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Kai was drunk. Completely, utterly wasted. And so, as he always did, he called Jay.
Sitting on the edge of a cobble wall on the side of a road that he’s not totally sure how he got to, he waited for the man to answer. He watched the horizon with blurry eyes, the moon a thin crescent in the distance.
There was a click, the receiver picking up the line.
"...Kai?" Jay greeted in a groggy voice.
"Heyyy, Jay," Kai laughed at nothing as he replied, stretching out his words, swinging his legs back and forth.
"Are you, uh, okay?" the man seemed hesitant at the very nature of this call, making Kai's eyebrows crease. Isn't the man used to this by now?
"Yeah, just miss you," Kai hummed, ignoring the slur to his words. He couldn't care less for how he talked, only focused on Jay.
There was a brief silence on the line, a pregnant pause that used to never be in their relationship.
"Are you drunk?"
"Hmm, you guess."
There was a sigh, "Kai, where are you?"
Kai frowned. Looking around with blurred out vision, he didn't really know where he was, no landmarks that rung a bell.
"Duuude, you tell me," Kai replied laggardly, stretching his arms.
"...I’ll figure it out, I'm on my way, just—don't, ugh—don't move, okay?"
"No promises."
Kai doesn't know how much time passes before he's seeing a familiar car go off the side of the road, only feet away from him. Kai's laid out on his side, feeling almost feverish as the alcohol works through his system.
Jay, in all his glory, opened the car door and stepped out, rushing over to the man with a worried look in his eyes.
“Ooo, you found me!” Kai exclaimed, wincing at the sound of his own, very loud voice when it reverberated through his temples, “Actually, how’d you do that?”
“Zane has trackers on all of us,” Jay said quietly, brushing Kai’s hair out of his face, causing the man to smile, leaning into the touch.
“Oh, yeah,” Kai hummed in recognition.
Jay put his hands on the other man’s shoulders, nudging him to sit up, “Come on Hothead, let’s get you back home.”
Kai sighed, lamenting the nice, cool concrete as he was pushed up, blood rushing to his head. He watched Jay’s steady, strong hands clutch his shoulders as he was urged to stand. The walk to the car was more of a hobble, feeling himself stumble at many given times, even with the short distance.
The drive back was nauseating. Kai tried not to watch through the window as the car bumped down the highway, the speed they were going blurring all lines of vision together. His head felt as if it was going to fall right off, causing him to hike up his legs and rest his chin on his knees. He closed his eyes.
Stumbling into the monastery with tunneled vision, Jay shushed Kai, directing him to a kitchen chair. Kai frowned as Jay walked away, the gentle touch now only a past feeling.
Thankfully, he came back only moments later, a drink in hand, “Here, water. Drink slowly.”
“When did you become Mr. Smartypants?” Kai murmured, taking a sip as he registered how serious Jay had been this entire time.
Jay looked at him with a blank expression, pursing his lips before replying, “When you started calling me drunk out of your mind.”
Kai’s face warmed, embarrassment crept up his neck, starting the chug the water.
“What did I just tell you?” Jay barked, taking the water out of the man’s hands, frustration nothing but present in his eyes.
Kai was about to say something when an overhead light flickered on. He whipped around to see Lloyd, who stood hunched over in the doorway, eyes squinted.
“What’s going on?” Lloyd asked, rubbing his eyes, “You guys realize it’s like… 2AM, right?”
Jay looked up at the younger man, a reassuring but tired smile appearing as he answered, “Sorry to wake you, Lloyd. Go back to bed.”
“What’s up with Kai?”
“I’m right here,” Kai scoffed indignantly, though his mouth was moving quicker than his brain could think.
Jay walked over to Lloyd to say something out of earshot of Kai, a hand covering his mouth as he said it. Lloyd’s eyes widened, saying something back, Jay shaking his head, replying.
Sober Kai probably could have gathered what was being said, but right now, he had no idea. Words overlapped each other in his brain, and he decided to simply lean back and give up. He didn’t really like the idea of knowing what they were saying anyway. He blew air up to push the bangs stuck to his forehead out of the way.
Eventually, the blaring, offensive overhead light went off again, and Kai went back to basking in the nice, soft orange light. Jay walked back to Kai, looking him in the eyes.
