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The circus changed after everything had happened. Now everyone was free to do whatever they want. Caine tried his best to make the tent a cozy home for all members. Once Zooble set up an improvised bar, friends began to spend there more and more evenings together — chatting, joking, and sharing cups of cocoa or something a bit stronger.
Over time, they grew incredibly close and by now they knew almost everything about each other. Though it could not have been otherwise. They were destined to spend eternity here, while their real lives continued to unfold somewhere beyond the circus walls. Sometimes Pomni couldn't help but wonder if Abby had ever found happiness in the real world.
The days went by. The circus bacame a truly marvelous place — a place they could only dream of.
However Pomni was unable to feel the joy she was supposed to feel.
Of course, the countless adventures were left in the past now. The pressure was gone, the constant anxieties had vanished. And Jax was gone too.
Pomni always noticed the empty seat at the table during the lunch. Now no one laughed when she stumbled over nothing; no one dragged her off to God-knows-where to show her some hidden corner of the circus; no one made her laugh until she was breathless with the dumbest jokes; no one met her gaze, making her blush. Sometimes she could just stand in the hallway for a long time unable to tear her eyes away from his door. Just simply staring at the portrait crossed out with a red X and feeling a strange emptiness that grew deeper with each passing day.
Pomni made a habit of visiting him every evening.
She usually came to the tent and sat next to him, telling about all the things that had happened during the day — about the new games and adventures Caine and the others had created, about changes at the circus, about funny moments. And sometimes — about things she wanted to share only with him.
About her guilt.
About the longing in her heart that grew day by day.
"I miss you", she whispered without raising her eyes.
Pomni knew Jax couldn't hear her words. And even if he could, he wouldn't be able to answer.
She gave a sad chuckle.
"You know, you would definitely laugh at me for such a mushy phrase. Then tell me some crap and give a stupid devious smile. Like you used to do..."
She fell silent.
"To tell the truth, now I'd give anything to hear that again".
A pang of sorrow shot through her chest.
“We went on a picnic today. Kinger talked a lot about butterflies. It certainly was interesting, but, honestly I wasn’t listening. I was thinking about... ”
Her voice grew quieter and quieter.
“I tried to remember what your voice sounded like. The way you rolled your eyes. The way you annoyed everyone around…”
She smiled nervously.
"I'm afraid of forgetting it one day" .
Pomni looked up. The abstraction was still shimmering in front of her. Dozens of half-closed eyes gazed lazily into the void. Once, this had been Jax.
At that thought, something inside her contracted painfully. She didn't notice the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Why did you go?.." her voice broke.
"Why did you let this happen? Why didn't you ask for help? Why did you leave me...?"
The last words were spoken almost in whisper. Pomni abruptly covered her face with her hands and squeezed her eyes shut, as if that could hold back the tears.
“Damn it…”
Her shoulders trembled.
“I hate this. I hate coming here and realizing you’re gone. I hate talking to you and knowing you won’t answer.”
She drew a ragged breath.
Silence.
“I just want to see you once more.”
She looked at him at last as he slept peacefully. She couldn't bear staying here any longer. Pomni suddenly bolted, trying to escape that unbearable, gut-wrenching feeling of longing and despair. Tears blurred her vision. She could only hope no one noticed her rushing down the hallway toward her room — intent on collapsing onto her bed, burying her face in the pillow, and screaming. It was the only way to release everything that had accumulated inside.
Pomni hurriedly grabbed the doorknob but suddenly froze. She turned slowly thinking she was imagining things. It was likely just the habit of seeing him there, in that very hallway.
Her fingers tightened on the door handle.
A tall silhouette stood in the doorway. Wide pupils stared straight at her — motionless, eerily — sending an instant shiver down her spine. A lump formed in her throat. She swallowed with difficulty and hurriedly looked away.
"It's just my imagination ... It can't be..." she repeated barely above a whisper, like a mantra, desperately trying to convince herself.
"Pomni..."
His voice made her flinch. Too similar. Almost indistinguishable. Pomni burst into the room in a panic and slammed the door shut, as if someone were chasing her. Her heart was pounding wildly, and her breathing was ragged. She pressed her back against the door, trying to steady her trembling.
"I just imagined it..." she muttered, clinging to the thought like a lifeline. "Jax abstracted. He abstracted..."
Pomni took a sharp, shuddering breath, finally allowing herself to say the thing she had been afraid to admit — first of all, to herself.
