Chapter Text
Yuji laid on his mattress, images of the dark blue haired boy seared into the back of his eyelids like a curse. He bit his tongue roughly, the taste of copper seeping through his mouth.
He sobbed, the ache in his heart from being torn open and left empty. Gutted. Exposed. The betrayal he felt only lasted for so long before he became hollow. Then guilt kicked in. It was his fault after all. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.
He kept his eyes shut for a long time, bathing in the memories that used to be him and Megumi, memories that must have meant something to both parties and not just Yuji.
He missed Megumi, for his heart aches just at his name. His face. It aches even more when Megumi acts as if Yuji doesn’t even exist, as if he is nothing worth noticing. But what truly burns, what feels like he’s being engulfed in flame and turned into ash, is when Megumi looks at him with disgust plastered on his face. He used to think anything was better than being ignored, but that single expression was somehow worse. It made him feel like a pig, like he was some kind of vile creature that only deserved torture.
He wants Megumi to miss him, to feel the same way that he does. But he knows that he doesn’t. Yuji wonders if he would care if he disappeared. If he became just another news story, buried or lost to the ocean. Would he notice? Would he feel anything at all? What if they had found Yuji hanging, the tears of pleading and a hope for forgiveness left on his lifeless cheeks? Fallen from lifeless eyes?
He brought his hands to his neck, and he clasped them over it tightly. He wanted to die. He deserved to suffer. It was all his fault. Why did he even exist? He was worthless. Everyone fucking hated him. And now the only person who had actually cared was pretending that he was a ghost. A wisp of cold air in a warm room. And when he wasn’t acting as if Yuji wasn’t real, he was treating him like he was rotten, like his flesh was covered in mold and infectious.
His vision blurred around the edges, and he squeezed tighter. His breathing became slight gasps, and he shut his eyes closed. His last moments would be with Megumi. Even if he just lived under his eyelids, Yuji still loved him. He needed him. Without him, what was he? The answer was nothing.
Tears escaped from his lashes, like rain falling through a cage. “I-I’m s-sor-rry…” he choked out. A final breath came from his parted lips, and his consciousness began to flicker out. Black spots covered the videos repeating in his mind, it all growing deeply hazy. It went completely dark, and the grip that Yuji had on his neck loosened. But it was far too late, for the rise and fall of his chest never came. And his eyes would never dare open ever again.
Now, he could live with Megumi in a world without consequences, in a world without suffering. Just the two of them, hand in hand forever, watching as the sun rose and fell. Yuji, was finally free.
***
He was buried later that week. People came to mourn the death of Yuji, the boy with pink hair, chocolate colored eyes, and a smile so bright that it outshone the sun itself. So many people had shown up, people that Yuji thought would laugh at the idea of him being gone, a useless piece of art thrown out. He wouldn't have expected there to be such a huge crowd. But what would have shocked him the most was the fact that Megumi was there too.
He had watched from the very back, broken promises that he couldn’t keep buried just as deep inside of his flesh as Yuji was buried in the rain coated soil. He wanted to rip out his heart just so the two of them could become dust together. So that they would have no choice but to put him in that box too.
Megumi felt like a damned monster. This, was all his fault. He had killed Yuji, he had brought this upon a world that now would shine less without a boy so sweet in it. All because he couldn’t face losing a family that treated him like dirt for what he was. All because he needed to keep the approval and acknowledgment of someone who didn’t even truly want him as a son.
So when Megumi got home that night, he didn’t cry. He didn’t even feel scared when he took a knife from the kitchen drawer and dug it into his chest, when the cold, sharp edge of the blade pierced his heart, and blood began pooling in his mouth. He had just thought about how he couldn’t live with the weight of his actions. That he couldn’t live with parents that didn’t accept him being so perfectly himself with a boy. And the worst part of all, he couldn’t live without Yuji.