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He thought I would hate him. Simon really thought that after he told me about what had happened on Edin I would hate him. So in my own stupid way of trying to make him feel better I told him how I got to space in the first place.
I couldn't stand being on this pedestal that he put on, even in his mind. In doing so I probably said one of the dumbest things I could have.
“Heh, look at us the coward and the convict, what a dou we make.”
Why did I say that?!?! Did I want him to hate me? (maybe) and you know what he did, he made a stupid joke about how it would be a great band name. Here I was trying to reassure him and he had to try and make me feel better with a (very funny) joke.
So here i was hours later sitting on the floor in the dorm area, with my face pressed into my knees. Just trying to get stratts voice out of my head
Coward
“What grace doing, question?”
Rocky of course.
“Nothing rock I'm fine.”my voice was muffled but I knew he heard me anyway, he always hears me.
“grace liar, statement. Grace tell rocky whats wrong.” His tone was trying to be firm but I could hear worry in his voice. But I couldn't look up, I was ready to face the world around me.
“Rocky, I'm fine. It's an earth thing just….. Just leave me alone.” I hated lying to him but I didn't know how to explain this, or maybe I didn't want to. Humans are weird.
He was silent for a minute then he announced, “rocky understand human thing,” okay good “rocky go get simon.” no no no.
“Rocky it's okay don't go get sim-” and he was gone. I could hear his ball thumping through the ship on his mission to save grace and find Simon.
I didn't bother moving, where would I go. The only thing I could do was just convince Simon I was fine and there was nothing to worry about. Easy.
It didn't take long before I heard the soft footsteps that I have learned to know well make their way into the room. For such a large man he moves very softly, as if to not take up much space even with sound.
He didn't say anything, he just stood there. Even with my head down I knew he was just staring at me. I curled up tighter, not sure why but hey it felt right.
He didn't move for what felt like hours but it was probably about a minute. Slowly, as if he was afraid to scare me, he made his way towards me. Not saying a word, Simon sat down in the space beside me but not as close as he could be. He left just enough space that he didn't crowd me.
And again he said nothing. I guess I was gonna have to start this. “Simon, I'm fin-”
“No you're not.”
Well there goes that plan.
“Look its nothing okay jus-”
“Don't lie to me, Grace.”
I have no more plans, we'll i could just talk to him but-
Coward
“I'm sorry.” whatever I thought he was gonna say I wasn't expecting that. “This is because of earlier, I made you talk about before and I shouldn't have.”
No no no this is not his fault why would he think that. “This is not because of you, I just-” i cut myself off, I couldn't say it.
“Come on, Ryland I cant fix it if I dont know whats wrong.” Dang he just used my own words against me. Even without looking i knew he had that little smirk on his face. Man i really want to look up now. Not now gay thoughts, we are panicking at the moment.
“Iamcoward.” I forced the words out all at once.
“You wanna try that again?” no Simon i really don't want to.
“I'm a coward!” A sob forced its way out of my throat.
“Grace-”
“ I-I didn't want to go! I was a c-coward and I j-just wanted to live.”
“Hey, hey.” I felt him scoot closer, “there is nothing wrong with wanting to live. That doesn't make you a bad person.”
“I told them I would Sabotage the mission. Told me if they set me up here That I would make sure That it failed.”
Simon fell quiet after that, see now even he knew how much of a coward I was.
“That sounds pretty brave to me.”
What? That cant be right, that wasn't brave that was…was..
“It was brave Ryland.” Whoops looks like i was thinking out loud. “You told the people in charge of the mission that you were going to sabotage it. Grace I wasn't even that brave I would have been shitting my pants if I did that.”
I couldnt help the laugh that escaped me.
“Grace you are very brave and I will not let you think that you aren't. Do you understand.”
Fresh tears soaked my pants, all I could do was nod.
“Alright enough of this look at me.”
“Nooooo,” if I didnt want to look up before I definitely didnt want to now. I was not a pretty Cryer.
“Yes, come on show me those blue eyes.” simons hand worked its way under my chin and pulled my face up towards him. I could have fought it but it seem like most of my energy was spent during my little episode.
He finally got my face fully towards him. I know my face had to have been covered in tears and snot but he didnt seem to care.
“There he is,” Simon had a soft smile on his face, and oh boy if I thought his smirk was nice this was probably one of the best things I have ever seen. “such a brave boy.”
I felt my face go hot, I attempted to hide my face again but Simon had other plans.
“Oh no you dont, i just got you out you are not hiding again.” before I can realize what's happening Simon has pick me up in ploppeds me onto his lap. I definitely did not squeak in surprise. Who knew a guy with one arm could be so strong.
I sat between his knees with the side of my face pressed against his chest I could hear his heart beat in my ear. He held me tight with his arm, not that I would have tried to leave. We sat there for a really long time not a lot was said but Simon occasionally would whisper about how Brave I was.
The sounds of rockys ball interrupted the silence. “grace feel better, question?”
“Yeah buddy im better now.”
“Grace face leaky, good leaky, question?”
I snorted, “yeah rock its a good leaky.”
“Amaze!” Rocky threw two of his arms up when he said it, honestly it was pretty cute. “Rocky join cuddle now!”
“Wait a min-” before Simon could finish protesting rocky came bowling in. He slammed into my side causing me to slam into Simon he let out small “oof”
I laughed and put my hand over Rocky's ball and yelled out “cuddle puddle!” Rocky make very excited and content sounds and Simon didnt say anything but he did run his hand down my back (which luckily he had moved just before rocking forced his way in). We stayed there for a long time and honestly I didnt want to be anywhere else.