Chapter Text
There's something quite strange in the feeling of looking around a place you've spent a lot of time at, before you have to leave. The sunlight filtering through the curtain blinds hit the common room's floor different, the sound of chatter and doors opening and closing feel somewhat distant, Junpei looking at him with an expression of utter surprise that gets engraved in his memories for a reason Yuuji can't place yet.
Gojo-sensei had visited again a few days after the first visit, cheerfully announcing the news of soon being released from the mental hospital, besides also becoming his legal guardian. That certainly threw him off. Before—before, in the first timeline? he never stopped to think about his legal situation, having there been better stuff to worry about at the time. Sensei probably got him emancipated somehow, or something like that, but he's sure that Gojo-sensei never became his foster guardian. Things have changed now, however.
Yuuji tried to match sensei's enthusiasm that day, but the shock must've been too obvious on his face since Gojo-sensei couldn't help but cackle. He doesn't remember much of what happened after, only that he forgot to tell Junpei. Now, a day before Junpei's release, he dropped the news on him while helping him pack his travel backpack. Junpei hadn't brought a lot with him to the mental institution, which saddens Yuuji—moreso on the fact that Junpei finished packaging quite quickly, and he wished they could talk more while doing something together.
"You're really getting out of here? How? What happened?" Junpei asked in quick succession, the surprise melting away to welcome a wave of excitement. His friend is genuinely happy for him. It makes Yuuji feel guilty for not being able to muster the same happiness, knowing what's to come—but he still smiles, if a bit crookedly.
"Yep," he says first, crossing his legs while sitting on his own bed, facing Junpei. "Uh, one of my teachers came to visit two weeks ago and got guardianship over me—"
"Two weeks ago?!" his friend exclaims in disbelief, before reigning himself in. Barely. "Sorry. But two weeks ago? And you decided to tell me," he turns around, looking at the clock they have on the wall as if its supposed to tell him the date. "Today? What the fuck, Yuuji?"
Yuuji smiles meekly. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely. "I really, really forgot about it. I mean—well I didn't forget exactly but I was too busy worrying about other stuff?" It comes off more as a question even though its the truth.
Junpei looks at him with a puzzled expression, which makes him shrug brusquely. His friend seems to come up with a conclusion eventually, sharing his thoughts a few seconds after:
"Have the…" he paused, struggling to come up with the words for a moment. "…hallucinations been bothering you?" Junpei grimaces. "I didn't want to say it like that but I don't know how else…"
Yuuji's eyebrows arch upwards, staring at Junpei shift nervously on his spot until the surprise wanes. He hadn't been expecting that, and its kind of amusing how often he tends to forget that he's acting as a schizophrenic teen besides being stuck in a psych ward 24/7.
"Uh… yeah…?" he answers awkwardly for lack of a better answer, before clearing his throat. "It's—It's the same as always, you know," he lets out a strained chuckle. How does he go on about this without fucking it up?
Junpei sits down in front of him, already listening intently. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Does he?
"Uh," he stammers, unsure. What is there to say? Sukuna for his part has been quiet—not completely, he still comments on anything that is somewhat worth his attention. Yuuji has been trying to get him to talk and find out if Sukuna suffers from the same loss of memory as him, but the bastard keeps his mouth shut.
"Yuuji?" Junpei prods quietly.
"Ah, I'm just thinking," Yuuji waves a hand in front of him in a 'dont worry about it' motion. "I don't know how to start."
Junpei hums. "Whatever comes to mind first? Doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense."
"I…" Yuuji looks to the side, scrunching his face. Junpei deserves some honesty from him, he keeps omitting stuff to talk about and avoids topics that hit too close to home. But it makes him feel guilty.
He let's out a sigh.
"I noticed kinda recently that I've forgotten some stuff," he admits. "Well, a lot of stuff I think. I'm not sure."
"Huh," Junpei says after a moment. Concern is written all over his face, and now Yuuji feels even more guilty for being the cause of that. "Like… how, exactly? I mean—" Junpei, once again, doesn't seem to know how to word what he wants to say. "Is it like, when you enter a room and forgot why you went there, or…" Junpei's eyes drift away for a second, suddenly remembering something. "Is it like Nakai-san?"
Yuuji quickly shakes his head. "No, no, it's not like that." His situation is nothing like what Nakai is going through. He doesn't remember very well what the guy's diagnosis was—something like… disocial? No, dissociative? A dissociative disorder. It reminds him of the movie Split, although Nakai quickly shut down that thought by saying how that movie demonizes people like him. It was truly educational, and appreciates being taught about it even if he doesn't remember that well what the name of the disorder actually was.
