Chapter Text
The day was new when grace awoke, at least, that's what his clock told him. There weren't really ‘days’ in space as such, just falling asleep when he was tired and hoping he woke up at an acceptable time. As for rocky? He doesn't really do sleep like humans. He stays awake for days then sleeps for several more. It had taken them months to understand each other's sleep patterns. Grace was consistently scared Rocky was exhausting himself and had found it down right creepy how he liked to watch him sleep.
Rocky, however, was worried grace was broken, because what do you mean humans sleep randomly and just hope for the best, praying they get enough sleep. He'd become even more horrified when he had learnt grace wished to sleep alone, he'd put his foot down at that
In reality, rocky had less put his foot down then bounced in circles around grace, screeching about safety and death. Grace had of course not heard any of this, he had instead been trying not to throw up from how dizzy rocky was making him.
That was another thing, rocky didn't really get dizzy, or sea sick or anything like that. None of the Eridians did. Grace suspected it was something to do with the strength of Erids gravity but it wasn't something he put much thought to. There were a lot of questions he had about Erid and rocky, and some of them just slipped through the cracks. He had other things to think about.
Grace looked around the room, immediately spotted rocky staring at him from across the room. Hey, at least he's not right in front of my face this time grace thought letting out a horse laugh.
“Grace ok, question? Sleep for more than graces usual 28800 seconds”
“I’m fine rocky” the words came out louder than grace had meant them to be. Taking a deep breath he tried again, “I'm sorry. I'm just tired ok? It's been a long couple of weeks you know? I shouldn't have snapped”
“It’s ok. Rocky know grace tired. Grace is sleep-stupid. Grace not get enough food or nutrition. Grace ill. We’ll be back on earth soon, will be ok soon-”
He continued to rattle on about how ‘stupid’ grace had been recently and how the taumoeba and coma slurry was ‘insufficient feeding for leaking human, make human even more leaky’
It infuriated the man how often rocky was right. He was tired, and he was ill. No matter how much grace tried to deny it, his movements had been getting slower, his thoughts lagging behind longer than they should.
He’d expected the consequences to be bad. He was in space for crying out loud, he’d read the research, hell he'd written half of it. But this, < em>this was different. This wasn't an achey muscle and a sleepy mind, no. it was systemic, every part of his body felt like it had been cremated and left in its own ashes, he had a weight upon him that made even the simplest of movements take the energy he used to use for a full day. It was as if someone had taken a knife to his body and cut. Cut and Cut. Leaving behind holes in the body of an already broken mind.
Not enough to make him bleed out, but enough that his blood would trickle excruciatingly, slowly dripping the life out of him.
But it was ok, he would be at earth soon, he'd be home soon. He'd get help soon. So why didn't it feel good? And why did the idea of leaving this ship make his stomach drop? He didn't know why going home felt so terrifying. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. Knowing was scary. Ignoring it was far, far easier.
Pushing that thought out of his head he sat up and mentally prepared himself for the day.
It wasn't long into the day before Grace regretted moving. He stood in the computer room, his head leaning against the shelf in front of him. His heart beat loud in his head, taking over all room for thoughts. It would pass, it always did. His heart rate would slow down, the floor would stop spinning below him, the pain would pass. It would pass.
It would come back, as it always does. But that was a problem for future grace. A problem future grace would definitely ignore. But that's besides the point, it would pass now and that's all that matters.
He took a deep breath and broke away from the shelves he'd been using as a crutch.
He'd been going through his logs the past couple of days, making sure it made sense, that it was all organised and logical. The less he had to explain back on earth the better.
He clicked a random key, a blue tint filling his eyes as the screen clicked on. He winced slightly at the light, it wasn't blinding as such but it burned it a way he couldn't quite explain. Almost like looking at the sun. A small smile grew on his face as he made the comparison, he hadn't seen his sun in so long. He’ll see it soon. That was a thing to look forward to.
