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When Boyd first opened his eyes he couldn't see two centimeters in front of him. It took him a moment to realize why the darkness felt different, and when he finally came to a conclusion, he found himself paralyzed.
The dark wasn't the absence of light... there was no expansion of space around his body. It wasn't like he was trapped in a box of some sort or pressed in tight against two opposing objects, it was the simple fact that nothing was there. No room, no light, no air. And Boyd had no idea how to deal with that. He could take getting strung up like a goose or locked in a cage, but this, this defied all laws of physics. For there to be nothing then he would have had to be nothing, but he wasn't nothing. He could feel his eyes moving frantically in their sockets, but there was no place for them to go, nothing for them to look at.
Calm down, dude.
What the fuck.
That voice had come from inside his head, his unmoving head that was attached to his now unmoving body. And despite the fact that he was now staring at the nothingness around him without any available motor skills, he tried to speak.
Suffice to say, nothing happened.
So, he tried thinking aloud. And yes, it was as weird as one would expect.
Who are you? What am I doing here? Where is here? Why CAN'T I MOVE?! HELLO, ARE YOU GOING TO-
Dude! Stop.
Wait. That voice.
Erica?
Got it in one, bud.
But... but... how are you in my head? What's going on? I mean, you're dead, you're-
The silence stretched on, confirming what he had forgotten.
He was dead.
Fuck.
I forgot.
It's okay, Boyd, we all do at first. If we remembered how we died right away, we'd never be able to focus on anything else. Just like you focused on your body and then your panic. Those things gave you the ability to think past the pain and memories. It's just... you know, part of the process.
The process? Whose process?
Erica sighed with enough annoyance to make Boyd's chest clench in fondness and remembrance.
I can't tell you that because I don't know. We're all just here, in spirit or bodily form, that really depends on what you would rather have. But, once you accept the past and your present, you're free to move around. There was a moment of silence as she debated over something. You could even find your sister if you'd like.
Boyd felt his chest clench again. He had the momentary realization that had he been alive or at least in a physical body, his breath would have caught and he may have stopped breathing for a few moments. But this, right now, this clench, was the best that he could do.
I don't... I... have you... he had to stop before his pain strangled him.
No, I haven't seen her. But, all spirits come here, so I know that she is available if you want to talk to her. But, you don't have to make that decision now.
Boyd took the momentary silence in his head to calm his racing non-heart and try to find his balance. When he finally found his center again he tried to get the hang of the communication thing.
What did you decide, with the whole body or spirit decision?
Boyd could hear Erica's dark chuckle inside his head, one that he had missed almost daily.
I'm in my wolf form, dude. And it's awesome.
Boyd threw a mental eye roll at her, smirked in his mind, and started to forget about his body. They spoke for a few more moments about the lack of rules and ever pressing void of nothingness that seemed to be the general make up of the world/realm/heaven thing. And by the time he ran out of questions he couldn't seem to find his hands anymore.
Relax, she said, you've chosen. Apparently you like the spiritual form a bit more than the body option. Have to say... I am not surprised.
Boyd chuckled and wrapped his consciousness around Erica's form. He couldn't actually feel the body that she had chosen, and he most certainly couldn't actually see it, but he knew that it was there, just as he knew that he could still think. It was the most bizarre sensation he had ever experienced, but it was worth it to feel her imagined body heat and the steady pump of her non-heart.
He had missed that heart beat so badly.
Some nights, he had woken up in a cold sweat, hearing that sound echo around his room. The steady thump that he had laid his head against when Erica, Isaac, and himself had gathered together in front of the fire outside the train car. That same thump that had lulled him to sleep when the cold was too much, even for a werewolf's thick skin. The sound that he had desperately searched for after her body had stilled and her hand had stopped groping for his.
This was one of the most precious sounds in the world to him, only beaten by the soft sound of his baby sister's-
Vernon?
Boyd froze as he heard another voice inside his head, one that he knew was not Erica.
A-Alicia?