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Three girls waited anxiously for a fourth to wake. The slumbering patient was one Beca Mitchell, now minus her wisdom teeth, and due to wake up any minute. Her three companions were a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. All good friends. In fact the blonde, Aubrey Posen, was her girlfriend. The two made a puzzlingly compatible pair, the upper class Southern lawyer and the tattooed Seattle DJ. Regardless of how bizarre they seemed to be together, they worked, and had been working for three years.
Next to the blonde was the redhead. Chloe Beale. Best friend to Aubrey Posen, and good friend to Beca Mitchell. When she heard Beca was having her wisdom teeth out, she tagged along, recalling her own experience. Her mother had attempted to drive her home solo, but found it extremely challenging to navigate the road and a still-riding-the-anesthesia-high Chloe. She was going to drive while Aubrey attempted to control Beca.
The third was Stacie Conrad, Beca's college roommate and best friend. While the other two girls had solid, practical reasoning for waiting for Beca, Stacie had immediately chimed in that she wanted to tag along. When pressed for the cause of her urgency she stated that she wanted to get Beca high as balls on video and keep it for future posterity. The blonde had been mildly outraged, but the redhead had laughed, so Stacie was allowed to come along, phone at the ready.
"Huh?" came a soft mumble. All eyes snapped to the tiny woman in the bed. "When did I take off my clothes? Who has my pants? Never mind I found them on my legs." Stacie grinned and hit record on her phone.
"Beca," Aubrey said in a soothing tone. "Can you hear me?"
"Are you an angel?" she squinted into the bright lights of the room.
"No, I'm not an angel," Aubrey said. "Do you remember where you are?"
"Not at Woodstock, that's for sure," she said. "Do you think there's a bus? I don't wanna miss it man. Oh! The cloud bus!" She tried to sit up.
"Ssh, you had your wisdom teeth out," Aubrey continued.
"Oh fuck," she said in a panicked gulp. "Who let them take my wisdom teeth? I barely fucking passed college with them in. I'm gonna faaaail now." She lifted her pillow.
"What are you looking for?"
"My teeth! I need them, it's the final countdown!" she exclaimed. "Did the tooth fairy already come? Coz my teeth are gone but that tight bitch didn't leave me any money. I got student loans, girl!" Chloe and Stacie tried not to giggle. Beca's eyes seemed to focus in the light.
"Ariel!" she said to Chloe. And then to Stacie, "Are you a Bratz doll? You've got the lips and eyes and ridiculously dispro- disportion – long ass legs." The two girls snickered. Aubrey was still pretty composed.
"As soon as the doctor comes in and checks you over we can take you home and get you a milkshake," Aubrey said.
"Oh! Milkshakes!" she turned to Aubrey. "Holy shit."
"What?"
"You're like, really beautiful," she said, staring intently into Aubrey's face. "Like, hot damn. Don't get me wrong, Ariel and Legs are pretty, but you're like… wow. Just wow." She was touching Aubrey's cheek with her fingers. Stacie and Chloe were laughing openly now, still videoing.
"Girls like you, super pretty face, are the reason why I like girls," she said. "Boys aren't pretty like this. You're all majestic and gorgeous, like a golden unicorn. Ariel! Doesn't she look like a golden unicorn?!"
"She so does," Chloe said solemnly.
"What's your name pretty unicorn?"
"Aubrey," the blonde responded.
"Ok, Aubrey," she said. "I don't normally do this sort of thing, but you're like – wow. Tell me, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Yes," Aubrey said, trying not to be impatient.
"Of course you do, Aubrey unicorn," Beca said. "The golden unicorns are always snapped up quick, you never find them in the wild. Had to take my shot, though, right? It's not every day you get to see someone as beautiful as you up close." She was still pushing her fingers into Aubrey's cheek.
"Becs?" Chloe interjected. "Aubrey the golden unicorn is your girlfriend. You guys are together." Beca's jaw dropped and she stopped her poking.
"No fucking way," she deadpanned. "No fucking way would a creature this glorious be dating me."
"It's true," Aubrey said, beginning to quirk her lips up. "We've been together for over three years."
"Shiiiiit," Beca said. "You're like, really beautiful though? How did this happen? You're seriously my girlfriend… nah, Ariel's tricking me."
"No," Aubrey said. She pulled out her phone and showed her a photo of the two of them kissing. Beca looked at it with wide eyes, then she sprang up to her knees and high fived Chloe and Stacie.
"See that!? I fucking landed the prettiest girlfriend ever!" she shouted. "Look at the picture! Oh my god… this is crazy. You're too pretty to be real and I get to be your girlfriend? Am I a good girlfriend?"
"The best," Aubrey said. Beca grinned dopily. The doctor came in at that moment.
"Heard some noise, figured she was awake," he said with a smile.
"Doc!" Beca said. "Doc! Look at this super pretty golden unicorn! Did you know she's my girlfriend!?"
"She is," he said, clearly used to dealing with patients coming off of anesthesia. He checked Beca over quickly, the smaller girl wriggling around so as not to lose sight of the blonde. "She's good to go. No solids for forty eight hours at least, and even then keep it light. You can give her Tylenol for the residual pain, maybe codeine if it's really bad. The stitches will dissolve on their own, any problems, give us a call."
