Archive of Our Own

Shane was psyched that the league made a scheduling conflict for one of their games this week because he and the rest of the Metros were supposed to be in San Francisco right now instead of Chicago. The Raiders were on roster with playing Chicago and then flying out to Ottawa for their next game late tomorrow afternoon.

But, one thing led to another and after a ton of calls while the Metros were mid-air their flight was rerouted to Chicago instead of San Francisco. Thierault was pissed that no one this deep into the season didn’t notice that the league scheduled two games for the same day – that kind of oversight never happened.

But Shane was over the moon!

Because that also meant that for the first time since the Olympics he could watch Ilya’s game from the audience. They’ll land early enough that he could get by the first period and if everything goes well, they’ll have one hell of a night. It’s been almost two months since their last encounter in Montreal.

Shane was trying really hard not to grin at Thierault when he told the entire team that the Raiders are in town for their own game and that they’ll be at the same hotel. Hayden groaned, JJ said something under his breath in French that Shane decided to ignore and almost yanked his key from the receptionist hand when she called his and Hayden’s names.

Hayden had to run to catch him by the elevators.

‘’Jesus fuck Shane, what is going on?’’ Hayden asks out of breath while Shane repeatedly pushes on the buttons to get to his room as soon as possible.

He quickly glances at his watch; he has to hurry if he wants to see the beginning of the game.

‘’Hm?’’ He turns around and just seems to notice that Hayden was there and speaking to him. ‘’Oh, nothing. Just want to make sure to catch the Raiders game tonight.’’

Hayden makes a disgusted face. ‘’The Raiders? But why would you?’’

‘’Oh, it’s good to watch your rival from all angles you know,’’ he says robotically trying his best not to give away his excitement. ‘’We usually play against them on the ice and don’t have an overview about their strategy. I think this would be a great time to see them in action instead of studying the tapes.’’

Hayden is still frozen, with his mouth half opened when the elevator door beeps and Shane hurries through them. Hayden takes a second before he runs after his best friend again, hauling a bag behind him.

‘’Please don’t tell me you’ll drag all of us to the arena to watch Rozanov hit the ice? I barely deal with him when we play against each other let alone in our free time,’’ Hayden whines.

Shane is busying opening the door and stifles down a laugh. ‘’Oh, don’t worry. I planned on going alone.’’

Hayden punches the air. ‘’Fabulous! Because I have an online date with my wife tonight.’’

‘’Ew, Hayden.’’

‘’What? You could have the same. Lily is just one call away, you know?’’ Hayden comments as he leaves his bag on the bed and turns on the TV to play in the background.

‘You have no idea how close (s)he is,’ Shane thinks, smiles and checks his wrist watch again. Shit, the game is set to start soon.

The league overbooked the games in SF, landed in Chicago just now. Meet up after the game? :)

Shane sends out a quick message knowing fully well that Ilya won’t answer him until after the game and immediately goes to the arena.

_

When he finally enters the arena, they are already halfway through first period and he hurries to his seat. He loves to watch Ilya play. It was like watching ballet dancers elegantly glide over the podium hitting every difficult step like it was nothing – but what it actually was, was years of practice to make it look so effortlessly – just, you know with more mayhem in the hockey part of the elegance.

Okay, don’t judge him. Shane was never the one to make elegant metaphors. He just loved hockey and he lo … well, he liked Ilya a lot. And for the past few years they were doing something that neither of them was finally ready to admit.

So, he used every chance he got to be as close to Ilya as he could. And since it was a rare occasion for him to be the one in the arena watching the game instead of being on the ice he was prepared for greatness. He knew how much Ilya loved to beat Chicago.

But then again, something was off…

It was like Ilya wasn’t fully present on the ice.

After the first five minutes of watching the game something ugly tugged at Shane’s gut.

Something was wrong with Ilya.

He glanced over to the screens willing the cameraman with his mind to pan over to Ilya instead of doing the re-run of the last shot the Raiders just made.

But no one was paying attention.

He clapped with the rest of the audience angling his head to see Ilya on the bench but Ilya had his head between his knees and one of his hands was gloveless – which wasn’t that odd but this time it just ribbed Shane completely out of the ordinary.

The game was playing in the background until the next puck hit the net but he couldn’t care less who scored it, his eyes were still trained on Ilya.

Ilya – who threw his head back, squirted some water into his mouth then joined his team on the ice.

At that point the cameraman finally tipped the lens in Ilya’s direction and Shane’s heart almost stopped.

