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There were many things Michael Robinavitch loved about his husband. His kindness. His intelligence. His terrible sense of humour.
The little crease between his eyebrows when he was concentrating. The way he always remembered exactly how Robby took his coffee. The way he could walk into a chaotic trauma bay and somehow make everyone inside it feel calmer simply by being there.
And his ass.
Robby really, really loved his husband’s ass.
This was not news. It was, however, becoming a workplace problem.
“Robby.”
Nothing.
“Robby.”
Still nothing.
Dana followed his line of sight.
Across the nurses’ station, Jack was leaning over a computer, one hand braced against the desk as he scrolled through a patient’s chart.
Dana closed her eyes. “Michael.”
“What?”
“Stop staring at your husband’s ass.”
“I wasn’t.”
“You absolutely were.”
“I was thinking.”
“You were thinking about his ass.”
“I can do two things at once.”
Dana stared at him but Robby was already looking back towards his husband. Jack had shifted slightly, reaching across the desk for something. Robby’s eyes dropped.
Dana slapped a patient folder against his chest. “Jesus Christ.”
“What?”
“We are at work.”
“I know that.”
“You’re the chief of the emergency department.”
“I’m aware.”
“You’ve been staring at Abbot’s ass for the last eighty-five seconds.”
Robby frowned. “That seems exaggerated.”
“I timed you.”
That got his attention. “You timed me?”
“I wanted to see how long it would take before you remembered other people existed.”
Robby looked offended.
Dana pointed towards the hallway. “Go.”
“I have work to do.”
“Then do it somewhere Abbot’s ass isn’t.”
“That severely limits my options.”
“Robby.”
“Alright, if it means that much to you.”
He walked away. Dana watched him go.
Five seconds later, Jack straightened up and headed in the opposite direction.
Robby, halfway down the corridor, stopped. Turned. And watched him go.
Dana threw the folder down onto the desk. These men would be the death of her.
—
It wasn’t only during normal shifts. That was the problem. If it had only been during normal shifts, Dana could have filed it under Workplace Nonsense and continued with her life.
Unfortunately, Robby was apparently like this at official work events too.
The annual hospital gala was being held in the ballroom of some obscenely expensive hotel downtown. There were white tablecloths, floral centrepieces, a string quartet nobody was listening to, and enough senior management wandering around in formalwear to make everyone from the Pitt deeply uncomfortable.
Robby had spent most of the evening behaving himself. He had shaken hands. He had made polite conversation. He had listened to a twenty-minute speech about hospital funding without visibly checking his phone once.
Then Jack had walked across the ballroom.
Santos noticed first. “Oh my God.”
Whitaker looked up from the tiny dessert he had been trying to identify. “What?”
“Look at Dr Robby.”
Everyone looked but Robby did not notice.
He was too busy watching Jack weave between the tables on his way back from talking to one of the surgeons.
There was a moment of silence.
Then Javadi groaned. “Seriously?”
“What?” Robby asked, without looking away.
“You know what.”
“No, I don’t.”
Santos waved a hand in front of his face. “Dr Robby.”
Nothing.
“Robby.”
Nothing.
“Michael.”
That did it.
Robby finally looked at them. “What?”
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
Everyone stared at him but Robby stared back, seemingly oblivious.
Across the ballroom, Jack stopped to let a waiter pass. Robby’s eyes immediately found their target again.
“Oh, come on,” Santos cried.
“What?”
“You’re staring at his ass.”
“I am not.”
“You absolutely are.”
“I’m married to him.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to stare at his ass every second of every day.”
Robby considered this. “I don’t understand the question.”
“It wasn’t a question.”
“It sounded like one. Anyway, I’m keeping an eye on him.”
“Why?”
“It’s crowded.”
“It’s a hospital gala.”
“Exactly.”
Santos stared at him. “What do you think is going to happen to him?”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s fifty-something years old.”
“And?”
“He can cross a ballroom unsupervised.”
“That remains to be seen.”
Jack started walking again and Robby watched him intensely.
Whitaker leaned forward. “Do you actually know what colour shirt Jack is wearing?”
Robby frowned. “What?”
“His shirt. What colour is it?”
Robby looked towards Jack but Jack was standing with his back to them, so Robby stared.
Whitaker waited. Robby continued staring.
“Robby.”
“I’m checking.”
“You’ve been checking for way too long.”
“The lighting is weird.”
“It’s grey.”
“Right.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I knew.”
“You’ve been looking directly at him for the last five minutes and never got above his waist.”
