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Kris was alone. Completely.
No stupid shitty stuff they had to get up to and no lack of soul sapping their energy. It was with Susie, and they were with their thoughts. It didn't feel as good as they expected it to. They felt empty, just more than normal. And without some horrid extra-dimensional entity dragging them around.
It would be nice to just…fade into nonexistence. It actually felt like it would be quite easy, with the sound of rushing water and rustling reeds filling the room. A light steam drifted through the air, making everything feel soft. Kris' limbs felt like they were made of lead. They let themself be weighed down. Let their limbs hit the floor. Closed their eyes. Didn't exist.
The noise faded into the background. The soreness of their body dulled. For a couple of seconds, they were nothing. Better than being what they were now, at least.
Then some footsteps broke through the white noise, and awful reality snapped back into focus. They opened one eye. Some glitter dusted over their face. Blue was standing over them, somehow still managing to stand on only one leg. The expression on his face felt oddly out of place, one of concern.
"Hello dear, mind if I join you?"
They dragged themself back up and gave a small nod. Maybe some company would be fine, make them feel like more of a person, and Blue didn't seem like he would wear them out too much. The darkner sat down gracefully next to them, his legs folding under his tulle skirt.
(It was a nice outfit, Kris thought. They were glad they got to dress up during this whole mess, it was their favorite part. Or, at least one of their favorite parts.)
"You have good friends." Blue was looking out onto the water, but his eyes briefly darted towards Kris. His usual contented smile was on his face. Kris couldn't help but smile back.
"Yeah…" Their eyes fixed back on the small waves on the surface of the water and they felt a blush creeping onto their face. Absentmindedly, they scratched at the smooth wooden floor.
"You sound sad."
They did. Yeah, they did. Because Susie at least was going to leave them once she figured out what they had been doing? Because Ralsei was starting to break out of his role in a way they never could? Because Susie was going to start hanging out with Noelle instead of them and Noelle didn't talk to them any more either? Because the only thing they could be by the end of this was alone?
A soft but calloused hand touched their cheek, brushing at a tear they hadn't even realized was there. It was hard to even feel it through the steam and warmth surrounding them.
They opened their mouth to say something, but there didn't really feel like there was a way to explain everything they were feeling. They couldn't tell everyone that they were making fountains. That they felt like a puppet. But any explanation without all that just felt silly and trivial, something no one would ever cry about. All that came out of them was a small croak from the back of their throat.
"I know, caring can be hard."
Kris nodded, then finally got their bearings. They finally gave a small smile back, "Yeah, they're really great. I just-"
They thought for a second, about the best way to tell how they felt without telling how they felt.
"I'm just scared of losing them."
"No point in wasting time over that," Blue lifted up his hand for the butterfly to gently land at it, no longer looking at Kris, "If you love anything, you'll be sad if you lose it."
"Love-" They started. The word felt silly and useless. It didn't really mean anything. Susie loved Noelle probably. Their mother loved them, but it was hard to feel it through everything. It was hard to feel loved at all. Did they feel like they loved anyone back? They didn't want anyone to die. Or get hurt. They were sure of that, at least.
"You care about them."
"Yeah, yeah." Kris looked down at the water. They avoided looking at their own reflection, instead watching Blue's. It felt more comfortable to watch his expression that way. He was watching them, smiling, eyebrows raised, "I guess I do."
"I'm sure your friends feel the same, they probably don't want you to get hurt either," His smile softened, "They want to be with you forever."
He probably really believed that, but the thought made them sick to their stomach. Susie probably thought that, but if she ever found out more about them…she would change her mind in an instant.
"They want to be with now."
They did, they liked some version of Kris that was mostly something else. Blue seemed to recognize his reassurance wasn't working, because he seemed to give up. His butterfly (Was it a part of him? Or another darkner?) fluttered and landed on Kris' head.
"Do you want to see if we can find any bugs around."
That pulled them out of their little downward spiral, at least halfway, "Sure."
Kris followed him over to another of many, many gardens in the castle. Colorful flowers spilled out of light wooden planters. Their perfume wafted through the warm air.
Blue gently bent one of them, then held out his finger for a ladybug to crawl onto. Kris smiled at him, feeling some of their exhaustion fade. Then they crouched down to spot some movement. They felt movement as Blue leaned down behind them.
"There." They pointed to what they had seen. A fat green and yellow caterpillar, munching on a leaf.
(Briefly, they wondered how these bugs hadn't been turned into darkners, if they existed in the normal world. Then they thought about how they had loved looking for bugs as a kid to catch and scare Noelle with. And how Dess would always tell them off then take both of them to release the probably scared specimen out back into the forest. Then they pushed those thoughts out of their head because they were trying to have fun. Just for a little bit.)
Kris let the caterpillar crawl onto their finger. They couldn't feel it through their metal gauntlet, but it looked soft.
"What a lovely creature," Blue's spun again, for no apparent reason (maybe just happiness), "Why don't we feed her another leaf."
He plucked one out and placed it by the fat little critter, who crawled over and started nibbling it. Kris giggled. They didn't even care that much when they heard Blue sigh with relief, finally able to make them happy.
"Hey Kris!" Susie burst in-
-And the moment was over. They could feel the soul back in their body.
With the control they still had, the caterpillar was put back in the planter, still holding onto it's treat.
"There you are," Susie punched their shoulder, "We were looking all over for you, dude."
The pair said their goodbyes to Blue, and left to finish their adventure. The moment was over, but it still happened.