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It excited Shane that his second daughter had different interests than his first. They had been overjoyed to have another girl, partially due to the idea they’d get to relive some of their favorite moments from their first. However, once she developed her own personality, it was clear that they would be doing many things for the first time.
She was creative in a way that Mariya wasn’t. She was a free spirit, whereas Mariya enjoyed operating within a set of rules. She was always coming up with stories, making new things, and danced anytime there was music playing. They could have sworn she was dancing before she could walk, prompting them to enroll her in dance lessons as soon as she was old enough.
Shane was always stressed about supporting his kid’s activities correctly. He never played softball, or danced, or did band. He would spend hours researching to learn about the best equipment, the best programs, and how to make sure he set up his kids for success. Ilya was more relaxed about it, just hoping his children would be happy, yet he was happy to oblige in the competition if winning was what made them happy.
Though he didn’t like to admit it, he had regrets. He wished he’d been more involved in Mariya’s activities when she was younger. He never coached, and Ilya typically helped with practice given that his schedule was more flexible. He was always present though, always on the sidelines at every game.
Deep down, it was to his own dismay that his first opportunity to be involved with Natalya’s dancing was in the Daddy Daughter Ballet class offered at the studio that would span over a few weeks. On the surface, he excitedly jumped at the opportunity. It was less about the dancing and more about spending time with his daughter, at least that’s what he told himself.
Ilya would have been perfect for this; he was never embarrassed. He would have leaped and spun on the stage with no reserve, but Shane needed to prove that he could be silly too. He could put his own insecurities aside for the sake of his child, and not miss out on yet another opportunity. He only had so many left, and he refused to miss another one.
“Shane! Do you have your dance socks?” Ilya yelled from the living room as he twisted his youngest daughter’s curly hair into a little bun on top of her head. She jittered with excitement, overjoyed that her Daddy would be joining her for dance class.
“Yes! My socks are in the bag,” Shane said from the bedroom, changing into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.
Shane moved down the stairs to join his family in the living room, feeling anxious about the evening plans. Ilya had put on music in the living room, and he could hear his youngest jumping and running around, but the best sound was her laughter. Shane could learn a thing or two from his youngest when it came to unbridled joy.
“Daddy! You’re dancing with me today!” Natalya said, running up to Shane and wrapping her arms around his legs.
Any anxiety he melted away, even if just for a moment. He picked her up, squeezing her tight against him, “Are you going to teach me all your moves? I don’t know how to dance as well as you do.”
He placed her down on the ground, putting his hands on his hips, “I’ll teach you! And Miss Emma will teach you!”
Shane smiled down at his daughter, just happy to see her so excited that he was doing this with her. He would do anything if it kept making her smile like that, no matter how hard it would be for him to try something new.
“You will teach Daddy so well, Zakya. In a few weeks we will get to watch you on stage with spotlight,” Ilya said, looking up at Shane from the couch lovingly.
That was the biggest concern; the recital. He would have to be on stage in front of a packed auditorium, likely with all of his friends and family watching, as he awkwardly spun on stage with his three-year-old. It was a different level of vulnerable than he was used to, and he wished so much that he didn’t have these reservations, but he knew how much he would hate himself if he let them hold him back from this opportunity.
“Are you ready to go, honey?” Shane asked, grabbing their respective bags from the bottom of the stairs, slinging them over his shoulder.
Ilya stood from the couch, guiding his daughter toward the steps to put her shoes on, looking up at Shane. Ilya was so proud of Shane for going out of his comfort zone to participate in something with their child. Personally, Ilya would have loved to do this with Natalya, but when Shane said he’d like to do it, Ilya knew it was important to take a step back and let him take the reins. And if he was honest, he was excited to see Shane in tights twirling on stage.
Natalya rambled the entire drive to the studio, excitedly telling Shane about how dance class worked, as if he hadn’t taken her and watched rehearsal more times than he could count. She explained the warmups, learning choreography, and the games they would play at the end. He didn’t want to burst her bubble that it might work a little differently with the dads involved, but he listened intently as he drove.
