this, Will was certainly the bravest person Mike knew. He himself, however, was just useless… He nearly vomited at the thought of telling just Will. 

But he needed to be brave. And he needed help.

–

  Will was picking at a granola bar when someone finally showed back up. He was standing in the doorway to the other room, shifting his feet nervously and staring down. As he looked up, the two made eye contact across the way, and it seemed to last forever. Neither knew what to do. Eventually, Mike averted his eyes downwards, and started to make his way over. There was something about Mike, he looked… scared?

  Will set his food down, and stared up from where he was sitting. Mike wouldn’t look at him. He was just standing there, really.

  “Um.. Mike..?”

  Will spoke up slowly. 

  “Ah-” Finally, Mike looked at him. He swallowed. “Sorry, uh- Um-..” His eyes were all over the place, it was like it would hurt him to make eye contact.

  “Are you okay..?-”

  “Yeah-! Yeah, I’m fine.. Uh… “

  Again, Mike paused. Will would only be patient for so long until he got frustrated with him. You have to be brave. You have to SAY SOMETHING.

  “Can we talk?” 

  At last, he spoke. Anxiety crept up Will’s throat. That was never really a good thing to hear. But besides that, Mike had looked like he needed to vomit the words out, even if they ended up sounding normal. Something was wrong. Will squinted. 

  “Uh, yeah. What's the problem..?”

  “Maybe we could go, uh- downstairs…?”

  Gulping, Will stood up and nodded uncertainly. 

  “... Cool.” 

  That was all Mike had to say, breaking the uncomfortable silence hanging between them. He turned and led the other to the basement. 

  Mike sat down on the bench. It was colder down here, and dark. But it felt safer, quieter. This dimness made the room feel smaller, and more intimate. He swallowed, eyes darting down. 

  “Why did you-”

  “It’s ‘cause- It's just quieter down here, you know..” Will was cut off. “I mean I love ‘em, but… kinda need a break from all the people, hah…” Mike had laughed awkwardly, a single dry breath. His knee was bouncing already. 

  “Yeah, I get it…” Replying softly, Will sat down across from him. He still had this strange feeling, and it made him cautious. That look flashing in his mind. 

  Mike just couldn’t look up. “Uh–” He tried to start, but the words just wouldn’t come out. When did his mouth get so dry? Panic was starting to set in as Mike was frozen in place. 

  “S.. Seriously, are you okay, Mike..?” His best friend’s voice was so sincere, Michael wanted to sob. He didn’t deserve that.

  “Yeah–!” 

  When Mike finally looked up, it was as if he had stars in his eyes. Will was… taken aback. What was that look?

  He was staring for too long. “Wh- Wha-.. How did you…” Don’t stop now. “How did you do that?”

  “..What?” 

  Will was genuinely confused. Mike was smart, really smart, he was the one who figured out how Will had done what he'd done, that “sorcerer” thing… 

  As Will opened his mouth to follow up, the other quickly cut him off again. He almost seemed desperate. 

  “I mean how did you get so brave!”

  Both Mike and Will stared at one another, bewildered for entirely different reasons.

  “Oh God, I- I-”

  “No, it-”

  “I didn't mean that- that you're not already brave-”

  “Mike!” Will reached out with a laugh, trying to calm the frantic stutter. “It's okay! I know I'm kind of a wimp..”

  “N- No, no! You're not, really, Will! I just meant… That was probably.. really hard…” He trailed off, finally able to break that spell and avert his eyes. Did Mike understand what it was like? He should, because he…. He couldn't say it. You like him. Hot blood darkened his face. 

  “Oh-...” The other made a sound of acknowledgment, but then he stopped. Will was… very nervous. He wasn't ready to talk to Mike so.. personally. 

  “...I guess it was, but.. Says you, Mike the Mighty.”

  He gave his friend a playful elbow, but his heart wasn't in it. There was still tension, and Will wasn't good with tension. When he looked up into Mike’s eyes, the other looked… scared? That didn't make things any better. Now they were both scared. 

  “Wait, wha- what's-”

  “Nothing-! It's nothing.. I, uh… B- But I meant it, seriously. You are brave, Will.”

  The eye contact was painful, burning, but he couldn't look away. Looking into Will’s eyes felt like he was stealing something, like he didn't deserve it. But Mike just swallowed, bearing it. Will needed to know he meant it. 

  “I didn't…” Will’s eyes fluttered down, staring at his own knees. “I just did what I had to, okay? It wasn't… it wasn't heroic, to tell you- you all. I was just saving myself, I guess…” He couldn't meet Mike again. His eyes… He looked so… so alluring, so kind, so ready and willing. But he wasn't like Will. He just… wasn't for him. 

  “Still brave.”

  The other gulped, his eyes flittering all over the place. He stared at Will, but that seemed like too much, and now he didn't know where to put his eyes- It was all too hard to deal with. He smiled, it was forced. He was so scared. But the love was real. 

  “Mike…”

  The other boy finally returned to his eyes, and the two could only pause for this moment. The pressure rising, the calm before the storm. 