"Thank you doctor," Aubrey said. Then she turned to Beca. "Are you ready to come home?"
"We live together!?" Beca asked incredulously. "Does that mean I've like, seen you naked? Have I had sex with you!? Wow. I did good." Aubrey blushed.
"You have," Stacie supplied, still filming away.
"Okay let's go," Aubrey said helping her up.
"Are we going to get married now?" Beca asked. "I mean, you're really beautiful and you said I'm a good girlfriend and we live together and have sex so we should get married. I feel like it would be a crime not to marry you. I don't wanna go to jail, I already went one time and there were no unicorns there."
"How about a milkshake first?" Aubrey asked, guiding her outside.
"Not a banana one, I don't think they're real," she said. "Can we have sex and then a milkshake?"
"Milkshake first, then home for a rest," Aubrey said.
"Okay, we'll get married tomorrow, I'll need to find something to wear," Beca said. "Can we get a penguin as our best man? Like a little Mumble, shuffling down the aisle, plus they already look like they're wearing suits."
"Sure, Beca," Aubrey said as they arrived at the car.
"Our wedding is going to be so shiny," she sighed. Chloe and Stacie slid into the front while Aubrey wrangled Beca into the back. They got milkshakes at a drive through, and by the time they got back to Aubrey and Beca's apartment, she was already winding back down. Aubrey helped her into the bedroom, pulling off her shoes and helping her get comfortable.
"You're not going to let them take out more of my teeth are you?" she asked.
"No," she said. "I promise. I'll wait right here." Beca eyed her suspiciously and then grabbed tightly onto her hand. Aubrey stayed where she was until the younger woman fell asleep. When she went downstairs she saw Chloe and Stacie reliving Beca's euphoria and laughing their faces off. She joined in the rewatch and had to admit that it was very funny.
"Her face when she realizes you're her girlfriend is priceless," Chloe said. "She looks like she just won the lottery. That was so cute."
"She's going to murder you when she wakes up."
"Yeah, but until then, we're going to cherish this footage," Stacie said.
It was hours later when Beca finally emerged, drugs gone, and slight throb in her jaw. Aubrey saw her wandering toward the kitchen and went to see what she needed.
"Hey," she said. "How are you feeling?"
"Sore and weird," she said. "And thirsty." She went to open the fridge.
"Room temperature water will be better for now," Aubrey said. "I've got some bottles for you." She fetched one and handed Beca a straw to drink with. She sucked down some of the water.
"Better," she said. She followed Aubrey out to the living room where Stacie and Chloe were waiting.
"Hey," she said in greeting.
"Hey," Stacie said with a smirk. "So."
"So what?"
"Do you wanna see how high you got after your surgery?" she asked. "It was fucking hilarious!"
"You videoed me?" Beca said. "I fucking hate you Stace."
"No, you love me. You gotta watch, it's adorable." They all crowded around Stacie as she hit play on the video. By the time it rolled around to her calling Aubrey a golden unicorn she was mortified.
"Oh my god," she said. "What the fuck!?"
"It gets better," Chloe said. As Beca began exclaiming about how amazing it was that Aubrey was her girlfriend, she groaned. Aubrey leaned over into her ear.
"It was very cute," she said. "You were just so amazed." Then it was toward the end of the clip where Beca was asking if they were going to get married. Both Chloe and Stacie expected a big reaction from that. But Beca's jaw dropped. Then she stood up and left the room.
"What the fuck?" Stacie asked. "What was that?"
"I don't know," Chloe said. "Should we check on her-" she was interrupted by Beca coming back into the room. She addressed Aubrey only.
"Super stoned me has a point," she said. "We should get married."
"WHAT!?" the two onlookers exclaimed. Aubrey looked confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Bree, I was off my fucking nut in that video, but a lot of it was the truth. You're so beautiful I can't believe you're dating me. And I love you a lot, and we're good together. We live together, the sex is fucking incredible and it really would be a crime for me not to marry you, because there's no point waiting. There's no way I'm doing better than you," she said. She pulled a ring from her pocket. "I'm guessing stoned me somehow remembered I had this waiting. But I'm not stoned now, and I really do think you should marry me." Stacie had hit record and captured the whole speech on video.
"You really want to marry me?"
"With all my inhibitions removed, you were still the most important, most beautiful thing in my world," Beca said. "That stuff I was rambling about, being that excited to be your girlfriend? That's me every day, every time I look at you. So yeah." She held the ring out.
"Yes," Aubrey said simply.
"What?"
"Yes, I'll marry you," she said.
"Once more in case this is another stoner dream," Beca said, stepping toward her.
"I'll marry you," Aubrey said, sliding the ring onto her finger and pulling her into a kiss. Beca went to deepen it, but was stopped by the pain shooting through her gums.
"Ow fuck!" she swore.
"So romantic," Chloe said. "Especially the cursing at the end."
"Fuck you Beale," Beca said. "How long til I can kiss you without it hurting? Nah fuck it, I don't even care." She kissed Aubrey again, the blonde's arms winding around her neck as they were set upon by their friends in a fierce hug.