Something was definitely wrong with Ilya.

His eyes looked sunken with shadows underneath them like he didn’t sleep for days and every time he moved on the ice it looked like it took all his energy to do so. At one point Shane was convinced that he’d break an arm or two how he fumbled a pass.

Two hours later and a tug around his heart that made Shane want to scoop Ilya straight from the ice and bring him back to his hotel room he barely managed to get out of the arena and head back to the hotel.

With the press and everything it would probably take another hour before Ilya gets there too. The Raiders won but it was tight, and by the end of it Ilya really looked like he was about to faint.

Shane nervously knee jerked sitting on the foot of his bed holding a phone in his hand waiting for Ilya’s answer.

The answer didn’t come.

But that was fine, if his calculations were correct Ilya was just now supposed to be on the team bus back to the hotel. So, Shane decided to send off another text.

Everything ok? The game was… something. Congrats on the win tho’!

‘’Shane, Shane!’’ Hayden tried to get Shane’s attention but it took several calls before Shane actually picked up on it.

‘’Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?’’

‘’You okay? You seem… I don’t know… You’re kinda freaking me out man,’’ Hayden honestly says lowering the volume on the TV and sitting on the foot of his bed opposite of Shane. ‘’Was it the game or?’’

‘’Oh, no. I mean, maybe. Yes,’’ Shane stands up and starts pacing.

Hayden waits for another minute or two, he knows better than to demand answers from Shane.

They both flinch as a loud bang then a roar of laughter erupts in the hallway – a dead sign that the Raiders were back at the hotel.

Hayden groans.

‘’Well, guess we know who’s back in the house.’’

Shane looks at the door like they could magically turn into two-way mirror then looks at the texts on his phone. Both of them unanswered. He goes back to the bed, puts his hand on the hotel phone then opts out clicking his tongue and starts pacing again.

Hayden watches him the entire time. He doesn’t prod for ten minutes but then breaks when Shane finally sits on Hayden’s bed instead of his own. He can hear the words forming in Shane’s head but he doesn’t let them fully form on his lips.

‘’Can I help you with something?’’ Hayden asks instead trying not to scare Shane off.

Shane sighs then closes his eyes. ‘’Hypothetically…’’ He starts.

‘’Hypothetically,’’ Hayden repeats urging him to continue.

‘’Hypothetically, if someone needed to find a room of a certain someone from this hotel but they just couldn’t outright ask the reception beca…’’ Shane stops, trying to reformulate the question realizing that he might disclose too much personal information if he continues.

Hayden lifts an eyebrow. ‘’Because someone would recognize you?’’ He finishes for Shane as Shane nods. ‘’And you can’t ask Thierault for it because…’’

‘’Because that certain someone isn’t…’’

‘’…on our team?’’ Hayden finishes again.

Shane nods then exhales putting his head into his hands and pulling on a few strands of hair before fully turning to Hayden.

‘’Okay. I… I need to tell you something but I need you to not overreact, okay?’’

‘’I… Yeah, of course. Anything for you,’’ Hayden says saluting like he does with Ruby and Jade when he promises them something.

‘’I need… I need to get Rozanov’s room number,’’ Shane finally says.

‘’Rozanov’s room number?’’ Hayden repeats scrunching his eyebrows.

‘’Yes.’’

‘’You need Rozanov’s room number?’’ Hayden whispers like someone might hear them.

‘’Hayd,’’ Shane warns.

‘’Oh, yeah. Not overreacting. Is he,’’ Hayden glances at the phone in Shane’s hand and finally connects the dots. ‘’He isn’t responding to your messages?’’

Shane shakes his head.

‘’Did he do something to you or?’’

Shane’s eyes open wide. ‘’No! No, God! Hayd, something was off with him the entire game and he’s not responding and I need to check on him,’’ he starts and it seems like the floodgates are opened and he can’t seem to stop the words coming out from his mouth.

‘’And I can’t fucking just go to the reception as Shane fucking Hollander and ask for my rival’s room number. They’d probably call security on me or something. And, and I thought on calling the reception instead but I’m a really bad liar and they would get me and…’’

‘’Okay, okay. This is an easy fix. I’ll call,’’ Hayden simply says pulling out his phone and looking around the room to find a pamphlet with the hotel contact info. He pauses halfway through dialling.

‘’Shit, who do I say I am and why I’m calling?’’