  “I told you, you're the heart. You're the fearless leader, really. I should be asking how you do it, Mike.” His tone was soft and light, but lord knows he was scared. “...I just made myself do it. I was scared, really… Scared of Vecna. Of what he'd show me- or do to me- if I was still scared…” Mike nodded silently. 

  “That's… That's horrible.” He could only stare down, but he tried, he tried– Mike’s hand froze in the air, halfway between Will, and himself. And then he pulled it back.

  “You shouldn't have been forced to do something so difficult. I'm sorry.” 

  He felt like throwing up. Swallow. Look at Will. 

  “It's not your fault…” His friend fiddled with his sleeve, pinching and rubbing the fabric between his fingers. 

  “Yeah, I know.”

  There was some of the Mike he missed. The boy said it with a shy grin.

  “But I'm serious, you were- are brave. And I know you had to go through so much bullshit to get here… I just wanted to say that, like… I'm… here for you.” He looked up and that soft smile shined, but the fear is still evident. 

  It struck him, an arrow to the heart. Will’s smile quivered, but he was happy. God, he was happy. Misty eyes obscured his view, so all Will could do was shut them and nod quickly. 

  Electricity.

  Mike couldn’t help but stare. His hands. They were folded, neatly laid in his lap. Will always made himself so small. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be afraid, because he was incredible. Mike wanted to hold them. He wanted to tell his best friend how amazing he was, how he mattered, how he… he…

  “I’m.. I’m here for you too, Mike... This all… With your family…” His muse blinked open his eyes, and Mike flinched away. But then the words hit him. His family.

  “Oh yeah, it’s- U- Um..- It’s oka–”

  Shit.

  His voice.

  It cracked. 

  It was the smallest quiver, and Mike froze solid. Shit. Fuck. SHIT! He could only stare at the floor, wide eyes and shaking. You shouldn’t have done this. His face was burning. Don’t cry. His eyes stung. Don’t cry.

  Don’t cry.

  Don’t cry.

  He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this. Oh, God, I can’t do this! Mike slapped his hand over his mouth, nails digging in for dear life. He couldn’t move.

  His hand.

  “..Mike-?” Will’s voice was soft, and so caring. It made Mike’s stomach drop.

  His hand was hovering between two hearts. Mike looked… so distressed. He wanted to reach out. To tell him it’s okay. To tell him…

  Will moved himself closer, just the smallest bit. His hand still lingered. Still longing. He couldn’t help it, oh God, he couldn’t help it.

  Zppt.

  When Will’s fingers met the fabric of Mike’s sleeve, the smallest shock had startled him. Static must have built up, somehow. He touched Mike’s arm. Something happened. It was like… A defibrillator. It shocked his heart back to life. They locked eyes. Was Mike… Starstruck? Something about the way he looked, he looked… Beautiful. Will whispered, like he was breathless.

  “..What’s wrong?”

  “I..- I- I’m gonna throw up-”

  “O- Oh, God-” Mike garbled, and the other boy sprang up. A bowl? A bucket? A small plastic box filled with cords and electrical equipment Will didn’t understand. Perfect. Hastily, Will swooped in to empty the box (All over the floor), and dashed to Mike, shoving the container in his face. “He- Here!” “Ah-” He keeled over, just hugging his new safety net, face buried inside. 

  “Are you… sick?”

  Damnit Will. With your sweet, caring voice…

  “I…” He swallowed. Just suck it up. “Th-..This is... hard…” It took all of Mike’s willpower not to gag. 

  “This, like.. All of this?” The other questioned, but no, it wasn’t. Mike had to get himself together. He had to do this now. He spoke again, still shaky and strained.

  “.. N.. No… I…”

  Will was watching, on the edge of his seat. His eyes focused, set on Mike as if it were life or death. Oh God.

  Silence.

  “Me and El broke up–..”

  Wait… What?

  Boulders rolled off Michael’s back. But, oh God, what were the consequences? With every fraction of a second of silence, his heart beat exponentially faster. Something on Will’s face changed, but it was so subtle… He didn’t even know what it was. I’m pathetic, fuck, he thinks I’m pathetic. That burning embarrassment was back, and those threatening tears.

  “Oh… Mike… I’m so sorry.” 

  His voice was so forgiving. His eyes so genuine. Will Byers. A voice in his mind whispered. I don’t deserve you. “I- I- It’s… It’s not your fault…” He could barely mumble the dismissal, staring down at that empty box he held so tightly. “I–” Abruptly, the Wheeler stumbled up and turned his back on Will. A cough and a shutter wracked his body, and a vile sound. Horrified, Will sprang up again to comfort his sickly friend. 

  Quivering and weak from anxiety, Mike dropped the soiled container to the bench to his side, panting. When he turned back around, he was nose to nose with Will. His stomach dropped so quickly that Mike was sure he would be back to gagging on the floor.

