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This time was supposed to be different. Clancy had gotten further than he ever had before– Torchbearer thought he did everything right. He’d made sure of it, even going so far as to reread his notes every night he was able to. He’d grown close to this Clancy… painfully close. Torchbearer thought that what he was missing in the previous cycles must’ve been that connection… but it only served to hurt him even worse when he opened that door.
Torchbearer couldn’t even remember half of what went down that day. All he could hear was the ringing in his ears… all he could see were the tears clouding his vision.
Torchbearer had thought he’d lost Clancy that day… and yet Clancy had somehow managed to fight through it all and look him in the eye. He wasn’t sure if that made it all better or worse. All he could do was cling onto the hope it had brought him. Maybe he was still in there… maybe he could bring him back. Torchbearer would do anything to bring his Clancy back. Even becoming a bishop himself.
The moment Torchbearer had accepted the red robe Nova had offered him, he knew life would never be the same.
“Velos.”
Right. That was his name now, wasn’t it?
Velos lifted his gaze from his hands to the man leaning against his doorframe.
“... Come in,” he muttered, refusing to meet Nova’s eyes.
Nova must have noticed this behavior, as he swiftly entered the room, standing a few feet from Velos, and forced his chin upwards with his ink-stained fingers. Velos still tried his hardest not to look into Nova’s deep red eyes. They no longer had any green or yellow in them like they used to. Velos wondered if his own eyes changed at all.
“Why won’t you look at me?” Nova’s grip on Velos’s chin tightened. He could tell it was already getting smeared with ink.
Velos was silent for a moment, his tired eyes looking everywhere but at Nova. Nova must’ve gotten impatient, because he spoke up again.
“Look at me,” he repeated, a bit more intensely this time, “Is it because I’m not him?”
Velos bit his lip to stop himself from letting everything out right then and there. He had to choose his words carefully or he’d expose parts of his soul that he wasn’t ready to acknowledge quite yet. Especially not to Nova of all people.
“It’s… not that. It’s just…” Velos started. He could feel Nova’s eyes on him, waiting for an explanation… or whatever he wanted to hear. Velos sighed and continued, closing his eyes, “You’re not… how do I word this…?” Velos’s voice trailed off. He shut his mouth in a poor attempt to avoid having to say anything else.
“I’m not Clancy,” Nova reiterated, his intense gaze burning a hole through Velos’s face.
The simple mention of his name sent a shiver down Velos’s spine. The fact that a name that had come to mean so much to him was spoken in Clancy’s own voice made the aching in Velos’s heart even more unbearable. What made it worse was that Velos could almost hear a hint of sadness in Nova’s tone.
Velos found himself finally meeting Nova’s eyes. He was expecting them to be dull and lifeless like they usually were, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. Nova’s brow was creased with desperation, and his eyes held enough sorrow to cause a dam to burst.
“That’s not–” Velos cut himself off. His own expression mirrored Nova’s as he swallowed the lump in his throat.
“No. That’s exactly it,” Nova paused. This time, it was his turn to avoid eye contact. He continued in a quiet voice that nearly broke Velos’s heart all over again, “Please…”
Velos’s eyes softened. He sat up straight, willingly looking up at Nova this time. He looked down, watching as Nova’s hands grabbed onto the hood of his cloak, smearing ink onto it. When he looked back up again, his eyes met Nova’s.
“Velos. Will you please pretend I’m Clancy? Just for a moment?”
“Nova…” Velos started before Nova’s hand was over his mouth, silencing him.
“Please. Let me be Clancy right now.”
The two stared at each other for quite some time, mirroring each other’s expressions. Velos stood up slowly, taking the hand Nova had been holding over his mouth and holding it gently. He pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles before intertwining their fingers together.
“Will you allow me to be your Torchbearer, then?” Velos whispered, fighting the tears in his eyes that threatened to fall.
Rather than answering, Nova brought his hands up to gently hold Velos’s cheeks. He gave the other a moment to process before pulling him into a kiss. It was slow and gentle, but it was something Velos had been missing for so long. He immediately reciprocated, resting his hands on Nova’s waist, just above his hips.
Velos pulled away for only a moment, just to catch his breath, before kissing Nova again, a bit more urgently than before. He could taste the ink on Nova’s lips, and he was sure it was staining his own.
Velos felt Nova’s tongue run over his lower lip, signaling to him that he wanted to deepen the kiss. Velos wasn’t sure how he felt about it all. He suddenly pulled away from Nova’s lips, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Sure enough, there was ink smeared on it. He stared at his sleeve, which was getting blurrier by the minute due to the tears in his eyes.
“Vel– um…” Nova hesitated, “Torchbearer… Are you alright?”
That was enough to break the dam. Tears began streaming down Velos’s face, dripping onto his sleeves. As much as he tried to wipe his eyes, the tears kept falling.
Nova opened his mouth to speak, but Velos swiftly put a finger over his lips. He wouldn’t allow it. He grabbed onto the fabric of Nova’s cloak and pressed his forehead to his chest. It would be easier than looking him in the eyes.
“Why…” Velos’s words caught in his throat. He was fighting back more tears as he spoke again, “Why are you doing this to me?”
Nova’s hands found their way to Velos’s shoulders, to which Velos shrugged off. He took a step back, letting go of Nova’s robes. He avoided eye contact as he started to walk away.
Nova was quick to grab Velos by the wrist, attempting to stop him from leaving.
“Torchbearer please–”
Velos threw Nova’s hand off of his wrist and met his eyes again. He tried hard not to notice the hurt in them.
“Don’t call me that,” Velos snapped, a bit harsher than he was intending, “You’re not him. You’re not my Clancy.”
Nova’s eyes widened for a moment. He bit his lip and backed away, fighting his own tears. As much as Nova’s face broke Velos’s heart, he knew it was all some sick joke or some act to get inside his head.
Though deep down, Velos found himself disappointed that Nova made no further attempt to stop him from leaving.