Seeing the light of the sun shine bright on the sand of a beach, the waves slowly coming in as the day starts. Kids playing, teenagers swimming, life.
Human life; joy.
He closed his eyes for a minute, wishing for them to unblur. It had been like this for a while, the lack of focus. He hadn't mentioned it to rocky, he hoped it wasn't as obvious as it felt.
When he opened his eyes again he saw the world a little more clearly now; the light may still be bright but the words were a little less blurred, a little more readable.
It was designed to be stored by date: although he had needed to add a few more dates recently, no one really suspected him to live this long he supposed. In the last week or so he began to organise it more thoroughly; by topic, things like: science, language, random space things he'd found out, and even just him and rocky - although admittedly that was mainly just so he could find the clips of the two of them easier. Watching the two of them just be happy, forget about the world for a while. Forget about everything the world wanted them to do.
He'd been putting off the final days he had to review. Making up excuses about needing to do stuff in the lab or organise the ship (even though nothing ever got organised). The day everything changed. Or rather, the day where every small change finally came together and teamed up on him. He wasn't sure if he was ready to watch it; take the day that he's relieved in dreams and nightmares, and see it for what it actually was. But a small click on the screen, and the light changed, suddenly movement and colours flashed in front of him, not just the dull of blueish gray.
_______
“What grace do now, question?”
Grace turned from the camera looking to his right, “ what do y’mean rock? Do when, question?”
If the alien couldve sighed and stared at the man, he would have in an instant. Although it was impossible, Grace was sure he could feel Rocky's glare.
“Now, statement. Rocky just said that. What will you do now? Rocky’s ship is unsafe, can make another, but would take years, far too long for human. Must get Taumoeba back to Erid, can make more beetles for that. But what about us? Grace must go home-”
“I cant go home rocks, not now” grace interrupted,”dont have the fuel to, and besides, you need to get back to Erid and i cant be around long enough for you to build your own ship so”
He was cut off with what could only be described as a very loud, very high pitched scream - or at least Rocky's musical version of a scream. He began running up and down his tunnels rambling on and on, far too quickly for grace to keep up.
“Rocky slow down. I cant understand what youre saying”
“ Grace can go home. Grace can see other humans.”
“ Rocky, how? It's just not possible”
“ By yourself. Not possible alone. Grace would not be alone. Grace Rocky go to earth. Together”
_______
Grace smiled as he watched back the clip, it had been the start of a new time, of a new world.
In the moment he'd called rocky insane, why on earth would rocky want to come back with him? They were so close to Erid, to Rocky's home.
He had spent several hours going back and forth with rocky over why it was just absolutely insane. Rocky continued to just repeat and repeat how it was possible, they'd take the astrophage from Rocky's ship - which gave them more than enough to get home - rocky had at least double the amount of food needed to make it, grace would have enough too, if he rationed it well. He kept on talking about the science, about how it was possible, and even a logical choice, with a high success rate.
He just kept saying the same thing, ‘grace go home’.
It had taken several hours of this before grace snapped, giving up on being civil.
“For god's sake rocky, I can't do that! You can't do that! Adrian is right there” he pointed out the glass at the star system in the distance
“You can go home. I can't take that from you. You gave me the choice. I came back. I made my choice. I chose to come on this mission. I knew I was going to die. I can't let you lose your family too. I can't be the reason you lose them” his voice broke as he spoke the last sentence, a single tear falling down his face, more threatening to spill.
It took several minutes of silence before rocky responded.
“You saved Erid, you saved Adrian. You saved me. Let me save you. Let me give you your home back.”
Grace didn't remember much of what happened after that. He remembered crying, and rocky looking confused as to why, and he remembered thinking that he was loved. After everything that had happened, he was loved.
After several moments grace looked away from where his eyes had been set, away from him and rocky. Just a half hour ago he'd been dreading watching the clip. He'd been building himself up for days, for what?
