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By the time that Cassie finds Tim, he's already busted his knuckles open. He can't see the injuries, his hands hidden beneath the thick fabric of his Robin gloves, but he knows for certain that he's broken the skin. There's a particular sharpness to the pain of his fist striking the punching bag; one that Tim has grown all too familiar with.
Tim pretends to not notice that he has company. His gaze stays locked on the battered fabric of the punching bag, keeping his movements the same. Strike - strike - kick - drills he's run a thousand times. It does nothing to keep his mind occupied, but that's fine. He wouldn't be able to concentrate on much anyway.
Cassie is almost-silent as she moves closer to Tim. He's sure that no one else would have noticed her - she's gotten a lot better at sneaking, her continued training with Artemis clearly paying off. As it is, though, he can still hear the whisper of her footsteps against the training room floor, shockingly light on her feet despite her chunky sneakers.
She stops a few feet away from Tim, and he lets out a slow exhale. His knuckles throb underneath his gloves, and he idly wonders how much he's going to regret this later. The pain will make tonight's patrol an exercise in endurance. That thought doesn't bother him too much - pushing through discomfort is just part of the job, after all - but it could distract him. Distraction leads to mistakes. Mistakes lead to…
"You know, I can't tell if you're trying to bust open the punching bag, or if you're just really into doing the same thing over and over again." Cassie's voice is soft, a teasing lilt to the end of her words. He wonders if she was trying to startle him - Kon certainly would have - but he pushes the idea out of his mind.
Tim grits his teeth, not turning to face her. "It's training, Wonder Girl. Doing the same thing over and over is kind of the point."
"Oof, 'Wonder Girl'? That's cold."
Tim doesn't bother to respond - there's nothing he wants to say, really. So he just keeps going, the sound of his fist thudding against the bag almost deafening in the otherwise-silent room.
Cassie lets out a sigh, circling around until she's standing in front of Tim. Her arms are crossed, and she's wearing her very best 'disappointed leader' look - something usually reserved for Bart and Kon. Tim is surprised to find that he does, in fact, feel somewhat cowed by her steely gaze. An impressive feat, considering he whethers Batman's glares on the regular.
"Alright, spit it out. What's wrong?"
Tim is silent for a moment, still not meeting her eye. "… I'm just letting off some steam."
"For two hours?"
Tim grimaces. "I've got a lot of steam."
"Yeah, apparently." When Tim continues to not elaborate, Cassie lets out a huff. "Alright, fine. Be that way."
Tim expects her to stomp away, but to his surprise, she actually starts walking toward him. He raises an eyebrow, pausing his strikes - but before he can ask what she's doing, he's suddenly hoisted into the air.
"Hey!" He shouts, flailing in Cassie's tight grip. "What's the big idea?"
"Clearly, you're too emotionally constipated. This is too big of a job for just one girl." She slings him over her shoulder, and Tim's stomach swoops in that familiar way that means she had started to fly.
She floats out of the training room, making her way steadily towards the common area. Tim considers trying to force his way out, but lets out a deep sigh instead. At this point, it would just be an exercise in futility - even if he managed to escape, Cassie would probably just hunt him back down.
As they enter the main area of the mountain, they're greeted by the sounds of Kon's indignant shouts reverberating loudly through the space. "I knew it! You are cheating!"
"No I'm not." In contrast, Bart's voice was calm - and more than a little smug. "You just suck."
There was a clatter that Tim immediately recognizes as the sound of the N64 controller being tossed across the room. For a brief moment, he seriously contemplates the pros and cons of talking to Batman about the 'no killing' rule - surely, he would understand the need for an exception in this case. "Yes you are! I saw you run off near the end of that last match! You must've been messing with the wires or something!"
"Hey!" Bart snaps. "That wasn't me cheating! I was just getting a snack."
"In the middle of the game?"
"I mean, it's not like you were exactly giving me much of a challenge…"
"Guys!" Cassie shouts, undoubtedly interrupting the wrassle that was seconds away from taking place. "Can you please shut up for a second?"
"Oh, hi Cassie." Bart laughs - there's a sudden whoosh of air, and Bart's huge, bug-like eyes are suddenly inches from Tim's face. He can see his own reflection in the yellow plastic of his goggles - his warped features grimaced back at him. "Hi Robin. Are you in trouble or something?"
"No."
"Yes." Cassie corrects him. "He's going in time-out for being a moody, broody bird boy."
"Time-out?" Kon cackles, and Tim can feel his cheeks burn with a heady combination of embarrassment and rage.
"I wouldn't laugh if I were you." Cassie keeps floating along, only stopping when they're a few feet from the couch. Tim still can't really see much - even craning his neck, most of his view was still blocked by Cassie's back. "If you broke that damn controller again, you're gonna get it a lot worse than he is."
Kon stops laughing. "Uh - I'm sure it's fine."
"Good." With that, Cassie abruptly shrugs Tim off her shoulder, depositing him directly onto Kon's lap.
They both grunt - Tim from the awkward landing, Kon from sheer surprise. When Tim looks up, his face is only a few inches away. Kon's sky-blue eyes are wide, and Tim feels the flush already on his cheeks darken.
The four of them had been a 'thing' for a couple of weeks now. Tim isn't sure exactly how to describe their relationship - they were something like dating technically, but it's not like a whole lot had changed. They mostly spent their days playing video games, arguing about nothing much, and cuddling until they passed out on each other.
Well. The others had been cuddling a lot. Tim is still… getting used to things. He likes the closeness - well, unless Bart is sticking his bony-ass elbows into his side - but sometimes he wonders if he's, well…
If he's intruding on things. The others still don't even know his real name, after all. He's holding a piece of himself from them, and no matter how many times they cuddle or kiss, there's still that wall between them.