"Then…?"
"It's more like… as if someone suddenly took something from your room and you didn't notice until you needed it?" Does that explanation make sense? He groans. "I was fine until I noticed that I have missing memories from—" the future, "—the past and I feel like they're really fucking important—" he huffs, throwing himself backwards onto the mattress.
"Wow," he hears Junpei mutter.
"Yeah," Yuuji lets out a despondent chuckle. "Wow."
"So… like Nakai-san."
"No, I'm not like him," Yuuji stresses out.
"But it's similar," Junpei remarks. "He also has missing memories his other personalities have access to, but not himself."
"I don't have another personality," Yuuji crosses his arms while laying down. Sukuna doesn't count as another personality, just an annoying and murderous roomate who wants nothing but his downfall and be free.
"I'm not saying you're the same as Nakai-san," he can practically feel Junpei rolling his eyes at him. "But it's concerning enough to look into. Have you talked to your therapist about this?"
He remains silent.
"…Yuuji," Junpei says his name with so much disappointment it freaks Yuuji out.
He sits up once again, throwing both arms upwards. "I already have a schizophrenia diagnosis, I don't need another disorder!" He justifies himself, tone coming out almost as a whine.
"Having memory issues doesn't guarantee having a disorder," Junpei says as if explaining something to a particular dumb duck.
"But it could be a symptom."
Junpei ponders about that for a short second. "Okay, true." He raises both legs onto the bed, crossing them over and mirroring Yuuji's position from earlier. "I'm not a professional, but talking to others—"
"You've been talking to others?" Yuuji interrups suddenly.
Junpei looks at him in silence.
"Sorry," he quickly apologizes. "I—I just haven't seen you interact with the rest that much? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you've been socializing! Definitely an improvement!" He raises his thumb.
"…As I was saying," Junpei clears his throat in embarrassment. "I've been talking to some of the other patients, and the ones who have some sort of dissociative disorder also experiment memory loss in different degrees—"
"But I already said I'm not like Nakai."
"There's different types of dissociative disorders, Yuuji," Junpei sighs. "You seriously should talk about this to your therapist."
"Nuh-uh."
"Wh—what do you mean, nuh-uh?"
"It means, nuh-uh."
"Don't you nuh-uh me, I'm trying to help—"
"And I appreciate it!" Yuuji interrups, feeling almost exasperated. "But… I'm going to get out of here soon, and they might want to keep me around for longer if I say anything else?" He's unsure of this, but it's a risk he's not too keen on taking.
Despite not wanting to go to Jujutsu Tech, he also doesn't really want to stay locked inside a mental institution for whoever knows how long. The thought of being outside, breathing in the fresh air—or as fresh as it can be being in the city—, being able to do whatever he wants without prying eyes. Taking a shower! Without someone standing at the door and looking at you to make sure he's not going to kill himself!
It all sounds so good.
The door of their shared room opens. "Room check," a young male nurse drawls almost boredly, staring at them both for a few seconds before closing the door again and leaving them to their privacy.
Damn. The thought of chilling on his bed without someone checking on him every fifteen minutes, too. The dream.
He sends Junpei a meaningful look, one the other boy seems to understand all too well now.
"Right, that's fair," he murmurs with a soft frown. "Do you think your new guardian will keep taking you to therapy?"
That's…. a good question. Gojo-sensei already said he must not be schizophrenic yet acknowledged the little voice inside his head apparently called "Sukea".
"I don't know," Yuuji answers with honesty. What protocols does the mental hospital have for released patients? Are there a set of rules to follow or they just let you be free like releasing a bird to the wild and hope for the best?
Junpei hums. "How is he like, then?"
That is easier to answer, he thinks. "He's super reliable!" is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. "I trust him a lot, and he's also fun—but can be very annoying!" He lets out a chuckle, remembering the instances Gojo-sensei would bother Megumi with that saccharine voice of his, or how quickly he'd get on Nobara's nerves at times. "And…" his smile slowly falls, voice starting to waver slightly the more he remembered the moments he spent with the man and the rest.
