Work Text:
On the bottom left corner of the projector screen, Barry can see that they are six slides into the slideshow presentation. Out of twenty-five. Fuuucckkk.
Apparently, the Justice League ‘isn’t taking the security of the Watchtower seriously,’ so now all of them have to sit through a lecture by the one and only Dark Night of Gotham to talk about it.
Barry is tired of these team meetings. For fuck’s sake, he already has a whole damn city to protect, and after the last Justice League-level threat (two simultaneous wildfires that just so happened to be caused by a scientist trying to eradicate a genetically modified strain of smallpox she had accidentally released in Norway), Captain Cold gathered all the Central City Rogues and forcibly took over three different credit unions. Barry has since driven the Rogues out, but six of them are still on the loose. So pardon him if sentinel duty at the Watchtower hasn’t been his biggest priority.
“Jordan, you were forty-five minutes late for your last shift.” Well, at least he has somebody to blame for the presentation. Fuck you, Hal Jordan.
“I was- I mean, I don’t-” Green Lantern sputters. “I was BUSY! I’m the guardian of this sector, Bats, c’mon!”
Batman’s eyes narrow slightly. Whew! Busting out the big facial expressions tonight. “You were at a donut shop in Maine.”
Hal doesn’t look too happy at being called out. He sits up straighter and crosses his arms. “First of all, how did you-”
“It made local news. If you didn’t want attention, you shouldn’t have brought Kilawog with you,” Batman says, face as deadpan as always. Hal slumps back into his seat, looking for all the world like a scolded child. The sight makes Barry chuckle quietly.
But not quietly enough. “Allen, you fell asleep for four hours during your watch.” Great. Now he’s getting chewed out by The Batman, as if being late to the precinct that morning hadn’t been enough.
“Batman, please. Nothing even happened!” Barry groans.
“Yet. Nothing has happened yet.” At this point, Superman decides to intervene. Good ol’ Supes.
“Batman, I know this is all in good intention, but I think you may be overreacting.” Now the Batglare is safely directed away from Barry, straight at Superman. “I agree that it is important to defend the Watchtower; but, Batman, so few people actually know of its existence. Most everyone thinks our Base is the Hall of Justice. On Earth. And the Zeta Tubes are programmed to only work for Justice League members. It could be that sentinel duty is more… redundant! I think we could stand to be a little more lax.”
Batman’s glare doesn’t let up. “Assuming the programming on the Zeta Tubes can’t be cracked is foolhardy. No program is infallible, I have proven that more than a few times in regards to enemies.” Clark scratches the back of his neck, no doubt thinking about his latest run-in with Luthor, when his weird ice fortress got hacked.
“We’re upping our security. If I have to prove to you why it’s necessary, so be it.” With that, Batman clicked the projector remote to turn off the slideshow. Well, if that isn’t ominous.
“There is someone in the Watchtower right now. An associate of mine. Should you find and capture them, perhaps I will reconsider.” Barry’s jaw drops. Around the table, he can see the other Leaguers are in similar states of shock. Wonder Woman rises from her seat, looking mildly furious.
“Batman, how can you speak of us compromising the security of the Watchtower when you have divulged its location to an unknown party?”
Hal jumps in too. “Yeah! And since when do you have an associate? Isn’t it always ‘Batman works alone?’ All your associates are in this room, Batsy.”
“I assure you, I would not let anyone in here without proper investigation. My associate knows of the Watchtower because they assist in protecting Gotham while I attend to League business. When the Watchtower was constructed, and then when I am on sentinel duty, it is imperative to keep them informed.”
Hmmm… It makes sense, Barry would be nervous to leave Central City alone if not for Wally and the STAR Labs crew, but for Batman to have backup in Gotham??! Barry doesn’t think Bats even let Superman visit Gotham as his superhero identity, another resident vigilante is crazy.
His thoughts are cut off by Batman’s instructions. “My associate is human. They have no meta abilities. I did not give them access to any of the systems, but they are a skilled hacker. Consider this a training exercise.” Batman sits at the head of the table. “You have one hour, starting now. Try not to break anything”
Some people (Wonder Woman) are clearly still miffed about the whole ‘stranger in the secret space hideout’ thing, but everyone stands from the meeting table and makes their way out to the hallway.
=======
One might think having super speed would make it a breeze to search through four hundred meters of air vents. But here’s the thing: he’s trying not to break the vents, and as much as he trains his speed, most of what he uses his speed for is to run real fast. He hasn’t exactly been training to carefully army crawl. It’s a tight fit, and he isn’t moving more than 5 mph.
His arms hurt.
Why the hell did he get voted into this job? His whole thing is speed, shouldn’t he be speeding through the halls? Why did he agree to this?? He’d honestly rather be watching Batman’s security slideshow.