  “Jesus, Mike-!”  His best friend grabbed his shoulders, trying his best to steady him. Will was… a lot stronger than he anticipated. His face was purely worry. With no idea what to do, Mike just stayed put, staring in shock. “Here… Are you okay?” Lovingly, Will wiped his face with the side of his jacket sleeve. His heart was beating so fast.

  “..... No ……”

  It was the quietest whisper. Will sat down slowly, guiding Mike to do the same. The other was still holding his other arm, but… He didn’t want him to let go. It was an anchor. His anchor. But still, his eyes… He couldn’t look at Will, he couldn’t let him see Mike break.

  “Do you… wanna talk about it..?” Will asked gently.

  Mike swallowed hard. “..How…” He struggled. “.. You j- just… I… I could never be that… th- that… that brave.” It was a battle for every breath. The anxiety was eating him alive. Maggots, they wriggled inside his stomach, wriggled everywhere. The further he went, the more they multiplied. If he could just get to the end, get to those words– Just maybe… They would leave him alone.

  “Mike…” Will’s gaze was soft and kind. He was aware, painfully aware, of his touch on Mike’s arm. For a split second, his mind stopped him, but… Maybe this was okay. It was almost like they were kids again. With the most careful of touches, he rubbed his thumb rhythmically over Mike’s arm. The other… didn’t seem to mind.

  “Mike… Did you forget about Mike the Mighty?” He said softly, a tiny smile growing. “That’s you, seriously. That was you, who went out in the pouring rain to look for me. You, who came to talk to me while I was- I was  possessed! You helped Max and El escape the Mindflayer, and fought Billy- And- And you're so smart, too-! You were the one that figured out how to find Nina! And, even- You figured out what the hell I did back there! You’re our fearless leader, Mike the Mighty…” He was looking right back at him. 

  For one rare instance, Mike’s quiet, dark eyes were gleaming. How could neither of them see that love they both held, those shared looks?

  “So.. I know you’re strong. I’m so, so sorry about everything, you don’t deserve that, to be here, to be in all of this, but… Thank you for staying. I know you can get through it. You don’t need me to tell you you’re brave… You just need yourself.” Mike blinked, and following his gaze down, Will finally noticed it. His hand was shaking, white knuckles as he dug his nails into his knee. Smoothly, with special care, Will’s own hand moved. 

  He wanted to return the favor.

  His touch was different. Will Byers could never not be gentle. Breath caught in Mike’s throat, his wide eyes locked onto nothing. His entire body went rigid. Fingers as light as clouds glided over Mike’s knuckles. His hand was cold, sharp bones and stiff muscles. 

  “You’re gonna hurt yourself…” Will whispered.

  Michael couldn’t help but look into his eyes. Immediately, he felt tears swell, and it was a strange feeling. Anxiety, embarrassment… Love? He swallowed, and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Again, Mike tried, but he just looked embarrassingly similar to a goldfish. Will tried to take control, still gently, so gently. He tried to sneak his fingers under  Mike’s palm.

  “Please?”

  The other, finally struck out of his stupor, nodded frantically. Finally, he shakily released his hand and allowed Will to hold it. “Just… breathe, okay? Slowly...” He started, making an example for Mike. It was really hard, but after a few minutes the other was finally able to match Will’s pace enough to calm down. 

  Will finally moved back a bit. His grip loosened on Mike’s hand, and he felt a pang of despair. “Do you feel better now? Not… sick?” 

  He nodded. “..Um.. Yeah, a lit- little…” Mike was quiet as he paused. “I.. I’m sorry, I-”

  “What? You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” 

  “No, I- I was being-”

  Will sat up straighter, his other hand sliding away from his arm. Before Mike’s heart could break, his hand stopped. Now, Will was touching both of Mike’s hands, which had been digging into his knees so painfully. He felt that sharp burning in his face. “I’m serious, Mike, it’s- It’s okay to be scared sometimes. I never meant that you had to always be brave. I’m your best friend… I want to be there for you.” Gently, he squeezed the other boy’s hands in support.

  “..I…”

  Mike’s mouth hung open with doubt.

  “I don’t know…”

  “..how.. how to talk about my…”

  “...My feelings.”

  The words felt like poison, Mike’s mouth dry and sticky. His entire body was scorching with that horrible embarrassment, and everything was suddenly awful. Sweat beaded under Mike’s hair, and if Will didn’t know better, he would have thought the poor boy had the flu. 

  “That’s okay.” He spoke. It was soft, kind. “You don't have to. I'll just listen. I'd never judge you, Mike… You know I've embarrassed myself enough times to get it.” He smiled awkwardly with that little self-deprecating joke. Mike was finally forced to meet his eyes, too compelled by the boy. The eyes that stared back at Will would trust him with their life, and he was almost startled by the intensity.

  “I.. I need your help, though…” Will tilted his head in confusion. “... Please..” The poor, kicked puppy before him nearly made Will’s heart break. He'd never seen Mike so desperate. 

