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It had been exactly one week since Lucy was forced to do the one thing no cop ever wants to have to do. Westview was cursed. She’s convinced. First Liam Glasser, Nyla’s attack, the whole Abigail situation and being drugged with Tim and now this. If she never had to go back to that place it would be too soon.
She thought she was getting better. Logically she knew it would take a lot longer than a week, but the process had started. Until every once in a while something would trigger her. A loud noise. A seemingly small space. A nightmare. Each time she’d be back in that tunnel, metal grates digging into her back and a man high on who knows what with a knife pointed directly at her. She’d start to panic and curl in on herself.
And the worst part of it all was that all of this… the memories, the triggers, the panic attacks… it put her right back to December 9, 2019. Right back in that house. Back in that barrel. She’s lost count now on the number of times she startles suddenly and finds herself sitting on the floor in the kitchen or sitting up in bed, arms curled around herself, head buried in her knees, hyperventilating.
But… every single time, Tim was there. He was sitting with her on the floor, or lying awake in bed, waiting for her. Waiting for her to tell him what she needed. And she did. Sometimes all she wanted was to be held. Sometimes she needed to go outside and get some fresh air so they would take Kojo for a walk. And sometimes she just needed to stay where she was and come down by herself. And Tim respected that. He’d stay close. Keep an eye on her and wait for her to come to him.
And Lucy… could not be more grateful for him. She knew this was hard on him too. Not in the same way obviously. But watching the person you love in pain is hard. And every time she’d find his eyes, she could see the pain on his face. He didn’t want her to see it because every time he quickly tried to hide it by offering reassuring smiles instead. But she could tell. They knew each other better than they knew themselves sometimes.
And she wasn’t feeling guilty per se, for putting Tim through this. Mostly because he would neverI love you. And I will be here for as long as you want me here. To remind you that you are not a bad person. You are the same ray of sunshine that walked through those doors as a green rookie. You are still the woman who sees all of me and makes me feel worthy of being loved. So I am here to make sure you feel the same way.”
Lucy sniffles, and feels a tear fall, reaching to wipe it away quickly. Tim lifts her chin gently and places a soft kiss on her cheek, kissing her remaining tears away. “Are you ready for bed?” He asks, in an attempt to distract her from spiraling further.
She nods wordlessly and lets him lead her to their bed. “I’m going to make sure Kojo is settled and the house is locked up. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Kay,” Lucy whispers softly, already climbing into bed and lying down. Her eyes are heavy but her brain is telling her not to close them. Because she knows when she does, she’ll see his face. She’ll see the knife and they way it was about to be drilled into her chest.
Two minutes later, Tim walks back into the room. He strips off the shirt and basketball shorts he was wearing, left in nothing but his boxers. He climbs into the bed, shuffling so that he’s close to Lucy but not touching. Not yet. “What do you need baby?”
Lucy sighs softly and rolls over so she can scoot as close to him as she can. She maneuvers herself so that she’s laying tucked under his arm and Tim wastes no time, bringing his arm around her waist and stroking the bare soft skin anywhere he can reach. “Just this,” she murmurs. She’s not sure if she’s going to get a restful night's sleep tonight. Her nightmares have been just as unpredictable and just as frequent as they were after she was rescued from the barrel.
Tim was there for her back then too. Not in the same capacity but she knew that if she needed something, he’d be there. The gentle strokes of his fingers cause her eyelids to droop and pretty soon she feels herself slipping into unconsciousness.
It’s dark. And cold. Lucy looked around and let out a small whimper. “No! No! This isn’t—” her breathing became heavier. She was back in the tunnel. She tried to run. She tried to get out but every single time she’d end up back on that damn metal floor. Finally she resigned and just sat down, leaned against the wall. She pulled her legs to her chest and buried her face. She was trying to make herself small. “Tim. Tim.” She says his name repeatedly in hopes that he comes. That he finds her. Just like he did both times before. She feels herself shaking and she’s crying praying that she gets out. Soon. After a minute or two, she hears movement. Her head pops up, on alert immediately. “Tim,” she calls again. There are footsteps and they’re getting closer but nobody is answering her calls. “Tim is that you,” she says again, voice shakier. And what happens next has a chill running down her spine and then she feels paralyzed.
“Luuuucy,” the voice sang out. But it wasn’t soothing. It was calculating. Malicious. And Lucy didn’t even need to see who it belonged to. She’d know that voice anywhere.
She wanted to get out of there. Needed to get out. But she couldn’t. Why wasn’t Tim coming? Where was he? “Tim, I need you!” No sooner did those words come out of her mouth when rounding the corner was the woman whose voice had taunted her mere seconds ago. But she wasn’t alone. Behind her, were Caleb and Martin. Finally Lucy was able to bring herself to her feet. But when she ran, the tunnel kept getting longer and longer. And no matter how fast she ran, the three of them still managed to keep getting closer.