How are things going to change, now that Gojo-sensei perceives him as a troubled teen? Well, it's not like the rest aren't troubled, he knows some of the shit Maki-senpai has to deal with the Zen'in for example, but it's different. Has Gojo-sensei dealt with a mentally ill kid before? He doesn't seem to believe the schizophrenia diagnosis that much, but either way he has no idea what his sensei is actually thinking about regarding him.
It makes him even more curious and sort of desperate to read his own file.
He's about to ask Junpei to come with him. He knows where the psychiatrist's main office is, has walked by past it for the past couple of months, but Junpei is being released in the morning, and Yuuji doesn't want to put his friend in trouble in case they get caught sneaking out at night and trying to lock pick their way into the main office.
"And?" Junpei urges him to continue gently, having places his chin on the palm of his hand while waiting for Yuuji. He wonders if his constant drifting off while talking is being taken as part of his supposed mental illness.
"He's really cool," Yuuji continues weakly. "And is crazy rich. I had—have a friend who would steal one of his many credit cards and go shopping! She'd force me to go with her so I'd carry all the bags." Why can't he stop thinking about them?
Junpei looks baffled at the mere thought.
"And she's never gotten into trouble?"
"I doubt he ever noticed it was missing."
"That's insane! How much money does he even have?!"
"Uh…" Yuuji starts counting with his fingers as if that's going to help, then shrugs. "A lot."
"I hate you," Junpei groans half-heartedly. "You're about to become a nepobaby as soon as you get out of here—"
Yuuji chokes.
"What?! No!" If anything, Megumi is the nepobaby here. "I—"
What is a… nepobaby? Sukuna ruses from the depths of his mind.
"I'm not going to explain what a nepobaby is to you," Yuuji immediately answers out loud without thinking about it, mortified.
"Huh?"
You talk my ears off about this Naruto but not the meaning of a word? Sukuna scoffs in both disbelief and irritation.
Yuuji never thought that he'd hear Sukuna say 'Naruto' despite having explained what it was to him not so long ago. It's something he never wants to hear again, it so weird. He's ashamed to admit too that spending so much time with the King of Curses inside his head has somewhat made him share the stupidest shit ever. His hatred for Sukuna has grown like poisonous roots making their home around his ribs and lungs.
And yet, he tells him about things that Sukuna has no business knowing.
You flatter me.
Now tell me or I'll make you. What is a—?
"Is it Sukuna?" Junpei interrups. Yuuji flinches slightly, realizing just now that he's all over the place and answered to Sukuna out loud. His cheeks feel suddenly warm due to the embarrassment, yet goes along with it.
It's not like he as a reputation to uphold.
"He wants to know what a nepobaby is."
Junpei snorts. "And what's so wrong about explaining it to him?"
"He's ancient," Yuuji stresses, ignoring Sukuna's threats. "Listening to him say things like that is so bizarre—don't explain it to him either! Don't talk to him in fact, ever."
"Okay," Junpei agrees with a chuckle, despite being a tad bit confused. "We should go grab dinner before the nurses hunt us down." He stands up and walks towards the door, opening yet not going outside, waiting for Yuuji to follow.
Letting out a soft huff, Yuuji stands up as well.
Later that night, when every patient is in their respective rooms with some already fast asleep, Yuuji sneaks out of their bedroom dressed in his pijamas. He didn't want to stay in his normal clothes to avoid making Junpei suspicious, but he really couldn't wait much longer—moreso because he didn't know if he'll get a chance to do it later.
He sneaks down the white hallways quietly, avoiding stumbling into any guards or nurses. He feels like James Bond for a second there, specially when he hears the footsteps of a nurse about to turn down the corner. Yuuji enters another patient's room quick and quiet enough to not be noticed, the two guys were deeply asleep in their beds thankfully, but almost had a heart attack when that same nurse opened the door to do a room check. Yuuji hid in the shadows as best as he could, and wished for a moment that he could have Megumi's technique to make this easier.
It was only five seconds, but it felt like an eternity. The nurse didn't notice anything strange and closed the door then, hearing their footsteps walking down the hall until they faded away. Yuuji let out a quiet breath, and carefully stood up to get out.
"You better pay up," someone whispers behind him.
Yuuji swirls around sharply, seeing Jurou sitting up on his bed. He looked groggy, purple dyed hair with black roots sticking up everywhere, and eyes glaring at Yuuji's figure within the dark.
"Wha—sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," Yuuji apologizes sheepishly.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Uh… sneaking around?"
"Why?"
Yuuji frowns. "You're not snitching?"
