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Dazai's eyes unfocused as he leaned into the repetitive, gentle motion of Chuuya's fingers in his hair. He usually napped, when Chuuya got the urge to play with his hair like this, but he was too wired for that these days. So, daydreaming it was.
The ring in his pocket felt like it was burning against his thigh. Gods, what was he to do? (It wasn't even an iron piece, of course not— just… fuck. Dazai was nervous. He wasn't used to that.)
The damned ring had just been there, a constant, nigh-unbearable presence against his thigh, for… months. Swapped from pants-pocket to pants-pocket, day to day to day to day to day—!
He couldn't help it. The idea of seeing his ring on Chuuya's hand, seeing the impression of it under his lover's glove… it was intoxicating. Just the thought was apparently enough to prompt the ridiculous relay he was putting his poor slacks through.
But he couldn't propose. His lips were sealed, the ring moved from its original velvet box to servicing him indefinitely as a comfort object. (Though, it was getting torturous enough having it there. Perhaps he should… it might be time to put it away.)
No, Dazai couldn't ask Chuuya to marry him. Whenever the urge nearly overcame him, the kitsune had to remind himself why it was an awful idea. Which he was due for again, it seemed.
He leaned against the couch as he berated himself, sinking a little further against Chuuya's criss-crossed legs.
For one, he thought, he'd never say yes.
Honestly, that was probably all the reason he needed. After the Move-In Debacle of five years ago, Chuuya had shown that he just wasn't willing to give up his friends and family, the world he lived in, for Dazai.
And that was okay! That was perfectly fine, even. That was why Dazai was staying in Chuuya's apartment, right now, instead of Chuuya having joined him in his estate, back in the spirit realm.
He had asked Chuuya to join him there, and the ginger had emphatically refused— leave his sister? Those odd friends of his, the Flags? No, no, he wouldn't.
And— Dazai wasn't resentful. He really, really, sincerely wasn't. Maybe he had been a smidgen bitter at the time, but… no. He couldn't demand that Chuuya give all that up for him. He had made his peace with it.
…However. What this did mean was that he... definitely couldn't ask Chuuya to marry him. As spirit law dictated, if they married, their lifespans would be matched.
Chuuya would long, long outlive his family, and inevitably come to hate Dazai for inflicting that despicable fate upon him, after Dazai had complained so often about it himself, and—
"Mackerel?"
Dazai blinked himself out of his reverie. He tilted his head back and glanced up at Chuuya, who was staring down at him with an eyebrow arched.
"You overthinkin' some shit in that big brain of yours?" Chuuya said, giving a yank to one of the finished braids. "What is it, dumbass?"
"Ah, it's nothing chibis should worry about," Dazai said, offering an upside down grin.
Chuuya flicked him on the forehead, earning an offended cry as Dazai clutched the stinging spot.
Unimpressed, Chuuya flicked him again. "None of that shit. The fuck is it?"
Dazai stared blankly at Chuuya, still holding his forehead.
"…God, fine, forget I asked—"
"I want Chuuya to marry me," Dazai blurted.
"—What?"
———————————
"I'm so glad slugs can only remember the last five seconds," Dazai said, shoving his burning face into his hands, his voice now muffled. "That means it's too late for a slug to comment on anything from 6 or more seconds ago. He can just go back to braiding my hair."
"No?? You— one, that's goldfish, and I don't even think that's true, and— We're talking about this!" Chuuya's voice was a confused shriek. His cheeks were beginning to flush, but he began prying Dazai's fingers off the embarassed kitsune's own blushing face.
"Noooooooo."
"Yeeeeessss," Chuuya said, finally succeeding. Dazai was bright red, his ears twitching nervously atop his head. Chuuya ducked his head, making eye contact with his dumbass boyfriend—
—Oh.
Dazai's eyes were glossy with shimmering tears, held back by only the force of his mortification. They flicked up to meet Chuuya's.
"...Osamu?" Chuuya said, gentling his voice. He didn't let go of Dazai's hands, gathering them between his own and rubbing his thumbs over the knuckles. "What's wrong, lovely?"
...Trying again, Chuuya cleared his throat, eyes flicking away and back. He gave a sideways half-smile. "You... said you wanted to marry me?"
Dazai was silent for a moment, before nodding.
"…Yes," He said, eventually. "But… Chuuya will say no." His voice cracked, and he tore his gaze away.
"What?" Chuuya breathed. "Why do you think that?" He gripped Dazai's hands a little tighter, pulling Dazai off the floor and onto the couch next to him.
"'Samu, why would— why wouldn't I wanna marry you?" Chuuya's cheeks were still flushed, but his confusion was apparent on his face.
Dazai just shook his head, giving a lopsided, tremulous grin. He waved a hand in dismissal, but when he opened his mouth to speak, all that came out was a weak croak.
