Work Text:
>You love your Audi S4
>Twin-turbo 2.7-liter V6 engine
>261 hp, 400 Nm of torque
>0 to 62 mph in 5.6 seconds
>You love it so much you spent an exorbitant amount of money to boost the engine and the car's audio setup, put some nice high-quality speakers
>Money you worked hard to get
>Not that the always busy highways ever allowed you to enjoy it properly
>You once tried going full gas and you swear you almost touched 190 mph
>Almost
>A hefty speeding ticket got in the way
>You cringe inwardly as you remember the cop approaching your car
>And the embarrassing "There a problem, officer?" that came out of you while your awkward smile reflected in his sunglasses
>Fucking speed limits
>You hated to admit it, but maybe friends and family were right calling the car a useless dark pit of money and sweat
>Plus the Daxy will probably never let you actually drive it anymore, let alone reach those speeds again
>The highways are eerily empty today, everyone is probably already getting relocated to the cities
>God, if only they had always been this empty, you muse as you easily cruise the asphalt at 60 mph
>You sigh
>One last joyride before they get you too
>Your playlist of classic boomer rock gives your soul some levity, these were your pop's favorites. You have memorized these tunes by heart
>You wonder if the lizards will even allow you to listen to them again, or if they will censor these too
>Fucking 1984 aliens
>A louder and louder hum startles you
>You check your rear-view mirrors, frowning as you see an APC approaching you
>A bassy female voice blares out of a megaphone, grating and low
>"Human! Slowly decelerate your vehicle to an halt and shut off the engine. We are not here to hurt you, you shall be treated in accordance to..."
>Bla bla bla we are your saviors bla bla bla surrender with open arms bla bla bla we want to get in your pants …
>Whatever, you fat space geckos
>You put your blinkers on and decelerate into the right lane
>You chuckle at the idea of complying with speeding laws. She is not some cop pulling you over for another speeding ticket
>The APC halts some 30 feet behind you
>You watch three of them step out of the vehicles, sporting heavy armor.
>One of the Daxy in power armor, probably the leader of the happy bunch, takes off her helmet
>Damn that bitch is tall.
>What is that, 10-11 feet? What do they feed em?
>She is covered in light purple scales with some narrow yellow stripes, the same yellow in her small reptilian eyes
>She kinda looks like one those 2000s knockoff Jurassic Park toys, one of those raptorsaurus or whatever
>She's saying something but you can't hear it, the music is too loud
>You're about to turn off the speakers to hear whatever matronizing bullshit she’s about to spew
>Just then the iconic "Kickstart My Heart" guitar riff starts playing at full volume
>The speakers rattle the windows
>Your mind goes blank for a second, the guitar roars in your ears
>Your hand twitches, hovering unsure over the mute button
>You look in the rearview mirror again
>The unmasked purple Daxy is approaching the left side of your car
>Your heart pumps faster
>0 to 62 mph in 5.6 seconds
>You feel the guitar riff in your chest
>261 hp, 400 Nm of torque
>She taps your window
>Your foot pushes the clutch all the way down
>Twin-turbo 2.7-liter V6 engine
>Your hand grips the gear stick like a lifeline
>The Daxy crouches down, putting her heavy right arm on the car rooftop
>"Human, can you please shut off your —"
>Your V6 roars to life
>You shift in first gear
>You both exchange one last look
>She stands there, her yellow eyes wide and unblinking. Confusion etched across her reptilian face, stunned into a stupid open mouthed expression
>You're smirking like a shithead, left eye twitching, as you floor it
>"When I get high, I get high on speed. Top fuel funny cars, a drug for me"
>6 seconds in
>You’re screaming the lyrics out
>”My heart, my heart Kickstart my heart”
>70 mph
>The Audi has already eaten 360 feet of asphalt
>God you love your car
>You check your rearview mirror
>The lizard is still standing there, mouth wide open like a moron—she's probably gonna enjoy the taste of the cloud of dirt you just dusted in her face
>You look back to the road just as they start running for their APC.
>"Always got the cops. Coming after me. Custom built bike. Doing 103"
>120 mph
>Meanwhile, Vince Neil is going apeshit on his guitar on your speakers
>Scratch that, the whole song is going apeshit on your sound system
>170 mph
>"Ooh, yeah. Kickstart my heart. Give it a start. Ooh, yeah, baby. Ooh, yeah. Kickstart my heart. Hope it never stops. Ooh, yeah, baby"
>190 mph
>You spot the APC in the rear view, kicking a big amount of dust in a furious attempt to catch up
>Like you give a shit, your beloved Audi has got you covered
>"Good luck with that, skittle lizards"
>The empty highway stretches out before you, without cars it looks almost endless
>The engine roars with a fierce growl, the powerful hum vibrating through the chassis
>Blessed German engineering
>You close your eyes and scream, cackling like a maniac
>You never felt so alive
>Fuck the lizards
>Fuck the now absent traffic slowing you down
>Fuck the speed limits
>Fuck whoever told you wasting money on this car was a bad idea
>Your joy is cut short as soon as you reopen your eyes
>In the distance a section of the highway has crumbled and collapsed in on itself, probably because of the recent battles
>Oh fuck
>You brake as hard as you can
>The song reaches its crescendo
>”Whoa, yeah Kickstart my heart. Hope it never stops. Whoa, yeah, baby”
>The steering wheel jerks back in your hands as the tires skids on the asphalt.
>The Audi swerves violently to the left
>You see the highway guardrail coming fast toward you
>The only thing you can manage to do in those last seconds is hide your head behind your shoulder
>You slam hard and you feel weightless as your car flips multiple times in the air
>Your vision blurs, the world outside turns a chaotic mess of colors and shapes
>The sound of the screeching metal and the shattering glass is deafening
>Your seat belt pulls tight against your chest as you're thrown violently from side to side
>Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the rolled over carcass of your car mercifully skids to a halt
>At the same time, your now destroyed sound system spurts out the last choked note of the song
>You hang like a salami in your capsized seat
>The engine lets out a low, choking growl, the dashboard reduced to a twisted mess of wires and metal
>Your breath comes in short, ragged bursts
>Everything hurts
>Only one thing is clear in your still spinning head
>You have miraculously survived
>But, before the enormity of what had just happened could start to sink in, an angry purple arm violently rips the bent door off its hinges
>You see big beefy thighs crouching down on the pavement littered with debris of your beloved departed Audi
>Damn, they look like they could crush a rock
>A frowning, yet familiar, reptilian face lowers on the ground and two yellow eyes glare at you
>The Daxy face is a canvas of a million emotions, but beneath the myriad expressions you can clearly discern the main one
>Anger
>You fight the growing pain and nausea and manage a goofy nervous smile
>"There a problem, officer?"