To realise that everything he'd been dreading had been wrong? That he in fact, was not a liar and rocky did suggest it? That he hadn't forced Rocky into it, but rather he had been so loved that rocky would give up his chance of seeing his family, his person, his goddamn planet, just to get grace home.
It was symbolic really, of his life, of the time on the ship and before the launch. He had been so surrounded by hate in his life that even the idea of love was unrecognisable.
So unfamiliar that he thought it was nothing but a lie he had been fed by the media. This idea of ‘forever and unconditional’ that seemed so dystopian, and yet he was living it.
It was ironic, that living a dystopia was all he needed to learn that love wasn't one.
It was why he had joined this mission was it not? To find purpose that everyone told him about. To finally understand this joy people would not shut up about. Only his luck that he would start to understand with an alien.
____________
“Grace?” the voice had a slight sharpness to it, breaking him out of his trance. “You have been still for a while, rocky concerned but did not want to disturb. But it is time for food now, so rocky wake grace”
The words took a few moments to process in grace’s head, the translation taking more effort than his brain had to spare. They had stopped using the makeshift translator months ago, he wasn't exactly sure when, but it had just become natural. He’d begun to understand rocky, slowly, the sentences had started to make sense; the words flipping in his head so they would make sense in English. He’d found himself glancing at the translator less and less until eventually he just stopped carrying it around at all.
They'd made an official one, the two of them. One the governments would approve off (not just his crappy two laptops stuck together with duct tape and a dream). But when it was just them - which was all the time - they just talked in their respective languages and translated in their heads.
“Grace ok, question? Want rocky to get translator?” He’d been saying that a lot recently, grace choose to ignore the comment
“Thanks rock, I think I just needed a moment. I’ll come in for food in a minute, let me just save this. Why don't you go and make sure everything is set up for tomorrow?”
Rocky muttered a few words about annoying humans and eating patterns then turned and walked back through to the bedroom turned study area.
Tomorrow; the day they were going to plan. The day exactly seven days before they could send off the beetles. Announce their arrival before they were close enough for direct contact. The day everything would start. This fantasy of home would begin. The idea of hope finally coming true, everything beginning to click into place, the answer on the horizon.
In reality Grace didn't really care what rocky was going to do. The two of them had planned to go over it all after lunch, he knew rocky wouldn't do it without him but the excuse was there, and rocky took it. He'd gotten good at knowing when grace needed a moment. A second just to adjust, to the pain, to the light, or whatever it was. A second to hide, to put the mask back on.
They both knew that's what it was, it hid behind excuses of checking things and searching for objects that had mysteriously gone missing, but they knew. It was an unsaid secret they both vowed to keep, even if they'd never said so to the other.
So here, once again, grace took a moment. He breathed deep breathes, his eyes closed, his ears covered by his hands holding his head. A moment of privacy that neither would address
After what could have been 5 minutes, or thirty, he stood, using the bench to hold himself, the floor swaying slightly below him.
He winced as he put a leg forward, his weight shifting and sending a shooting pain up his thigh and into his back and spine. And again, he paused waiting for it to pass. It dimmed slightly, the pain becoming a little less sharp, although that may have been the grasp of unconsciousness trying to reach him, it wasn't really possible to tell anymore.
Just push through it for today, he thought. Just till lunch, where he could sit in silence as rocky talked of some Eridian tradition. A scene they'd done so many times before. He could do that.
Push through.
Just to the lunch room.
So he took another step, eyes closing momentarily. From pain or vertigo he was unsure. Another step.
Just one more step
He took another step, just one foot in front of the other.
The familiar feeling of pain becoming dull washed over him. The sharpness shifting slightly whilst the intensity still burned strong. His small attempt at gaining safety.
He just had to wait
It would pass
His eyes began to shake as he looked around the room.
Was the floor sinking?
He looked at his feet, they were definitely sinking into the ground.
or
was the ground getting closer?
He closed his eyes
Breath
It always passes
It
would
pass