Jurou scoffs, and Yuuji can distinguish the rolling of his eyes despite how dark it is. "I could've done it when that nurse was here. So? Why are you doing this?"
Seeing that he wouldn't be getting out of here without Jurou getting his answers, he decides to be honest. "I want to see what my patient files say."
"That's all?" there's a tint of disbelief in his tone.
"That's all."
"You're so boring," Jurou groans quietly before abruptly standing up from his bed. "I'm coming with."
"What? Why?"
"Because I also want to know what mine says, duh," he places the ridiculous amount of pillows he has underneath the covers, making it seem as if he's there. "Let's go."
"Didn't you just say—fine, whatever," Yuuji is wasting too much time already, they really should get going. He looks towards the other bed. "Won't he snitch if he wakes up?"
"He's on 100mg seroquel, an earthquake could start and he'd sleep through it," Jurou comments idly, placing an ear against the door to hear footsteps and opening it when he hears none. Yuuji winces in sympathy, the nurses give him the same dose whenever his nightmares get too bad and wakes up everyone who's room is in the same hallway as his. "Do you know how to lockpick?"
"No," both of them get out of the room and make their way towards the main office. Jurou looks back at him with a raised eyebrow, but before he could say something, Yuuji continues. "But it can't be that hard!"
"You're a brute, you'll end up breaking the door handle—"
"You two are going to get caught—"
Yuuji's heart stops for a moment, raising both hands and about to throw a punch—and notices that it's Junpei who just spoke, his fist stopping inches away from his friend's face. Jurou, for his part, let out a loud yelp, covering his mouth with both hands after while taking a step back.
"Don't do that!" Yuuji whispers a tad bit too loudly, lowering both hands. "I could've sunken your face in!" It might sound too dramatic, but he's always been aware of his own unatural strength. "Why are you here?!"
"I'm used to getting punched," Junpei stares at Yuuji's lowered fist with wide eyes, as if that makes it better. "And you promised you wouldn't sneak out again, but you did. So I followed."
"You've snuck out before?" Jurou stares at Yuuji.
"I—"
It's then when they all hear loud footsteps hurrying their way, making them all panic. Yuuji feels a harsh tug on his sleeve, and lets himself be dragged away by Junpei alongside Jurou, soon entering what seems to be an utility closet. There's nothing of importance in it, besides cleaning utensils. They stay there with bated breaths as the footsteps stop not so far away, soon being joined by another set.
"Arima-san?" They hear one of the nurse's voice speak. "What's wrong?"
"I heard a yelp," the nurse—Arima-san, answers. Junpei and Yuuji turn to glare at Jurou, who raises both hands in an 'I'm innocent!' gesture. "And some whispers, too."
"Oh, I heard the yelp too, but I thought the lack of sleep was getting to me."
"You think someone suck out of their room?"
"We should check the beds—"
Just as Yuuji thinks that they're all fucked, a sudden, a high-pitched, almost heart-wrenching scream echoes through the hallways. The sound of running is immediately heard after, and the three of them stare at each other in mild alarm. Screams in a mental institution are not unusual, unfortunately, but Yuuji grows deeply concerned either way. What if the cause is a curse—?
Junpei holds him by the end of the sleeve. "Don't do anything stupid," he warns him. Is Yuuji really that obvious? "The nurses will have it handled, its not our responsibility to help."
Yuuji's mouth feels dry.
"We need to hurry," Jurou opens the door slightly ajar, peeking outside. "It's our chance, while they're distracted. We have to be quick about it and then go back."
He doesn't wait for Junpei and Yuuji to follow. Yuuji's faster, however, and eventually outpaces Jurou as they reach the main office, about to break the handle before Junpei stops him.
"Don't be an idiot," his friend chastises him, moving him out of the way and crouching in front of the lock, pulling out two thin hairclips hidden behind his ear.
"You—You know how to lock pick?!" Yuuji can't help but exclaim in amazement. Jurou shushes him accompanied with a light hit to the back of his head.
He sees Junpei blush. "I… I saw it a lot in some movies and I wanted to learn," he explains himself with a mutter, focusing on the task at hand. "I never thought I'd had the chance to do it for real, though."
"That's so cool," Yuuji smiles. He's so happy that he had the chance to learn something new about Junpei, they didn't have enough time… originally, before, to know small details like this.
Jurou doesn't say anything, looking around warily in case they encounter someone else.
