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To the illustrious Mr. Dazai,
I hope this letter finds you well, and if not, no matter (as it seems you are quite comfortable in the embrace of misery).
While I am sure that you are familiar with me—as I have taken strenuous effort to make it so, I will take the opportunity to introduce myself to you anyways.
I first laid eyes upon you in that awful psych lecture hall, the one that keeps those distasteful ceiling lights open at a maximum, and I instantly recognised a likeness in you I had only ever seen in myself.
You have a unique…how to say…vibe? To your soul, that quite resonates with me.
Forgive me if that is not the appropriate term, I find it increasingly difficult as an exchange student to describe unfamiliar things in this distant language.
A companion of mine—Nikolai, who perhaps you might recognise from the drama department's nonsense weekly tabloid—encouraged me to use it. However, I am not entirely sure it is wise to follow his guidance.
Ah..I am beginning to get off track, allow me to return to my point.
At first, I found your presence as merely interesting; a bit amusing even, but your mind, eloquence, and very scent—begins to enthral me.
You are not aware, due to the efforts I took to conceal myself, that I have been to all 36 of your public and not debate competitions. As well as all 12 of your poetry slam appearances (your haiku on grocery shopping as a metaphor for Victorian seduction mechanisms was quite enjoyable).
I must say that you have presented a marvellous performance every time and have proven yourself worthy of my attention.
An individual as apt as yourself, is sure to have realised that I have been observing you these past couple months. I believe this is what you commonly refer to as flirting, no?
In any case, I will take your frequent glances and searing gaze as reciprocation, and write this letter to you as a formal invitation to a romantic relationship.
In fact, I have already proposed this to you exactly 15 nights ago at my department's exclusive quartet performance, with my ending solo of the evening.
Before that, in case you might be wondering, the ticketing committee did in fact happen to notice your unwelcome entry and intended to take action against you. For your convenience, I have handled this matter. No need to thank me.
I have distracted myself once more, my apologies.
As I was saying, I had performed Valse Sentimentale Opus 51 No. 6, a piece I believe accurately represents the longing and desire that currently exists between us.
It was meant to act as the perfect romantically symphonic bridge that connected us to one another..
Unfortunately, it seems I overestimated your knowledge of Tchaikovsky (whose greatness I must enlighten you of as a composer myself).
No matter, as when I properly make myself of your acquaintance, I will be able to teach you all about the classical genre—naturally so this does not occur again.
In my excitement at the notion of being in the company of someone that matches my competence, and in celebration of our new bond, I have prepared a trail of clues that will lead to the information of where and when we will hold our first date.
I have the utmost faith that you will successfully uncover and decode what I have left for you.
I look forward to our upcoming years of companionship.
Sincerely,
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
P.S.
In the event that you would like to expedite our relationship status upon meeting, I regret to inform you that I am unable to publicly file for a legal marriage license, but have a contact in Quebec that is able to mitigate this for us. I hope you find this agreeable.