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The call came in the late evening with day slowly fading. Severide was surprised, and even more so at how small the voice on the other end of the line sounded.
“Can you come get me?” No greeting, no explanation, just that one question. Severide frowned, already rising. Casey hadn’t exactly been in a good place lately, and his instinct was telling him this wasn’t the simple case of a flat tyre. Admittedly, it wasn’t even an unwelcome distraction, his own evening by no means having gone as expected.
“Where are you?”
Casey named an address, and when Severide got out of his car about fifteen minutes later, he found the truck captain seated on the unfinished porch of an unfinished house, scaffolding running along the unrendered walls. The sun was just disappearing behind the horizon, painting the scenery in a red-and-golden glow, making it look strangely peaceful.
Casey, on the other hand, didn’t look all that peaceful. Shoulders slightly hunched, cradling his left arm in his lap, sharp creases on his face, eyes squinting against the remaining light. Sitting down beside him, Severide gave him a long, thorough once-over, revealing an abrasion on his cheek, more on his arm, along with quite some cuts and scrapes, shirt torn at the shoulder.
“What happened?”
Casey sighed softly, not looking at him, brows knitted in a way that told Severide he was sporting a headache. “Wasn’t careful enough. Slipped and fell off the scaffolding. Was able to break the worst of the fall, but well.”
“Are you hurt?” Carefully, Severide took his arm, inspecting wrist and elbow. Nothing seemed to be broken, but the abrasions looked painful, and Casey hissed lowly when he stressed his wrist. “What were you doing here anyway, climbing around the scaffolding all on your own?”
Another sigh. “I’ve been putting this project off forever. Was about time to get started.” Severide went to his car to fetch the first aid kit.
“What’s been holding you back?” One by one, he patched up the scrapes and abrasions.
“Don’t know. It just… didn’t seem to make much sense anymore.”
“Yours?” He applied disinfectant. Some bandages. Vaguely remembering that Casey had talked about buying a fixer upper. He hadn’t realised he actually did. But then again, he’d been a little distracted by his own life happening lately. And he thought with a bit of regret that for a while, Casey and he had barely circled in each other’s orbit. Although they certainly could’ve done with each other, for different reasons. Time to change that.
“Yeah. Crazy idea, I know.” Casey let his head hang, and even if he didn’t say it out loud, Severide knew exactly what he was thinking. That it had been stupid to buy a house, now that he was on his own again. That his dream of having a family had disappeared with his wife, and maybe forever.
Not that he should be thinking that. They weren’t old yet. Casey had still plenty of time to build a family. And Severide couldn’t help thinking that it probably was for the best this family wouldn’t involve Dawson. It might as well be his own bitterness speaking. But he had only recently began to realise how much of his friend had disappeared behind Dawson. Was only slowly resurfacing now that she was gone.
“Nothing wrong with a fresh start.” Severide took Casey’s wrist again, bandaging it. A gentle breeze rustled through the nearby trees, and again, he thought that it was strangely peaceful.
“That’s what I thought. But now, I just feel stupid.” Casey sighed again, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Sorry to ruin your evening. You and Stella sure had better things to do.” Severide only flinched slightly. Finished with bandaging the sprained wrist, he held onto the other man’s hand a moment longer before giving it free again, Casey’s warm skin against his feeling strangely comforting.
“Actually, no. She broke up with me.” Now, for the first time since he arrived, Casey looked at him, eyes wide in shock.
“What? But – why? I thought you were…” He trailed off, obviously remembering that lately, Stella and he hadn’t exactly seen eye to eye. Or perhaps caught by the same thought Severide had before, that he hadn’t been as present in his best friend’s life as of lately than he used to.
This time, it was Severide who sighed, shrugging half-heartedly. “In all honesty – I don’t know. The talk she gave me was rather… weird. Something about me being jealous. Obviously, I’m not acting the way I should.”
“Jealous of whom? That Highschool buddy of hers who came at you like a hormone-pumped teenager?” Casey snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I know, right? If I had been jealous, I wouldn’t have been cool with her hanging out with him, would I? Would’ve made sure to be there all the time, follow her every step, make the guy understand that she was my girl. I didn’t do any of that. Where the hell did she get the idea from that I was jealous? Maybe the problem is that I wasn’t, and she actually wanted me to get all possessive, and because I didn’t she thinks I don’t care about her. Whatever. I don’t get it, and I’m done trying to follow her trail of thought. It’s exhausting, and I really don’t need that drama.” Severide blew out a breath. “Sorry for rambling. It’s so stupid, really. I just can’t… but maybe it’s for the best. Maybe if she hadn’t ended it, I would’ve sooner or later. I don’t need my way of handling things be judged all the time.”