  “I'm.. here for you, Mike.” He wasn't exactly sure what more the other wanted from him. Although, if Will thought about his own experiences, he would guess Mike wasn't sure what he wanted either. When he was younger, Will had spent so many nights sobbing to his mother, begging her to just take away the pain. But of course, he knew she couldn't do that. Still, he felt so powerless. He would do anything for someone to just fix it. 

  Will gently ran his fingers over his friend’s hands again. “I don't… entirely know what you're struggling with, but I know you can be brave. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this breakup alone, and that.. that you haven't felt like you could talk to me. I-”

  Mike jumped. “It's not- It's not your fault. It's mine. It's my fault..” The eye contact was beginning to become overstimulating, and he had to look down, jaw clenched and lips pressed tight. Will pulled his hands back, and the other boy couldn't suppress his lip from quivering, just the smallest sign of his disappointment. 

  Will just held his hands in the air between them, hesitating for too long. He made up his mind. Mike practically gasped as the other suddenly reached forward again and hugged him. The hug was kind of awkward, both of them sitting on the same bench, and Will squeezing both of Mike’s arms flat to his body. But it was a real hug, and even though Mike was terrified, he couldn't help but melt into it. It felt like it had been years since he had last relaxed. It was heavenly. 

  Will had planned on pulling away quickly for the other’s comfort, but immediately, he felt Mike’s entire weight press into him, like the boy had just passed out on the spot. He decided to give Mike the benefit of the doubt, and to not start to freak out and make sure he was conscious. Will let himself softly press the side of his face to Mike’s neck, feeling the gentle warmth he radiated, and letting his soft black hair tickle his forehead. The best Mike could do was grab onto the edge of Will’s jacket, holding it so tightly like it was the only thing that would keep him on earth. They probably hadn't hugged like this since they were children. 

  Quietly, Will began to notice the other tense, and then shake. Something tickled his neck, a hot, wet feeling as a tear rolled under his collar. Oh. Mike Wheeler was crying. 

  Will had almost never seen Mike cry. The last time was probably when they were 13 and Mike crashed his bike on the pavement, leaving with a long, stinging scrape across his leg. There was one time, though, that he had the faintest memory of. It was hard, remembering what had happened while Will was possessed. Some memories were fuzzier than others. But he was sure that this had really happened. 

  Mike was standing across from him. Not too close. It was bright, hot… It was hard to see. Only half of his face was illuminated. He said something, something… Something important. A tear bled down his young cheek. 

  You said yes. You said yes. 

  Now Will could feel his own eyes well up. He could never hide his emotions like Mike did. He let them fall. 

  This feeling was so confusing. Mike had no idea why he was crying. Was it… Sadness, happiness? Relief? Embarrassment? The confusion only made him more distressed, and the tears kept coming. He tried so hard to repress them, but it was like he they were choking him. Now things were starting to change. Mike felt like he was dying, like these feelings were swallowing him whole. Will spoke first, it was muffled and wavering. 

  “I missed you.” 

  But… Mike has been here the whole time? How could Will… miss him? 

  Will debated on pulling away. He was afraid, Mike may just retreat again if he looked at him. But at the same time, Will needed to talk to him. He could tell, Mike had changed. When they were 14… Mike was so angry all of the time. But now.. he just seemed resigned. He was quiet, and always looked sad, and tired. Ever since they were kids, Mike always just ate whatever happened to him, they never talked about it. It really made Will worried. He would talk to Mike. 

  Abruptly, his friend moved away, breaking the hug. Mike nearly fell forward, having gone limp from the touch. He suppressed the urge to whine in disagreement. That would have been embarrassing. Will kept his hands on Michael's shoulders still, and now that he was being looked at, Mike began to frantically wipe his face and swallow his tears. He started to whimper a quiet apology. “.. Uhm.. S- sorry, that was–”

  Will interrupted. “Please,”

  “Just talk to me, Mike. All this stuff… I know you've been keeping it inside. Please, I want you to trust me.” 

  He was trying so hard not to cry again, but Will Byers could never truly curtain his emotions. He felt so deeply, and it had to come out. When he's had to hide his feelings… It was painful. He couldn't imagine how Mike felt. 

  The other boy was rigid, arms plastered to his sides, hands balled into nervous fists. He stared down at his lap, quickly wiping his face one more time with a sniff. 

  “....O…. Ok- kay…”

  Mike forced a quiet agreement out, trying not to let the overwhelming tears take him back. 

  “It- It’s just…. Holly, and my-.. My parents…”

  He swallowed, hard. You just have to do this. Will isn't going to judge you. You have to be brave.

  “I… I'm so.. fucking… Scared.” 

  Will nodded knowingly, and his grip on the other’s shoulders softened. He let his hands slide down, and off of Mike, allowing space for his friend to speak. 

  “What if… If the same thing that happened to you… She- She can't go through that.” His voice cracked. Grasping at the fabric around his thighs, Mike tried desperately to ground himself, to distract himself physically, to avoid the emotional pain. 

  “I know… Holly is strong, though. She's brave. We're going to find her.” Will answered back. Mike went on. 