Robby picked up his champagne. “I don’t see why I’m being attacked at a professional event.”
Dana, who had been listening from the other side of the table, looked at him. “You were introduced to the Chief Financial Officer ten minutes ago.”
“So?”
“What was her name?”
Robby paused. “Something with an M.”
“Rebecca.”
“Right.”
“Not even close.”
“I met a lot of people tonight.”
“You met her while Abbot was standing behind her.”
“That was distracting.” Robby tried to defend himself, but no one was buying his lies.
Jack finally reached the table. “What’s happening?”
“Your husband is disgusting,” Santos said.
Jack picked up his abandoned drink and looked at Robby. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“He’s been staring at your ass.”
Jack paused. “Oh.”
“See?” Robby gestured towards him. “He doesn’t care.”
Jack looked at his husband and then down at himself. “I mean, I wore these trousers for a reason.”
Robby looked unbearably smug.
Santos pointed furiously at Jack. “You’re enabling him. You’re supposed to discourage this behaviour.”
“Why?”
“Because we have to work with him.”
Jack considered that. “Sounds like a you problem.”
Dana closed her eyes. “Abbot.”
“What?”
“You’re making him worse.”
“I’ve been married to him for years. I think we’re past the point where I can be held responsible.”
Robby reached for Jack as he sat down beside him, his hand settling comfortably on his thigh beneath the tablecloth.
Dana saw. “Robinavitch.”
Robby removed it very quickly.
Jack looked down at his suddenly abandoned thigh. “Coward.”
“She scares me.”
“I’m sitting right here,” Dana said.
“I know.”
Robby waited until she looked away. Then put his hand straight back.
Dana turned around. “Michael.”
Robby snatched it away again.
Jack started laughing. “You’re the Chief of Emergency Medicine.”
“And?”
“And you’re terrified of a five-foot-four charge nurse.”
Robby took a long drink of champagne. “I’m alive because I know which battles not to fight.”
Jack leaned closer. “You know she can’t see under the tablecloth, right?”
Robby slowly looked at him.
Across the table, Dana pointed a warning finger without even turning around. “Don’t.”
Robby stared at her. “How does she do that?”
“Twenty years of dealing with you.”
“I think it’s witchcraft.”
“I think you’re just predictable.”
—
The birthday party was where everyone finally reached their limit.
One of Landgon’s daughters had turned six and Robby had volunteered to host, which meant their house was currently occupied by approximately fourteen small children, several exhausted parents, three grandparents, the majority of the Pitt’s day shift, and a balloon arch that Jack had spent four hours assembling because apparently he had lost control of his life.
There was cake. There were party games. There was a small inflatable castle in the garden.
And there was Jack. Jack, who had made the catastrophic decision to wear jeans.
Robby was standing beside Dana. He was supposed to be listening to her. He wasn’t.
Dana stopped talking. Robby didn’t notice.
She followed his gaze. Jack was crouched beside the birthday girl, helping her untangle the ribbon around one of her presents.
Dana turned back to Robby. “Michael.”
“Hmm?”
“This is a children’s birthday party.”
“I know.”
“Then stop looking at your husband like that.”
Robby dragged his eyes away. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
“You were biting your lip.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“You absolutely were.”
“I had something on it.”
“You did not.”
Across the garden, Jack stood up. Robby’s eyes immediately returned to him.
Dana snapped her fingers directly in front of his face. “Control yourself.”
“I am controlling myself.”
“This is you controlled?”
“You have no idea.”
Unfortunately, Jack chose that moment to bend over and pick up a discarded piece of wrapping paper. Robby went silent.
Dana watched his expression. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“What?”
“Go inside.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve lost garden privileges.”
“You can’t revoke my garden privileges. This is my house.”
“I don’t care.” Dana pointed towards the kitchen. “Inside.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Go.”
“I’m a grown man.”
“Then act like one.”
Robby reluctantly headed towards the house.
Halfway there, he passed Jack, so after quickly glancing around to make sure none of the children were looking and Robby gave his husband’s ass a quick slap.
Dana stared at them.
Santos slowly lowered her drink.
Whitaker whispered, “Holy shit.”
Jack straightened and looked over his shoulder. Robby looked delighted with himself.
Dana pointed at the house. “Inside.”
“I was already going inside.”
“Faster.”
Robby continued towards the house. Quite quickly, in fact.
Jack watched him disappear through the kitchen doors before turning back to everyone, noticing Dana’s glare. “What? I didn’t do anything.”
