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Exy runs through Kevin's veins. He's heard the phrase a million times before; a reference to him being his mother's son, to his coldness and cruelty as a Raven, to his perseverance after his return with the Foxes. It doesn't matter the context. It's always true. Exy is what keeps Kevin Day alive and moving.
The bliss and excitement of entering a stadium's court never goes away. The fan's roars are deafening as they take their seats. Kevin is mesmerized by the view from the hallway that leads to the inner ring, the Trojan's court in front of him, beautiful as always.
Semifinals. Again. Except it's different now. Kevin is in white and orange and he won't have Jean guarding his back but rather blocking his path.
"Beautiful." Neil pants, stopping at his side to admire the view too.
He's been running from side to side to burn off the extra energy since they'd arrived. At first it had been by free will, then an order from Wymack because he was "making the rest of the team nervous and he is too old to deal with that so move your ass out of my sight, Josten."
"Don't tire yourself out." Kevin reminds him, looking at him through the corner of his eye.
It's Neil and Andrew's first match since the Raven's at the beginning of the season. Kevin has been keeping an eye on Neil for any sign of anxiety but there hasn't been one yet, just pure excitement and eagerness to be back.
Wymack had made the right decision to keep them sightlined until a match against the Trojans.
When Kevin turns to finally face Neil he finds him smiling. It's a Neil Josten Smile, the kind that only Exy and Andrew can cause, so different from Nathaniel's father's. It has become a rare sight lately.
"What?" Kevin asks.
"Alvarez told me to have a winning day." Neil makes a brief pause, taking his attention off the court to look at Kevin. "I think I'll take her advice and win this. Are you with me?"
Kevin doesn't dignify the stupid question with an answer. He pats Neil's shoulder and squeezes it lightly as he turns and starts for the locker-room for Wymack's pregame pep talk.
"Lets go."
Neil follows him without missing a beat, steady on his feet for the first time all day.
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As expected, Jean is set to mark Kevin from the beginning and, as expected, Jean knows Kevin far too well.
Kevin is playing mainly left-handed but constantly switches to his right just to throw Jean off. Jean is containing himself, fighting not to fall into old habits and keep his newly acquired Trojan's values, but the lack of injuries and months of healthy habits makes it easy for him to intercept everyone of Kevin's shots to goal.
They finished the first half 2-6 in Trojan's favor, both of the Foxes' points scored by Neil and mainly facilitated by Allison because Kevin hasn't been able to keep the ball for more than six steps.
"Good game." Kevin risks talking to Jean for the first time since the game started as soon as the half-time buzzer goes off.
"Is it?" Jean asks, taking his helmet off. His chest moves rapidly, still trying to catch his breath as he runs his fingers through his hair to return it to its shape. Kevin gets so lost following the drop of sweat running down Jean's neck that he almost misses Jean looks pissed.
"Isn't it?" Kevin replies, confused.
Jean looks like he is going to say something else. Probably in an angry and too quick for Kevin to follow French, judging by Jean's face. But he is interrupted.
"I'm dead." Cody Winter gets Jean's immediate attention when they appear at his side, anger gone in a heartbeat and replaced by concern. "You said 'fast'. That was not fast, it wasn't even human. I can't feel my legs."
Winter had been marking Neil and they had done a decent job, just not good enough. In their defense, Kevin doubts anything or anyone would have been able to come between Neil and the goal after having him out of official matches for so long.
"I think you owe Cat an apology for mocking her last year." Jeremy speaks from behind Kevin.
Kevin suddenly feels trapped between the Trojans. An uninvited guest to their conversation. He isn't sure how he has become the intruder to a conversation he and Jean were having but he doesn't want to think too hard about the fact that that's exactly how he feels to be in anything related to Jean's life lately. Like a piece that keeps appearing from a puzzle boxed and forgotten years ago.
Kevin needs to get out of there. He should. But Jeremy places his hands on his shoulders as he reaches them and Kevin can't move. He doesn't want to. Just for a little longer, please Jean, just a moment longer.
It's ironic how Kevin fucked up by leaving and now just wants for Jean to let him stay. Unfair. Selfish.
"Oi, Day, wrong team." Neil shouts from the other side of the court and Kevin's chest tightens. He can always count on Neil to bring him back to Earth and away from what he doesn't deserve.
He is moving before anyone gets to say anything. Jeremy pats his shoulder twice as goodbye and doesn't lose a beat to get moving towards their door too with the backliners shortly following behind him.