When they arrived to the studio (which was painted with so much pink it nearly made Shane dizzy) they were directed into studio 3, where numerous other pairs of dads and daughters were spread out on the floor. Shane could sense the discomfort among a few of the other dads, making him feel less alone. They picked a spot on the floor and Shane let Natalya lead him through a few sets of stretches. He followed along, even though some of the poses she was putting him in were definitely not stretches, but he would do anything she asked him to do.
He saw the joy in her eyes that he was there with her, and it suddenly hit him that it really didn’t matter if he was good at it. Natalya didn’t care if he did the steps perfectly, nor did she care if it looked a little disjointed or awkward. All she cared was that he was with her, and that was when Shane decided he no longer cared about any of it, and that he was determined to have as much fun as he could with his daughter. She would only be three for so long, and he wasn’t going to miss any of it.
“You have to point your toes, Daddy. Like this!” Natalya instructed, showing Shane exactly how to point his toes.
Shane laughed and purposely flexed his foot, “like this? Am I doing it right?”
She fell into a fit of giggles, “No! But you’ll get it!”
Shane slightly shushed her as the teacher continued, moving through a set of moves that followed along with the music. It was quite simple, as expected for a three-year-old dance class, and most of it involved Shane spinning his daughter in circles. He did that plenty of times in the kitchen, so this wasn’t all that different. There was a point where all the dads had to put their arms above their heads in fifth position, tip-toeing in a circle with their girls standing in front of them, “the crowd will love this, Dads! Do it proud!” the young teacher encouraged. Shane was sure Ilya would love it, and his dad, and everyone else in the family, so who was he to argue. He shamelessly turned in a circle, watching the other dads huff and spin as fast as they could to get it over with. Shane made sure to keep in time with the music, slowing himself to take up the entire eight-count.
Shane found some competition here, which he was well practiced in. He was determined to be the most involved Dad in the production, or the least embarrassed. Most of the dads looked like their wives signed them up for this against their will, at least Shane could say he did it voluntarily.
“Daddy! That was good!” Natalya exclaimed, clapping as she watched her dad.
“Am I getting it, honey?
“Yes! Maybe someday you’ll learn how to point your feet too!”
The rest of the class went smoothly. They learned half of the routine, very much relying on the dads to remember it for the recital in three weeks. They would have two more rehearsals before the recital, and Shane was determined for it to be as perfect as possible.
“Shane, what are you doing?” Ilya asked groggily, coming down the stairs to find Shane running the routine in the living room as the coffee pot brewed.
Shane paused the quiet music on his phone, “practicing! We only have two weeks until the show!”
Ilya laughed, walking toward his husband, wrapping his arms around his waist, “okay, my prima ballerina. Can I watch you?”
“No! You have to wait for the show! It’s not ready yet,” Shane said defensively, wanting to surprise Ilya with the work he and Natalya were putting in as much as he could. Mariya asked him to show her as well, to which he adamantly refused. He wasn’t afraid of getting on stage with Natalya anymore, but he was afraid of dancing in front of a fourteen-year-old.
Ilya slowly spun in a circle with Shane pressed into his chest, “Okay, moya Lyubov. Are you having fun?”
“More fun than I thought I would. The other dads look so disinterested, but Natalya gets so excited when I’m there with her that I don’t understand how they care so little.”
“Is because you are good Dad, Shane.”
“They’re probably good dads too,” Shane said, blushing at the compliment.
“Not as good as you.”
The weeks of rehearsal went by, and Shane was sad that it would be ending soon. This was one of the first times that he and Natalya had really done something together, just the two of them. Of course, there were pieces of their daily routine just for them; Shane always picked her up from pre-K and they would find something to do with their afternoon before Mariya finished with practice. But this was the first organized activity that was put together just for them, and Shane held onto it as much as he could before it came to a close.
At the last rehearsal, Natalya almost seemed frazzled, confusing the moves, looking overwhelmed at everyone moving off time. Shane knew there wasn’t much of an expectation for this routine to be perfect, but he knew it bothered her. He saw her face turn red in the mirror, scrunching like she was seconds away from crying. She wouldn’t be the first child to start crying during rehearsal, but it was out of character. He immediately stopped what he was doing, taking her hand and guiding her to the side.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he said, crouching down next to the barre.
The floodgates were open, tears spilling down her cheeks and hiccups in an attempt to stop, “I don’t know it, Daddy! I don’t know the moves.”
