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Damn Hailou, Haixia silently cursed.
Quietly, he slunk between the trees, careful to make no sounds.
Once again, Hailou had swept into the village without proper planning and casually running his mouth. Haixia would have thought that after everything, he'd have grown up a little.
... But then, even when it frustrated him, Haixia couldn't help but be grateful.
He'd been sure when he’d woken up—wounded and exhausted, but finally free of the parasite that had controlled him—that Hailou would no longer be at his side. That everything he'd done would have severed them irreparable.
Instead, Hailou had been the one at his bedside, dragging him into a hug and sobbing into his shoulder. Haixia had cried too, gripping back and silently swearing to any god that might listen that if he could only stay in this blissful, impossible heaven, he would be content.
Instead, Hailou had pulled back, he’d explained that the Patriarch had stabilized his wounds and sent Hailou hunting for ingredients for a full cure. Hailou had near run himself into the ground, searching everywhere and digging up every clue until he could retrieve each piece and bring Haixia back to his true self.
Haixia's wounded, grieving heart had managed to skip—because he hadn't lost his Hailou; his heart, his love, and that had been the greatest miracle.
That Hailou still treated him the same, that he stubbornly refused to part from him, and was already describing their plans for the future, utterly ignoring any suggestions of parting ways? Well, Haixia had relented far too quickly.
He’d only ever wanted to remain Hailou's partner, to stay beside him. If he could also repent for some of the atrocities he'd done? If he could save lives by investigating while protecting Hailou's back...? Well, maybe he could make up for the actions his body had performed while lost to the passenger.
But, as always, travelling with Hailou had its own challenges.
Because, Hailou was always so charming, so capable of generating interest from women who wanted a casual or permanent lover. Haixia was always forced to look away, pretend not to care.
(But he did care, he’d always cared and far more than any man—any brother should for their male partner.)
And that had led Haixia to his current problem.
Something had been murdering young men, ripping out their still-beating hearts from their chests. They’d followed the trail through three villages, finally landing in the one where they were next due to strike only for things to fall apart.
Haixia blamed himself.
He’d been too slow, too... bitterly distracted. The creature was masquerading as a woman and by the time Haixia had worked it out, Hailou had already been ensnared by her charm and beauty.
He’d had to race out of the village, following Hailou’s unique scent all the way into the forest, needing to get to them before the creature made Hailou their latest victim.
“You aren’t that pretty, you know.”
Hailou’s distant, alive pain-free voice, loosened some of the grip around Haixia’s heart. He carefully sped up his steps while circling closer to the other man’s position.
A small growling noise followed Hailou’s words but Hailou seemed unconcerned. “I’ve seen shrimps that look a lot better.”
Haixia silently huffed. Then why did you get captured, Hailou?
Continuing to slip through the shadows and branches, he caught a glimpse of Hailou and his blood went cold. He was tied between two trees, arms and legs splayed. He looked deceptively bored, but the fact he hadn’t broken free yet meant something was wrong.
Enhanced bindings? The lingering effects of its malicious charm?
Haixia circled the clearing, getting behind Hailou. The creature was hunched over something a few metres from him, rifling through a bag that scraped like metal on bones. A heavy scent of old blood lingered in the air, making his nose want to twitch.
Haixia had the distinct sensation of wandering into a trap, but he would take the risk for Hailou.
Slipping behind him, Haixia went flush to his back. Hailou’s breath caught before he murmured, “About time you showed up.” Haixia’s eyes narrowed, but Hailou turned his head, grinning cheekily. “Saved us a lot of trouble, right? We know who it is.”
Irritated, Haixia almost wanted to leave him to fend for himself, see where that got him—but as always, he followed in step with Hailou, no matter how harebrained the decision. Cutting the first bit of rope, he was relieved when it broke easily. He passed over the knife, just as the creature spun, going from crouched to large and angry.
It released an inhuman snarl and Haixia drew a new blade, but Hailou continued cutting the bindings, unconcerned.
“What?” he said to the creature, casually slicing the ropes at his ankles. “I was sick of waiting.”
“I lured you,” it growled. “Your heart was mine.”
Hailou stood fluidly, he flipped the knife in one hand while the other touched his chest.
“This heart?" He grinned. "It goes to someone far better than you.”
The creature shrieked with rage and rushed at them. Unfortunately for it, they had faced far worse enemies—beings that relied on strength and power, over manipulative charm. The fight was almost laughably short and when it was over, the creature lay crumpled and bleeding in front of them.