Kevin starts running towards the away door but he isn't fast enough to miss Winter's excited praises towards Jean's performance and Jeremy's "That was amazing. You are amazing." He isn't sure why, but his chest tightens and the fact that he knows Jean well enough to know the comment has for sure made him blush isn't helping.
He fastens his pace.
"Don't tire yourself out." Neil mocks his previous comment while he waits for him at the door. Kevin walks past him, but stays a few feet behind, waiting for him to move. Instead, Neil keeps his gaze on the other side of the court. "He looks happier."
His voice comes out deeper than normal. Slower and quieter. The only way you can talk in the Nest without facing the consequences. Whispers and secrets.
He looks happier.
Jean. Happier?
No. Some people could argue Kevin is happier now that he is outside the Nest even if he is desperate to belong to someone again and can only cope with the loneliness by drowning himself in alcohol. Anyone could be happier. No. Jean is not happier. He is just happy.
It may be the fact that he hasn't been able to score a single goal. It may be Jeremy's hand on his shoulder. It may be Jean's fucking happiness. It doesn't matter the reason, Kevin can feel bile on his throat and he can't speak because if he does he may start crying and there are still cameras all around them.
Luckily, Neil starts walking apparently unbothered by the lack of an answer. He taps his racket with Kevin's as he walks past him.
"Lets go. You promised you'd help me win this."
Sometimes Neil forgets Kevin isn't Andrew. You get Andrew moving with promises, but Kevin doesn't really care about that. Kevin hates that it still works, though. It's not the part about the promise that matters, it's about setting a goal, giving him purpose; something, somewhere, someone to belong to.
They are going to win this.
Kevin follows him, forcing himself to feel steadier on his feet.
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Second half isn’t any better.
The Foxes strength is based on their endurance, their capability to resist whatever life throws their way until their stronger opponent gets tired enough for them to have an advantage. That technique had worked last year against the Trojans, but Winter is replaced by Alvarez and Jean… Endurance isn’t a tactic to be used against him.
Andrew on goal gives them a huge advantage, certain the Trojans’ points won’t go up, Neil and Kevin just have to worry about increasing theirs.
Neil is just as energetic and fierceful as he had been during the first half, using his speed to tire Alverez and trespass her defence. They have a few incidents of tripping and body-slumming each other, ending up both on the floor on two occasions, both of which they helped the other up before quickly going back to the game.
It’s like they are playing completely different matches. Alvarez and Neil are carrying the game and keeping it moving as they have fun, while Kevin and Jean awkwardly go against the other.
Andrew sees it. He sees how Kevin’s tactic has been to facilitate perfect shots to goal to Neil with his passes. Kevin knows Andrew has noticed and yet the asshole insists on sending the ball his way instead of Neil’s every time after he blocks a shot from the Trojans.
Kevin gets the ball again and immediately ascends towards goal, running past Jeremy and ready to pass it to Neil, but he is not there. He passes it to Dan instead, hoping she has a better angle. She doesn’t, so she passes it back to Kevin, who insists and sends the ball her way again. Neil manages to run to Kevin’s side of the court, catching Dan’s next pass and scoring.
“Stop going easy–” Neil and Jean say at the same time but cut themselves off when they realise.
‘The Raven Hivemind’ Andrew had named it when he had seen old clips of Kevin as a Raven, easily sinking into Riko’s rhythm. He had bought a water spray during Kevin’s first year in Palmetto and he would use it every time Kevin’s steps slowed to match his or every time he took a bite of food at the same time Andrew did.
When Neil came back from Evermore he craved the same synchronization in a quieter way. Kevin had made sure to give him it in a way subtle enough for Neil not to even notice the transition until the ache and necessity went away.
Three weeks. Three weeks had been enough for Jean and Neil to talk, roll their eyes, cross their arms and move at the same time whenever they were in the same room.
“Quit trying to play by the Troyans’ rules.” Neil continues.
“You call yourself the Queen.” Jean says.
“A Fox.” Neil ads.
“Act like it.” Jean finishes his sentence.
They both hate going on sync for very different reasons, and yet, they have found the message important enough not to care.
Neil is running back to starting positing before Kevin can get a word out.
“Neil.” Jean says, his tone firm and loud in a way Kevin isn’t yet used to hearing in public. A warning, maybe even a threat.
“You two go rougher on each other and I’ll go easier on your friend, Moreau.” Neil reads between lines, somehow connecting dots that weren't even on the table.
