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I can’t believe I’m writing in this stupid diary, but Odasaku insisted it was a good way to release these..feelings. And he’s never really been wrong has he? So here I am trying it out.
I can’t really say when I started to take notice of him, but..it almost feels like I’ve known him my entire life (despite the fact I’ve never actually spoken to him). I see him all around campus, the shitty cafe, the library I "study" at, lectures I’m almost positive he doesn’t need to be in.
I almost feel like he's doing it on purpose, like he’s teasing me with his presence but never acknowledging me.
Nevermind I’ve never taken the liberty of approaching him either…and at first I thought it'd be better like this.
For the first time I look inside myself and see that I’m frightened of another person…not in the sense that I’m afraid of him exactly…but…I'm anxious that one small thing would ruin the illusion, and I’ll end up bored and sorely disappointed with another persons true nature once again.
Maybe it's in this way that I’m at fault for being fickle, but I could swear we locked eyes in a psych seminar a few days ago. It was so quick, if I’d drank a little more the night before at that stupid department gathering, I would’ve dismissed it as wishful thinking induced by my hangover brain.
The look in his eyes felt so chilling, recognizing that cold depth…I think excitement would be the right word to describe how I felt—maybe even a little bit of hope.
Hope that he would not let me down and he was as exceptional as I imagined him to be.
I overheard how renowned he is among the classical music majors for being a beauty with a shit personality but I see that his peers clearly just aren't capable of understanding him.
I tried to explain to Sigma how he was so uniquely compelling, like an iceberg before its struck by a vessel—but then he called me a freak and told me to go away.
To be honest his comment really made me backtrack.
I’ve never felt like this before, what is it about this singular man that made him appear so special to me?
After skillfully sneaking into the quartet performance the music department hosted recently, I’ve found my answer.
His focused gaze as he read the sheet music, the curve of his eyelashes outlined in the spotlight, his pale slender fingers pressing up against the neck of the cello…I can confidently say that he was made for me.
His performance was stunning—obviously—and it made me realise that there really is no other thing to do but create a place for myself by his side, one way or another.
I’m sure he’ll welcome it, appreciate it even, and see that it is only right we are together.
Ahh..I can’t wait!