The next time Barry comes across a ceiling vent below him, he stops to peer through. Turns out, he had crawled right above the meeting room. Batman is still sitting at the head of the table, typing on what looked like a hologram coming out of the wrist of his left glove. Cool Bat gadget.
Barry goes to crawl forward, but the vent in front of him drops where the room ends. There’s no way he can maneuver himself to go down feet first, and outside of a crisis, there is no way Barry Allen would willingly go headfirst down a shute hardly wide enough to fit him. Out it is.
The vent is gonna get a little broken, he decides. He hits the vent grate fast and hard several times in quick succession, breaking it loose. Before it can crash to the ground, he grabs it out of midair and turns it diagonally to pull it into the vent, placing it on the other side of the opening. Now to get himself out of the vent.
He pushes the vent grate further out in front of him and reaches across the aperture to carefully pull himself over. Once he’s all the way past the opening, he rolls himself onto his back and starts shuffling himself out feet first. Once he is free to his knees, it’s easier to pull himself out because he can flail his lower legs to pull himself out. Soon enough, his entire lower half is dangling out below him and he’s uncomfortably bent at the waist, not being able to sit up and all. He kicks his legs, trying to dislodge his torso, but it works a bit too well; gravity does its job and he’s crashing to the floor onto his left hip, about six feet away from where Batman is seated.
“You have thirty-two minutes remaining, Flash. Unless you are injured, I suggest you keep looking.”
Barry groans. The only thing he’ll be looking for for the next ten minutes at least, is an icepack.
=======
By the end of the hour, the bruise on Barry’s hip has faded to a pale yellow. He managed to check about 3/4ths of the vents, making Green Arrow help him for the last fifteen minutes. This exercise would’ve been a whole lot easier if Martian Manhunter wasn’t off preventing civil war on his home planet. Mind readers are basically a cheat code when it comes to hide and seek.
As Barry shuffles his way back to his seat in the meeting room, he can’t help but notice that Superman and Aquaman are covered head to toe in gray powder of some sort, and Green Lantern has wet hair and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. Everyone looks majorly pissed off.
“You didn’t mention your associate was so childish,” Superman gripes. Geez, Barr hasn’t seen Clark this ticked off since that time Luthor got ahold of red kryptonite. There is no way he’s getting all that dust off in one shower. Hopefully his plumbing can handle it.
Batman doesn’t respond, he simply waits for everyone to sit down. “I take it you didn’t find them.” he finally says.
“I think you were lying to us,” pipes up the damp Lantern. “Either they’re not actually here, or they do have powers, because there’s no way a regular actually hid from us.”
Batman only smirks in response.
Wait.
Wait.
Batman smirking?? WTFFFF?!
Hal doesn’t seem to notice, going on about how they would’ve caught whoever it was, but he stops in pure shock when Batman reaches up to his cowl and takes it off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
He’s wearing another fucking mask beneath the cowl, because of course he is. When he speaks, his voice is completely different, smooth and joking where Batman sounds gravely and as serious as a heart attack.
“Well, it’s sweet of you to say so, Hal, but I was telling the truth. I have no powers.”
The room is dead silent for half a second before pandamonium breaks out.
“WHO ARE YOU?” Shouts Superman. He’s floating a couple feet above the ground, towering over NotBatman in a way that would cow even the toughest of Barry’s Rogues. Aquaman has his trident brandished and Wonder Woman has the Lasso of Truth clutched tight in her fists. NotBatman just keeps smiling his creepy little smile.
“I am Nightwing. I work with Batman quite a lot, although I’m mainly based in Blüdhaven.” This ‘Nightwing’ hasn’t moved an inch, despite the insanely powerful superheroes looming above him. The sound of the Zeta Tubes has all of them jumping a bit, which reminds Barry that his mouth is still hanging open stupidly. He closes it.
“Recognized: Batman, B-02”
The League watches in shock as Batman approaches the table and addresses NotBatman Nightwing.
“Nightwing, I told you not to bring smoke bombs into the Watchtower.” Nightwing smiles even wider.
“You also said no smoke bombs in the sewers, but that rule was thrown out the minute Killer Croc developed night vision.” Batman, ever straight-faced, does not reply. Rather, he turns to the rest of the League.
“This is my associate, Nightwing. I asked him to deliver my security presentation while I was undercover. He suggested we put your perception to the test. I hope you found this exercise informative.”
Grabbing the remote from the table, Batman turns the projector back on. The screen shows the slide they left off on an hour ago, the one about sentinel duty. “I believe you will take my security presentation with the gravity it deserves, this time.” Barry slides down in his seat. If he falls out of the ceiling again, can he go home??
“Thank you for coming, Nightwing. You may go.” Nightwing vacates his seat and stretches.
“G’night, B. See you next week,” Nightwing says, making his way to the Zeta.
“Agent A ordered pizza. You should grab a few slices before you drive to Blüdhaven.”
“Sweet!”