“No,” it rasped, mouth and body bloodied. “I lured you. Your heart was mine.” Its hateful eyes swung from Hailou to Haixia, seemingly even angrier. “You. It’s you. I never had any lure with you.” It swung back to Hailou. "You lured him."
Haixia stiffened, a chill spreading through him. He couldn’t let it keep talking. He couldn't let Hailou latch onto that train of thought.
Stepping forward, he sliced his blade along its neck with one fluid motion. The creature crumpled to the ground, it’s existence finally ended.
Haixia turned away the moment it was felled, going over to examine the bag it had been rummaging through. It was partially to see if there was anything of use or whether it would have to be discarded with the body, but mostly to redirect Hailou's attention.
"This might have some information on its past movements," he remarked.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work.
“Haixia,” Hailou murmured, his tone filled with puzzlement. “That thing… it said it couldn’t lure you.”
“I had a higher tolerance to its charm," he dismissed.
There was a long, weighted pause as Haixia crouched down in front of the bag, but before he could touch it, Hailou murmured, “I don’t think that's it.”
The earlier chill spread deeper, dread close on its heels. He shot a careful glance at Hailou, but while the man looked very confused, he didn’t look disgusted—yet.
“It didn’t work on women,” Hailou continued slowly and carefully as if trialling the words. “Because women don’t want other women.”
I imagine there are some that do, Haixia thought, but knew better than to state.
“Or it didn’t like women,” Haixia countered, “and preferred only men.”
“Maybe,” Hailou murmured, “but it said you only came—”
“I came because you were captured and about to have your heart carved out, and so would other innocent people if we didn’t stop it.”
Hailou squinted at him, clearly not buying his statement, but Haixia was used to hiding secrets from Hailou. He wished he didn’t have to, but in this case, ignorance would always be for Hailou’s own good.
“And,” he continued, adding a glare, “why did you let it capture you? You should have known better than to play as bait, Hailou.”
Hailou made a face, already beginning to make excuses and give reasons. Haixia let it happen, the words washing over him and hopefully keeping Hailou distracted. This wasn’t a topic he could afford Hailou to fixate on.
Unfortunately, despite his attempts at distraction, Hailou had been quiet ever since they’d destroyed the bag and the creature's remains. Haixia had acted like nothing was different or concerning, but he knew it was only a matter of time before Hailou finally broke.
When it came, it was once they'd returned to their base of operations. Hailou had joined him in the study but was studiously ignoring the report Haixia was writing—even if they worked more for themselves than the Zhang’s lately, it was still best practice to catalogue everything, just in case.
Hailou had been sitting behind him and staring at his back for the last hour.
“Haixia,” Hailou said, finally breaking the quiet.
“Yes?” he asked, not lifting his head from his work.
“If you didn’t like women, would you tell me?”
Haixia tensed, but kept his gaze trained on what he was writing. “I don’t like anyone.”
There was a brief, weighted pause. “You like me.”
That’s different, he wanted to say. You’re my brother. My partner.
It would placate and distract Hailou… but the truth went far deeper, it always had.
You are the one I could never harm—never let go of.
You are the start and end of my being.
Do you not understand I would die over and over for you—bleed my aching heart if you would only be healthy and happy?
Haixia stayed deceptively calm, asking instead: “Is there a point to this, Hailou?”
There was another long, heavy silence. The weight of Hailou’s stare had the hair prickling on the back of his neck. When he heard the sound of movement, he did his best not to tense further. Hailou stopped right beside him, almost near enough to touch.
“Shrimpie,” he murmured. “You aren’t going to lie to me, are you?”
Haixia, instinctively stupidly, turned his head and met Hailou’s gaze. His beautiful, expressive eyes were watching him like the answer mattered—like a lie in this moment would ruin something. Haixia didn’t know what it would ruin… but the fear he’d felt upon first waking hooked back into him.
He'd never wanted to be the cause again of Hailou's hurt or betrayal, but… would telling him the truth be the bigger mistake?
Is what I desire worse than what I did?
Haixia’s gaze fell, staring at his notes on the case and on the creature. He didn’t start writing again.
“Haixia," he said, the words almost pleading. "I don't want secrets. I’m sick of not knowing anything. I just want to know—”
“I have no interest in women,” he admitted, mumbling the answer before he'd properly thought it through.