Jean mutters a few witty insults against Neil’s attitude in French before turning to Kevin, serious and definitively. “Keep him in check.”
The order takes Kevin by surprise. It’s too similar to the threat he had given Kevin on the fall banquet the day he had discovered who Neil’s father was. Kevin doubts he will ever be able to forget Jean’s accusatory expression, Riko’s confused “He has to know.”, Neil’s terrified look shaped into anger, the Ravens surrounding them, the Master taking his hand to inspect the scars. The fear, the vulnerability of not knowing, the helplessness.
Jean is leaving before Kevin gets the chance to find his voice again.
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Kevin does as he’s been told and tries not to think too much about how foolish it had been of him to try to play nice. Kevin isn’t a good person and he knows he will never be able to be. He shouldn’t fake it and merely accept the truth. The sooner, the better.
Facts are facts. Exy is the only thing that runs through his veins, cold and merciless. How could he have even considered the possibility of being a good person when he was very much aware he wasn’t even a person. He used to be. At least part of one. The villain.
He hates how easy it is to not think about it. He’s done it for years, put himself on autopilot, letting the game’s adrenaline take over his body. Kevin isn’t a person, but he is well trained to be a star.
He evens the points in twelve minutes.
The crowd is cheering, Neil shouts something that looks like a praise, Wymack does too, but Kevin can’t hear any of it, too focused on the game to care.
He quickly understands why Jean had gotten mad at him earlier, because Kevin is feeling the same frustration right now. They have gone from being stuck to being too easy. And, sure, Kevin had been trying to play “by the Trojan’s rules” and he hadn’t been using the skills he had perfected as a Raven, but Jean is being sloppy. Distracted. Snapping in and out the game only for milliseconds but too often, preventing him from blocking Kevin properly.
He had been the one to tell Kevin to play like he meant it and suddenly he wasn’t putting up a fight anymore. Ridiculous.
“Fuck this.” Kevin hears Jean’s angry words just as he manages to trespass his defence again. The words are followed by the sound of a racket falling on the floor.
The noise travels through the stadium, echoing in Kevin’s chest and immediately making it tighten. It sounds like a walk out. Jean would never just choose to walk out. Kevin feels his heart drop and immediately stops on his feet, thinking maybe he has hurt Jean while struggling to get past him.
He spots Jean in an instant in what looks like his way to the door, but when he reaches Neil, he stops. Kevin can see Neil and Jean talking, the interaction quickly turning into an argument. Only when Kevin catches a glimpse of Andrew slowly walking away from goal towards them, does he get out of his shock, dropping his racket and trotting to reach them first.
"You stupid ignorant child" Jean is saying in French when Kevin catches up to them. "Get off my court or I'll beat you until you can only crawl out of it."
"Your court?" Neil smiles in the same language "I don't think you are allowed to beat anyone if this is your court."
They have both taken off their helmets to hear each other properly but they are standing so close, Kevin doubts it was necessary. Kevin takes his off too but has to drop it quickly to catch Jean's hands suddenly gripping Neil's collar.
Kevin instinctively looks for Andrew in his peripheral vision now that the argument has turned physical. He already is, quite literally, in the middle of this, and the last thing he needs is for Andrew to make it worse. The goalkeeper stands just out of reach, cold and nonchalant expression, but ready to intervene at any moment.
"Jean let go." Kevin orders but he and Neil seem to be having a silent conversation through him. "Let go, Jean." He insists, this time lightly digging his nails into Jean's forearms to get him to comply. “You have a contract with the Trojans, you can’t just–”
"Kevin." Jeremy warns him from behind Jean. Kevin isn't sure when he has gotten there, but it seems to surprise Jean too because he loosens his grip. "Ok, thanks for that, Jean." Jeremy continues in a calm voice. "Now you, Kev."
Kevin lets go and Jean is soon to follow and take a step back away from Neil.
"Your striker is playing on a broken rib." Jean is talking to Kevin but his eyes are fixed on Neil. He is still talking in French, not minding to keep Jeremy out of the conversation. His distractions and disregard for the game earlier make sense all of a sudden.
"You are one to talk." Neil points a finger at Jean before Kevin has time to process his words any further. "You’ve been limping for the last 20 minutes."
What?
The fact that Jean had noticed Neil rebreaking his rib from half a court distance was shocking, but it’s Neil’s comment the one that takes Kevin by surprise. He hadn’t noticed Jean’s limping, it would have been borderline impossible for Neil given the lack of interactions between the two of them. Neither of them had allowed their injury to affect their game.