“Yes, you do, bunny. And even if you don’t, I do know them. I can help and remind you if you forget, that’s my job,” he said softly, knowing how hard it must be for her to remember everything when they’ve only had a few weeks to work on it.
She sniffled hard, the tears slowing to a trickle, “but what if I forget at the show?”
“Then I’ll remind you then. Let me worry about this, I won’t let you freeze up there, I promise. We can practice at home too; we have another week to work on it.”
He enveloped her in a big hug, squeezing her tight. He noticed some of the other dads looking over at him; some of them were indifferent, but he could see in some of their eyes understanding. The dedication to do anything for their kids. Shane had surprised himself over these last few weeks, and maybe some of them felt shocked by their own growth as well.
They practiced at home every afternoon when they got home from school, and Shane practiced each morning when he woke up. He needed to know it; his daughter was relying on him! He practiced until he couldn’t get it wrong, ready to guide her along if she froze on stage.
Ilya could hear the music from their bedroom each morning, but stayed in bed until he heard it turn off. He was so excited to watch them perform that weekend, but he was more excited to see Shane so involved. He knew this was a big step for Shane, and he couldn’t be prouder of how at ease Shane appeared. He nearly thought that Shane would drop out of it before it started with how the anxiety was eating him alive, but he’s gotten to watch Shane come out of his comfort zone for their youngest, and it warmed him to his core.
It had taken Shane a little while to feel comfortable interacting with young kids when they had Mariya. It was foreign to him, growing up as an only child. Ilya watched some of that hesitation return after many years of being out of practice, but Shane was excelling. He liked watching Shane be less serious, and he hoped that this would teach him that it’s okay to let loose a little more often.
The day of the rehearsal came and Shane was awake at 4AM. He practiced in the living room, double checked Natalya’s bag that carried her two costumes, along with everything to make sure her hair was right, and the minimal amount of makeup that they had to put on her. Mariya always helped on recital days, having much more makeup knowledge than Shane or Ilya, which was exciting for them to watch her get her younger sister ready. Shane had a picture on his phone from the winter recital of Mariya twisting her hair into a perfect ballerina bun, and it was one of his favorites.
The morning scuttled by. Ilya woke up at 5:30 to his own displeasure, always able to sense when Shane was no longer in bed, and only able to stay in it alone for so long. Ilya sleepily made breakfast while Shane continued to check everything over for seemingly the millionth time, “Shane, I think bag is packed, you’ve repacked it four times since I started the eggs.”
“I just need to be sure!”
“We live six minutes from auditorium, if you forget something we can just run home, is no problem.”
“Well, we won’t have to come home, because I’ve checked it.”
“Of course you have, sweetheart.”
The girls joined them around 7:30. Mariya looked exhausted, having been woken up by the three-year-old, who couldn’t contain her excitement for the day. Mariya was a good sister, she really was, indulging in her excitement as much as her tired teenaged brain would allow. Shane and Ilya knew that meant she would probably be grumpy with them later, but they would take it as long as they knew she was using all of her nice energy on Natalya.
They all watched intently from the kitchen as Natalya practiced her other ballet routine that she would be performing that day, something she’d been working on all Spring, so remembering it wasn’t so much of a concern like the Daddy Daughter routine.
Shane hoped that she wasn’t too nervous about the routine, he felt they made a lot of progress over the last week, practicing each day. Something was nagging him though, worried that with the sight of the crowd and the spotlights that she may get lost in it. He was prepared to pick up the slack, but he didn’t want her to get upset with herself if she did.
At 4PM, they rode over to the auditorium and started getting ready. Shane was already dressed in his all-black ensemble; shorts, tank top, and socks. Shane and Ilya hung around the dressing room for a bit while Natalya and Mariya got settled. It was adorable to watch their baby sat in front of a lit mirror, being put together for the stage. They knew very early that she belonged there, and that she found so much joy from dancing. It was too early to tell, but Shane and Ilya were sure she was going to be amazing one day.
They took their places in the audience where they would watch until the last number, when Shane and Natalya would take the stage together. Their row was quite full; Shane’s parents, Hayden and Jackie, Troy and Harris, Bood and Cassie. Shane was sure there was a piece in all of them that they were there just to watch him make a fool of himself, but he was glad his daughter had so much support. Mariya joined and sat with her grandparents once Natalya was ready, under the supervision of her teachers.
