Chapter Text
Even couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was that made him walk to the place where they first met. He’d needed to get out, he could feel himself suffocating and logically a bit of fresh air should help with that. The weight on his chest didn’t disappear.
He sat down on the bench, the wood cold against his legs. He closed his eyes for a moment and if he tried real hard he could almost feel Isak sitting right next to him, Isak’s thigh pressed against his. In another universe maybe that was exactly how it was, but in this one he was alone.
With a shuddering sigh he opened his eyes again and retrieved his phone from his pocket, the numbers 20.17 glowing back at him against a black background. He’d had a picture of him and Isak before, but after Isak had told him to stop messaging him he couldn’t bare to look at it anymore, knowing that he’d screwed everything up. That he’d scared the man of his life away. Because he was ill. And Isak didn’t need mentally ill people in his life.
But then Isak had called and Even didn’t know what to think or what Isak wanted to say. He’d imagined the worst case scenario of course, Isak saying goodbye. That it was too much. That he didn’t want Even anymore. So he hadn’t dared calling back, because he couldn’t handle the rejection he knew was coming.
And then he’d gotten that text.
Tried to call you. Hope you’re okay. Give me a sound when you feel like it ♥
When he unlocked his phone their text conversation was the first thing to show up, naturally since he hadn’t closed down the messaging window since he received it. He had read it over and over again, trying to decipher what it actually meant. What that heart means for them now.
He hadn’t answered yet, not knowing what to write, what could possibly express how sorry he was and how much love he had for the younger boy, with his angelic locks and beautiful eyes and sweet smile and strong jaw that he so loved to trace with his fingers, his skin always so soft.
With another deep breath, trying to gather some courage, he began typing.
Dear Isak. Now I’m sitting where we met each other for the first time, thinking about you. Soon the time will be 21:21. I want to say a thousand things to you. Sorry for scaring you. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for not telling you that I’m bipolar. I was scared of losing you. I’d forgotten that it’s not possible to lose someone, that we’re all alone anyway. In another place in the universe we’re together for all eternity, remember that. Love you. Even
He hit send before he could think too much. 20.25. He locked his phone, sticking it back in his pocket but still holding it in a tight grip, just in case those vibrations indicating a new text or a call would come through.
-
It turned colder with each passing second. He didn’t know what the time was, he didn’t want to pick up the phone look because he knew being met with no notifications indicating Isak had answered would ruin him right now, but he knew he’d been sat there for a while.
On shaky legs he stood up, heading towards the nearest entrance, hoping to find the door unlocked. He couldn’t leave just yet but it was too damn cold to sit outside. Luckily the door hadn’t locked for the night and he went in, his eyes immediately finding the clock on the wall. 20.55. If he hadn’t heard anything by 21.21 he would leave. He would go home, crawl into bed and let his heartbreak consume him.
-
21.18. His head hurt.
21.19. His stomach hurt.
21.20. His heart hurt.
21.21. He could feel the tears burn behind his eyes as he took up his phone to make sure that Isak hadn’t sent him something and he’d missed it. He was only met by a text from his mum asking him where he was and when he was coming home.
He pocketed his phone again, not answering his mum since he would be home soon anyway. He’d been sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall watching the minutes pass by with every tick of the clock hand. It was all over now.
He swiftly stood up and rounded the corner, walking down the few steps that led to the door, his eyes firmly cast down on the ground. As he opened the door he was met by the cold winter air, stinging his eyes and biting his skin. He almost liked the pain of it, it distracted him from the ache in his entire body that was slowly but surely consuming him.
He looked up for just a moment and stopped in his tracks.
Isak.
He wanted to run up to him, bury his face against Isak’s neck, wrap his arms around him and never let go but he couldn’t move. It wasn’t until Isak started taking tentative steps his way that his legs seemed to start working again and took agonisingly slow steps forward.
Isak stopped right in front of him, bringing their faces together, their noses touching. Even wanted to press forward and kiss him but he didn’t dare to, he wanted to reach out and touch him but he was afraid. Afraid that anything he’d do could break the spell and Isak would turn around and walk away. So he stood there, eyes closed and just breathed in everything that was Isak. It was like he’d been drowning and he finally made it up to the surface to breathe in that precious air. Isak was his oxygen.
As Isak cupped his face Even opened his eyes again, meeting Isak’s gaze and he could swear that Isak held the entire galaxy in his eyes.
“You’re not alone.”
Even had to close his eyes again to not let the tears spill over, he really didn’t want to cry right now. Not when he had this beautiful boy in front of him telling him that he wasn’t alone. Isak was right there with him and he could feel the ache on his heart beginning to slip away.
They just stood there, breathing together. It could have been 2 hours, 20 minutes or just few seconds for all Even knew, the concept of time totally lost on him as soon as his eyes landed on Isak. He could feel his breath catch in his throat as Isak brought their lips together in a soft kiss. And then another one.
Even had a fleeting moment of panic as Isak drew away, no don’t leave me, but then their eyes met and all he could see was love and then Isak put his arms around him, dragging him into a tight hug. Even pressed his face into Isak’s neck, breathing in Isak’s smell and bringing his own arms up to hold him close, his fingers clutching the fabric of Isak’s jacket like a lifeline. It felt like coming home.