Work Text:
The Yoo Joonghyuk is, by nature, a solitary organism. Adult specimens spend the overwhelming majority of their lives alone, regarding members of their own species with profound suspicion and most other organisms with mild irritation.
Yoo Joonghyuk is feeling irritated. And as usual, the reason is –
“Kim Dokja!”
Despite appearances, this constitutes an enthusiastic greeting.
Kim Dokja turns around from where he was sitting looking at that stupid mobile phone. Which shows nothing, as per usual. Yoo Joonghyuk would normally be concerned for the person who spends hours looking at a blank phone, but it’s Kim Dokja, who, no doubt, already has very little sanity. Kim Dokja looks very slightly alarmed.
The species has little aptitude for verbal communication; however here we can see how he (for this is the male of the species, the female species has characteristically longer hair which is cut off in times of territorial conflict and an equally muscular but more curvaceous figure) attempts to communicate with his close ‘companion’ - the ‘Kim Dokja’.
Dokja had proposed an idea, about an hour ago. A very weird scenario, sponsored by some weird constellations. It had great rewards, he had said, and Joonghyuk had scoffed but obeyed the older man. To his mortification and anger, he was the only one in the scenario unable to complete it. Even the brats Kim Dokja had adopted had flown through with ease.
The scenario? Befriend an octopus. Except the octopus grew larger and more hostile, everytime you had hostile thoughts about it. This was a bad situation for Yoo Joonghyuk, who was a very pragmatic man, but unfortunately often felt the urge to kill monsters. Natural reflex, call it that. Usually, this was very useful, meant he could attack even before the monster. Unfortunately, in this case, it meant that the octopus had wailed and grew and grew and grew, thrashing around, into an S-class monster. Joonghyuk had killed it, of course, he was a meticulous man, but because he had failed the scenario, he had this ridiculous penalty stuck to him. ‘Narration of the Behaviours of Yoo Joonghyuk’, it called itself.
Although it seems like the ‘Kim Dokja’ is unaffected by the larger and more aggressive ‘Yoo Joonghyuk, the male ‘Kim Dokja’ is in fact, deeply affected, There is only one persistent organism has evolved an extraordinary resistance to intimidation - and look there, she approaches.
Han Sooyoung sauntered over, cackling.
“Heyyy jerk-face!”
Joonghyuk scowls.
Observe the female specimen of ‘Han Sooyoung’. She possesses a highly developed instinct for provoking displays of aggression in nearby organisms. Scientists remain divided as to whether this behaviour serves an evolutionary purpose or is simply entertaining.
"To answer the scientists, it’s simply entertaining" Han Sooyoung says stopping mid-stride.
Kim Dokja merely looks baleful. Cute, Joonhyuk certainly does not think.
Yoo Joonghyuk glares violently at Sooyoung.
The Yoo Joonghyuk attempts to establish dominance through direct eye contact. This has proven ineffective against this particular organism for several years.
"Shut up."
Unable to attack the mysterious omniscient voice, the male lashes out indiscriminately.
"I wasn't talking to you," Joonghyuk growled.
This is technically true. The Yoo Joonghyuk is currently experiencing agitation. This is not unusual. The species has been observed experiencing agitation for approximately 95% of its waking hours.
Han Sooyoung doubled over laughing.
"Oh, this is incredible."
"It'll disappear in twenty-four hours," Dokja said, slowly.
Han Sooyoung is a witch, and laughs like an evil one.
“I have splendid ideas for that 24 hours.”
Yoo Joonghyuk's eye twitched.
"Don't."
The warning call of the Yoo Joonghyuk. In the wild, this vocalization is generally followed by grievous bodily harm.
Han Sooyoung's grin widened.
"Oh," she said. "I just realized."
Yoo Joonghyuk immediately disliked that sentence.
"What."
"So if you're narrating your behaviour" she tapped her chin thoughtfully. "...does it narrate everything?"
Kim Dokja pinched the bridge of his nose.
"...Please don't."
An experienced member of the group recognizes the early warning signs of a 'Han Sooyoung Idea.'
She snapped her fingers.
"Everyone!"
Within moments, Lee Hyunsung, Jung Heewon, Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, and even Lee Jihye wandered over, drawn by the unmistakable sound of Han Sooyoung causing problems.
Additional members of the colony gather around the distressed specimen. While this appears supportive, they are in fact here to watch.
"Hey," Lee Jihye frowned. "Are we bullying the captain?"
"Observation," Han Sooyoung corrected.
The younger female displays ritualistic concern. It is not faux concern, but will disappear quickly..
Lee Jihye looked offended. “This penalty is really weird.” She declared.
Han Sooyoung pointed dramatically at Yoo Joonghyuk.
"Mr Jerky McJerk face has a penalty on him, and y’all can’t even be excited enough to exploit it?”
Yoo Joonghyuk turned and began walking away.
When threatened, the Yoo Joonghyuk often attempts strategic withdrawal. Despite his considerable speed, this is rarely successful when surrounded by persistent social predators.
“I think it could be a little too invasive.” Says Sangah, gently. Sooyoung deflates, listening to her girlfriend.
The ‘Han Sooyoung’ displays visible disappointment when her intended chaos is interrupted by a more reasonable organism, her mate. This reaction is common. The species known as ‘Han Sooyoung’ is highly intelligent, but intelligence does not always correlate with good decisions, which is why her choice of mate is entirely suitable.
Han Sooyoung narrowed her eyes.
“Are you insulting me?”
The female specimen has detected criticism. The response is immediate. This suggests a highly developed sensitivity to personal attacks, despite frequently inflicting them upon others.
“Yes,” Yoo Joonghyuk said.
Everyone turned to look at him.
The Yoo Joonghyuk has successfully communicated a complete sentence without threatening violence. This is an uncommon occurrence and should be recorded.
“Wow,” Lee Gilyoung said. “Hyung, you’re improving.”
“I am going to kill that narration.”
The Yoo Joonghyuk has immediately returned to familiar behavioral patterns.
Kim Dokja sighed.
“I realise this is all terribly exciting, but perhaps we should all leave Joonghyuk-ssi alone for a bit.”
The Yoo Joonghyuk feels affectionate toward the Kim Dokja. The ‘Joonghyuk’ wants every other organism to vacate the area. The ‘Joonghyuk’ wants ‘Kim Dokja’ to stay. The ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ wants to kiss the ‘Kim Dokja’ . ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ wants to mate with ‘Kim Dokja’. Yoo Joonghyuk wants to marry ‘Kim Dokja’. Yoo Joonghyuk is in love with Kim Dokja.
Joonghyuk face palms, Jihye splutters, Sangha smiles, Hyunsung blushes, Heewon is calling at the heavens for her constellation and Sooyoung– Sooyoung howls like a manic hyena, chortles like a possessed doll.
Dokja is pink, lips parted, looking slightly stunned,
Beautiful, Yoo Joonghyuk thinks.
Yoo Joonghyuk smashes the notification.