"It’s...just a hallucination..."
Pomni lied awake for hours. She tossed and turned endlessly. The moment she finally started to fall asleep, her thoughts immediately drag her back to that cursed day. To that door in Jax's mind. To the lone streetlamp where she had felt the warmth of his strong hug for the last time.
"Pomni... I don't want to go..."
"F#@!ck..."
She rolled sharply onto her other side, clunging to the edge of the pillow with her teeth.
"Stop... Please, stop... I... Forgive me..."
Sobs constricted her chest.
She hated herself for surviving. For letting him go. For not holding on tighter. It felt like she hadn’t suffered enough for that.
Interesting… does it hurt to abstract?
What did he feel in those last seconds? Fear? Despair? Anger? Did he cry?
He probably did.
Over and over, she kept returning to that same moment. To the moment she had turned away. The moment she had walked away. The moment she hadn’t even tried to go after him.
She repeated to herself she was simply tired. And it was true. They were all at their breaking point. But could she change anything? Would he have listened to her?
No…
That stubborn idiot most likely wouldn’t have even let her finish the speech. He would have gone anyway.
And abstracted...
Pomni opened her eyes.
She hadn't even realized when she’d fallen asleep; exhaustion had evidently taken its toll. For a few moments, she simply lay there, breathing heavily.
Only then she sensed someone’s gaze upon her. She slowly turned her head.
He was lying right next to her.
His dark eyes were fixed on her, intently studying her face. This time, his usual smile was missing. His expression was utterly unreadable — so much so that it was impossible to tell what he was thinking or feeling.
Pomni closed her eyes.
The food tasted bland. She had to force herself to swallow every single bite. Her appetite had vanished, as if it had never existed. Yet, she kept pushing the food down so as not to give them any extra cause for worry.
They had enough to worry about as it was.
Things at the circus had finally settled down.
"Pomni?" Ragatha’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Can you hear me?"
"Yeah... of course," the girl replied quietly, as if only just realizing she was sitting at the dinner table.
"Could you pass me the pepper, please?"
Pomni silently picked up the pepper shaker and handed it to her friend.
"Thanks, " Ragatha lingered her gaze on her. There was clear concern in her eyes.
"Pomni, are you okay? You've been... kinda withdrawn lately... "
Pomni froze for a moment. Her fingers tightened around her fork, and she pressed her lips into a thin line.
"I'm fine! " Pomni said, looking up and forcing a strained, unnatural smile.
She smiled back at His silhouette, which stood behind Ragatha.
Ragatha exchanged a subtle glance with the others. Then, she turned her gaze toward Caine, as if to confirm that they had all arrived at the same conclusion.
An awkward silence fell.
"Maybe we could go on some adventure today, hm? Is there anything you’d like to do?" Ragatha asked, starting the conversation again.
"Yeah, if you have any preferences..." Zooble chimed in.
Pomni gave a barely perceptible shake of her head.
"No-no, you can pick something... just... nothing too long, if possible."
She wearily lowered her eyes to her plate.
"To be honest... I'd want to have some sleep. "
"I’ve heard classical music helps to relax," Kinger added thoughtfully, poking at his mashed potatoes with a spoon.
"Maybe it let you fall asleep faster."
Pomi nodded.
"I’ll give it a try... Thank you."
Weeks seemed to pass. He appeared more and more often, and at some moment, his presence ceased to be frightening. He became her constant companion.
Pomni skipped their adventures and group gatherings more and more often. The others often found her in abstracted members' tent. She spent hours clumsily learning melodies on the piano or simply sleeping there, as if that were the only place where she could find peace...
She could not distract herself with adventures, and heart-to-heart conversations brought no solace. Pomni withdrew ever deeper into herself, unable to shake off a heavy, clinging despair.
Rarely she did agree to join an adventure, she hoped it might change something, anything. But the time went by...
"Pomni!"
The door they ran up to was locked. Gangle frantically tugged at the handle, succumbing more and more to panic with every passing second.
"We need a key!"
Pomni spun around sharply. Their chasers were already very close.
She instinctively clenched her hands into fists.
"Come on, Pomni," Jax drawled with his usual mockery, leaning right up to her ear. "The crybaby needs a key. If I were in your place, I'd have already..."
"I know!"
Pomni cut him off irritably and shoved her hand into her pocket, frantically trying to find something.
“Pomni...?”
