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“You ever think about, like, different universes and stuff?” Jude asks absentmindedly, the majority of his attention being turned towards the ball he has balancing on his right knee.
It’s late and the stadium is completely empty except for the two of them. Above, the velvet sky absorbs all light emitted from the town. It had been cloudy for the past month but that evening the sky had finally burned its brilliant red and as if on cue, Jude’s phone had chimed with the all too familiar, “nine o clock, mister?”. Thankfully one of the grounds keepers knew Jude’s dad and trusted his son enough to allow them entrance even after practice hours.
Erling makes a face at the question, “Like the multiverse?” He asks and takes another swig from his half empty bottle, making another face at the flat taste.
“Yeah, you know, there are many people, even scientists who think there might be many different versions of our universe, that every decision we make or don’t make creates an alternate reality where things are different.”
“You’re obviously not drunk enough, thinking this difficult thoughts”. Erling's accent is thicker than usual and Jude can only smile at his words, quickly catching the unopened can Erling throws at him while the football bounces to the ground.
“Aww come on I almost beat my record!” He whines while his boyfriend grins up at him from where he’s leaning back on the grass, his perfect teeth glinting in the harsh white spotlight. With a groan Erling unfolds himself to a standing position so that they are face to face. Close. He’s swaying slightly.
“Okay then” he muses, spinning the ball between his index fingers, “what does these other realities look like?” The ball drops to the pitch and Erling takes a few steps back.
“I’m thinking…” Jude starts dribbling, watching as the others posture tenses up in preparation.
He’d actually paid these ideas a lot of thought as of late. It was an interesting concept, that somewhere out there, copies of him and Erling lived completely different lives from their current ones, maybe they knew each other, maybe they would never even know the other existed. That part always gives Jude a little vertigo, so he settles for the more comfortable belief that they somehow would find each other no matter which reality they were in.
“What if we were like, sailors or something, or horse breeders….. or maybe football players?", Jude tries to get past the other only for the ball to be snatched away,
“Wishful thinking” Erling laughs, easily maneuvering the ball between Jude’s feet while taking another sip from his beer, it looks so ridiculously nonchalant Jude almost wants to smack the bottle out of his hands.
”We could be pros together you know, play on the same team, travel the world together.” Jude continues a little out of breath, not going for the ball anymore, just watching Erling as he easily kicks it high into the air and then plucks it down as if it was an apple on a branch. *Damn.* Something in Jude’s pants stirs.
Erling just gives the ball a precise kick and lets Jude catch it against his chest. “Ah, you maybe, don’t know if I’m cut out for that. Would have to give up a lot of things I like too much.” He shakes the now empty bottle for emphasis before carefully throwing it aside in the grass. “-and we wouldn’t be able to be together if we were superstars, and I couldn’t live like that.”
“We could keep it secret you know, fuckin between games, maybe even in the locker room.", he grins at the other's expression,"-I think you would like it.”
“Oh you know I would like it, but is still wishful thinking” Erling sighs, always the rational one.
“No but listen, can you imagine?” Jude continues while starting to bounce the ball against his knees to keep it in the air, “in another universe, you and me, this entire stadium, filled with people-“ he can already see it, can already hear it. The roar of the crowd as he jogs out of the dark tunnel and into the blinding lights along with his team mates, all of them in matching jerseys. White maybe, with the English coat of arms over their hearts. The adrenaline would be pumping through his veins but Jude wouldn’t let it control him, he would let it bring him to the top of his game, like rocket fuel shooting him across the pitch. And he would have Erling by his side, ohhh what a thought. Getting to watch him do what he loved the most, watch as he made goal after impossible goal, plowing through the other team like a bulldozer, because Erling would really be THAT good, Jude knows it. How they would celebrate each goal by jumping into each other's arms long before their teammates even made it to them, screaming along with everyone else until their throats got sore.
Jude’s breath catches.
Right then and there it feels so close, so close, as if the grass stains and sprained ankles and paparazzis and smell of sweat were all there and not just a figment of his imagination. As if Jude, if he just reaches out into the veil of reality can push through and reach the other side. As if that theory might not be just a theory. As if the faintest echo of a whole nation singing his name isn’t just in his head.
He blinks. You’d be amazing, Erling, Jude lets the thoughts fall out into the still air, you’d make everyone who's ever met you so fucking proud.
The words forming in his mind don't feel like his own anymore, because there is a certainty in them that’s totally unfamiliar to Jude, as if it’s already happened and is a fact, just like the fact that the sky is blue and that Erling loves brunost.
He can hear the soft footfall of the other as he walks closer, casting his shadow over the entire scene.
“-you’d make me so fucking proud”
A pair of strong arms wrap around Jude's chest from behind. He can feel the warmth of Erling as he nudges his nose against Jude’s.
“As I said” Erling hums, slowly spinning him around by his shoulder so that they are face to face, “you maybe. However for me, there are too many things I like too much right here.” And there is something so soft and sincere over his expression then as he looks down on Jude. “-do you know how impossible it would be for us to be together if we were football players in the same team, or even worse, rivals?” He muses while absentmindedly pulling up the hood of Jude’s black, now grass-covered hoodie. Jude smiles, slings his arms around the others broad shoulders, “We could make it work” he almost whispers, “and you would love it, playing football for a living and being in the spotlight all day, that’s your dream, Erling”, Erling just shrugs his shoulders.
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t be able to have you like this and…..honestly….”, he looks around, at the empty stands, no doubt imagining them full of people, ”I’d trade ten futures as a football star, if it meant I'd get to keep this one right here with you. That's how happy i am.”
“Youre joking. Really?”
“Really”
Jude looks up and his field of vision isn't starry black anymore, but an electric blue, eating up and swallowing his entire world. He closes his eyes.
The press of soft lips against his own comes seamlessly, as does the feeling of Erlings hands settling down on the sides of his face, keeping them molded together. How was it even possible to be this madly in love with someone? Jude doesn't know.
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Maybe the other Jude and Erling had it all figured out, maybe they both had big hotshot careers and each other to love and cherish, but Jude can't know that for certain. All he knows is that right here, right now, standing in a football stadium with a Norwegian guy kissing him, Jude Bellingham is the happiest man on planet earth.