It was reckless and foolish—but he was helplessly compelled. He couldn’t outright lie, not when it was what Hailou wanted… but he could try to divert Hailou before he went any further.
“It’s useful on investigations,” he continued, finally beginning to write again, projecting total calm. “And I have no interest in developing attachments. That’s why it was never relevant.”
Haixia knew the only way to make Hailou move on from the topic was to make it as uninteresting and mystery free as possible. Despite that, he expected… questions. Hailou would want to understand this—understand him and as much as he wanted to keep Hailou in the dark, he knew he’d be like a dog with a bone.
He was still attempting nonchalance when Hailou placed his palm on the desk, right beside the notes. Haixia frowned and tilted to look up at him.
However, before he could ask, Hailou bent down and kissed him.
Haixia froze, for a long moment he was completely defenceless, a lifetime of longing and guilty wishes slammed up against the reality of his love’s lips against his own.
But there was no possible way Hailou meant it.
Jerking back, Haixia glared at him. He also brought up his hand, swiping the back of his palm over his mouth. His lips still tingled, but he ignored it.
“Hailou. What—?”
“What?” Hailou parroted. “You like men, I’m a man. It can’t be that much different to women.”
Haixia’s mouth opened and closed, too shocked to speak. Hailou grinned, he also grabbed the back of Haixia’s chair, dragging it backwards. Haixia was too stunned to stop it, and the moment he was clear of the desk, Hailou straddled his lap.
Haixia inhaled sharply, tightly gripping the pen still clutched in his hand. Hailou’s warmth, Hailou’s scent enveloped him like a bewitching dream made real.
But, Haixia was not so lucky.
There had to be a different, ridiculous and not-thought-through Hailou explanation for it.
Keeping his hands away from Hailou’s body, he gritted out, “Get off me.”
Hailou just frowned, looking as if he was the one with a right to be offended. He also didn't get off, rather, he leant forward, draping his arms over Haixia’s shoulders and bringing their faces closer together.
Haixia’s heart skipped and his traitorous body wanted to react to the beautiful man—beautiful Hailou pressed against him.
It was because of that—too overwhelmed by sensation and conflicting, heady desires—that he didn’t catch Hailou in time. The younger man kissed him again, and for half a heartbeat, Haixia wavered on the act of giving in or shoving him away.
In the end, he drew on considerable willpower to put his palm to Hailou’s chest and shove him back, their mouths disconnecting.
“Hailou,” he rasped.
“What’s the matter?” Hailou asked, confused only for his eyes to widen. “Oh! Right!”
He reached into his mouth and pulled out a series of razorblades. Twisting around, he tossed them on the desk before turning back with a smile. His hands then came to Haixia’s face, cupping his cheeks.
Haixia finally had enough damn sense to drop his pen and curl his hands tightly over Hailou’s wrists. He wanted to pull them away, he knew he should pull them away.
“It’s okay, Haixia,” Hailou promised, smiling. “I’m a man, so it’s fine.”
He weakly shook his head, but before he could protest, Hailou closed the space, kissing him again.
And Haixia… was too weak.
He tilted into the touch, surrendering to Hailou’s questing lips. A tongue ran over the seam of his mouth and he groaned lowly, letting Hailou inside. The first brush of their tongues had Haixia’s hands diving for Hailou’s hair, tangling in the soft strands. Hailou’s moan sounded so soft and sweet against him.
Nothing compares to this.
No imperfect dreams, no guilty fantasies. Haixia’s head was spinning with the potent feeling of being so close to the one he coveted most. He kissed with pure abandon and desperation—unpractised in this art, but coaxed by Hailou’s soft hums and gentle fingers as they stroked the side of his face.
They only broke apart for air, panting against one another’s mouths—but with every gasping breath came the bitter taste of clarity.
You like men, I’m a man. It can’t be that much different to women.
Because what could make Hailou suddenly climb into his lap and kiss him? Hailou who loved women and charmed everywhere he went? What else but curiosity and the prospect of Haixia becoming a convenient, trustworthy release of lust?
When Hailou tried to press back in for another kiss, Haixia turned his face away, Hailou’s lips skimmed along his cheekbone. It felt so… tender, Haixia’s heart ached in his breast.
Hailou moved to trail to his neck, but Haixia ordered, “Stop.”
Hailou’s lips halted their path down. “Haixia?"
