Chapter Text

A Bad Dream

Akaashi jolts out of his sleep, shaken and hyperventilating. 

The cause: A Dream. 

The Dream: a typical morning for Akaashi, but he soon found himself without his partners, alone, and a note explaining how they all fell out of love with Akaashi, how they couldn't stand another night with him. 

A note bound to hunt forever. 

But it was only a dream, and dreams can be handled, can be emotionally handled. 

Well, that's what Akaashi initially thought before his body started to twitch. 

Twitching was a symptom, a symptom for something Akaashi knew best; An Obsessive Episode. 

Akaashi ran his hands through his hair before reaching for his glasses.

He felt like he slept for ten business days—and maybe he did because when he looked at the time, he felt a stinging, cold and cruel rush of anxiety go through him.  

3PM. 

3PM!? 

Akaashi always liked routines, routines keeped him at ease. 

He never once slept through the whole day, he didn't let himself do it…his partners, especially Kuroo didn’t let him without a given reason.

Akaashi immediately thought of the note from his dream and soon after another wave of anxiety rushed through him. 

Everything felt wrong, very wrong. Akaashi's mind told him.

Symptom number two hit Akaashi hard like a truck: Restlessness. 

Akaashi wanted to get up, run around the house, and make sure his lovers were still there, make sure they loved him, and there was no note.

Instead, Akaashi took a deep breath and sat up out of the bed. 

He didn't need to make himself go manic with his anxiety.

Akaashi breathed again then got up to start (Even though it's the afternoon) his day. 

If you have lost a routine, make a new one. Akaashi reminded himself of his fathers words. 

First ) Freshen up.

Akaashi made his way to the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth. 

He felt decent afterwards, he felt the minimum control he had lost come back. 

Next ) Breakfast…or rather dinner. 

Akaashi hesitated to go downstairs, still stuck on the idea that he would find a yellow post-it note on the island table in the kitchen. But eventually he took a breath and went downstairs and fortunately, found no notes for him. 

He only found an empty kitchen, everything was where it was, nothing was wrong, everything was fine. 

 Akaashi let out a relieved sigh before he got out some left overs from the other night. 

Tamago kake gohan. 

It was one of his lover’s—Kenma Kozume—favorite foods. It was the only food that he seemed to eat now-a-days, and at the thought of his partner, Akaashi felt a warmth spread through his chest. 

But the thought of his gamer boyfriend also raised another thought: Had he eaten today? 

Akaashi hummed with concern before also making a plate for his significant other, heating it up, then walked towards Kenma’s office

Akaashi fell into a stop when he got to the door.

Kenma snorts—probably having a streaming collaboration of some sorts. 

“The one with the black hair and blue eyes?” Kenma asked.

Was Kenma having a conversation about me? Akaashi thought, his hand pausing at the doorknob then fell. 

A pause then Kenma let out an annoyed sigh.

“No, we are not dating nor do I quote on quote, wuv him, what in your right mind made u think of that?” Kenma said loud and clear, no remorse in his voice at all. 

Akaashi's heart stopped.

“Okay so? Just because I see him almost everyday doesn’t mean anything—“ 

The rest of Kenma's words were washed away as Akaashi’s thoughts flooded his mind.

But this couldn’t be, no, Kenma loved me, right?

Akaashi's breath hitched and he immediately retreated back into the kitchen with Kenma’s plate.

Nearly dropping the bowl of food, Akaashi puts it down as he tries to get it out of his trembling hand.

That dream. 

That note.

It couldn’t possibly symbolize something right?

Right? 

Akaashi could hear his heart in his ears—like a group of drummers drumming to impending misfortune.

That note.

They’re going to leave me.

Akaashi winced at that thought. 

He didn't like the thought that his partners would leave him. 

He needed to breathe—but it was hard and he was confused.

They had spent years together, years of building what they had and now this.

Akaashi wanted to be mad, to go back to Kenma’s room and demand for answers but he stayed where he was, trembling and trying to regain control.

Akaashi held his breath for a moment before letting himself breathe.

Calm down.

Calm down.

Think.

Think.

But the only thing Akaashi brain comes up with is his mother's words: Those panic-whatever-its-called were made from the gods themselves, its misfortune, sworn to be bad luck and if you don’t stop them, you’ll be cursed.

She would hiss every-time Akaashi broke free from one as a child. 

The memory hit him hard, that fucking dream hit him harder. 

Akaashi lets out a shaky huff—close enough to a laugh.

What is wrong with me? 

I have never reacted like that, I have avoided panicking like that for years…

Maybe it was that dream, a “sign” his mom would call it.

Anxiety ran through his blood, because he didn’t want to be alone…he didn’t want them to leave him in a house that would reek of cold and loneliness and left reminiscence of the memories that were there before the cold and loneliness. 

Akaashi left his and Kenma’s food forgotten on the island table as he traveled back upstairs and into his (and Kuroo’s too) office. 

Akaashi didn’t know what he was thinking—well he wasn’t really as he pulled out his phone and dialed his mom’s number.

The phone call was a blur—All Akaashi remembered was his mother telling him that his dream was a vision of the future, a vision that his partners would leave him if he showed them this side of him, said that if he did he would burden them.

Akaashi sat on the small couch in the office, his phone trembling in his hand. 

Akaashi felt…numb after the call, his mother's words echoed through his head. 

If they see someone that isn’t your everyday self, then they’ll leave. 

Akaashi shuttered at the thought. 

Maybe they would leave, they hardly saw anything besides the intelligent, calm, pragmatic boyfriend he was. 

The supportive boyfriend; that was what Akaashi is supposed to be, not the one being supported—not with his mental health. He is not supposed to be having panic attacks and giving their relationship misfortune. 

Akaashi stared blankly at the wall.

He felt helpless.

. . .