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Senior year, Travis sat with the rest of the gang at lunch. Sal forgave him for how shitty he was when they were freshmen . He guesses they’re kinda friends now. Travis maybe wants to be more than friends.
But Ash is in the picture now. Her and Sal started dating halfway through their sophomore year, they’re cute together. Travis isn’t jealous, why would he be? He’s decently attractive now, he could get any chick at his church he wanted. But he didn’t like the girls at his church, he didn’t like the girls anywhere.
He knows, deep down he does. But Sal knows better. Sal found him in that grimy bathroom, found his scrawled little note that he never told anyone else about. To this day nobody knows just who that note was for. But Travis does. And that note wasn’t for a girl.
When he looks over at the rest of the group they’re all chatting about their chem homework, Ash has her hand on Sal’s thigh. Whatever, not a big deal. Travis isn’t jealous.
When school ends Travis sticks around, anything to keep from going home. He’ll be 18 in a few months, old enough to get out of this hell hole of a town. He’s not alone he realizes, Sal appears out of what seems like nowhere. He’s grown a bit, longer hair, leaner figure. Same blue pigtails and plastic face. Travis didn’t even know what Sal looked like, why would he even assume he had a crush on this guy?
Travis didn’t talk much, way quieter than he was freshman year. He doesn’t get into fights anymore, doesn’t yell. He’s been good. Maybe that’s why Sal still chooses to stick around. Travis was a dick, he’s aware, he doesn’t deserve Sal’s kindness and forgiveness.
Sal sits beside him, they talk, nothing too into detail. They’re friends, but they’re not too close. They really only talk at school, never once hanging out after school hours. Travis only hangs out with his sisters, sometimes Larry comes over, he spends most of his time at church.
Sal’s talking, Travis can’t stand to listen. He just stares, Sal doesn’t notice. Sal talks a lot, he’s shy at first but when you get to know him he just doesn’t shut up. Travis kinda likes it.
When Sal isn’t talking about Ash.
Which is almost never.
Travis isn’t jealous.
He’s happy for Sal, really. I mean, if he had a girlfriend he’d probably talk about her constantly too. It’s what couples do… he thinks. He’s never been in a relationship. Sal just talks and talks and talks and talks, it makes Travis mad. Fills him with rage. He doesn't know why, well, maybe he does. But he'll never admit it.
Ash is pretty, she’s talented, she’s kind. Travis is a nobody, a Bible bashing child of god, a sissy scared of hell, a faggot afraid of being discovered by the man who’s supposed to love him most. Ash doesn't have to deal with that, he's never met her family but just from hearing her little stories her dad seems nice. She's got a picture perfect life, a picture perfect face, a picture perfect personality, of course Sal likes her. Travis clenches his fist, bouncing his leg.
“Trav? You okay?”
Sal speaks, he’s catching on. I mean, Travis couldn’t just stare and nod forever. He should apologize, tell Sal he’s fine and just a bit tired, not spiraling in this own thoughts. He’d tell him he got a poor nights rest and maybe Sal would leave him be, but that’s not what he does. It feels like something snaps inside of him, he feels like he’s 15 again and punching his bedroom walls and getting into fights every week, he hasn’t felt like this in a while. Not since his dad had that… ‘talking to’ with him. Travis isn’t jealous.
But maybe he is.
“Do you ever just shut up?!” Travis slams his fists on the table, voice cracking with anger and frustration and all those bottled up emotions from his sophomore year where he decided he’d never ‘feel’ again.
“All you ever do is talk about Ash-! I don’t want to hear about that bitch anymore-! Do you have a life outside of her-?!”
Travis doesn't know what he's saying, a puppet controlled by his own troubled mind. He was supposed to be Sal's friend, nothing else. he wasn't supposed to catch feelings, he wasn't supposed to lash out anymore, he was supposed to apologize, to earn forgiveness and friendship. All his progress he made with the group falling down the drain. If Larry found out about this whole thing, the only person who actually invites him places, who comes over after school, who gets him way from his father, he'd be isolated again, alone constantly. he can't do that again.
Travis stands up, shoves the desk as if it’ll do anything and he storms off, tears burning his eyes like acid. He's over dramatic, he knows he is, he always has been. Sal doesn't follow after him, he doesnt say anything either, he sits at the desk in silence and Travis slams the classroom door shut and storms down the hallway.
He storms past Ashley and Todd, who both look over at him with concern ecthed on their face, it only pisses him off more. He's always been emotional, he'd have outbursts where he felt like he wasn't in control of himself. His dad would shout, tell him that satan was inside of him and that no son of his would have the devil trapped in his mind. He'd had Travis kneels and pray for hours after.
Travis learned to bottle up his emotions and never let anybody see him vulnerable.
but the smallest things always ticked him off.
He shoves Ash to the ground, shouts some nasty words, and runs off again. He never liked dealing with his consequences. Sal won't talk to him tomorrow, or for the rest of the week, maybe ever again. But if Sal wasn't in his life anymore, maybe he wouldn't be angry anymore. No more rage, no more sin, no more Sal. Easy peasy right?