Archive of Our Own

r/AmITheAsshole · Posted by u/Trillbynotfedora 4 hours ago

AITA for telling my B-friend to get over my (second) fake suicide attempt?

I (27 M) am in a highly successful band with my B-friend (29 M) As you could probably guess that causes some conflict! We often get into fights, break up for a couple weeks, but we come to the same conclusion every time; He needs me and my assets.

So, to the main meat of the post, we got into a fight as of recent. He wanted to cut down band rehearsal hours on mondays, he said it was because of some girl he was talking to. I said no. I don’t want any G-friends getting in the way of the band. He blew up at me, saying that I “limit” his relationships with others. The whole debacle ended with him storming out of our apartment

I got reminded of a past fight we had, and by extension how I mended it, of which ended with me fake hanging myself. I think you can see where this is going.

This time I had to do something different, he would suspect the some old trick! This time, I stole a bottle of sleeping pills he stored in the bathroom cabinet, scattering a few across the ground, emptying the rest into the trash, and I put a small bar of soap under my tongue so my mouth could be foamy (Still proud of that part, LOL!))

I had the whole scene set up! Me lying on the ground. (I can be a very good actor) Even better, when he came home, he had a girl with him. When he opened that door, both of them were fuuucking floored!! I jumped up at them and the girl ran away SCREAMING! I expected him to start laughing but he got actually got mad at me. I only then remembered it was a Tuesday. He got super pissed that I ruined his chance at free pussy. I told him to get the fuck over it and come play some Mario Kart (like we do :)) Instead he flipped me the bird and now he’s refusing to speak to me!

Reddit, Am I the asshole? I’m hoping I can send this thread to him after my innocence gets proven by Reddit. Thank you

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