Her first dance was somewhere in the middle of the program, set to the Silver Fairy from Sleeping Beauty. She executed it as flawlessly as a three-year-old could, but she clearly knew the routine better than some of the other kids on stage. Ilya never really learned his lesson from Mariya’s early band concerts, not to laugh at children’s mediocrity, but he was slightly better at stifling it. There was one child that was definitely better suited for a hip hop class than ballet, which forced Ilya to put his head on Shane’s shoulder out of view. Shane knew better than to tell him to stop, so he simply patted his husband’s cheek, hoping it would hide the little giggles that escaped from him.
By the time they were nearing the end of the program, Shane made his way from his seat to backstage, pausing when Ilya grabbed his hand, “make our little dancer look good up there, that is the role of boy dancers, to make the girls look good, I’ve heard.”
“You only learned that from watching Dance Moms,” Shane snarked back.
“Maybe! But is true!” Ilya laughed, holding onto Shane’s hand a little harder, pulling him down toward him, whispering in his ear.
“Thank you for doing this for Zakya. She is so happy to have you there with her,” Ilya said softly.
Shane smiled softly, “thank you for letting me take this, I needed it as much as she did.”
He expected Natalya to wave at him when he met her backstage. To look excited. But she looked distraught.
“Honey, honey, what’s wrong?”
“Daddy, I think I forgot again. I’m going to forget on stage,” she said, trying her absolute hardest to hold in the tears.
Shane wiped away the small collection of tears around her eyes, “I promise you that I will help you. I remember it and will tell you exactly what to do, do you trust me?”
She nodded her head, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands.
“Daddy’s got this. You just smile and look pretty, and I’ll do the rest of the work.”
They entered the stage, Natalya doing exactly as Shane told her, smiling at the crowd. Ilya was hiding his phone to record, even though they weren’t supposed to. He waved at them from the crowd, blowing kisses, which made Natalya laugh. Shane took a steadying breath, suddenly nervous looking at the crowd around them and feeling the heat of the lights. He could do this for Natalya.
They were announced as the last dance, a dedication to the special bond between dads and daughters. The music began to flow through the speakers, sending a shock through Shane’s spine.
He whispered just loud enough for Natalya to hear the steps, guiding her through turns and lifting her in the air. When he tiptoed through his spin, he could hear the crowd laughing. His cheeks turned pink, but he smiled bigger than he had in a long time, looking down at his daughter who was watching his every move.
They sailed through the dance, Natalya picking up the moves, no longer needing Shane’s prompts. He continued to do it anyway, thinking about how there would be a day that she no longer needed him to guide her through her dances, or to help put up her hair before rehearsals, or to tie up her ballet slippers. There may come a day where she doesn’t even dance anymore, and he wasn’t willing to let the moment pass without appreciating every second.
When the music came to a stop and they hit their ending pose, he could hear Ilya’s voice the loudest. Mariya was surely embarrassed at the sight of Ilya on his feet giving a standing ovation, but it warmed Shane’s heart as he picked up Natalya, resting her on his hip like he did when she was small, and she’s waving to her hearts content at her Papa in the crowd.
He kissed her cheek over and over as he carried her off, setting her on the floor and crouching to her level to give high fives, “we did it!”
“We did it, Daddy! I remembered!”
“Of course you did honey, I’m so proud of you.”
“You even pointed your toes, Daddy!”
“See! I learned!”
Shane helped her get dressed in her dance warm up suit and packed up her bags before they met the rest of the family out in the parking lot. What he didn’t expect was for Ilya to be holding two bouquets of roses in his hands.
He went to Natalya first, scooping her up in his arms, whispering in Russian. Shane couldn’t quite pick it up but he was sure it was expressing his pride in her. Natalya always giggled when he spoke in Russian to her, like it was their little secret.
He handed her a bouquet of flowers before walking over to Shane, holding out the other bouquet, “for my prima ballerina.”
Shane laughed, taking the flowers, “you think I have a chance for Swan Lake?”
“You would be very pretty black swan, but don’t set your expectations too high.”
“Are you saying I wasn’t good?”
“You need to point your toes, Shane.”