Kai was not the most thoughtful person, but Jay's next string of words confused him.
"What was it this time?" he asked, eyes filled with a concern Kai didn't quite gather the reason for.
"Huh?"
"Why did you—I—whatever," Jay struggled to explain what he was saying, burying his face in his hands. He muttered something about it not mattering in the morning.
Kai stared at Jay above him. He wanted him on him. He wanted to touch him.
"Can we go to bed?" Kai asked brusquely, his plan lacking outside of want.
"Um, you can go to bed," Jay said, a sternness to his voice, already hoisting the man up, up, up, his hands placed on his torso, Kai shivering with delight.
Please stay, god, stay, please—
Jay kept an arm locked with his own as they walked back to Kai's bedroom. Kai barely tried to walk, leaning all of his body into the other man, simply praying the other could carry his dead weight to the other side of the hall.
Kai fell onto the bed, hands sliding to Jay's wrists, tugging on them when Jay was despondent to the encouragement to join him on the mattress.
"Kai, no."
He felt like cold water had been splashed over him. He gulped, "Why?"
"You're drunk, I'm not gonna—ugh, please, Kai, just go to sleep," Jay looked upset. Kai didn't like that.
"What if we just... hugged. Really close. On the bed. And kissed a little," Kai looked at him with pleading eyes. He just wanted something.
He didn't get drunk to make good, calculated decisions.
Jay paused, chewing the inside of his cheek, looking down at his limp hand being pulled on by the fire ninja.
“…Okay,” he gave in, getting onto the bed, sidling up beside the other, “No kissing, though.”
Kai frowned, but was happy enough to have the other next to him. He curled up into the other, arms wrapping around each other, Kai exhaling happily, fluttering his eyelids closed.
Jay slid his hands up and down the man’s back in soothing motions, breathing quietly, but Kai could still hear the stuffiness of his nose, the whistle as he took in air. It was a silly thing that Kai loved hearing.
“I miss you,” Kai whispered suddenly, repeating his previous statement from an hour before.
“You keep saying that,” Jay observed softly, “I’m right here.”
“I miss us.”
The air was dead silent after that.
Saying it aloud made realizations crash down on him, remembering his previous mistakes that had pushed Jay away. Tear-filled, idiotic arguments that caused the two to decide on taking a break for god knows how long.
“Kai, we can’t talk about this. Not with you like this,” Jay declared firmly, but Kai heard the slight shake. He always did.
“Then kiss me instead.”
“Kai.”
“Please.”
What he received wasn’t what he prayed for, but a kiss nonetheless was laid out for display on his forehead, chaste as ever.
Kai chased the face rapidly backing up. He attempted to plant a kiss of his own, rather on lips, but lacked the coordination, so it landed on the man’s jaw.
Jay furrowed his brows, “Go to sleep, Kai.”
His voice lacked its usual compassion, souring like milk left out all night.
“Please, Jay—”
“No,” Jay growled precipitously.
Kai stared.
The other man recoiled at his own belligerence. As an inarticulate apology, he moved closer into the embrace, letting Kai rest his face into his shoulder. Kai felt tears prick at his eyes, threatening to fall as he recognizes the uselessness of this dance they were carrying out.
This was a bad idea, Kai thought as he snaked his arms around the mans waist, no longer an intent behind it.
"I hate you," Kai muttered meaninglessly into the nape of the other man's neck.
"I know," the man replied, soaking it all in, aware this high was at its end.
Rubbing circles into Kai's back, any further meaningful words were left unspoken. Kai continued to whisper insults that fall on stony ground, the gentle touch staying, soft breathing and a heartbeat against his chest.
His stomach churned as he gripped sleeves, arms slack. In the moment, he was a dog at someone’s door, begging for absolution right after baring his bloody teeth, evidence on the step under his paws.
"I love you," Kai’s voice wavered, wet tears against a calm pulse.
"I know."
Kai cried that night; more than he’d admit to if ever asked. It was only going to be witnessed by Jay. It only had to be by him.
And when morning was to come, this would all be ignored outside of the simple complaint of a pounding head, feelings left to fester.