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Spoke felt the first crack in his chest during those few seconds he arrived at Spawn.
He hadn’t found a kingdom, nor had he found armies. All he saw upon arrival was ruins.
He was teleported back before he could dwell too much on those implications, and then he was talking to the null commander before those implications could settle. That was until said Commander admitted his worst fear.
Spawn had fallen into absolute chaos. There were no armies left to gather.
Hiding in a little corner of the mountains, entirely on his own, he found himself thinking, as he mined out his new makeshift base, of Parrot. Parrot, who was supposed to be the best of them, who knew the right choices to make, who had always been truly better than anything Spoke could dare to compete with.
Yet Parrot had still failed as king. He hadn’t cared when Spoke went to him about the missing people, not really, and now? With capital city nuked? With the state of spawn in chaos?
Spoke had put him in the position of king. He had not only failed his people. He had failed Spoke.
Spoke stared at the stone block he’d been mining, unseeingly, only startling at the sound of the nether portal. Right. Fine. Spoke would just have to build his own army. He’d just have to do it himself.
———
Spoke watched the player, the witness, escape with hysterical despair. Mapicc was supposed to protect him. To ensure his identity be kept secret, to ensure they had a chance. So why had he let them get away? Why had he not cared?
He was supposed to be able to depend on Mapicc, his best friend, the one person he trusted most. Why didn’t Mapicc understand? He'd seen what Jamato could do, he knew if one person got away the information would get out. That was how Jamato worked.
Then the null commander came in with news that had made Spoke’s heart freeze in his chest. There was no army.
How?
He’d spent this entire time, days stuck in this stupid hellhole, forcing as many people as he could to join his cause. To free everyone else. To take back spawn. To have a chance.
His worst fear was that he truly had been found, that they had all already been killed.
The truth ended up being infinitely crueler.
Jumper had betrayed him. Over her own idiocy.
Had she learned nothing during her time at null? Wasn't she supposed to be a spy? If she ran now she would just be found. If she wasn't ruthless now, there would be no one left to be kind to. Yet she'd still gone and thrown away their single chance at getting the upper hand on Jamato.
This chance hadn’t been for Spoke. It had been for her. For her and Mapicc. And now that chance was lost. Now Spoke was back at square one.
Watching her shrinking form walk away, he found the simmering bitter rage of the past few weeks curdle over into wrath.
Mapicc, Jumper, hell even Parrot.
All people he would have given the world to had they asked. Now all he had to show for that care was abandonment. The only person he could rely on really was himself.
Nobody else. Never again. He would not let another person fail him.
Something inside him fully shattered.
————
“Mapicc, I'm going to get you out of this, alright? We'll see each other again, I'm sure. But for now? It's goodbye.” Spoke lied, before pushing Mapicc off the platform and watching his form fall. There wasn’t a death message. There wasn’t a death message.
Jamato, for some odd reason, looked more horrified than hy should, seeing as hy was the one lording Mapicc’s life over his head for the past weeks.
“I- I wasn’t expecting you to-” the bug stuttered, failing to steel itself. “You are heartless.” Jamato shook, something like raw unfiltered panic beginning to overtake the rage in those dark soulless eyes. Spoke had to hide the urge to grin.
“You know you never cease to exceed my expectations in the worst way possible, because all of my plans have revolved around you having some- some shreds of empathy,” Jamato proclaimed, something mournful in hys tone, “but there is nothing behind those eyes.”
“I- I don’t even know what to say-“
Spoke cut Jamato off there. “You have nothing over me, Jamato. It’s over.”
It was. No matter what Jamato said, threatened Spoke with, tried to dangle above his head, it wouldn’t work. He let go of the one person who kept him here. For good. Whether Mapicc had survived or not, Spoke was no fool. He knew their friendship had ended the moment he pushed Mapicc over the ledge.
He stood before Jamato now, obsidian incasing them.
“Jamato. There is still one thing left.” He said, staring expectantly at the totem Jamato was holding to hys chest like a lifeline.
“No, no, no. I’m not- If I use this totem, everything ends. The null- the null ends- you can’t- I’m not out of options, because you can’t kill me, you can’t do anything to me.” It accused.
Spoke’s face remained impassive. “Do you honestly think I won’t do it? That I care for these players? No, no. This option is for you. Because I know you won’t let them die. Drop the totem, Jamato, before I destroy it myself.”
“No, you- you can’t! You still care- you-“ the bug sputtered, stumbling backwards until hys back hit a wall, eyes wide.
“We’ve both established that I don’t, Jamato. Hand it over, before you end up being the cause of the death of possibly the oldest civilisation on this server. Do you want to be the reason for the death of an entire species, entire culture, Jamato? Could you live with yourself that way?” Spoke’s voice remained entirely monotone, even as he noticed the commander stiffening beside him. He could explain later.
