Work Text:
“Hey. You alright there?” Ashley peered at you over the textbook she’d been poring over for the past hour. The late afternoon sun leaked between towering bookshelves onto the dark polished wood of the table you’d set up as base for the day. Finals were coming up, and your security shifts had become increasingly monotonous the closer they approached, but you’d still take staring at a blank wall over facing unimaginable horrors in the field any day.
It had been about a year since Ashley had put a word in with her father to have you assigned to her detail, and you’d practically thrown yourself at the opportunity. It hadn’t come without its drawbacks. Despite everything, a part of you still missed having Leon accompany you on missions, but that wasn’t much of an issue anymore now that you could see him at the end of the day. Not today though. Or yesterday, or the day before.
Your partner had been away overseas for a week now, with no idea when he was to return. He’d only told you he was going to South America on an “Intelligence recovery” mission after you’d pried the information out of him. No amount of teasing or whispered bargains would get anything more. He’d just laughed, repeating that it was “classified”.
Coming home to an empty apartment these past few days had hit you harder than you’d expected. You’d only moved in a month ago, but your lives had fused together so seamlessly that it was almost like there was never a time you’d been absent in the first place. You’d floated through your last few shifts in a ghost-like state; still present and aware but cold and restless.
“Hey!” Ashley said again, leaning over the table to whack you gently with her pen. You sat bolt upright with a start, your dry eyes blinking wildly before narrowing at the young woman before you, studying you closely.
“Out with it,” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, “You’ve hardly said a word in days.”
”I’m just focused.” You cleared your throat, ignoring the growing headache from your constantly furrowed brows.
”Yeah right,” she scoffed, “Every time I’ve looked at you, you’ve been staring at a wall, the floor, or absolutely nothing at all. Is everything okay?”
You bit your lip; you’d opened up to Ashley about just about everything since you’d begun working with her, and you now considered her one of your closest friends, but you still hadn’t spoken much to her about Leon. Nothing serious, at least. You’d been seen gossiping in quiet corners of campus exchanging stories of evening activities, but feelings? Anxieties? You could feel her gaze pierce into you, digging around for clues.
”Is it Leon?” She said quietly. Even the sound of his name made your stomach drop, like he was something precious you couldn’t allow anyone else to perceive, else his fate would be jinxed. You squeezed your eyes shut and nodded slowly.
”He’s… away on a mission.” Your voice was husky from lack of use, and your chest tightened, “I don’t know when he’ll be back.”
”I see.” Ashley hummed, shutting her textbook and leaning closer. She and Leon weren’t quite as close as you two were, but he still had a soft spot for her, putting time aside every couple of months or so to meet up. He’d even helped her find a good therapist after everything that had happened, and the difference between the scared girl from Spain and the flourishing woman in front of you now was like night and day.
”We’re talking about the same Leon, right?” She chuckled, “I mean, I’ve seen him in action. He’s more than capable.”
”I know.” You sighed, crossing your arms on the table, “It’s just… it’s one thing if I’m with him on missions - that way I can make sure he’s okay - but I know literally nothing. I hate it so much.”
“You’ve been away from field missions for a while, though, right?”
”Yeah, but he’s never been away for more than a couple of days, and even then, I know exactly when he’s coming back. What the hell is he doing that requires him to be gone for so long? There’s no way it’s not dangerous.” Your knuckles turned white as you gripped to your black jumper sleeves, bringing your arms closer as if to hug yourself.
“Your fears are so understandable,” Ashley reached over to take your hands in hers. She was a ray of light, her warmth pulling and grasping at your walls until they came crumbling down, “I know it’s so easy to say, but please don’t stress yourself out about this. You can’t change what’s out of your control. He’ll be okay. He always is.” You’d said similar things to yourself over and over, and while they didn’t fix anything, hearing them from Ashley calmed your mind’s thrashing and struggling for just a moment. You squeezed her hand, allowing a quick smile to flash across your face.
“Thanks, Ashley.”
“Any time,” she gathered up her textbooks, notebooks and pens, depositing them into her leather shoulder bag, “Are you ready to head off? My brain might literally explode if I read one more word.”
”Sure.” You laughed but your mind drifted back to the empty apartment. You could already feel his absence wrap around you, claustrophobic. The silence is what bothered you most; not even your favourite rock albums could drown it out.
”You know,” Ashley walked with you out of the campus library into the hallway, “If it gets too quiet, or if you just want someone to talk to, I’m always around. If you want.”
You watched her as you held the door out to the parking lot for her; your shoulders felt a little lighter and a giddy, child-like joy spread within you. Work hadn’t allowed you much extra time for friends, in fact, you’d long forgotten what platonic affection even felt like, aside from Leon. As awful as your time in Spain was, you were grateful that she’d come out the other side with you.
———
You sucked in a deep breath as you turned your key in the front door, still shiny, with a small dragonfly charm Leon had put on it for you. A deep, uncomfortable unease reached out to grab you, pulling you in, and switching on the lamp on the side table did nothing to rip it away. You’d made the apartment every bit your home as much as Leon’s. It was of your humble opinion that you’d made huge improvements; he’d done little in the way of decorating, and had mostly relied on the harsh overhead lights. Introducing him to the wonders of soft lighting and accent pieces like cushions, blankets and matching curtains had already made the living room cosier. You’d brought all your house plants with you, and they stood on any free surface - the coffee table, windowsill, shelves, even a few hung from the ceiling, and while you wouldn’t trust Leon to lay a hand on them, it warmed you when you caught him admiring them from a safe distance.