“Your husband is in time out, behave yourself.” Dana warned.
Whitaker was still staring towards the house. “How long is he grounded for?”
“Until I decide he can behave himself.”
“It’s his house.”
“I don’t care.”
Santos looked at Jack. “Are you going to go after him?”
“No.”
Everyone looked surprised.
Jack frowned. “What?”
“I thought you’d…” Santos gestured vaguely towards the house.
Jack followed the movement. “He got sent inside for being incapable of keeping his hands to himself. I’m not rewarding him.”
Dana pointed at Jack. “Thank you.”
“Also, there are at least fourteen children here.”
“THANK YOU.”
Jack took a drink. “And I want cake.”
Dana nodded. “Finally. One of you has some sense.”
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
“I’ve spent many years watching that man stare at your ass in trauma bays, corridors, staff meetings, restaurants, bars, two weddings, a funeral, and once during a mandatory fire safety presentation.”
Javadi blinked. “A funeral?”
“Closed casket.”
“Oh.”
Dana took a long drink, staring off like she was reliving traumatic memories.
Whitaker looked towards the house again. “What do you think he’s doing in there?”
“Sulking,” Jack said.
“Are you sure?”
Jack considered it. “Yes.”
-
Ten minutes later, it was time for cake.
The children had been gathered around the table. The candles had been lit. Someone had found the birthday girl’s grandmother, who had apparently been hiding in the downstairs bathroom for several minutes enjoying the only peace and quiet she’d had all afternoon.
Jack looked towards the house. “I suppose we should let him out.”
Dana sighed. “Fine.”
Jack cupped his hands around his mouth. “Robby!”
Nothing.
“Michael!”
Robby appeared in the kitchen doorway almost immediately. “What?”
“Cake,” Jack said.
Robby looked at the table. Then, very deliberately, at Dana. “Am I allowed outside?”
Dana narrowed her eyes. “Can you behave yourself?”
“Yes.”
Jack snorted.
Robby looked offended. “I can.”
“For how long?”
“As long as necessary.”
“That wasn’t convincing.”
“I’m missing cake.”
Dana considered him for another moment before she pointed towards the table. “Fine.”
Robby came outside and walked across the garden. He looked at Jack and immediately changed direction towards him.
Dana snapped her fingers. “Michael.”
“I’m going to stand beside my husband.”
“You can stand beside him.”
“Thank you.”
“Hands where I can see them.”
Robby stared at her. “You cannot be serious.”
“Hands.”
“This is humiliating.”
“Robby.”
He held both hands up. “I hate all of you.”
“You brought this on yourself,” Dana said.
Robby reached Jack’s side.
Jack looked at his raised hands. “Comfortable?”
“No.”
“Learning anything?”
“No.”
“Reflecting on your behaviour?”
“Absolutely not.”
Jack laughed and kissed his cheek. Robby smiled.
Then the entire garden started singing Happy Birthday. Robby behaved himself. For the entire song. He behaved while the candles were blown out. He behaved while everyone clapped. He even behaved while the cake was cut.
Dana began to relax. Then Jack leaned across the table to pick up a stack of plates and Robby went very still.
Santos saw it happen. “Oh, no.”
Dana turned. Robby was staring.
“Michael.”
Robby dragged his eyes away. “I didn’t touch him.”
“You were thinking about it.”
“You can’t punish me for thoughts.”
“I can see your thoughts.”
“That doesn’t sounds real.”
Jack straightened and handed him a plate of cake. “Here.”
Robby accepted it. “Thank you.”
“You did very well.”
“I know.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you.” Robby looked smugly at Dana. “See?”
Dana stared at him. “What? You want praise for making it through Happy Birthday without touching your husband’s ass?”
“It was a long song.”
“It was thirty seconds.”
“Felt longer.”
Dana closed her eyes, regretting a lot of her life choices.
Robby took a bite of cake and then, while everyone was distracted handing slices to the children, he leaned closer to Jack. “Later?”
Jack smiled into his drink. “Later.”
Robby brightened immediately.
Dana pointed at him from across the table. “I heard that.”
Robby frowned. “You hear everything.”
“Only the things I wish I didn’t.”
—
By this point, everyone knew about Robby and the ass. Not an ass.
The ass.
Jack’s ass.
It had become such an established part of life at the Pitt that nobody could remember exactly when they had first noticed it. There had simply come a point when the entire department collectively realised that their chief had a problem.
Robby denied this. Repeatedly. Usually while staring at Jack’s ass.
The problem had recently escalated. Looking, apparently, was no longer enough.