“Who even are you anymore?” Jamato uttered, voice frail, some cold realisation settling over its features.
Spoke didn’t deign to reply. “It’s over. Drop it. You don’t have another choice.”
“I-I just need a moment, to- to-“ hy scrambled.
Spoke’s response was to take out his mace. “No. No, you don’t. You do not need a moment, drop the armour.”
Jamato hesitated for a moment longer before beginning to unclasp its gear one by one, handing it over to Spoke.
Seeing Jamato armourless for once and Spoke the one in full netherite… the power trip that rushed through his veins was intoxicating, he was all too happy to put it on for himself. But it wasn’t enough.
“The weapons.” He demanded next.
Jamato only seemed to fall into further despair. “You know I can’t-“
“The weapons,” Spoke reiterated. Grinning when Jamato dropped them.
“I don’t recognise you, anymore.”
Spoke found he didn’t care what Jamato saw him as any longer.
“I’ve successfully completed the challenge, and as a result of you surrendering, I deserve what is mine.”
Jamato stared at him for a long moment, trying to see anything hy could appeal to, any humanity left within him, as if Jamato hadn’t made this place specifically to crush any humanity he might have had left.
It found none.
“Drop the totem.”
Jamato sighed. “When I look at you, I just want to see the person you once were. The person I would travel to the ends of the world for, that I did.”
“And- and now here, like this? I- I just can't.”
“Cause all... all roads lead to this moment, and there's no world you don't tear apart everything you touch.” The bug sniffled, voice wavering, as tears began to fill its vision. Spoke grit his teeth. This was a predetermined outcome because Jamato had made it as such. He had done everything to atone.
“And I wish I could say that you'd solve things with this totem, this- this power.” It took a breath, “that you'd build a better world for everyone, but, somehow, I know that you won't.”
“I certainly didn't.” It was that final admission that seemed to rid Jamato of any will hy had left.
Hy dropped the totem.
“Just let me die.”
Before the commander could get close, Spoke shoved him away to grab at it, gripping it hard enough his bones creaked in protest.
He was silent for a moment, feeling the stare of thousands pricking at the back of his skull. His new army. His new power.
He’d done it.
“Jamato.” Spoke found himself whispering, some part of him feeling so, so wrong.
Jamato turned away from him. He knew the other would.
“I can’t. I can’t-“
Spoke found this scene oddly reminiscent of the lighthouse. Jamato’s back turned to him. Never able to face death.
“I will… spare you.” He found himself uttering.
Jamato turned back to him, confusion so clearly etched onto its features, it made him angry.
Jamato always thought so fucking little of him. Always assumed the absolute worst. Was it really any surprise he gave Jamato what he wanted? He put on the best act of his life, but no.
No, no, he wouldn’t accept an army. He wouldn’t accept order, or whatever destiny Jamato, Mapicc, Jumper, Parrot and Ash had paved for him.
He wouldn’t fail himself too.
“I will end all of this.” He swore.
In that split second, Jamato and the commander both stared at him with dawning realisation.
The commander reached out first, but they never made it in time.
In a split second, Spoke had taken a flint and steel, lit a fire, and tossed the totem inside, watching it melt and dissipate, the enchantments floating away. The curse lifting.
It was silent for a long moment. Spoke waited, wanting to see if pandemonium would start instantly. Silence. He cleared his throat.
“Every Null member here. You’re all free to do what you’d like. You have nothing keeping you here. If you wish to stay and have me as your leader, I will lead, if you wish to leave and live your own lives and retire, I won’t stop you.” He announced, already knowing by the end of this he’ll be alone once more.
It’s alright. It would have been worth it, if only because he wouldn’t have lost himself in the process. He could do things alone. He couldn’t do things with the crushing weight of his own crumbling identity blinding him.
It was Jamato that spoke first.
“What? Wh-what? I don’t- I don’t understand, why did- why would you-“ it stuttered, and the heartache finally seemed to catch up to Spoke.
“Of course you don’t, you never do, do you?” Spoke spat. “You have never once understood me, Jamato. You’ve never even tried to look at me.”
Jamato was silent long enough for the commander to speak up instead. Spoke wasn’t done talking, but he had bigger things to worry about.
“You… you let us go. No strings attached?” The commander asked.
Spoke’s reply was a shrug. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry, for the threats, my friend. I figured it’d be the easiest way to get hym to drop it.”
“I'm really thankful you believed in me.” Spoke told the commander. “And I really am sorry for probably scaring you earlier, and pushing you away.”
“It’s- you… you’ve given Null something we've long stopped attempting to gain for ourselves, Spoke. No matter what any other Null member chooses, for all my life I have been a soldier, and for the freedom you have bestowed upon my people, I will personally aid you in whatever you seek to achieve, I would still like to have you as my leader.” The commander said. It was the longest Spoke had heard them talk in one go. He didn’t really know how to take it.