Sometimes, though, Tim thinks that might be for the best.
Before he could scoot off of Kon's lap, Cassie floats down, settling gracefully behind Tim. With a tug on his shoulders, she pulls him flush against her body, wrapping him in a you're not going anywhere hug.
There's a crackle, and suddenly Tim has a lapful of Bart. He's warm through his suit, and not for the first time, Tim likens the feeling to having a warm, weighted blanket on him.
When Bart squirms around, elbowing Tim harshly in the side, he lets out a deep sigh. A weighted blanket with bony-ass elbows.
"Alright, Robin." Cassie tightens her arms around him, and Tim isn't sure if she's trying to hug or strangle him. "Spit it out."
"Spit what out?" Tim grunts. Bart squirms, elbowing him again. "Bart!"
"Sorry." Bart settles for a moment before thrashing around again. Before Tim could say anything, he scoots back, getting off of Tim entirely; that is, until he flops his head down, faceplanting directly into Tim's thighs. "There we go."
"You're clearly going through something, dude." Kon says, completely ignoring Bart. "I know you're training or whatever, but you've been in there for like five hours."
"Two hours." Tim and Cassie correct him at the same time.
"Whatever! The point is, you're still hammering away at that punching bag instead of, like, talking. To anyone."
"Like you're so great at talking about your feelings." Tim snipes before he can stop himself.
Kon narrows his eyes. "For what it's worth, I have been talking. To you, even. So you know that's not fair."
"You're both bad at it." Bart comments.
"We all are." Cassie cuts in. "Which is why we're doing it right now."
She squeezes him again, and this time she's definitely trying to strangle him.
"Fine, fine!" Tim wheezes. "Just - give me a little space."
All three of them grumble, but nevertheless scoot back. Tim sighs as he shuffles off of Kon's lap, settling next to him - though not quite close enough to touch.
For a moment, Tim considers dropping a smoke pellet and fleeing the conversation entirely - but that definitely wouldn't solve anything in the long run. He could lie, maybe. Come up with something a little more palatable, something they would like to hear.
But he was already holding so much of himself from them. If he his every piece, what was there even left to like?
No, better to just get this over with, and… however the others felt about him afterward was up to them.
Tim lets out a slow breath, hunching over until he's staring at the floor. "A few days ago, on patrol… there was a mugging. Nothing really special or different about it - there's gotta be at least a dozen in Gotham every night. I was just roof-hopping like usual when I see someone getting crowded against an alley wall. Swoop down, knock the asshole over, but he gets up and starts running. I'm about to go after him when I see that the victim's bleeding everywhere. Fucker stabbed him. So I run over, put pressure on while I call the ambulance. By the time they come, the mugger's long gone, of course."
Kon shrugs. "So the bad guy got away. Happens, man. You did the right thing staying with the victim."
"I know." Tim snaps, irritated. Gaining control of himself, he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I… I know. It's not that the guy got away. Though that really pisses me off, cause… this morning, when I was going over Batman's patrol notes, I saw that he had followed up with the Commissioner. Apparently, the victim died on the way to the hospital."
"Ah, man…" Cassie reached out, lightly brushing her hand against Tim's. "I'm sorry, Robin. It always feels horrible when there's nothing you can do."
"But that's the thing." Tim swallowed thickly. "I… I don't feel horrible. When I read that report, I felt… I felt nothing. Just numb."
Tim drew his hand away from Cassie's, curling up on himself more. "It's just that - ever since No Man's Land, when I see people die, it doesn't - it doesn't feel the same. There were so many people buried under the rubble, dead for months, so many people starving to death, so many picked off by gangs…"
"Shit, Robin, I had no idea." Kon shifts closer, like he's about to touch Tim, but hesitates.
Before Tim can stop himself, he leans over, pressing himself into Kon's side. He's warm and solid against him, and some of the tension bleeds out of Tim's shoulders.
"It's so stupid, too." Tim mumbles. "Because I know you guys have all seen your share of messed-up stuff. Coast City getting destroyed, half of Gateway getting knocked down by that ship… But you guys always care. I see it in your faces - you're so full of love and empathy and… I don't know. Maybe there's just something wrong with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you." Cassie says emphatically. She puts her hand on Tim's knee, and when he doesn't say anything, scoots closer. "You live in Gotham. You said it yourself - there's dozens of muggings a night there. Assaults, homicides, you name it. Seeing that kind of stuff, over and over again… It's bound to leave a mark."
"But I can't think like that." Tim argues. "I can't feel nothing, because then I'm going to lose sight of - of who I am. Of who I used to be."
"Robin…" Kon's voice is so soft, so unlike his usual gruff facade. Tim wishes so desperately that he could hear his real name from Kon's lips.
Bart slides onto the floor, shuffling over until he can rest his head against Tim's knees. He shoots a crooked grin at Tim. "Whoever you end up being, I bet I'll still like him."
"Thanks, Imp." Tim's voice cracks a little - he expects Bart to make fun of him, but the speedster just nuzzles closer, his breath warm against Tim's legs.
"We're all growing up together, right?" Cassie leans down, letting her head fall onto Tim's shoulder. "We'll always be there to support each other, no matter what."
"No matter what." Kon echoes.
Tim's face screws up, and he has to fight off the sudden rush of tears that threatens to spill over. Sandwiched between the three of them, that cold, horrible numbness feels so far away.
So Tim squeezes Cassie's hand, feeling his knuckles throb, and tries very, very hard to believe them.