“We’re stopping this, Hailou.”
“Why?” he demanded, refusing to shift. “I’m a man and—”
“You like women,” Haixia interrupted harshly. “And I’m… I’m your…”
“You’re my Haixia,” Hailou murmured. “My Shrimpie.” He carded his fingers through Haixia’s short hair, making his eyelashes flutter. “Nothing else matters.”
“Yes, it does,” he ground out.
He also pushed with enough strength that Hailou flailed and actually had to release his legs to stabilise his body, hands bracing on the ground. Haixia used that brief distraction to force him the last of the way off and clear the chair, putting space between them.
Hailou scowled at being uprooted, pushing to a standing position while fixing his clothes.
Haixia wished his gaze wasn’t drawn to Hailou’s downturned lips: red and glistening with the moisture from their kiss. His body throbbed with want—with the insistent desire to take Hailou up on his proposition.
Because it was such a tempting offer… but Haixia knew that giving in would destroy him.
A taste of Hailou would leave him starving for eternity, especially knowing that such sweet, forbidden fruit would be plucked from his reach sooner or later.
“We’re forgetting this ever happened,” Haixia forced out.
He averted his gaze, hand going to his hair, trying to tame it—to pull up the impassive, composed member of the Zhang family that he strived to be.
… Too bad it had never worked very well on Hailou.
“I don’t want to forget about it,” Hailou said, stepping closer. “Come on, Haixia. Why don’t we—”
His hands touched Haixia's shirt, and Haixia slapped them away, meeting Hailou’s gaze with a sharp glare. “I said no.”
It was a tone he rarely used with Hailou, and he watched as hurt, sharp and sudden, filled Hailou’s face. Haixia’s heart bled. He instantly lifted a hand, wanting to soothe but lost as to how. Hailou grabbed his hand midair, and after a momentary hesitation, brought it to cup his cheek. Haixia’s breath stuttered.
They stared at each other for a long time, neither speaking, their only contact Haixia’s hand cradling Hailou’s cheek, held in place by the younger man’s palm.
“Hailou—”
“You don’t want this?” he asked. “You really… don’t want to be with me?”
Haixia felt trapped, frozen in a moment with too much weight. There was no answer that wasn’t damning or a lie. But Hailou’s expression was silently pleading for honesty, and Haixia would damn himself every time if it meant saving Hailou from even the smallest pain.
Boldly, Haixia stroked a thumb along Hailou’s cheek. Hailou tilted into it and Haixia smiled wistfully.
“It’s not about what I want, Hailou,” he admitted.
Hailou frowned, brow puckering with confusion. Haixia used up the last of his nerve to close the space. He slotted their mouths together in a chaste but lingering kiss. Haixia also breathed deeply, capturing every scent—every part of this moment to be held in a special if bittersweet place in his mind. He pulled back, hurting with every inch.
“It’s about refusing what I won't be allowed to keep," he finished.
Hailou blinked, only for his eyes to widen in realisation. Haixia tugged his hand free, beginning to turn away, but Hailou darted out and grabbed his arm, reeling him back in—reeling him closer until their chests brushed.
“Aren’t you smart?” Hailou asked, voice strained. “Don’t you always know what I’m planning before I do it?”
Haixia frowned, but Hailou cupped his cheeks and kissed him. Haixia tried not to melt, but his resistance to Hailou had always been appalling.
“Shrimpie,” Hailou breathed when their lips parted. “Haixia.” He rubbed their noses and smiled. “I’m a man. I’m your Hailou. So, you'll kiss me, right? Do you think I could have sex with you? That's gotta be a good offer. I could make you love me back if I kissed you enough, right?”
Haixia’s eyes widened as he understood Hailou's ridiculous mental process—but he gripped Hailou’s elbows tightly over the other thing it revealed. “Love you back?”
“Love you,” Hailou insisted, hands sliding down his body, stopping on his hips, where he gripped them. “Keep me forever, okay?”
Haixia started to tremble. He couldn't control it, but he had enough focus to drag Hailou until they were flush. Turning his face into Hailou’s hair, he breathed in his familiar, intoxicating scent. As he did, Haixia started replaying everything—the moment Hailou sat down in his lap, and every foolish, harebrained, spontaneous, wonderful thing they’d shared together.
“I’ll keep you,” Haixia murmured roughly. “But you’re mine. Only mine.”