Without answering, she finally felt the key. With a sharp movement, Pomni snatched it out and rushed toward the door. Her fingers trembled as she tried to fit the key into the lock. Behind her, Jax simply watched, making no effort to hide his satisfied smile.
The lock clicked.
"C'mon!"
Pomni threw the door open, pushing Gangle inside, and slipped in after her, slamming it shut at the last possible moment—just before their pursuers could reach them.
"Pomni, who you were t...?"
At that very instant, a bright message flashed in the air, congratulating them on the successful completion of the adventure.
After returning to the circus, Pomni refused to discuss the adventure; she gave friends only a brief smile and a casual wave to indicate she had enjoyed it, then, citing exhaustion, quietly went off to visit Jax.
As always he was lying peacefully in his tent.
Pomni sank down beside him silently. For several long minutes, she simply stared at him, as if hoping she was about to hear another stupid joke.
"Pomni...?"
She didn't notice Ragatha enter at first. The woman sat down carefully beside her, glancing first at Jax and then at her friend. A strange smile was frozen on Pomni’s face— too forced to be genuine.
Ragatha sighed softly.
"I knew I'll find you here. You’ve been looking really tired lately..." she began hesitantly. "I’m worried about you. If something’s bothering you... if you need to talk... You know you can come to me."
Pomni remained silent for a few more seconds, her gaze fixed on Jax.
"Do you think..." she finally said quietly, " I had a chance to save him?"
Ragatha lowered her eyes.
"I... don’t think so. It all happened too fast. We were all in despair back then… And even if we had tried… no one could have pulled him out if he didn’t want to.”
“If only I’d insisted back then… If only I hadn’t let him leave…”
Pomni gave a bitter, wry smile.
Ragatha gently placed her hand on her shoulder, interrupting her.
"Don't blame yourself. You did a lot for him. I’m sorry things turned out this way, but... you know... no matter what kind of jerk he was, I think he’d want you to keep having fun and move on with your life."
"If he really wanted that..." she whispered, barely audible, "he wouldn't have left me..."
"What?" Ragatha leaned in slightly toward her. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."
Pomni blinked rapidly, snapping out of her thoughts, and then gave a warm smile — this time, it was genuine.
"Nothing," she said, gently squeezing Ragatha’s hand. "Thank you... for always being there."
Ragatha smiled back at her.
Pomni stood up, glanced once more at Jax’s motionless figure, and let out a quiet breath.
"I think I should get some rest. This adventure turned out to be... harder than I expected."
"Of course." Ragatha stood up. "See you this evening?"
"Sure, " Pomni waved at her friend and stepped out of the tent. The smile vanished from her face the moment the curtain fell shut behind her.
Pomni stopped in front of the mirror in the circus foyer. For a few seconds, she stared silently at her own reflection. Dark circles had settled beneath her eyes, her face looked gaunt, and her gaze seemed dull and weary.
"It looks like... I really am losing my mind..."
Jax stood silently behind her. His palms rest on her shoulders, then slowly slid upward. His fingertips touched her face and gently tugged at the corners of her mouth, forcing a smile.
In the mirror’s reflection, his silhouette looked frighteningly real.
"That’s better," he said with his trademark smirk, and then his fingers slid caressingly along her cheek.
At that moment, Pomni’s eye twitched nervously. She gave a quiet, soft laugh, but a moment later, the chuckle turned into loud, almost hysterical laughter. She doubled over, gasping greedily for air, choking on her own laughter.
“Why are you laughing?”
She looked up at him, her eyes glistening with tears.
“God…” she tried to catch her breath. “I'm going insane…”
There was no fear or denial left in her voice; she had finally admitted the truth to herself.
“You aren’t here, Jax. You died a month ago… Or was it longer? I think Iost track of time…”
She took a deep breath and fell silent for a moment, then continued in a quieter voice.
“And I… I just keep talking to you. I keep seeing you… I really am… losing… my… mind…”
The last words were spoken in a near-whisper. The smile slowly faded from her face.
She turned away from the mirror and leisurely headed for her bedroom. The hand flinched as her fingers touched the doorknob. Pomni paused again. Her gaze drifted towards the Jax's door.
"You look at it every morning and every evening" he said in a low voice leaning against the nearby wall.
"Why did you die, Jax?"
Pomni's voice wavered.
"Why... why did they rescue me back then?"
Silence fell for a moment. Jax was no longer smiling. He simply turned away in silence, as if ignoring her question.
