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It was midday in the atelier, and the apprentices were outside experimenting with their spells—something they always liked to do when the sun came out. Inside the atelier, all was calm, and Qifrey smiled, listening to the faint sound of laughter from somewhere outside. Inside, he was tidying up from lunch when he noticed Olruggio slumped over the table, clearly asleep.
Qifrey sighed. Olruggio never had been one to listen to what his body was telling him, and the high-demand nature of his contraption-making made it so that Olruggio had nearly constant opportunities to overtax himself. When the two of them had been young, it had resulted in some late nights, dark circles, and bad moods; now that they were older, the crashes were far worse, and it wasn’t uncommon to find Olruggio collapsed in an odd position over some piece of furniture.
Of course, Qifrey thought, guilt rising up inside of him, exhaustion wasn’t the only reason Olruggio had a tendency to fall asleep at strange times and in odd locations. Thanks to Qifrey, Olruggio had awoken in such a fashion countless times, his mind freshly wiped of any memory of Qifrey’s secret.
Each and every time, his idea.
“I forgive you,” he would say. “I forgive you for everything.”
Each and every time, the comfort of this forgiveness would be too much for Qifrey, and he would begin to turn. And each and every time, Olruggio would make the same decision, come up with the same plan, make the same sacrifice—a sacrifice that he would never get to remember. Qifrey had spent most of his life in the shadow of that sacrifice, the guilt eating him up inside enough that he was safe from his curse—if a life like that could be considered lived in any desirable kind of safety.
“Forgive me,” Qifrey whispered under his breath. “Please, Olly, someday, forgive me.”
“Wha’?” Olruggio stirred at the hushed sound of Qifrey’s voice. “Wha’ was tha’?”
“Nothing, Olly.”
“I could’ve sworn y’said something,” Olruggio mumbled.
“Must have been that imagination of yours.”
“The girls went outside?” Olruggio asked, rubbing his sleepy eyes.
“Yes,” Qifrey said, smiling. “You know how they are when the sun comes out.”
“Wild things,” Olruggio scoffed, but Qifrey saw the hint of a smile on Olly’s face.
“It’s good to see them happy again, especially after everything that happened during Silver Eve,” Qifrey said. “I know that came as a shock to them, although I don’t think any of us expected for it to go the way that it did.”
“What do you want me to forgive you for?” Olruggio said suddenly.
“What?”
“That’s what you said, right when I woke up. You asked me to forgive you someday,” Olruggio said, certainty in his voice. His gaze softened when he looked back at Qifrey. “Now Qifrey, what in the world would I have to forgive you for?”
“Nothing at all, I never said such a thing.”
“Of course you didn’t.”
“That’s right.”
“It wouldn’t matter to me.”
“What do you mean?”
“It wouldn’t matter to me what you had done. Truly, I can’t think of a thing under this sun you could do tha’ would make me not want to forgive you. You’re a good person, Qifrey. A real, good sort of person. You know that, right?”
“I’m not sure,” Qifrey said quietly.
“Well, get sure!” Olruggio exclaimed. “Look Qifrey, I know something is going on with you. And I will get to the bottom of it. But I love you, damnit! I know whatever this is is something big, and you can’t tell me, and blah, blah. None of that matters to me. I want you to be safe, and I don’t want you to feel so stressed all the time.”
Qifrey felt a pang of sadness. If only Olly knew that the stress was the only thing keeping him here. Qifrey knew it was only a matter of time before Olruggio found out yet again, and yet again Qifrey would have to erase his memories. He had a feeling that that would be sooner rather than later.
“So guess wha’?” Olruggio continued, his face reddened with passion. “I forgive you! Whatever it was you were mumbling about, I forgive you.”
Qifrey’s heart welled up with a mix of joy and anxiety intense enough to bat away the silverwood writhing inside of him. Oh, Olly. Sweet, kind, gruff Olruggio. Even when he knew so little of the truth, he always chose to be kind.
In that moment, Qifrey could have done any number of things. He could have walked away, and stoked his anxiety even further. He could have continued the conversation without acknowledging what Olruggio had said. Or, Qifrey could take a risk.
Qifrey walked towards the table and sat down beside Olruggio, cupping his hand around Olly’s cheek. While he did so, he was careful to think about the fear of Olruggio learning his secret yet again—it was enough fear to give him a moment of safe proximity. Qifrey used that moment to kiss Olly tenderly on the lips. It wasn’t long or dramatic, but it was enough to say everything Qifrey wished he could say out loud: I trust you, I love you, I need you.
After the kiss was done, Olruggio looked at Qifrey with gentle eyes.
“I meant it, by the way. I forgive you, and I will forgive you every time.”
Qifrey gently pressed his forehead up against Olly’s, and wrapped his fingers around Olly’s wrist, letting himself feel warmth as his mind was racing with the terror of what he knew was approaching ever closer.
“I know.”