‘’His brother Alexei from Russia, but you might need to…’’ Shane’s voice quivers when he realizes that there was no chance in hell that Hayden was ever going to let this go if Shane just admitted that he knew the name of Ilya’s brother.

Hayden on the other hand just doesn’t react.

‘’Fake an accent? Already on it bud,’’ Hayden says when the call finally connects and immediately gets into the accent making Shane chuckle a bit.

‘’Ah yes, is this the reception of the hockey hotel my brother plays on? What do you mean who my brother is, is great Ilya Rozanov! Oh, you love Rozanov? Of course, all you pretty girls love my baby brother,’’ Hayden cringes at his own voice and the speech he pulled out from God knows where.

Shane, if he wasn’t on the brink of tears worrying about Ilya would probably film this entire interaction to show it to Ilya at some point. He gets sidetracked for a second that he almost misses Hayden trying to get his attention.

‘’Room 1310. Thank you, my dear lady. I will sure make my brother scores a goal in his next game for you. Bye now,’’ Hayden turns the call off and looks at Shane.

‘’1310 buddy.’’

‘’How did you do that?’’ Shane asks already halfway through pulling on his dark blue hoodie and sneakers.

‘’Spent half a decade listening to the guy chirp me on ice. It wasn’t that hard,’’ Hayden shrugs his shoulders and blushes a little.

Shane glances at his phone again.

Still no response.

Then he looks at his best friend.

‘’I promise I will explain everything Hayd, I just need to check on him.’’

Hayden lifts his hands in the air. ‘’Hey, I trust you completely. Okay? Whatever this is. Even if you never tell me what it’s about, I’m fine with it. You’re my best friend.’’

Shane swallows a lump in his throat. He crosses the three steps to Hayden and pulls him into a hug. ‘’I don’t want to keep this from you. I just need to check on him first, okay?’’

‘’Yeah. Sure,’’ Hayden says as Shane goes towards the door. ‘’And Shane, if you two need something and can’t call the room service or something just text me the door code and I’ll bring it to you.’’

Shane nods as he finally gets into the hallway. They were thankfully just a corner out from Ilya’s room. Most of the Raiders players already went out to celebrate their win so the hallways were completely deserted. He sends out a message to Ilya that he’s coming over and pockets his phone.

_

He knocks on Ilya’s door and prays to all the gods that Ilya is all alone in his room.

When they were on the road Shane loved rooming with Hayden even though he was as captain more often than not asked if he wanted a single room. And he knew that Ilya almost exclusively asked for that single room.

He prayed that tonight was the case too.

But there was no answer.

He knocked again.

Then again.

And again.

‘’Fuck,’’ he whisper yells but something tugs around his heart as he pulls out the phone and hits the call button on ‘Lily’. And then he hears the sound of the phone ringing on the other side of the door and starts banging again.

‘’Rozanov, open the door!’’ He yells, not caring that someone might hear him. To hell with that!

Shane lifts his hand again to knock harder when the door click and open at confused Ilya.

Well, confused was a word someone who didn’t know Ilya would use.

What Shane would use was – wrecked.

His breath stutters when he takes Ilya in.

Hair frizzy after it dry-aired after the locker room shower. He was in his soft black joggers and grey sweatshirt; the sleeves pushed over his hands like he was freezing.

And Ilya was never the one who was freezes, the guy came from fucking Russia.

His face was even worse than the camera showed earlier that day, it seemed like all the colour drained from his face. Shane never thought about vampires but at this point he figured that they would look something like Ilya looked like right now.

‘’Hollander, what…’’ Ilya starts but Shane was already over the threshold closing the door behind him and eying every inch of Ilya looking for injuries.

‘’Did something happen? Are you hurt?’’ He asks while patting Ilya on his arms and hips until finally his hands fell on Ilya’s cheeks.

Cold.

And Ilya immediately melts into the touch.

Shane wanted to put Ilya in his pocket and always keep him safe.

‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ Shane says gently still holding Ilya’s cold face between his hands, hoping that his own warmth could transfer to Ilya just by holding him tight.

Ilya opened his eyes and they were so sad that Shane suddenly didn’t know what to do. At that point he didn’t care that both of them were pro athletes.

Rivals.

Whatever the media told them to be.

He was furious that something so bad happened to Ilya that it seemed like the life went out from his eyes.

‘’Okay, let’s get to bed.’’

Shane takes Ilya by his hand and guides them to the huge bed in the middle of the room. He pulls the blankets off and pushes Ilya in then takes off his sneakers and climbes next to him pulling Ilya into his chest.