Pomni entered the room and locked the door. She didn't turn on the lights. The chamber was lit only by a lone nightlight.
Shuffling her feet, Pomni slowly made her way toward the bed. Along the way, the toe of her shoe caught on a toy block. She stumbled, barely managing to stay on her feet, and glanced down in annoyance.
She froze for a moment.
Pomni gritted her teeth hard enough to make them grind, and her fingers clenched into fists of their own accord. For a while, she simply stared at the toy.
With a sudden movement, Pomni snatched it up and threw it at the wall with all her might. The block shattered into pieces with a dull thud.
Her breathing grew ragged. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest.
As if making fun of her the voice appeared in her head again.
"You wanna finally work off those weeks of rage and anguish that have buildin'up inside you?"
"Stop..."
The word broke from her lips barely audible.
Pomni grabbed the first thing she reached and threw it at the wall with a scream. Then another. And another. A deafening crash filled the room. Objects shattered, ricocheted off the walls, and got stuck in the circus's textures.
She screamed, choking on her tears.
Tears streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks. Her voice gave out completely, dissolving into hoarse, desperate cries punctuated by convulsive sobs. She overturned a cabinet, and it crashed to the floor with a loud thud.
Almost immediately, her hands found the nightlight. Pomni raised it above her head, ready to smash it too, but froze.
Jax watched her silently from the corner of the room. His face was expressionless.
Her strength finally gave out. A piercing, agonized scream tore from her chest. Her fingers involuntarily loosened their grip, and she collapsed helplessly to her knees, clutching the nightlight to her chest. It seemed to be the last surviving object amidst the chaos.
Drawing breath was an almost physical struggle. Sobs tore at her chest, her shoulders shuddered convulsively, and her lips trembled so violently that she couldn't utter a word.
Jax moved closer, carefully stepping over the scattered debris, and knelt beside her.
Pomni looked up at him with red, tear-filled eyes. He touched her face in silence. With his thumb, he gently wiped a tear from her cheek and gave a sad smile, then simply pulled her close.
At that very moment she felt the familiar tingling sensation. Her hands began to glitch.
She took a deep breath, then clung to him desperately, holding him as tight as she could. She wasn't ready to let him off anymore. Never.
***
""Ragatha?.."
Zooble called the woman out softly.
The young woman didn't realize at first that she was the one being addressed. She stood there, staring fixedly at a single point, as if she had completely ceased to notice her surroundings. Only a gentle touch on her shoulder made her start and look up.
Gangle had already finished her speech. Now it was her turn. Ragatha nodded silently and slowly stepped forward. Every step was a struggle. She stopped in front of the altar, where a picture stood.
"I..."
Her voice choked up so she had to inhale deeply.
"Each time I think I'll handle it, but when I look at the picture..."
She paused, not able to continue. Caine slowly took his hat off and bowed his head.
"Pomni was probably the most compassionate person I’ve ever known. She was always there to lend a hand. Even when she needed a help herself... she still smiled for our sake."
Ragatha nervously fidgeted with the folds of her dress.
"She was so genuine... so caring. I’ve never met anyone with heart as big as hers. And when she was gone... it felt like I’d lost a part of myself. Even before she left, she was smiling, she didn't want to upset anyone..."
Tears ran down from her eyes, falling one by one onto her interlaced fingers. The image of her friend — consumed by abstraction — remained seared in her mind. When she called Caine to open her friend's door because no one was answering from inside, it was already too late to fix anything.
Ragatha squinted, trying to hold back the tears.
"I'm so sorry..." she whispered, barely audible. "I'm sorry I couldn't help. "
A heavy silence fell.
Kinger furtively wiped away a tear, never once taking his sympathetic gaze off Ragata.
After a few long seconds, Ragata looked at the photo again. A faint, trembling smile, filled with pain, appeared on her face.
"I truly hope... that you have found peace now. Together with him."
She glanced toward the tent.
"And for me... you will always remain my best friend."
Her voice finally gave way completely. Ragata bowed her head, and in that instant, she was enveloped in the strong embrace of the others. No one said a word; they simply stood together, sharing the same loss. Each of them had lost someone who had become part of their little family. Only then Ragatha finally allowed herself to give free rein to her emotions and weep.
In the tent nearby, two indistinct figures now lay curled up together. And the soft strains of classical music helped them sleep peacefully.