“I’m still sorry”, Casey offered. “I really thought she was it for you.”
“Yeah, I did for a while too”, Severide mumbled. “But honestly? Might sound weird, but… the more I think about it, I’m actually relieved. Lately, everything I did or said, or didn’t do or didn’t say, she turned into something directed against her. After Benny died, I needed space – but I was “shutting her out”. When I point out to her that her “platonic” Highschool buddy is actually in love with her, she accuses me of being jealous, not even for one second considering that I might be right. I’m a man; I know if a guy wants to get into your pants. I was trying to protect her, but no, I’m the one who’s at the wrong. Jealous, my ass.” He scoffed. “She’s one to speak, by the way, considering how she treated Renee when she asked for my help in that lawsuit last year.” Thinking of Renee, of a past long ago gave his heart an unexpected sting.
Casey cast him a look, both their faces half in the shadows by now. “Yeah, I remember. She almost scratched her eyes out. Renee did try to hit on you, though.”
“I’m aware of that. She always regretted it, the way we parted. I was by no means hitting on her though.” Casey’s eyes were still on him.
“Do you? Regret the way you parted?”
Severide looked up into the slowly darkening sky. “There’s one thing I always liked about Renee”, he said. “She never tried to change me. She listened, she offered advice, tried to show opportunities. But she took me for who I am. Respected my perspective as equal to hers. Stella… Took me a while to see it, but Stella always tried to change me. As if, I don’t know, I needed to be saved somehow. Like she did with Grant before.”
Beside him, Casey followed his gaze, searching for the stars that hadn’t risen yet. “Why is it we aren’t good enough for them?” he asked. “With Gabby, it was the same. Whatever I did or said, it was wrong. And she always made it look as if I was purposely trying to make her miserable.”
“Funny, isn’t it. How men and women aren’t able to understand each other.” Severide almost smiled. “Makes you wonder why we keep dating each other at all.” Casey chuckled lowly.
“If it comes down to dating someone who understands you – maybe I should ask you out then.”
It was a joke; Severide was well aware of that. Still, his mouth went suddenly dry, and he felt a strange shiver run down his spine. And wasn’t it true; Casey being the only one who ever truly understood him.
Fishing for safe territory, he quickly cleared his throat, asking, “Are you sure you don’t need to get checked out, after your fall?”
“I’m fine, Sev. It wasn’t even really a fall, more of a slide down. Had a headache all day, I shouldn’t have been climbing around in the first place.”
“Are you still having those nasty migraines?” He really needed to pay closer attention to his friend.
“From time to time.” Darkness was slowly settling around them. Casey blinked into the sky again. “Thanks for coming.”
“Sure, bud.”
They fell silent, neither of them wanting to move, to go their separate ways. After a while, Casey spoke again, voice a small as it had been over the line before, “Move in with me again?” And again, Severide was struck by surprise, and he looked at his friend whose face he could barely make out anymore with the daylight gone.
“Are you serious?”
“Why not? I liked when we shared the apartment, just the two of us. It was easy.”
“Yeah. I liked it too.”
“Is that a yes?” He didn’t dare reading too much hope into Casey’s voice, the face he couldn’t see.
“It certainly isn’t a no.”
“You don’t have to move back into my apartment. I was thinking about finding another place anyway, somewhere that hasn’t Gabby’s handwriting all over it. Part of the reason why I got the house.”
“How about you move into the loft?” Now, Severide could see Casey’s grimace, despite of the darkness. “You don’t like it.”
“Not really, no. Not a fan of big open spaces.” And that wasn’t a revelation to Severide.
“Then how about…” He thought for a moment. Was it too bold, too cheeky? But it had been Casey’s idea to move back in together. And he could always say no. “How about you move into the loft as a stopgap, and once this project is finished”, he pointed behind them, “we move in here?” Now, Casey was the one genuinely surprised, and he didn’t need any light to know how wide his eyes were.
“You… you would move into the house, with me?” Something about the way he said it made the shiver run down Severide’s spine again, and he found himself smiling.
“If you’re okay with it – why not? You said it yourself, it was comfortable, easy, the two of us. Why not do it again, for as long as we want.” Casey didn’t say anything at first, and Severide already thought he’d overstepped, but then, he felt a sudden warmth against his side, the other man leaning slightly into him.
“Sounds good to me. The two of us.”
“It does.” Severide put an arm around Casey’s shoulder, pulling him a bit closer, and together, they looked up into the night sky where one by one, the stars were beginning to shine.