  “And- Oh my God, what if- if my parents die- I actually don't know what I'll do.” He laughed, some sort of illogical nervous response. “I'm not ready for that- And- And Nancy- She scares the shit out of me! She's gonna get herself killed, probably- probably today! We never talk anymore, I- I think she hates me- And El- Fuck–”

  Mike was talking so fast that Will had no chance to intervene. Fear for his friend began to creep up, but he pushed it away. He wanted to say something, to tell Mike to stop, to hold him again. But Mike needed to do this… Will could only watch as his best friend unraveled in front of him. 

  Quickly gulping in another breath, Mike continued. “She's- She's always putting herself in the worst- the worst danger. But- But I-...” His voice was faltering, but it was as if Mike couldn't stop, even if his body was giving out. “I don't want to control her- She doesn't even need me– Uhn- Ah- I- I–” He was left panting, out of breath. The adrenaline was fueling Mike, and he was shivering. He took several huge gasps of air as a pair of cold tears spilled down his face, for a reason unknown to Mike. He continued. 

  “M- Mike, wait–” Maybe this was too much, and too fast. 

  “I want to be helpful, but everyone- everyone's just- Oh God, I'm so useless.”

  “No, no–”

  “I'm so- I'm so scared all the time, fuck, I'm not brave at all! I tried so hard to keep- to keep it- I just wanna be there for you! Fuck, fuck, I'm so sorry, oh God, I- I'm so sorry.” Fingers closed in like talons, his hands painful and shaking as Mike grasped at his thighs. Will tried to speak, to touch him, say something, He just kept talking, this avalanche of words, a confession of everything that ever happened. 

  Avalanche. 

  “All of that shit, oh my God, it was so scary. Wh- When Billy, and the demogorgons- When- When you.. died- Fuck- Fuck! F- For a day there-.. Shit…” Mike whispered the curse. The day Will died.. He wasn't really close to his parents, but… He couldn't help it. As soon as he got home, the tears broke out like a dam. “A- And the quarry-” Again, Mike couldn't help that horrible, anxious laugh. He wasn't sure if that sound even counted as laughter. But still, there was a trembling smile stuck on his face. “Whe- When El caught me- Shit, I was shaking l- l- like a chihuahua. I mean- I nearly pissed myself, but- You know, I- I had to help her, I–”

  “Mike! What on earth are you talking about?!” Will had to stop him now, and he raised his voice as he grabbed Mike’s arm. He was making absolutely no sense, and what had happened? Had he been gone?

  “The- The quarry-..” Mike gulped, his eyes flittering up to meet Will’s, but only for a second. He couldn't settle his gaze. He felt like he needed to run. “When you were gone… I- I was so stupid- … That- That asshole, you know, Troy..- He was.. He was ch- chasing us with a knife, and he was gonna stab Dustin if I didn't.. I don't, I mean- I don't know why I did-”

  “You didn't what?” Will's voice was serious and dripping with concern. The two locked eyes, and something in Will’s heart stung. Mike looked miserable. His shoulders hunched, dark hair shadowing his disparaged face and tear streaked cheeks as he looked up at Will like a terrified animal. 

  “.. J- Jump.” 

  Mike managed to stutter so quietly. His eyes were locked as if he would die if he looked away from Will. 

  “Mike!” His friend gasped. “You could have died!”

  “I- I know, but-”

  “You knew??” 

  Will was in so much shock. “P- Please don't be mad at me– I'm sorry, I-” The boy across from him flinched back, shielding his face with curled fingers. 

  “No- No, Mike, I'm not mad at you-!” The other pleaded with genuine words. “I'm… I'm so sorry.” 

  “I just… I wish I knew…” 

  “S- Sor–” 

  “It's not your fault.” Will reminded him quickly. “You really… You were ready to…” He whispered, the unsaid words hanging heavy in the air. “I- I don't… I don't know..” Mike shrugged, hands now lowered to his lap. Will’s face was full with pity, and it made him burn with self hatred. He couldn't look.  

  “Please, keep talking. I need to know you.” Will asked, low and desperate. Mike could never fathom why anyone would actually want to know him.

  Still, the heartfelt comment hit Mike like a burst of hot air, his eyes clouded and lip quivering. He swallowed and snapped his mouth shut. “Um… O- Okay…” Mike stuttered quietly, still unable to look back at the other. “I kept having nightmares after you got possessed and sometimes I still have them... I’m probably not gonna make anymore friends for the rest of my life. S- Sometimes at night I cry for no reason. In freshman year I was really c- close to giving up. I think- I think everyone hates me now. I mean, I deserve it, that- that was my fault. I was such an asshole when I was 14. I…” A quick, deep breath in. “I'm sorry..- I- It's not an excuse, I just… I didn't know what.. wh- what to do with my feelings, and everything was just tur.. turning into anger. I know better now, I promise.” Will swallowed, eyes fixed on the other. Worry for Mike ate at his chest. He wouldn’t stop.