“Robby.”
“What?”
“Move your hand.”
“No.”
Santos stared at him.
Robby stared back.
His hand remained exactly where it had been for the last twenty minutes.
On Jack’s ass.
They were all crowded around two tables in the back corner of the bar. Dana and Mateo had arrived first and claimed the space, and everyone else had gradually accumulated around them until chairs had been stolen from three neighbouring tables and Whitaker was sitting on the end of a bench that definitely had not been designed to accommodate four people.
Jack was standing beside Robby’s chair. Robby had one arm around his waist. His other hand was firmly planted on Jack’s ass.
“You can’t just hold it all night,” Santos said.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s weird.”
“It’s my husband.”
“That doesn’t make it less weird.”
“It makes it significantly less weird.”
Jack took a drink of his beer. “I don’t care.”
“See?”
Robby squeezed.
Santos pointed. “That. Stop that.”
“What?”
“You know what.”
“I was adjusting my grip.”
“Why do you need a grip?”
“The floor is uneven.”
Everyone looked at the floor. The floor was not, in fact, uneven.
Dana sighed. “Michael.”
“What?”
“Take your hand off Abbot’s ass.”
“I’m keeping him steady.”
“I’ve been walking for over fifty years,” Jack said.
“Not on the same number of legs.”
Jack paused, which caused Robby to look unbearably pleased with himself. “That’s actually fair.”
“No, it isn’t,” Dana said.
“I do have a documented balance impairment.”
“Stop helping him.” Dana hissed.
Jack shrugged. “He’s my doctor.”
“I am not your doctor,” Robby said, squeezing his ass. “I’m providing reasonable accommodations.”
“You’re providing workplace harassment.”
“We’re not at work.”
“Then you’re just groping him.”
Robby considered that. “Even better.”
Jack leaned down. “Do you want another drink?”
Robby looked at his half-full glass. “No.”
“Then why did you tell me not to move because you were waiting for me to get you another drink?”
Robby paused. “I changed my mind.”
Jack stared at him and shook his head. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You married me. You knew what you were getting into.”
“I was younger then.”
“It was five years ago.”
“I’ve matured.” Robby said as he squeezed Jack’s ass again.
Jack took another drink. “Clearly, you haven’t.”
Across the table, Javadi had been watching this entire interaction with growing fascination. “Can I ask something?”
“No,” Dana said.
“Yes,” Robby said simultaneously.
Javadi looked at Jack. “Does he do this at home?”
Jack frowned. “Do what?”
“This,” Santos said, pointing at Robby.
Jack looked down. At Robby. At the hand. “Oh.”
“Oh?” Whitaker repeated. “You forgot he was doing it?”
“Pretty much.”
Robby looked smug.
“That is not the victory you think it is,” Dana said.
“It means he’s comfortable.”
“It means he’s developed the ability to tune you out.”
“I think it’s sweet,” Jack said.
Robby beamed.
Dana looked betrayed. “Stop encouraging him.”
“He likes my ass.”
“We know.”
“I really do.”
“WE KNOW.”
A woman at the next table looked over so Robby lowered his voice. “I’m just saying, I think everyone’s making a much bigger deal out of this than necessary.”
“You’ve had your hand on his ass since we arrived,” Mateo said.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I went to the bathroom.”
“You took Jack with you.”
“I needed help.”
“With what?”
Robby opened his mouth. Jack slapped a hand over it. “No.”
“I was going to say with the door,” Robby protested when Jack released him.
“There was nothing wrong with the door.”
“It was heavy.”
“You were in there for ten minutes.” Mateo pointed out.
“There was a queue.” Robby shrugged.
His hand had still not moved.
Another ten minutes passed. Then twenty.
People came and went from the table. Drinks were finished. More drinks appeared.
Whitaker and Javadi got into an argument about whether sharks could get cancer. Santos became passionately invested despite having no knowledge whatsoever on the subject. Mateo disappeared for fifteen minutes and returned with fries.
Through all of it, Robby’s hand remained firmly attached to Jack’s ass.
Eventually, Dana snapped. “Enough.”
Robby looked at her. “What?”
“Let him go.”
“I’m not holding him hostage.”
Jack considered this. “Technically—”
“Don’t help him.”
Jack drank his beer, wisely deciding to keep his mouth shut.
Dana pointed at Robby’s hand. “You have been groping that man for over an hour.”
“I haven’t been groping him.”
“You squeezed him eleven times.”
“I was checking he was still there.”
Jack looked down at him. “Did you think I might disappear?”