Rosalind began singing ‘Dream A Little Dream of Me,” and Lucy stopped for a second before covering her ears and trying desperately to find an escape. “Stop it!” The plea was no use. The three bodies continued walking toward her and the song got louder and louder. And then it was Caleb who’s voice cut through the others. “Tim’s not coming this time. There’s no one to save you.” And then all three begin laughing. Lucy trips and lands on her back and suddenly she’s on the metal grated floor and Martin is hovering over her again with the knife pointed directly at her chest. Rosalind and Caleb are off to the side, Rosalind still singing and Caleb with a cruel grin.
“Stop it,” she tries, soft at first but to no avail. “STOP IT,” she shouts this but time but still nothing. She is still struggling to get Martin off of her except this time she’s not able to gain control of the situation. “STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP! STOP! TIIIIM! TIM!” Lucy is screaming and thrashing with tears running down her face.
“Lucy!” She hears her name and she thinks it's Caleb, until she hears it again, a little louder this time. “LUCY! Baby wake up!” She feels a gentle hand sweep across her forehead and she sits up frantically, breathing hard.
She slides backwards until her back is resting against their headboard, and then looks over at Tim who is watching her with a distraught look on his face. When her breathing starts to return to normal, she reaches out for Tim and he takes her hand immediately. He doesn’t pull her to him like he desperately wants to. He just waits. He waits for her to tell him what she needs. She takes a couple more deep breaths and then moves down the bed again, and rolls to face him. Her eyes are asking for permission, pleading actually for him and Tim moves without thought. He draws her forward and into his chest. She tucks her head under his chin, and rests her ear over his heart. Tim wraps one arm around her back, letting it rest on her hip while the other one comes around her arms as if shielding her from all the pain she’s experienced in the last week.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He whispers into the dark room.
He feels Lucy still for a moment, and he thinks maybe he stepped too far. But when he hears her intake of breath he braces himself.
“They– they were all there,” she says quietly.
“All who baby,” he asks.
“Martin,” Tim nods. That makes sense but who else would she be talking about. And then it hits him like a ton of bricks. “Caleb. A–a–and Rosalind. They were all there and they were coming– they were trying to get to me in the tunnel. Rosalind was singing that song, and Caleb kept saying you weren’t coming for me. You weren’t going to save me this time.”
Tim’s heart shatters at the recollection of her nightmare. Of course this whole thing was bringing up her trauma from when she was kidnapped. How could it not. Sure she wasn’t buried alive but she was still in a small space facing her death. “Oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry.” He murmurs into her hair and squeezes her tighter. “I am so sorry you’re going through all of this. I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you,” he offers sincerely.
Lucy hums in appreciation, “I– this is helping more than you know,” she assures him but he can hear the quiver in her voice.
They just lay there then. No words are exchanged for a long time and Tim almost thinks Lucy fell back asleep. But then she curls closer into him and props her chin on his chest. He looks down at her and he wants to tear anyone who’s ever caused her pain to shreds as he stares into her beautiful wet brown eyes.
“I love you,” she says, moving up to kiss him. “And thank you… for– for being you and for being here and just being exactly who and what I need to get through this.”
“Of course Luce,” he adjusts their positions so he makes sure she can see how serious he is. “You never have to thank me for that.” And with that he gets just the faintest hint of a smile from her. Something he hasn’t seen since the morning all of this happened. “And you never ever have to worry. I will always come for you. I will always save you. No matter what. No matter when.”
Lucy looks up at him again, eyes pooling with fresh tears and she nods, unable to speak.
“I know it was different back then,” Tim whispers, referring back to when she was taken by Caleb. “But nothing– and I mean nothing– ask Angela if you don’t believe me– was going to stop me from finding you then. And the same goes for last week. When I pulled up to Westview–” he pauses for a minute unsure if she’s ready to hear this. But when she looks at him expectantly he continues. “When I pulled up, I didn’t care that there were drug crazed zombies running rampant. I didn’t care that Harper, Nolan and Miles were firing off shots to help calm the chaos. Quite literally my only focus was getting to you. And making sure you were safe. And maybe as Watch Commander I shouldn’t admit that. But in that moment I didn’t care. You were my priority. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin until I saw with my own two eyes that you were okay. Physically.”
She looks at him again, and this time with a worried expression of her own.
“I will always come for you Lucy. Always. Please don’t ever doubt that.”
“I don’t,” she said honestly. “My mind just likes to play tricks on me.”
“Yeah,” he breathes.
“Will it get easier?” Lucy asks.
“It will. With time, the hurt will lessen and you will learn to keep going. And some days it might come back and feel like the wound is fresh. But you just have to remind yourself that you made it through once and you can and will make it through again. But right now. There is no timeline. You went through something deeply traumatic and nobody expects you to be better in a week. And you shouldn’t either.”
She nods against him and they fall silent again. Neither one of them fell back asleep and it’s a good thing Grey gave them both some time off because tomorrow would be a long day.
And when the sun begins to peek through the bedroom curtains and the birds begin to chirp, Lucy feels just a tiny bit lighter. She still has a long way to go, but with Tim’s unwavering support and his words running through her mind… she knows she will be okay.