  “I kind of… I kind of didn't care.. i- if I died. After I saw your body, I…” He trailed off, but continued again quickly. “M- My parents, they just.. they don't really.. get it… I guess- We don't really- you know, like… do that kinda stuff. So I just kept it in.” Mike’s breath quivered. Eyes glued to the floor. “But, it- it.. it got really hard, and.. I just, like… I- I…” Quietly, Mike began to push up his sleeve up as far as it would go. He couldn't look up, couldn't even look at what he was doing, because that would make it real. “I just… didn't know what to do with myself. And then.. When you moved, I just- I felt so alone… I was such a dick to you, to El- Fuck, I don't even deserve-...” As soon as Will realized what he was doing, his heart sank in his chest. A deep sadness welled up in his head for his best friend. It looks like there was at least one way Mike is like Will. 

  The boy's sleeve would only go up to halfway between his elbow and his shoulder. Creeping out from under it were clusters of deep red tissue, contrasting brightly against Mike’s pale skin. Stripes of scars interlaced with tiny freckles, which grew lighter as they stacked upwards. Mike was shaking visibly, his knee bouncing on its own. “Yo- You don't have to forgive me.. Ah- You, um- You shouldn't. Th- There's just.. just s- something wrong with me.. It…” His voice faltered, and Mike quickly yanked his sleeve back over himself. “.. I-... I- I…” A sob caught in his throat, and Mike tried his hardest to swallow it, still failing. “... I don't know what's wrong with me, wh- why I'm.. f- fucked- fucked up.. like this…”

  “Mike…!”

  Before he even knew what he was doing, Will grabbed the other's face with both hands, and the two locked eyes. For a brief moment, the poor boy looked absolutely terrified. 

  “You are not wrong!” 

  Will almost sobbed out, choking with the intensity of his emotion. A second passed, and his eyes blew wide. Shit. He hadn’t meant to do that. But it was too late to pull back now, his hands seeming to be at least somewhat grounding Mike. Now, the other was looking up at him as if he were God. 

  “M- Maybe.. Maybe you are different, but it doesn’t mean.. It doesn’t mean the way you are is wrong. And it’s hard, I know it’s so hard- And it feels like… it isn’t fair.” A few hopeless tears spilled and ran down Will’s wrists. Mike was having a hard time composing himself, but being held so lovingly was helping. “All this messed up stuff happened to you when you were a kid, and now you just have to keep… going. But it stays with you. And it’s not fair. But it’s okay to need help… There will always be people who love you, Mike. A lot of people- They just don’t get you, but- There are so many people out there who will, I’m sure of it. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with El, I know it’s been- It’s been a really long time.. But you are smart, and brave, and you always- you’re always so caring, you wanna do everything you can! And maybe you two just weren’t right, but–”

  “Will.”

  Mike, who had just been a shivering, sobbing mess, now stared up at Will with all the conviction in the world. Will was almost shocked, not exactly at his seriousness, they were having a serious conversation, but at how quickly Mike had changed. His heart lit up at those eyes. “.. Wh- What is it..?” He let go of Mike’s face to allow him to speak, secret shame lingering in his mind.

  “I broke up with El.”

  A silence hung between the two as the gears turned inside of Will’s head. This is never something he would have thought of. It always seemed like Mike really wanted to stay with Jane, hadn't he…? Had Jane felt the same? Will kicked himself for apparently not being in tune with his sister, either…

  “Oh.”

  A single sound of acknowledgement was all Will could say, and he immediately felt stupid. Still, he was unable to form any other words. 

  “I… I knew she didn't need me… She never needed me. We were just kids… I was.. I was so horrible. I wish I never did that to her…” Mike let out a quiet sob. “She only just started to live in the real world, why did I act like that? I- I guess.. I was scared. I thought I needed her- to stay with her- But I… c- couldn't give El what she needed…” He hung his head low, gripping the seat of the bench so hard it hurt. Will probably hated him now, even more so. He broke up with his sister, he couldn't even love her like he was supposed to, only dragging El down this entire time. Conflicting feelings swirled in Mike’s stomach and made him nauseated again. Of course, he loved Will, and would support him until the day he died. Nothing could ever be wrong with Will, not to Mike Wheeler. He felt broken, a disgrace. Disfunctional, in the way that he couldn't protect El, he couldn't even love her right, like a boyfriend would. In the way that he looked at Will. In the way that he thought about Will. It felt… Sinful. It was okay that Will was gay, of course it was, but for some reason… Mike couldn't get it out of his head that he would always be the shameful one, the most shameful boy in the world. And besides everything else, he would never deserve Will Byers. 

  And yet.