“It’s busy here.”
“You’re holding onto my belt.”
“That’s my backup system.”
Whitaker put his head in his hands. “I hate being here.”
“Then leave.”
“I can’t. I need to see how this ends.”
Jack laughed and Robby’s hand moved slightly. Dana slapped the table. “TWELVE.”
“Oh, come on.”
“Let go of him.”
“No.”
“Robby.”
“No.”
“Michael.”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Take your hand off your husband’s ass.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to see if you physically can.”
“I can.”
“Prove it.”
Robby frowned. The entire table was watching him now. The tension was building. He looked at them. Then down at his hand. “Fine.”
He removed it. The table erupted into applause.
Robby looked furious. “You’re all children.”
“We’re proud of you,” Whitaker said.
“Shut up.”
Jack looked down at his husband. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You look sad.”
“I’m being bullied.”
“You’ll survive.”
“I might not.”
Jack kissed the top of his head. Robby looked slightly mollified. Then Jack glanced around the table. “Who needs another drink?”
Everyone immediately started shouting orders. Jack sighed. “One at a time.”
Robby reached for him.
Dana slapped his hand away. “No.”
“I was getting his wallet out for him.”
“His wallet is in his jacket pocket.”
Robby tried again, “I was going to give him moral support.”
“He’s going fifteen feet away.”
“It’s crowded.”
“Sit down.”
Jack laughed. “I’ll be back.”
Robby watched him go. The table watched Robby, waiting to see what would happen next.
Robby looked at them. “What?”
“Eyes above the waist,” Santos said.
“I’m checking his leg.”
Santos stared at him. “His leg.”
“Yes.”
“From here.”
“I’m a doctor.”
“So am I, and I’m pretty sure you’ve been staring six inches too high.”
“I need to assess his gait.”
“He’s standing still.”
“Exactly. Very concerning.” Robby took a drink. “I appreciate anatomy.”
“You appreciate one specific part of one specific person’s anatomy.”
“Yes.”
“Stop looking.”
Robby reluctantly looked away. He lasted approximately thirty seconds. Then he looked back.
Jack was standing at the bar. Robby smiled, then the smile dropped from his face. Someone was talking to him. A man. Tall. Blonde hair. Expensive-looking shirt.
Robby narrowed his eyes.
“What?” Dana asked.
“Nothing.”
The man leaned closer to Jack. Robby sat up straighter, back tense.
Santos followed his gaze. “Oh.”
“What?” Whitaker asked through a mouthful of fries.
Everyone looked.
Jack was still waiting for the drinks. The man beside him was talking animatedly, leaning in far closer than the crowded bar required.
Jack smiled politely and said something. Then turned back towards the bar.
The man kept talking. Jack answered again, shorter this time. He moved slightly to the side.
The man followed. Robby’s expression changed.
Mateo noticed. “This should be good.”
“He’s bothering him.”
“Who?”
“That guy.”
“How do you know?”
“Look at Jack.”
They did.
Jack said something else. The polite smile had disappeared now. He nodded once towards the table, clearly indicating the large group of people waiting for him.
The man glanced over. Then turned back to Jack and kept talking.
Santos frowned. “Okay. Yeah. He’s definitely not getting the hint.”
“He got the hint,” Robby said.
“What?”
“He’s ignoring it.”
The man moved closer again. Jack stepped back.
Robby went very still.
Dana noticed. “Don’t.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Your face is doing something.”
“My face is fine.”
“Your face looks homicidal.”
“He’s bothering my husband.”
“Jack can handle himself.”
“I know.”
“Then stay here.”
“I am here.”
“Good.”
“I’m just watching.”
“That’s what worries me.”
At the bar, Jack turned away again. The man reached out and caught his arm. Robby stood up, face clouded with anger.
Dana grabbed his sleeve. “Michael.”
“He touched him.”
“Jack can handle it.”
“I know.”
“Then sit down.”
Robby looked at her. “I’m not going over there because Jack can’t handle him.”
“Then why are you going?”
Robby looked back towards the bar. Jack had pulled his arm free. The man immediately moved closer again. Robby pulled his sleeve from Dana’s grip. “Because he shouldn’t have to.”
Dana sighed.
“Fine. But behave yourself.”
“This is your fault.”
Dana stared at him. “How is this our fault?”
“All of you.” Robby pointed accusingly around the table. “You made me release him into the wild.”
“He went to the bar!”
“Exactly.”
The man leaned closer to Jack again and Robby pushed his chair back.