Ilya went willingly.

Too willingly.

No chirp.

No insinuations or anything.

He just clinged to Shane like an octopus and Shane wanted to kill whoever did this to him.

A coach? Another hookup? Alexei? Ilya’s dad?

He didn’t know but he was ready to turn the world down to track whoever did this.

He cradled Ilya’s head in his hand softly going through his curls while drawing circles on Ilya’s bicep. Ilya was humming slowly into his chest and nuzzling, completely melting into Shane.

‘’Hey, what happened?’’

Ilya shrugs his shoulder but offers no explanation.

‘’Was it the game? You played brilliantly, you know that, right?’’

Ilya shakes his head.

‘’Okay, was… Is it your brother or?’’

Ilya shakes his head again then completely buries it in Shane’s shoulder sobbing quietly.

‘’Fuck. Okay, I won’t ask anymore questions. I’m not going anywhere. Come here,’’ he says then pulls Ilya completely into his body as to shield him from whatever is going on inside Ilya’s head.

After a few minutes Ilya peeks from Shane’s shoulder, eyes red rimmed looking up at Shane who is still playing with his hair – absentmindedly huffing a puff of cold air into Ilya’s hair where he made a mess out from tears and rubbing his head against the wet patch on Shane’s sweatshirt. Shane searches Ilya’s face with his eyes, dropping featherlight kisses on his forehead, nose and everywhere he could reach while he gently rubs Ilya’s ear to soothe him.

‘’I get sad sometimes,’’ Ilya finally says his voice breaking. ‘’I can’t help it,’’ he shrugs a little and another tear escapes from his eyes. Shane immediately brushes it off with the pad of his thumb.

‘’Can I do something to help?’’

‘’You are Hollander,’’ Ilya pulls on a little smile but tears roll one after the other again. Shane pulls Ilya’s face to him and kisses him all over.

‘’Does this happen often? How other people help?’’ Shane asks wondering how Svetlana or someone other than Shane handle this situation but Ilya just scrunches his forehead in confusion.

‘’Others?’’

Shane fidgets then blushes. ‘’Well, I guess Svetlana. She probably knows how to help you out, right? Should I call her?’’

Ilya looks at Shane’s worried face and the words form in his head so clearly that he almost blurts them out on the spot.

I love you.

‘’There are no others Shane,’’ he finally says and Shane’s breath hitches when Ilya says his first name. Ilya doesn’t wait for a response, instead he takes Shane’s wrist and draws small circles on his soft skin over the pulse point. ‘’Today was the day my mom died, and… I get … Ugh, what’s the word when you are not good in your head?’’

‘’Depressed?’’ Shane offers dropping another kiss on Ilya’s forehead.

‘’Yes. I think so. I feel like the world is ending and I don’t know what to do.’’

‘’Are you always alone when this happens?’’

Ilya nods. ‘’Oh, Ilya,’’ Shane says and brings Ilya to his chest again. Ilya’s whole body shakes from sobs. Shane doesn’t let him go, just mumbles reassurances into Ilya’s hair and softly hums something making his chest vibrate so Ilya starts controlling his own breathing through Shane’s hums.

After a while Ilya seemingly calms down when his belly grumbles loudly and Shane chuckles.

‘’You hungry there?’’ Then, realizing that Ilya rarely gets to the phase where his stomach grumbles because he’s always chomping on something he pulls Ilya from his chest and narrows his eyes at him. ‘’When was the last time you ate?’’

‘’Um,’’ Ilya says then tries to hide in Shane’s shoulder again.

‘’Oh no, no, mister. No hiding. You haven’t been eating? How long?’’

‘’A day, or two? I don’t… I don’t really remember,’’ Ilya says sheepishly. ‘’I wasn’t hungry. Am not. I feel nauseous right now.’’

Shane inhales then pulls Ilya back into embrace holding on firmly. ‘’Okay, then we’ll change that now. Let’s see what we have around to eat.’’

Shane opens his phone to see if something was opened this late when Ilya panicking lifts from Shane’s embrace and sits on the bed. ‘’No, no. Please don’t leave me. We can eat peanuts from the bar. Or, or,’’ he starts hyperventilating and Shane immediately sits up and pulls Ilya into his lap, holding his head and rocking them back and forth.

‘’I’m not leaving. I just wanted to see if anything is opened to send Hayd to get it.’’

