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The first time I ran away, I was seven years old. In my defense, I had a very good reason, actually, I had a lot of reasons. Most of them were probably stupid, some of them were Megumi's fault, some of them were Satoru's fault, and some of them were mine.
The biggest problem with having brothers was that they acted like they knew everything.
Especially when one of them was your twin, "You can't just leave during dinner."
I looked across the table at Megumi, "I literally can."
"No, you can't."
"I am."
"You aren't."
"Mom used to let me."
Across from us, Satoru looked up from his food, "She's got a point."
Megumi immediately looked like he regretted every decision that led him to this exact moment, "Satoru."
"What?"
"You're supposed to help me."
"I am helping. I'm helping her prove her argument."
"That's not helping."
"It is."
"It isn't."
I rolled my eyes. This was normal, this was us. Satoru being annoying, Megumi pretending he wasn't also annoying. Me being the only reasonable person in the room..
"You guys are so annoying," I mumbled.
Megumi frowned. "You're the one who started arguing."
"NO! you started it."
"I said don't leave the table."
"Exactly."
"That makes no sense."
Satoru laughed, he always laughed when Megumi and I argued.
Which was annoying because it encouraged both of us. Dinner ended differently than it usually did, because Satoru sighed after we finished eating.
That sigh, adults did when they thought they were being subtle, "y/n."
I looked up, "What?"
"You know you can't just disappear whenever you're upset, right?"
I froze, because he wasn't joking and I hated that, "I wasn't disappearing."
"Really?"
"I was just leaving."
Megumi stared at me, "That's quite literally the same thing."
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is."
"Stop acting like you're my real brother."
The room went quiet. The second the words left my mouth, I wished I could grab them and put them back, but I was seven, and seven-year-olds were really good at saying things they didn't mean.
"We don't even have the same dad,” Megumi's face changed, not angry, just surprised.
Satoru didn't say anything, that somehow felt worse. Satoru always had something to say, a joke, a comment, something.
I looked away, because suddenly I felt like I had done something wrong, and I hated that feeling. Satoru wasn't my dad. He wasn't supposed to be, he was seventeen when he took us in. Seventeen, still a kid himself.
Our mom had brought us to live with him when Megumi and I were four.
After everything changed, after his own father had already been gone. After our dad decided leaving was easier than staying, Satoru never complained.
Not once, he just stepped up, he made breakfast, he helped with homework.
He learned how to do things he shouldn't have had to learn yet and somehow, I had just thrown it back in his face.
I pushed my chair away.
"I'm going to my room."
"y/n,"
"I'm tired."
I didn't wait for him to answer.
My room felt too small, everything felt too loud.
The house, my thoughts, the guilt sitting in my chest. I didn't mean it, I knew I didn't mean it. Satoru looked hurt, and Satoru never looked hurt.
He was always smiling, always joking, always acting like nothing bothered him, and somehow I was the thing that did.
I sat on my bed, then I stood up. Eventually, I made a very important seven-year-old decision. I was leaving, because obviously, if I wasn't there, I couldn't make anyone upset.
I grabbed nothing. No suitcase, no note, nothing dramatic, I just climbed out my window, because it felt easier than saying sorry.
The first ten minutes felt amazing. Nobody was telling me what to do, nobody was worrying about me, nobody was annoyed.
I was independent, I was free. I was.. lost.
Okay.
Maybe not lost. Just… not exactly sure where I was. The city felt bigger when you were seven and all alone, the sidewalks were longer, the buildings were taller.
The sun started disappearing, and suddenly being alone didn't feel as cool as it did twenty minutes ago. I sat behind a small building near a playground, pulled my knees to my chest, a nd stared at the ground.
I wasn't crying, I wasn't, My eyes were just doing something weird.
"Stupid tears," I whispered, wiping my face, "Stop."
They ignored me, which was rude.
Footsteps approached, I immediately decided to pretend I didn't exist.
That didn't work, "Uh..."
I looked up, a boy stood a few feet away. I dont remember him super clearly but he had messily styled spiky pink hair, and his eyes held a softness in them.
He was out of breath like he had been running, "Hi,” I stared, He stared back, Neither of us moved, then: "Are you crying?"
"No."
"Okay."
"I wasn't."
"You kinda are."
"I'M NOT."
He blinked, "You definitely are."
I glared at him, he didn't seem scared. Just confused, then he reached up and took off his black baseball cap. It looked new like he really liked it. He held it out and I looked at the hat. Then at him.
Then back at the hat, "What."
"You can have it."
"What?"
"The hat."
"Why?"
He shrugged, "You're crying."
That was his entire explanation, I stared at him, he stared back. Finally, I grabbed it.
I immediately pulled it down over my face, "If nobody can see my face, then nobody knows."
A second later, his fingers grabbed the brim and adjusted it, covering my eyes completely, "There."
I blinked underneath the hat, "What?"
"Now nobody can see."
…
That actually wasn't bad.
I peeked out, the boy smiled, small, awkward. As if he wasn't used to smiling at people.
Something warm settled in my chest,"My name's y/n."
His face brightened, "Yuji."
Before I could say anything else, "y/n!"
Oh no, Megumi, the panic on Yuji's face matched mine.
A second later, Megumi appeared, hair messy, breathing hard, "There you are."
I pointed at him, "You were being annoying."
"You disappeared."
"Because you were annoying."
"Oh thank god,” Satoru appeared behind him. He looked tired but it felt different.
"Found her,” Megumi looked ready to collapse.
I pointed at him again, "He's annoying."
"I know," Satoru said.
"QUIT AGREEING WITH HER."
Yuji laughed, actually laughed. It was bright, easy. I liked it.
Megumi finally noticed him, "...Who are you?"
"Yuji."
"He found me."
Megumi paused, then his expression softened slightly, "Thanks."
Yuji scratched the back of his neck, "No problem."
Then his eyes went to the hat. The hat sitting on my head, his hat. I waited for him to ask for it back, but he didn't, "You can keep it."
I blinked, "Really?"
"Yeah,” He smiled again.
That same awkward smile.
The one that made everything feel a little less scary.
Then Satoru picked me up and carried me away because apparently I was still seven and apparently I was not allowed to run away anymore.
I looked back once.
Yuji was still standing there, getting smaller and smaller as we walked away. The hat stayed on my head the entire way home. I never took it off. Years later, I still wear it, even when I don't remember why.