Chapter Text
Akaashi Keiji had a lot of fears—more than everyone he has ever known—but one particular one always popped up in his head; the fear of the future.
Every waking minute was his thoughts bombarding him with questions like: What is so come, or how many days do I have left until I die.
As smart and rational Akaashi was, he–himself, didn't know where this fear came from.
Maybe from the fact that his life was a rollercoaster from day one or from his extreme anxiety he preferably liked to ignore, even so, Akaashi hated the thought of the future and what could come.
. . .
Two days before Akaashi had to start his spring term, two days before he left his father's house—a suburban area in America—to go back to Japan with his mother.
His parents had gotten divorced when Akaashi was only four and a half, they never told him why but he figured it was probably because his father fell out of love. Ever since that, Akaashi had been going back and forth from America and Japan, though it was only when he wasn’t in school and on breaks.
Akaashi could hear the cluttering of dishes and the voices of his half sibling from upstairs. It was nice actually, the noise, it was better than the quiet mornings that he unfortunately had to go back to.
Akaashi made his way down the stairs, he was immediately greeted by his stepmother, Madilyn Rylee, the woman his father formerly betrothed his life to and took the name of.
Madilyn frowned upon seeing Akaashi then cupped his face. “Love, what have I told you about staying up late? Now you have dark circles under your eyes.” The woman sighed deeply then removed her hands.
Akaashi looked away. “I had to pack for my flight today, sorry.” He mumbled under his breath.
She let out a sad yet annoyed sigh. “You and that damned anxiety again..” Madilyn waved her hand dismissively. “It's fine, just be mindful next time, now go eat breakfast before the other two eat it all.” Madilyn smiled warmly and went on her way.
Akaashi sighed then went to the kitchen where his two half siblings were.
Sitting at a table, two girls, twins, wolfed down a plate of pancakes, and on the stove was Akaashi’s Father, making even more pancakes.
One of the girls, Celena, glances at Akaashi, then waved happily, in which Akaashi waved back silently before having a seat.
“Morning Kei, eat up before we leave to get on the plane. ” Akaashi Father places a bowl of specifically dairy-free yogurt, oats, and fruits.
Akaashi hums gratefully. “Hmm, thank you.” Soon enough, he picked up his spoon and started to eat while listening to the morning chatter.
. . .
It was around 8PM when Akaashi and his father made it to Tokyo, Japan.
Akaashi's father sighs. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off?” His father asked, as they stepped out into the spring air of Japan.
Akaashi nods. “I'm sure, I don't need you and Okaasan arguing again.” He walks in front of his father to call for a taxi.
Akaashi's father lets out a noise and gives Akaashi a look only the two of them would understand. “I guess you're right.”
A taxi soon pulls up in front of Akaashi and Akaashi proceeds to put his things in the trunk of the car.
“Keiji,” Akaashi’s father calls out
“Yes, Oyaji?”
“If anything happens you know you can call me or Madi, and I will be here all night so–”
“Dad, I will be fine, no need to be worried about me.” Akaashi cuts his father off and gets in the taxi.
“Well, I love you, Musuko…be safe.” His father responded and soon enough Akaashi shut the car door and the taxi drove off.
. . .
The ride to his mother's apartment was long, giving it was fairly far away from the airport.
And not only was it long but it was quiet, the one Akaashi hated the most—the one that undoubtedly made him think.
Akaashi was going to high school, it'll be new, things are going to be different, and that also means Akaashi has three more years until he graduates, the rest of his life is going to be a mystery and that…that worried him the most.
And he could only think…think and ask himself questions he were unsure of:
What would I do?
What if my life ended up in chaos?
Am I even able to handle it if it were to end up in hell?
What if all my goals failed?
Would I be alive? Dead? In between?
Am I able to face the horrid world ahead of me?
What is wrong with me?
Why am I freaking out?
WHAT is WRONG with ME!?
Akaashi took a sharp breath.
Seemingly his last one.
The life of Tokyo—the lights, beamed, like he was in a circus and he was the main focus.
The music in the car became deafening.
Akaashi felt like he was running, no, like he was being chased.
A wave of coldness hit Akaashi like a truck, it made his stomach turn.
Tears willed up in Akaashi’s eyes.
Sweat started to prickle on Akaashi’s already clammy skin.
He felt disgusting.
Akaashi shut his eyes, he felt like he was going to die.
Everything was too fast.
Everything was too bright
Too loud.
Akaashi had not realized that the taxi had stopped, nor the concerned look on the driver's face.
Akaashi jerked when the driver reached out and put his hand on Akaashi’s shoulder to get his attention.
“Sumimasen, this is your stop, are you okay—” The driver didn’t finish as Akaashi shoved 1000 yen in his hands before getting out as the driver started to try and give the change back.
Everything was blurry and fast, the only thing on Akaashi's mind was to get his things and get inside his room as fast as possible.
Akaashi grabbed his bag and rushed inside the house, and into his room.
He immediately started the breathing method he learned back in America, it was stupid of his to let himself lose control.
It was stupid of him to do it in front of another person.
It was stupid of him to forget what he was taught in therapy.
It was stupid.
He was stupi—Akaashi stopped himself.
“Damn it Akaashi, breath, stop criticizing yourself.” Akaashi mumbled to himself, going to lay on his bed, closed his eyes, and actually started to breathe.
One
…
Two
…
Three
Akaashi imagined himself in a forest, near a water fall, the trees speaking to each other in the background, the birds chirping.
This was relaxing.
Akaashi was relaxed.
One
…
Two
…
Three
Akaashi took his last deep breath before sitting up.
He still felt disgusting from sweating after what happened and he needed to take his anxiety pills, again.
. . .
After a shower, Akaashi changed into something more comfortable and took his anxiety medication before getting into the bed.
Tomorrow was going to be a long day; Talking to his teachers, hopefully making friends, and the last of all…volleyball tryouts.
So naturally Akaashi tried to get some sleep and despite his sleeping problems, he drifted off to sleep.