Chapter Text
It was morning, and the early summer sun rose to beam through the windows of the Tsujinaka household. Birds chirped in the trees outside.
Yoshiki lay in bed.
The light was hammering against his eyelids, the birdsong grated at his nerves.
He was so desperate to sleep, but no matter how hard he begged, it eluded him. His eyes were squeezed to slits to stay shut against the light. His hands grabbed angry fists of the sheets.
He hadn’t slept properly for weeks. He didn’t dare to close his eyes in fear of what memories sat behind them.
Lying in the mud. That was how he saw him. Yoshiki could almost pretend that he had tripped: that he would get back up again. Any second now, he would get off and dust himself off to grin at Yoshiki as though it was all a joke.
But he knew Hikaru was dead.
It didn't make sense. Hikaru was a teenager, teenagers don’t die. They exist in a kind of limbo, not children, not adults. Yoshiki had thought that when you were a teenager, you lived forever until you became an adult.
If only they were kids again. Kids trip, they get back up, that’s what's right. Hikaru had tripped and… that was it. He didn’t go like how people are supposed to. Accidents were to be dramatic and disruptive, something that went in the newspaper. Hikaru had fallen in the woods. A tragedy, but one no-one in 3 months time would even remember. If Yoshiki could just get there. In just three months time, people would already be forgetting-
Then that voice again.
“Yoshikiiii?”
He tensed.
“Yoshiki!”
It was moving around the room now. Moving toward him.
“YOSHIKI!”
“Quit ignoring me, will ya? I know ya’ aint sleepin!”
The voice came from the dark.
He couldn't work out where it came from.
Whichever way he turned, even if he plugged his ears, it was there.
He’d been hearing Hikaru for weeks… seeing him. Everywhere. At first he almost thought… no. He wouldn't think about it.
“Hikaru,” he said quietly. “You’re dead. Just… leave me alone”
The sound stopped moving. Had he offended him? No, that was stupid. Yoshiki turned and buried his face in the sheets. In the morning, Hikaru would be gone. He always was by then. He just had to make it until morning.
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“Yoshiki, do I have to keep shouting!? Yoshiki, breakfast!”
His eyes flicked open. He pushed his way up through the sheets. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes. He looked around the room. It was empty.
He couldn’t believe he actually slept, he hadn't as deeply as that for weeks.
The clatter of plates and sizzle of something frying emanated from downstairs. The meaty aroma that had filled the house suggested it was bacon. They’d eaten bacon for breakfast almost every day for months now. His mum knew it was his favourite.
Yoshiki rose out of bed and sloped through his room to the stairs. He passed by the mirror and caught a glimpse of himself. His hair was messy and had grown long enough to cover his eyes, which appeared swollen with dark circles. His skin was pale and his body seemed thinner each time he looked; not that he looked that often.
He crossed the landing to the bathroom. He had to close his eyes to switch on the light, otherwise it stung his eyes. It seemed to him that he was sensitive to everything. Even the most boring things. He ought to toughen up. That’s what the neighbors had always said. His teachers, too. His Dad never did. But Yoshiki knew he wanted to.
He splashed water on his face and rinsed his hands, trying to get rid of the clammy film that had stuck to his skin from the night in bed. Last night… What was it that had happened? He couldn't name it but felt uneasy.
“YOSHIKI!?? Hurry up!” rang out from downstairs. As he walked down the stairs, Yoshiki’s mum waited at the bottom.
“I shouted for you how many times Yoshiki?? We’ve all been waiting for you to eat.” She scolded. Then she faltered, her eyes became sad. It made Yoshiki feel sick. “Just come and sit at the table, okay? The bacon’s getting cold”
She sat as Yoshiki went to the sink to fill a glass with water.
He turned to sit at the table. It was full.
Hikaru. Hikaru was sitting in his seat.
“Hey, Yoshiki! Look your ma’ made bacon again!”
What… why is he… still here?
“Yoshiki? What’s wrong?”