Alarm bells start going off in Kevin’s brain, all his anger and frustration from earlier transformed into concern. They aren’t meant to be like this. They don’t have to. Jean is no longer a Raven and Neil should have never been. They are supposed to get better. To move on. To be better than him.
"I'm fine." Neil lies just as if he could hear Kevin's train of thoughts. "I can play. You know I can–".
"No, you know what I know, Neil?" Jean interrupts. "I know how fast you tend to bleed out. I know the noise your bones make when they break. I know the sounds you make when you are drowning." That seems to get to Neil. "I don't want to hear you drown in your own blood because your rib collapses your lung and you are too stubborn to stop playing."
Kevin thinks he is going to be sick just from the image; Riko drowning Jean, Neil collapsing onto the floor by Lane's racket… He wasn't there when Neil went to the Nest, but his brain has enough base information to conjure an image of exactly everything Jean's talking about.
“Keep him in check.” Jean had said, but Kevin hadn't known… He hadn't realised… He wasn't even sure when Neil had gotten injured. It clicks in Kevin's head that Jean must have had the intention to call Neil out during that interaction, but Neil hadn't let him. “You two go rougher on each other and I’ll go easier on your friend, Moreau.” It wasn't about Alvarez. Jean had been concerned about Neil. And Neil had known.
Three weeks. Kevin can't imagine what the years they had been meant to spend together would have done.
Neil takes two big breaths closing his eyes and slowly opens them again with an entirely different attitude. "We are on semifinals, Jean. I can't just–"
"It's just a game, Neil." Kevin catches himself saying. He means it’s just one match, he means they have backups this year, he means Neil needs to not die because he owes Ichirou Moriyama 80% of his salary for life. But that is not exactly what his words say.
Neil and Jean stare at him for the first time in the interaction and the weight of their shocked looks makes Kevin unable to clarify what he had meant.
"Did Kevin just grow an invisible second head only Jean and Neil can see?" Catalina appears on Jean's other side. Her joke is meant to lighten the mood but she lightly brushes her fingers on Jean's arm as silent comfort.
Jean takes her hand in his and squeezes it to show her everything is fine but keeps talking in French.
"If you are half the player I know you can be and half as good a leader as Kevin says you are, you will step away. Trust your team." Jean signals to Cat's hand. "They are all we have, not the game."
Neil's gaze instinctively goes to Andrew for a second, then back to Jean.
And maybe Kevin was wrong. Maybe there’s hope. Maybe they are healing and everything will actually turn out ok for them. He feels a sense of relief take over him; Kevin can be the one to carry Riko’s ghost for the rest of his life if that means Jean and Neil don’t have to.
Neil realises Jean is done talking and he goes back to looking at Andrew, muttering something in German this time. Andrew seems completely unbothered by the situation and simply raises his hands, signaling for the game to stop.
Kevin is suddenly aware of the lack of referees that should have been around them from the beginning. No one had stopped the game, there wasn't a fight and no one had claimed being injured so the clock had kept running. Kevin instinctively looks towards where he had dropped his racket with the ball and finds it exactly in the position it had fallen.
Dan, Nicky and Aaron are closeby, talking with the other three Trojans on court now that the situation has de-escalated. Most of them have taken their head-gear off and no one’s holding a racket.
“Yeah, we are used to it by now.” Dan is saying. “Those four know German and then there’s obviously Kevin and Neil with French… You learn to understand things out of context.”
“The only thing I can understand by context with Jean are insults, honestly.” Xavier Morgan laughs at the same time Ananya Deshmukh turns towards Aaron and Nicky and asks “Oh, you guys speak German? My boyfriend and I have been talking about going to Germany, have you ever been or…?”
Kevin turns back to Neil and Jean, uninterested by the conversions behind him.
Jean is now leaning on Catalina while Jeremy lectures him about “externalizing pain so others can help you”. A Trojan’s nurse and Laila Dermott, who have finally been given permission to enter the court, are checking Jean’s ankle, but the Frenchman doesn’t take his eyes off his captain.
Andrew and Neil seem to be having the same conversation, but theirs is silent. Neil has pulled up his shirt for Andrew to inspect his bruised side, the only sound in the interaction being Neil’s sassy and fake “ow” when Andrew touches the periphery of the injury. The goalkeeper sends him an unimpressed look for his reaction to which Neil just smiles brighter. Abby waits patiently by their side and only gets closer to tend to Neil once Andrew is done.