“Yes,” Hailou agreed readily. “You know they were only because I couldn’t have you, right?” He laughed wetly. “Didn’t think I could ever have you.” He pulled back, looking hopefully into Haixia’s gaze. “You love me?”
“I do,” Haixia admitted, and for the first time since realising, it didn’t hurt.
He then smiled. He let tenderness and affection flood his expression rather than trickle down through careful filtering. Hailou’s eyes widened, delight bright and handsome on his face. He pressed his fingers to Haixia’s cheek, near the corner of his lips.
“You’re so pretty when you smile, Shrimpie.”
I’ve seen shrimps that look a lot better.
Haixia blinked. “You meant me. When you spoke to that thing.” He huffed. “About shrimps.”
Hailou laughed. “Oh, that? Yeah, of course. Who else would it be?”
Haixia couldn’t repress the surge of happiness and affection. He cupped Hailou’s face and tugged him into a kiss. Hailou melted into his touch. Their lips caressing lovingly.
When they pulled back, Hailou placed soft kisses from his lips to his ear. Haixia sighed into it.
“She didn’t really lure me, you know?” he murmured, words brushing Haixia’s ear.
"Oh?"
“Yeah, but… you’d sometimes look at me when women did. It made me feel like… like it meant something to you too.”
Haixia's brow furrowed. “You were trying to make me jealous?”
Hailou snorted. “I didn’t think you were jealous, just annoyed I was being irresponsible. But it felt nice imagining you were.”
It was such a contrast to what he’d always assumed: thinking Hailou was oblivious, or only put up with his displeasure, rather than seeking it out.
The confession allowed him to swallow his pride and admit, “I was. Jealous.”
Hailou pulled back, a spark of mischief mixing in with his delight. Haixia already knew he was going to regret what came next.
“You were?”
“Yes.”
“Every time?”
Haixia’s lips pinched. “Yes.” And then, even when it might bring back memories they didn’t wish to talk about, he added, “When you spoke about your husband, in a wedding dress.”
Hailou, rather than look sad or uncomfortable, looked thrilled. His eyes sparkled. “I’ll have to wear a dress for you then, huh?”
“Only if you’re marrying me,” Haixia dared to counter.
To his surprise, Hailou merely looked thoughtful. “That’s an idea.”
“Hailou—”
He leant in, smile wide, eyelashes fluttering. “I’ll be the prettiest bride for you, my handsome husband.”
Haixia felt his ears go hot, but he didn’t protest again because… if Hailou decided to come up with a foolish, harebrained, ridiculous scheme to allow them to marry?
Well, he wouldn’t just be going along with it, he’d be helping every step of the way.
But…
“Let’s just… try this first, okay?”
“I don’t need to try anything,” Hailou insisted confidently, wrapping his arms snugly around Haixia and dragging him in close. “I said it when the Patriarch brought you back, and I meant it long before then.”
Haixia frowned. “What did you say?”
“I’m not letting him go,” he said, gaze soft yet fierce. “Zhang Haixia is mine forever.”
Haixia almost choked. “You didn’t say that to him.”
“Of course, I did. I wanted him to realise what you meant to me, so he’d help save you.”
Haixia shut his eyes, wincing internally at that man knowing exactly what they meant to each other… but then, even knowing that he’d still agreed to save him. Hailou must have made an impressive impression.
But, more importantly.
“Forever?”
Hailou raised an eyebrow, not intimidated in the slightest. “You already said you’d keep me, and asked me to marry you.”
Haixia smiled, warm all the way through. “That’s true.”
“Great. So, kiss me first. I’ll buy a dress tomorrow.”
“Hailou—”
His complaint was silenced by a swift, talented mouth sliding over his—and, as Haixia had long known, he was far too weak to ever truly resist his Hailou. Today in particular, he wouldn't even try, not when he could be kissing and holding him instead.
Sliding his arms around Hailou’s waist still felt impossible—but Hailou only hummed happily while continuing their kiss.
Haixia didn’t know what god he’d pleased—or if the good luck he’d stolen was merely a product of the man in his arms. But Haixia would be a fool to let it pass him by. Because, in some miraculous twist of fate, the thing that would make him the happiest, the person he loved, loved him too.
And that meant, for the first time in his life, Haixia could truly believe he would be by Hailou’s side for life—in sickness, in health and for the long centuries that spanned out in front of them. Together, forever.