If Shane thought earlier that Ilya was in it so deep, he didn’t know until now how deep it was because Ilya didn’t manage to chirp anything about Hayden – and Shane was convinced that Ilya was put on this Earth for two things and two things alone, to love Shane Hollander and to lovingly hate on Hayden Pike.

Ilya lets several minutes pass in Shane’s embrace before he finally asks –

‘’He is okay, with…’’

‘’He was the one who helped me get your room number. I owe him an explanation but that can wait for now.’’

Shane presses a kiss on the side of Ilya’s head then snorts when his eyes glance on the phone screen over the only open restaurant.

‘’Figures. The only thing opened this late is fucking McDonald’s.’’

For the first time in the past hour Ilya lets out a little laugh. ‘’Okay, I could eat that.’’

‘’Of course, you can eat that asshole.’’

He writes a message to Hayden with the order and the door code number and pulls Ilya back into bed into their previous position.

‘’Sleep. I’ll wake you up when the food comes.’’

Ilya yawns then drifts off, with Shane following him not a minute later.

_

Hayden tiptoes into the room not half an hour later and looks at his best friend and his … rival … all soft and cuddled up in bed. He breathes out the feeling how off this seems and pushes the questions deep down for the morning – or never, if Shane decides that way.

He trusts his best friend. Whatever this is it feels like… Well, looking at them all snuggled up – Ilya clinging to Shane like he’s his lifeline – it seems like something that makes Hayden miss his wife even more tonight.

He drops the takeout bag on the nightstand near Shane and sees both Ilya and Shane’s phones almost at the same time pop up with low battery warning. He looks around the room and spots the multi charger on the chair nearby and plugs both of their phones in.

As soon as the phones light up Hayden sees the last message on Ilya’s lockscreen from Jane ‘’coming to your room rn’’ and he breathes out.

Lily and Jane, brilliant – he thinks then snorts under his breath looking around the room for extra blankets because it seemed like Rozanov was slightly trembling. He throws two of the blankets over them then gently places a hand over Shane’s shoulder.

Shane almost jerks when he realizes that he fell asleep. Hayden puts his finger over his lips not to wake up Ilya then points to the take-out bag.

‘Thank you,’ Shane mouths and Hayden squeezes his shoulder in response before saluting again and leaving the room.

Shane looks at the ceiling trying to hold off the tears and scratches Ilya’s head.

‘’Babe, food is here.’’

‘’Mmm,’’ Ilya lifts his head like a dog sniffing for food when Shane opens the bag with one hand and digs out some fries. ‘’You know if you ever decide to propose you should just fill my living room with McDonald’s fries and I will be a happy man.’’

Ilya says without thinking pushing almost an entire bag of fries in his mouth but then almost chokes when he realizes what he said. ‘’I mean,’’ he tries to say but with his mouth full it sounded more like a yelp.

Shane laughs, like really laughs for the first time in the past few hours when he was devastatingly worried about Ilya’s wellbeing then steals a fry out from Ilya’s hand and shrugs his shoulder.

‘’Was thinking more about thousands of candles but I dunno, if the fries are enough,’’ he comments trying to act nonchalant while Ilya is at the same time panicking while his cheeks  are flushing from something like happiness – or, hope. Probably both.

He swallows the fries as Shane takes the empty bag from his hand and replaces it with a cheeseburger.

Ilya is still stunned and frozen, breathing heavily.

‘’What? Hollander?’’

Shane smiles.

‘’Hollander? Shane?’’

Ilya pokes Shane in the chest then in the abs while Shane giggles and takes out a cheeseburger for himself. Ilya gasps.

‘’What?’’ Shane asks with his mouth full.

‘’Who are you and what have you done with my Shane Hollander?’’

‘’What?’’ He says again with his mouth full, smile curling on his lips. ‘’I’m hungry!’’

‘’Oh, you little shit,’’ Ilya grins and digs into his own bun and Shane playfully shoves him on the shoulder as they both attack everything Hayden brought.

He even added the Oreo McFlurry. Ilya yelped when he saw it and licked the cup clean.

Shane, still grinning about his best friend’s improv takes his phone to send off a message to Hayden but there was a message already waiting –

Ruby and Jade swear that this McFlurry is the best thing in the world and I know that Rozanov has a palate of a six-year-old so I took a chance. Enjoy!

Shane laughs his ass off when he tells Ilya that the ice cream was Hayden’s addition and Ilya dramatically drops on the bed fake dying.