“Oh… wow, I mean. You don’t need to do all that…” he laughed, a little awkwardly. “The whole point of this is that I don’t need eternal servitude… we can just be friends instead, alright?”
The commander was silent for a moment. “No, thank you. The last friend you had, you threw off a ledge.”
Spoke’s face fell, before smoothing out completely. “Mm. True. It’s not the void under us, though, is it?”
The commander's head tilted, seeming to appraise Spoke more carefully. “No. No, it isn’t.”
“If I were to make an educated guess, I’d say the underworld is below us.” He figured.
“There is a… chance. Your friend could have survived the fall.”
Jamato had seemed to hear enough.
He found himself knocked to the floor, a seething Jamato above him. The commander tensed, but Spoke just waved them off. This was a talk that was long overdue.
“I don’t- I- you weren’t supposed to- why? Why did you- if you always had a plan, if you always- what was the point?” The bug seethed, looking to be on the verge of tears.
Spoke just held the hands on his shoulders, not bothering to shove Jamato off. Jamato couldn't hurt him. Not as it was now.
“What was that? Why do you- you choose to let Mapicc fall, then free- you knew.” Jamato accused. “You knew he'd survive, that's the only-”
“I knew that the void was the only freedom Mapicc would get for as long as he was my friend.” Spoke replied, quietly. “I didn’t know for sure until I saw him disappear from my sight. Not swallowed. Gone.”
Jamato seemed to reconstruct his image of Spoke for the umpteenth the past fifteen minutes. “You- What have you been trying to achieve?” There was desperation in its voice now, a need to be proven right, a need to have all its plans worth something.
“Jamato,” Spoke finally shoved Jamato off of him, leaving them both seated on the jagged obsidian below them, “do you realise what you’ve created?”
The bug didn’t respond.
“An army built around fear, a prison in which everyone only does your bidding because you hold their lives over their heads, you claim yourself good and just, and punish me for less crimes than those you have been committing every day for the past two years, Jamato.” Spoke has been bottling this up for far too long.
“You claim to have this- this moral standing, yet your strength is built from hostages.” He spat. “Since the mafia-“
“No,” Jamato interrupted, “no, you don’t get to talk about the mafia-“
Spoke’s face twisted into something ugly, monstrous. How dare it.
“You don’t get to talk.” He grit out. “You weren’t there to act like it fucking affected you-“
“I did everything I could! To make sure you were safe from it-“ Jamato argued back, pitch just shy of yelling. “And y- you- you threw it in my- you-“ it went on to try and voice its point only to give up with a snarl, unable to get the words out.
“Jamato. You’re doing the exact same thing Ash did. You realise that, don’t you?” Spoke pressed. Jamato didn’t respond. He found he didn’t care what Jamato had to say.
“All I’ve wanted,” Spoke murmured suddenly, “was freedom. Freedom from the mafia.” From his own mistakes. “Freedom from you. I refuse to watch history repeat itself, Jamato.”
“I gave you freedom! I let you go, Spoke!”
Spoke barked a half hysteric laugh. “Jamato, you held my friends hostage and told me if I messed up you’d kill them. You gave me a leash. You are actually insane if you think that was freedom.”
Jamato was silent for a long moment.
“I don’t understand you.” Hy admitted.
“You never have.” Spoke confirmed.
“You came back. To save your friends. But you let Mapicc fall.”
“Jamato, his fate was guaranteed if he stayed on that platform with you. I chose the only other option I could. Even death would have been a greater freedom than the torment that was purgatory.”
Jamato narrowed its eyes. “You can’t decide that for him.”
“You didn’t give me a choice.”
For once, it was Spoke to turn away first, to get up and turn his back to Jamato. “What you do now, I don’t care. Honestly, I hope you get lost. I hope to never see you again. I won’t be taking you as a prisoner. If things go well, we won’t see each other on this server again.”
He got up, moving back to the commander, leaving behind the ghosts on the platform. It was over. He was well and truly free. He was well and truly alone.
“Commander. Have you rallied up the troops? Those that remain anyway.” Spoke asked.
The commander nodded, “most have decided to stay. A few have dreams of their own, and have decided to leave to pursue those ambitions, but most of us have been soldiers longer than we’ve known freedom. We’ll fight with you.” The words brought a twinge of regret to Spoke’s chest. Conditioning would always play a role in this.
He didn’t have time to deconstruct that however.
“Can I set apart a group to look for Mapicc? If he’s alive or- or his remains. Just. If he’s alive, take him to spawn.” He ordered.
The commander nodded. “It’ll be done.”
Spoke sighed. “We’re gonna have to start packing. Alright, we’ll start with the prisoners, free them and keep them in line, explain that they’re going back to spawn and they have the option to help in taking it back too. We have a lot of work to do.”
The commander nodded, heading off and making sectors of their army to start barking orders to. Spoke already felt exhausted. This was going to be a long night.