Work Text:
Bored.
Lillian was bored.
They were making the long ass chain for the collection at Tau-Ceti E and she was bored. Being bored and being Lillian Stratt was not a good combo. She had long since started rifling through the computers on board the Hail Mary. She wasn't looking for anything specific, just poking around. She was skimming through some files and most of them had normal mundane file names and so one specific file name jumped out at her.
Lillian.MP3
"What..?" She muttered to herself. she hovered the cursor over the file. Hesitating. She had no idea what this file would hold and it terrified her to find out. There was no way for Eva to have sent a message to her for her wife didn't know she was going to be here. The MP3 file was placed on board deliberately and her memory wasn't telling her who did it or why they did it. After taking a steading breath she opened the file.
"Is it on?" A young boy's voice called out. The quality was as good as you would expect form a phone call.
"It's literally counting the seconds it's been recording, dumbass. Of course it's on." Another voice spoke, a girl this time.
"I was just double checking! I don't want our one message to be fucked up!"
"Hey, watch your language!" A woman's voice called out, clearly a decent distance away form the microphone. Her voice was so familiar to Lillian… Why?
"Sorry mom!" Both kids called out at the same time. Lillian chuckled at how domestic this whole thing was. She felt so much comfort by just listening to them speak. She guessed that after only hearing the same voice and three different robotic voices for several days makes any other human voice comforting.
"Anyway, back to what we were going to do." The girl spoke as the boy uh-huhed along. "It's been, what? Over a year now since you've left?"
"One year, two months, and three days." The boy corrected.
"Right, well we just wanted to let you know that we miss you so much and we really wish you would come back from that project you were working on. It's been… Different without you guys being around anymore. Not in like a super bad way, just different, you know?"
"Yeah, it's been kinda weird not having our movie nights anymore or having someone to share brain rot with." She let out a chuckle at that last part. Yet, she was still confused as to why this file was named after her. The voices of these people were not jogging any kind of memories for her.
"We understand that your guys' project is really important, we just want to at least see you sometime soon." The girl's voice suddenly became so small and broken. It shattered her own heart and she didn't even know the kid. The boy's voice also hurt to hear.
"We saw you guys on the news the other day, so we know that you're trying to save the world." He took a deep breath, clearly trying to not cry.
"Oh kiddo, come here." Their mother spoke, her voice clearer now. There was some shuffling and then the quiet sounds of the boy sniffling filtered through. The girl's soft cries joined his. "What the kids are trying to say, Lilly, is that we miss you deeply and we hope you're able to return soon. We know with the upcoming launch that you and Eva are very busy. We thought we would send you this recording to let you know that we love you guys and can't wait to see you again."
Lillian took in a deep shuttering breath. These people know her and Eva. Guilt flooded her as she still failed to remember who they were. "Why can't I remember you..?" She whispered shakily to the screen.
"Come back home soon." The boy said.
"Please?" The girl added.
"We love you, Aunt Lillian." They spoke together.
The audio ends.
She stared at the file in horror as the realization dawned on her. Every memory of her Sister, Hannah; bother-in-law, Nathan; nephew, Jaxon; and niece, Emily came slamming back all at once. She barely had time to turn away from the computer as vomit came up. She let out an animalistic cry as she collapsed onto the ground. She ignored the pain that flared. She was shaking badly as her cries ripped their way out of her throat.
How could she have forgotten them? How could she not have remembered them for so long? How could she leave her family like that? How horrible of a person did she have to be do betray them like this?
She couldn't bare not being able to see the twins' goofy smiles when they're up to no good, or staying up way too late with them whispering like middle school girls, or giving their mother grey hairs left and right, or cheering Emily on as she dominated the soccer field, or cheering on Jaxon as he drags his opponents through the dirt during his debate competitions. She will never see them again. But what's worse is that they will never get to see their aunt again.
Lillian throws up another time.
She wasn't even the one to put this audio on board. It was Dr. Lamia, it had to be. Lillian had briefly brought up the audio message to the doctor as they were finalizing the coma beds. She had said that she hadn't listened to it yet and that she didn't have the time anymore, but that she would after launch.
She vomits again.
When Grace, Rocky, and Cici came barrelling into the room she was in, she couldn't bare to look up at them. She felt Grace's arm hold onto her. He was trying to say something to her but his voice wasn't reaching her ears. Her cries and screams only worsened as she remembered her family more. Grace gently pulled her into a hug and held her tightly as the sobs continued. She clung onto him like a life line while burying her face into his shirt.
"I left them." She sobbed out. "They thought that I would be returning home after the launch." She was hyperventilating now. She could feel the vibrations coming from Grace's chest as he spoke but his words fell onto deaf ears. She had no idea how long she was like that for. She didn't want to know.
How selfish of a person she was.
Selfish enough to leave her wife behind in a dying world so she didn't have to face that grief.
Selfish enough to ignore her families attempt at contact.
Selfish enough to take the amnesia drug.
Selfish enough to wish she never remembered them.
Lillian Stratt, the most selfish person.