  “Oh, Mike..-” Will breathed sorrowfully, and he tried to reach out, but stopped himself. He wanted so badly to just… hold Mike. That was all he ever wanted. But was that… what Mike wanted…? He didn't want Mike to be… uncomfortable. Now, of all times, especially. But, oh, his poor, dear beast friend, shrouded in guilt and sadness. Will just wanted to hold him. He couldn't help himself, God, just couldn't. Reach out to put a hand on the other’s arm, he spoke. “I.. It'll be okay, Mike? I..-”

  “No- No!” Will was shocked to the core, the two words hitting him like bullets. His friend sounded almost enraged. But the look on his face… it was one of barely-contained misery. Michael wretched himself away, jolting back on the bench. “Don't do that Will! Y… You're too nice to me.. Me and you both know that I don't deserve it… I was so mean to you, God, I was so fucking selfish.. And look where that got me! I- I couldn't be there for either of you! I–”

  Again, Will tried to grab onto Mike, to calm him down, to do something–

  “Don't touch me!” Mike hissed, but his words dripped heavy with despair. “I'm serious- I'm serious! Th- There's.. There's something wrong with me! You don't w- wanna be around me! I'm a horrible person!” The boy heaved, now choked with sobs. He hunched over and hugged his body in pain, fingers digging in so tightly it was as if he had been trying to reach in and rip out his own heart. “I d- don't- de.. de- deserve you-! I- f.. Fuck! Ah- I- I- I don't.. I don't want to a- anymore! I never sh- should've- I never should've- It's too late anyway, and I… FUCK! Shit- F- Fuck… I'm.. I- I'm.. so s- s- sorry!” Mike tried to take a deep breath, and found that he could no longer control his own breathing, and it was terrifying. But even still, Mike Wheeler cried out his deepest secret, his body finally expelling it like it was killing him. And it was. 

  “I'm the worst fucking person on Earth and I'm horrible and I know you hate me now and I know it's too late but I'm in love with you!!”

  The second the sentence began to slip, the boy threw his hands up and cowered, truly enveloped in primal fear. Body wracked heavy with sobs and shivering like his bones had nothing to cling to, Mike finally broke down to his most basic form. 

  Oh.

  Fireworks went off in Will Byers’ head, and a million different questions and answers flew through it. But none of that mattered right now. What really mattered was Mike. Will could do nothing if not love his best friend. For once, he would go against Mike’s wishes. He would never get rid of Will that easy.

  Suddenly, though perhaps not so unexpectedly, Will leapt to hug his other again. It was more than just a hug, he wanted to hold Mike. He wanted to be closer to him than he'd ever been before. He wanted to hold Mike tight enough that he could take that weight of the world off his shoulders. Whispering between tears, Will pulled Mike as close as he possibly could on this rickety bench. 

  “I'm in love with you too. I'm in love with you too.”

  Petting the other's short hair, Will clutched him to his chest and felt the shivering breaths echo through his bones. He knew that if Mike didn't calm down now, he may pass out soon, something Will knew from his own experience. “Mike, please. You have to breathe slower, you have to.” But he couldn't bear to push his friend (are they still friends?) away and force him to cooperate. It felt cruel. “Please.”

  He leaned down, holding the back of Mike’s neck with care as Will pressed their foreheads together. They were both sweaty, wet with tears, and hot, but it was the best feeling in the world to finally touch Mike. Staring wildly and lovingly at Mike’s unfocused eyes, Will repeated his feelings. “Mike, I love you, why are you still sad…?” He couldn't help the hitch in his words, thick sadness for the other catching in his throat. He wanted Mike to be okay. All he ever wanted was for Mike to be okay. 

  “Ah-.. I- I- don- d- don't.. kn- know -w… This- Thi- This isn't real… This d- doesn't feel-... f- feel real!” A horrible grimace overtook the boy’s face, teeth gritted as if he were bracing for something. 

  “This is real- I promise, this is real!” Will cried to him softly. “Mike- M- Mike, take my hands, I'll prove it.” Begrudgingly, Will detached from their hug, instead moving his hands to tenderly hold Mike’s wrists. The boy was still clutching them to his chest, folding up and making himself as small as possible. Will’s heart was breaking to see the person he loved so much be in such awful pain. A year ago… He probably would have been exactly the same. Will had grown exponentially since he was that frail little boy… The Upsidedown hurt him, beat him, and broke him, but at least… Will learned how to become stronger. Mike was always there. Mike tried so hard, even if he was just a little kid. Mike fought for him, and now it was time for Will to do the same. Softly, so softly, he pulled Mike’s wrists down and took his hands. 

  “..M- m… my fingers are fuzzy…” The other whimpered quietly. His breathing was still fast and shallow, as if he were running a marathon right here in the WSQK basement. 

  “It's okay. Stretch out, the feeling will come back.” Will whispered as he felt each of his love’s fingers between his own. It had been so long. So long. 

  “..It doesn't feel… real…” Mike puffed out, breathless still.

  “Just feel. Just… be here. It's just us. We're here, we're just here, in the basement.” Will moved closer as he whispered. Of course the two could never be apart for long, pulled together like magnets. He felt each finger, running his thumb up and down Mike’s bones, memorizing them, relishing them. It was a touch he hadn't felt since they were children. Will decided to take both hands into his, squeezing faintly and allowing his warmth to soak into the other's pale, frigid flesh. He didn't seem to mind. 

  Mike closed his eyes, gently, this time. At least his panting slowed somewhat. “.. This doesn't feel real…” He mumbled softly, the fear still clawing up to the surface to even the most uninflected words. 