Dana sighed. “Where are you going?”
Robby looked personally offended by the question. “To get my ass back.” He crossed the bar with purpose.
At the bar, the man had moved into Jack’s space again. Jack looked irritated now. “I said I’m married.”
“So?”
“So, I’m not interested.”
“Your husband doesn’t have to know.”
Jack stared at him. “I’m going to give you a moment to think about how stupid that sentence was.” The man laughed. Jack did not. Then the man put a hand on Jack’s waist. Jack looked down at it. “So, apparently, that moment wasn’t long enough.”
The man barely had time to look confused before Jack glanced past him. His expression changed. Robby was marching across the bar.
Jack sighed. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“What?”
“Nothing. You’ve just activated my husband.”
The man turned in time to see Robby arrive behind him.
“Hi,” Jack said.
“Hello.”
Robby stepped directly between them.
The man looked confused. “Can I help you?”
“No.” Robby turned around. Put both hands on Jack’s ass. And pulled him firmly against his chest.
Jack burst out laughing, deciding to accept his fate, resting his forehead against Robby’s collarbone.
Behind them, the entire table erupted.
“ROBBY!”
“BOTH HANDS?”
“OH MY GOD.”
“WE LET YOU GO FOR THREE MINUTES.”
Robby ignored them.
Jack was still laughing. “Seriously?”
“I tried it their way.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
“For three minutes.”
“Three dangerous minutes.”
Jack glanced around Robby at the man, who was staring at them.
“My husband,” Jack said.
Robby squeezed.
Jack looked up at him. “Was that necessary?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Clarification.”
“I think he understands.”
“I’m making sure.”
The man looked between them. “Right.”
“Good,” Robby said. He did not move. Neither did his hands.
The man finally muttered something under his breath and walked away.
Robby watched him go. Then looked at Jack. “You okay?”
“I was handling it.”
“I know.”
“He was just being a pushy bastard.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t need rescuing.”
“I know.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “Then what exactly are you doing?”
Robby squeezed again. “Keeping my ass safe.”
Jack stared at him for a second and started laughing all over again. “You’re unbelievable.”
Behind them, Dana shouted, “BRING THE DRINKS BACK.”
Robby looked over his shoulder. “You see how they speak to me?”
“They’ve got a point.”
“They caused this.”
“They caused a man to flirt with me?”
“They made me let go of you.” Robby looked completely serious.
Jack blinked. “You think the two things are connected.”
“I think the evidence speaks for itself.”
“You took your hand off my ass and, three minutes later, someone tried to pick me up.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s your argument.”
“That’s not an argument. That’s data.”
Then Jack reached for the tray of drinks but Robby’s hands remained exactly where they were. “Robby.”
“What?”
“I need my hands.”
“You have them.”
“I need to carry the drinks.”
“Go ahead.”
“You’re planning to walk back to the table attached to my ass.”
“Correct.”
“Why?”
Robby glanced towards the man disappearing into the crowd. “Preventative measures.”
Jack stared at him, unimpressed.
Robby continued. “Reclaiming strategic territory. You left it undefended.”
“It’s my ass.” Jack shook his head.
“Emotional support.” Robby tried again.
“For who?”
“Me.”
Jack laughed and started back towards the table with Robby following directly behind him. The entire table groaned as they approached.
From the table, Dana shouted. “GET YOUR HAND OFF HIS ASS.”
Robby shouted back. “LAST TIME I DID THAT, SOMEONE TRIED TO STEAL IT.”
“NOBODY TRIED TO STEAL IT.” Dana pointed at Robby.
Robby pulled Jack closer. “Mine.”
“We talked about this.” Dana tried to reason.
“And look what happened.”
“Nothing happened.”
“A man appeared.”
“Men exist, Michael.”
“That one touched him.”
“Jack handled it.”
“I know.”
“Then let go.”
“No.”
“Why?”
Robby looked around the table. “You made me let go once. I will not make the same mistake twice.”
Jack sat down beside him. Robby’s hand immediately settled back onto his ass.
Santos stared at it. “You have learned absolutely nothing.”
Robby picked up his drink. “Incorrect.”
“What have you learned?”
Robby squeezed Jack’s ass. “Never let go.”
Dana put her head in her hands. “You realise we are never going to let you forget this.”
“I don’t care.”
“You just marched across a crowded bar and announced you were going to get your ass back.” Whitaker pointed out
“My ass.”
“My ass.” Jack added.
“My favourite ass.”
Jack shook his head. “You’re unbelievable.”