Chapter Text
You are my solution.
Eva looked out of the window again. People were stunned after the scene caused by Grace, but they went about their usual operations after. They were shaken, even so, without having seen him. The science team had died just 4 hours ago. A measuring mistake. A small error cost them their entire team. DuBois and Shapiro were gone. Now, they needed a scientist, many had panicked but to her? It was just a matter of making the decision. It's one of the hardest things she'd ever done, just listening to him. To his cowardice. It was insulting, but it wasn't just that. It was that she understood. What would become of her, after this project? She'd go to prison. The world would look at her not as someone who did what she had to do, but as somebody who ruined the Earth. Destroying Antarctica for methane, covering half the Sahara, all of those terrible, terrible sins. Everyone looks for someone to blame in the end. Eve who was forced, chosen to be the target of temptation, of ruin. The apple, the fruit which people love, that keeps their sickness away, that fruit keeps the famine and war and freezing over away. But Eve shall bear the blame and the sin, the woman they shall hate, for she had to be chosen to lead this project. It is ironic, how their names sound similar. Eva, known as the cold, uncaring Stratt, who would do whatever it takes for her plans to go through. Eve, known as the first sinner, who was not warned by her God of temptation and is now the woman who carries all of this guilt.
She was scared. She was always scared, even if she maximized every possible good outcome and minimized the bad ones, for humanity as a whole, she couldn't do that for herself. They'd want her dead. She understood, even if it wasn't on the same level. She was killing him. He was scared he'd die out there. He was scared that he wouldn't be able to do it, and that cowardice was the difference between them. It was never about the children for him, yes he loved them, he wanted them safe, but he didn't want to risk death. He left his career because he didn't like a paper he wrote, he couldn't take a risk without that fear, that maybe it would go wrong. Anyone would be scared of dying. Eva was scared that the risks she took to get this project working would be for nothing. Maybe they would all devolve into war and fighting over food and it would all be for nothing. Maybe the cold would envelop the world and she would have suffered under the pressure for no reason. Maybe the probes would never make it back and she sent Ilyukhina, Yáo and Grace to die all for nothing. But even so, the risk must be taken. It didn't matter what happened to her, or Grace, or anyone else. Humanity needed to be saved. She understood, but that was the difference. The world would not.
She turned, letting out a breath she held while thinking. Project Hail Mary would succeed. There was no room for failure. Grace had to go one way or another. She stepped away from the window, walking back to her desk. Her hand glides over the surface of her desk, and she sees a mini globe on it. She picks it up, feeling its weight. The weight of the world. She held it with Grace, when they first met. That little Earth. He said, "That's lava." Rolling the heavier ball in her hand, she thinks back to that moment. The world in her hands, and all she could feel was the guilt that came with saving it.
"Hail Mary, full of Grace," She whispered to herself. Whatever beats the alternative. Whatever ensured his safety. Tears in her eyes stung her face like an unwelcome change in weather. "The Lord is with thee..." Her voice trembled as she muttered with her eyes squeezed shut. The Lord, whatever gods and sciences and forces and supernatural were there, she wanted him safe. She wanted humanity to live. She wanted Grace to live. He was their only hope, her only hope, the forgiveness and compassion bestowed upon her after the many sins she committed.
Her saving Grace.
He would never forgive her. He would die in that endless void, knowing he was betrayed by Stratt and that she sent him off to be condemned for his cowardice. But he should be condemning her. He was full of shit, a coward, yes. But she just wanted to do her job. If she was Eva, if she was able to save one person alone, it would be him. She'd been hunched over her desk, gripping the edges harder than she'd grip the lever that changes the trolley to that one person. She dragged her left hand across her face, drying the tears she allowed to escape. As she turned to face the door, she couldn't help but listen to that voice again.
"You killed me, Eva."
"I know." She managed to choke out. She can't face him. "I know, and I'm sorry."
"Eva. Come on." He didn't sound angry, or disappointed. He just..
"You had other options..."
"Ryland. Please. You are my solution." She turned to face him, but found an empty office with remnants of his struggle.
After contemplating a bit more, she decided to pack her things and leave. She took up the globe on her way out.
She stood, gazing into the setting sun. The grass beneath her, right outside would have been the last thing he felt of Earth. Clawing at it and wailing. She saw his tears leak into the dirt.
"I did what I had to. For the world. Humanity."
She turned away from the window once again, closing the blinds and her eyes so that she would squeeze the last tears out of them. She walked out of the office, closing the door hesitantly behind her.