  “I feel horrible, about… about how hurt you've been.. It's not your fault you've been so scared, I just… I wish I could have protected you, from everything..” Letting go of Mike’s left wrist, Will placed a delicate hand on his cheek. He watched as the other's face twitched, the urge to sob contained only just, as two silent twin tears slid down his face. 

  “Mike.”

  Fearfully and reluctantly, Michael did open his eyes. Slowly, and he squinted, as if something would hurt him. He stared in silent acknowledgment, waiting for the next words. 

  “I love you.”

  His face softened, almost like a layer of pain had melted away. Lip twitching as if he may cry, but nothing came. Heart beating at a million miles an hour. Mike could only stare. This was a dream. 

  Will couldn't hold it anymore. That beautiful boy, sitting right in front of him, all broken and terrified. He wanted nothing more than to make him happy, to only make him okay again. Mike said he was in love with him. He had said that, hadn't he? Will hadn't imagined it? Will wanted to be in love, Will was in love, in love with Michael Wheeler. That shallow, panicked breathing. Shut Mike up, a thought that drifted in his mind. No, that was mean. But… Maybe it could work. He wanted to be in love. Oh, Will wanted to be in love. 

  Leaning forward, it was like slow motion and a blur at the same time. Will cupped Mike’s jaw and pulled him in. He remembered being more scared that he had pulled the other too harshly than about the fact that he was about to kiss his childhood best friend. Will tilted his head ever-so-slightly, like a dog, and closed his eyes as their lips brushed. He was unsure, scared, Will had never kissed anyone before. He had certainly never kissed a boy. He hoped he was doing it right.

  Their skin pressed together, tender lips against Mike’s chapped and salty face. It certainly didn't feel bad. He let it linger, probably only seconds, but it almost felt like years. The faint thought that Will’s first kiss was in the basement of the radio tower while everyone he knew sat unknowingly above. It seemed like Mike had relaxed, just a bit, at Will’s touch. He felt a wet streak across his love’s cheek and allowed himself to wipe it dry. 

  Pulling away now, Will finally got a glimpse of the other's eyes, and they were sparkling. A memory flashed in his mind. No, not those eyes… When he had killed the demogorgons. When Mike had called him a sorcerer. A real, honest to God, sorcerer! Something warm enveloped Will’s heart and he began to flush, realizing what he had really just done. 

  “... W.. Was that okay..?”

  Still, a shy boy at heart. A smile started to bloom on Mike’s face. 

  “Yes.”

  He was warm, he felt so warm, warmer than he'd ever been. There was a feeling in Mike’s chest, it was hard to describe, but it wasn't the same. This feeling wasn't like that dark buzz of electricity that came with the anxiety, this feeling was growing, radiating, but it wanted out all the same. Perhaps it was being in love. 

  At least that had got his breathing under control.

  Will was surprised at how eager he sounded, it was almost like Mike was begging. He shouldn't have to beg, or plead, or cry for any love, because to Will he deserved the world. He couldn't bear how much Mike seemed to despise himself. 

  “.. Di… Did you… Did you really… mean that…” The sentence was mumbled and tripped over, Mike intentionally staring down in embarrassment at the question. 

  “Mean what… That you're smart, caring, and brave? That I need to know you? That you're not wrong? That I'm in love with you too?” A smile crept onto his voice, almost teasingly. “Mike…” He had removed his hands after the kiss, but Will decided that he just couldn't stay away from Mike. He held the other's face again, tilting it up. “Of course I love you. I've always loved you. It feels like a thousand years of weight just crumbled off my back.”

  “It's just… hard to believe…” For a moment, Mike was silent. He had nowhere to look but his childhood love’s eyes, and for once, he was okay with it. Mike blinked slowly. 

  “I know it's hard… You just have to believe me, right?”

  He nodded softly, still nestled comfortably in Will’s hands. “I know I'm supposed to protect you but.. I feel safe. Here, with you. I feel so safe…” Allowing his eyes to shut, Mike mumbled. “Thank you, God… Thank you…”

  “I'll always be here, I promise.” Will whispered back as he pulled Mike into his arms fully, cradling him, surrounding him with love. “You mean so much to me, to everyone. Please, never take yourself away from us…”

  “...I'm sorry…” Was all he could murmur in response. “No, no, you have to feel your hurt.. Just please don't let it take you..” Will planted a gingerly kiss on the top of his head. 

  “I think the world might end tomorrow..” Mike remarked quietly, unburying his head to stare up at the love of his life. His eyes were so full with love and trust that it made Will melt. He could do that… He was the subject of that love. It felt unreal. 

  “Even if it does… At least I had you for a day. I think all my dreams just came true.” He chuckled, somehow still able to laugh when the apocalypse was right around the corner. 

  “One more night to go. Sleepover tonight?”

  Will looked down with a gleam in his eyes. And for once, Mike felt normal. Even if they both died tomorrow, at least they had one date tonight. 

  “I love you.”

  And the avalanche finally settled.