They all hear a click, and the door swings open. Yuuji claps softly. They don't waste any more time in getting inside, then, and quickly start searching
It's not as easy as he expected it to be, the computer that's on the desk is protected by a password and they start opening drawers somewhat frantically in hopes of finding it written. Jurou eventually waves a hot pink sticky note in front of their faces, which was actually stuck on the computer's cabinet and, in their rushing, didn't see it right away. Yuuji sends him a radiant smile before writing the password down.
After a few moments of clicking around, they find a program that archives all of the patient's information. Yuuji immediately starts typing his name.
"Hey, why do you have to go first?" Jurou grumbles.
"This was my idea, you two just tagged along," Yuuji mumbles, focusing on the file that popped out.
His eyes quickly skip over the general information regarding his name, age, and the like, reading instead everything else the main file has to offer. There's another folder dedicated to daily/weekly reports, but he has no time to read over them all. He stops at his official diagnosis, the word schizophrenia not surprising him in the slightlests but instead he blinks at the mention of "PTSD symptoms, possibly from trauma — Investigate further."
"What is PTSD?" he asks in confusion.
Junpei looks over at him with his brows furrowed. "Huh? The thing veteran soldiers have?"
"But I didn't go to war?"
You technically did.
"You two are fucking idiots," Jurou spits out in exasperation. "It's short for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, basically you get it after experiencing or witnessing something traumatizing as fuck," he explains oh so kindly.
"Oh."
"No need to be mean about it," Junpei mutters to himself with a roll of his eyes, but the explanation makes him look back at Yuuji with a concerned look. "Why? Were you diagnosed with it?" He asks, looking over his shoulder to the screen.
"Says that I most likely have it," Yuuji gives a flipant wave of his hand, as if it doesn't matter that much and shouldn't be worth paying attention over. Junpei opens his mouth but closes it soon after, not saying anything else.
"Fucked up," Jurou comments cassually.
Yuuji ignores everything else and keeps on reading. There's information on the symptoms listed underneath the Schizophrenia and possible PTSD diagnoses, and its kind of creepy how much they got. Does he behave that crazy? Yeah he sometimes trails off in the middle of a sentence or changes topics quite abruptly when he doesn't want to talk about something anymore lest he remembers anything unpleasant, but does it really fit as "disorganized thinking"?
He didn't even mean to give that supposed symptom on purpose, the rest regarding voices and visions is.
Either way, it doesn't mention at any point Sukuna's name, or anything else regarding that matter. He clicks on the folder with reports and quickly skimming over the first notes, it eventually mentions Sukuna more in detail. However, did Gojo-sensei read these? He doesn't read the rest, instead closes his file and stands up to let Jurou look over his, eyes shifting towards the door in mild worry as he thinks over everything.
Is he traumatized?
…He is, isn't he?
Each of them returned to their rooms without getting caught, although there were a few more close calls after leaving the office.
Yuuji didn't get any sleep that night, and was eating his breakfast drowsily while the boys at the other end of the table traded pills with hushed whispers. Junpei looked like he wanted to say something to them, before lowering his gaze and acting as if he didn't see anything. It was for the best.
The time for Junpei to go back home had come too soon for his liking, even if he was glad for his friend. It was just… Mahito, and his eventual role in Junpei's life. Hopefully Yuuji will have a chance to truly save him this time instead of failing so spectacularly.
Junpei looked genuinely touched at Yuuji's teary eyes, as if he never expected for someone to miss him.
"Don't worry— we'll see each other again as I've already said," Junpei reassured him a tad bit awkwardly, not knowing exactly how to comfort him. "And way sooner too I hope…! After all, you're getting out of here too."
Yuuji nods, cleaning the few stray tears that slipped from his eyes with the base of his hand, yet smiling radiantly at Junpei. "Of course! You better spam me with whatever, I'll catch up after I'm out.
"I will," Junpei promises.
He walks with Junpei towards the reception area, where his mother is waiting. They introduce each other with different degrees of enthusiasm—Junpei's mom not entirely surprised about her son having made a friend at a place like this. His friend most likely mentioned him at some point. She invited him over for dinner and to pass the time with Junpei after his eventual release, since "a friend of Junpei might as well be family" much to Junpei's mild embarrassment. Yuuji accepted without hesitation.
And just like that, his friend was gone.
Yuuji stood at the entrance for a few seconds before being escorted back to the common room, an uncomfortable feeling of emptiness settling on him as he took a seat on one of the many couches there, looking at the clock and waiting for something to happen.