Two groups have been formed; orange and white in contrast to red and gold slowly surrounding each player and moving them apart as more people enter the court.
“I’m sorry, Coach.” Jean had been talking to the nurse, but Neil’s words and his sad tone were enough to get his attention instantly. He tenses up and moves slightly to be able to watch the scene unfold through the people between them.
“I don’t wanna hear it, Josten.” Wymack cuts Neil off, his voice strong leaving to place for argument. Jean is walking towards them before Wymack has even finished the sentence. “If you ever apologise for not being able to play I’ll keep you benched until you graduate, understood?”
Neil lifts his head and stares at Wymack for a second, analyzing his response. He seems surprised by it but his expression quickly changes to a confident look, adapting after his misreading of the room.
“Yes, Coach.” Strong. Certain. Definitive.
Jean has frozen halfway to them. James Rhemann has a hand on his shoulder, but there’s no doubt it’s Neil’s words that have rooted him to the spot. It’s probably the first time he’s heard Neil saying them without being forced, and it comes out so easily…
“I’m proud of you, kid.” Wymack changes to a softer tone as he pats Neil on the head. “Both of you.” He turns to face Jean, who stands frozen with his eyes wide. “Thank you for keeping this one in check, Moreau. You did good stopping the game.”
Jean’s mouth opens and closes a couple times with no words coming out of them. Rhemann squishes his shoulder and Jean can’t help but take a step back; a stranger to kindness.
“We have an X-ray machine in the infirmary you and your team are welcome to use.” Coach Rhemann addresses Wymack once he realises Jean is not going to respond. “Or we can provide you with a driver if you’d rather go to the hospital, call an ambulance…”
Wymack turns to Neil to get his opinion.
“I don’t-”
“You don’t need to take any of your clothes off for an X-ray.” Jean informs Neil in French before he makes a decision. “No one needs to be in the room either and we can delete the data here after they see it.” He turns to English. “Plus, there’s a TV in the infirmary where you can watch your team lose if that’s what you want.”
Neil lets out a small laugh. “I’ll be happy to see your reaction when we win.”
“X-rays here are good then?” Wymack asks and when no one says anything against it he looks at Abby for confirmation. She nods in approval before speaking.
“I’ll go with them and make sure they are ok. Lets go.”
Abby starts her way to the door with Neil close behind her. Jean is closer so he waits until the other two reach him to start moving. He lets Abby through so she can lead their way out and watches as Neil passes him, a hand now resting on his injured side and a light expression of pain as he moves.
“I hope it hurts.” Jean tells him as he begins walking to his side.
“No, you don’t.” Neil responds without missing a beat, not bothering to even look up at him.
Neil never contradicts Andrew when he says they are nothing. Never once has he accused him of lying when he says he hates him. It’s odd to see him call Jean out on his bullshit. Different people, different ways of caring. Each somehow molded perfectly to the person.
“Hey, Josten.” Neil stops to look towards where Catalina’s voice had come from. “Take care of our boy, ok?” She walks up to him and extends her hand. “And get better soon, I’ll be waiting for a rematch.”
Neil stares at her hand for a second before shaking it.
“Can’t wait.” He smiles.
“You two are dangerous together.” Jean states. Neil looks over his shoulder to smile at him too, wider, less daring but just as genuine. “Come on.”
Jean holds the door and Neil nods Catalina goodbye before walking out. Jean takes a step out to meet Neil waiting for him. They stare at the other for a second in a silent conversation again for a moment. After the brief assessment, Jean starts for the hall; Neil faces the other way, back into the court.
“Kevin.”
Neil’s acknowledgement brings him back to existence. Kevin inhales and isn’t sure how long he hasn’t been breathing for. He comes back to his body too fast, suddenly aware of the sweat in his nape, the texture of his clothes against his skin, the weight of his gear, cold in his fingertips- the tightness still lingering in his chest and nausea on his stomach. It’s too much.
Kevin stares right back at Neil, blue eyes somehow making it easier to focus.
I see you. You are here.
“Put on a show worth watching.”
Neil waits for Kevin to nod before turning on his heels and staring for the hall. Jean is already staring at Kevin when he looks at him, his eyes lightly flicking from side to side as he examines Kevin’s face. He says nothing when he leaves.
There’s a soothing feeling in watching them walk away. There’s peace. There’s hope.
Everything is fine as long as Jean and Neil are.
Kevin runs back to starting position.