Your evening routine went the same as it had done the past week; a post-work shower, a change into comfy clothes and a quick home-cooked meal with some poor-quality reality TV just entertaining enough to keep your mind occupied, but the empty spot on the sofa next to you laughed at you out of the corner of your eye and the droning on the screen only had you longing to hear his voice instead. At some point, you felt yourself zone out, your eyes blurring on the space above the television, but you made no attempt to come back. You vaguely registered the black and white photos framed on the wall; a few months after you’d started in Ashley’s security detail, Leon had encouraged you to get back into photography. You hadn’t picked up your camera in years, but the first time you clicked the shutter button, muscle memory kicked in, and ever since, you saw the world around you in golden ratios and rule of thirds. You specialised in street photography, capturing quiet moments between strangers, or particularly interesting architecture, but your favourite subject was your partner and while he’d protested, you’d insisted on framing at least one shot you’d snapped of him one peaceful afternoon. It was the very picture of serenity; he was laying on the couch, book in hand, sunlight dancing across his face. His head was thrown back, laughing at some dumb joke you’d made. You’d made him laugh hundreds of times since you’d got together, but it’d been an honour to be able to capture it just once.
You sighed, pushing yourself up and stretched. You’d long since lost track of the events unfolding on screen, and had little interest in rewinding. The only person you wanted wasn’t here, and if you couldn’t have him, you’d rather fling yourself into unconsciousness if only to escape the longing gripping at your throat. Though you had no doubt it would find you in your dreams too. You switched off the TV, plunging the lounge into almost complete darkness, aside from the soft light from the end table and instinctively held back a yawn. Before you could move into the bedroom, however, your eyes narrowed on a shadow under the front door. Your heart skipped a beat and your breath hitched. It couldn’t be. Not yet. He said he’d call you the minute he was back in the country but desperation beckoned you towards the door, begging you to reach towards the handle. As you approached, you could make out the sound of keys jangling and you could barely hold back your grin as you yanked the door open, the hallway light flooding in to reveal Leon staring back at you, keys still raised.
”Leon!” You threw yourself into him, unbothered by the harsh straps of his bags digging into your face or the grime coating his compression shirt. You breathed him in, warm and smelling faintly of fresh rainfall. He dropped his bags to the ground and wrapped his arms around your waist, picking you up in a tight bear-hug.
”I missed you so much, sweetheart.” He hummed into the crook of your neck, nuzzling into you before pulling back to look at you properly. He looked like shit; scrapes and bruises coated his face and hands and his eyes were heavy and weary, but they lit up as you cupped a hand around his cheek. You wasted no time in placing a tender kiss on his lips and you melted into him; all the bubbling anxiety of the past week dissipated into nothing as you felt him, real and very much alive, under you. When you pulled apart again, you rested your foreheads together.
”I’m mad at you.” You murmured. He laughed, placing you back down on solid ground.
”Oh yeah?”
”You were supposed to call me.”
”I know, I just wanted to surprise you.” You picked up one of his bags and followed him back into the apartment. The atmosphere was unrecognisable to what it had been only a moment before. Where there was once silence and absence was now warmth and love, as well as a bumbling man who was well overdue for a good night’s rest.
“I’d say you managed that.”
”Yeah,” He flopped down onto the sofa, looking up at you with wide, loving eyes, “I wouldn’t trade the look on your face for the world.”
You softened, curling up next to him, where you slotted together perfectly like puzzle pieces. His head rested on top of yours as he reached to hold your hand.
”Are you actually upset with me?” He asked softly.
“No, not really,” your free hand fidgeted with your shirt sleeve, “These last few days have just been really rough. That’s all.” He squeezed your hand.
”I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be!” You sat back up to look at him properly. He still watched you with that quiet adoration you hadn’t quite got used to yet, but his brows furrowed slightly in concern, “I can’t ask you to stop doing missions. That’s impossible. I just can’t handle not knowing where you are or what you’re doing. I can’t… look out for you anymore.”
Your throat tightened again and you averted your eyes so he couldn’t see you blink back tears.
“It was awful, Leon. I was so- so scared that something horrible had happened- that you’d been killed,” he said nothing, but shifted closer, “I felt so… powerless. I’ve never felt like that before. Especially not with you.” He placed a soft hand on your cheek, his thumb wiping at a solitary tear betraying your otherwise composed demeanour.
“I wish I could have told you more,” he bit his lip, duty and love pulling him in every direction, “Please trust that I’d only ever tell you what you need to know.”. You knew better than anyone how strict the federal higher-ups could be, but you knew it wasn’t really about pissing off his boss. In this world, even knowing something was enough to put a target on your back. Leon would take every target if it meant everyone else could walk free.
”I know,” you conceded finally, resting your head back on his shoulder. It held the weight of the world, but he’d carry you as well for as long as you needed, “I love you. So much.”
“I love you more.”
”Doubt it.”
”Agree to disagree?”
“Hm.”
For the first time in a week, you slept soundly.