His throat hurt.
Chuuya tugged Dazai into his arms, tucking the taller's face into his shoulder and letting him breathe. He didn't comment on the wet spots beginning on his shirt, stroking the brunet's hair as he tried to make sense of the past few minutes, bewildered.
———————————
"Have I… did I do something? That made you think..?" Chuuya asked, after Dazai's tears seemed to have subsided.
One of Dazai's tails twined around his wrist, flicking against his forearm. Chuuya caressed the part over his palm with his thumb as he spoke again. "You haven't brought… anything like this up before, I don't think. Where is this coming from?"
Dazai tilted his head so he was laying on Chuuya's shoulder, instead of having his face buried in it.
"Who wouldn't wanna marry a hatrack? They can even double as umbrella holders, you know—"
"Be serious."
"…" Dazai hesitated. "The slug—" He shook his head. "Chuuya. I… have been… wanting to marry you for… a while."
Dazai fished in his pocket for a second, and then brought his hand up to where Chuuya could see it.
A ring? He's been planning this? Chuuya thought, taken a little aback. It was beautiful, a simple gold band with what seemed like— obsidian, maybe? No, too brittle. onyx? —twining through it, like the metal was a gemstone itself, and the stone was simply the imperfections naturally swirled through it.
He reached for it, but Dazai pulled it back, sitting up. His ears weren't fully pinned back, but it was close, his posture curved and slumping.
"But."
"But?"
"When… in… yokai marriages," Dazai began, "the yokai with the shorter natural lifespan has… their soul is changed, by the union. Their lifespan… extended. To match their partner's."
Chuuya hummed in affirmation, taking in the new knowledge. "So, if… we married, I could live for, what," Chuuya said, thinking back to conversations the two had had before, musing on the differences between their two species. Kitsunes, it turned out, could live for— "thousands of years?"
Dazai nodded, wincing.
"Okay," Chuuya said, and gave a nod. "…Okay. Well. That… does make your nerves a little more understandable. But… still," His eyebrow arched again, his eyes squinting. "Why were— are— you so sure I'd say no?"
Dazai mumbled an answer, tucking his head into his knees.
"What was that?"
"I said, I know the slug wouldn't agree to marry me because he wouldn't move in with me!"
"Hah??" Chuuya cried, and threw his hands up. "We're living together right now!"
"No! I mean— Yes! But— agh." Dazai tried, before shaking his head to clear it and trying again. "We live together, but Chuuya wouldn't move in with me. Because— you have people here, in the— and they're mortals, like you, and you didn't wanna leave them, which I get, which is why we live here, now, but then how could you agree to marry me when— when it'd mean Chuuya would have to watch all his loved ones die?"
Dazai sat back, breathing heavily. He crossed his arms grumpily, but quickly unfolded them, fidgeting with the ring and glancing up at Chuuya, waiting.
Chuuya blinked, as he processed all of… that. "You didn't want to ask, 'cause… oh. Oh, hey, 'Samu." Chuuya's smile lit up his face. He scooted closer on the couch, and cupped Dazai's face in his hands to pull him in for a kiss. "Yes, you dumbass, I'll marry you."
"Huh?" Dazai said, stupefied.
Chuuya kissed him again, and as Dazai was blinking out of it, began to explain.
"I said no to moving into your estate 'cause— well, Osamu. We hadn't even been dating that long, then, and I hardly knew how any of this was going to work. I didn't know if I'd ever see anyone from home again, if I said yes."
"But marrying you is different, because, well. It's been years— and also, I wouldn't be leaving them behind. I'll still be able to stick around their whole lives, yeah? It's just… I'll keep going, after. And that'll hurt. I— shh, yeah, I know it will, Osamu. But I can live through that, and—"
Chuuya looked up at Dazai, smiling in a way that left no room for argument. "If it would be so bad for me to watch my mortal family die, how could I… turn around and do that to you, Osamu?"
Chuuya held out his hand, waiting for something. What—? Oh!
Hand shaking, Dazai slid the ring onto his love's finger. Without skipping a beat, he had Chuuya on his back, his tails wrapped around him, peppering the ginger's face with kisses.
"Wh— hey, 'Samu! Q-quit, ya damn— menace, I swear—" Chuuya giggled, pushing Dazai off him. "—Wait, hey, are you crying?"
Dazai shook his head, grinning. His eyes might have glistened. "I'm just excited."
"Oh, yeah," Chuuya agreed, "You should be. Enjoy the view of your fiancé, mister, he's a fuckin' catch."
"Mhmm, of course." Dazai nodded sagely. "Every yokai estate worth anything needs a dual hatrack/umbrella stand, you know. It's shameful to go without one, especially for as long as my poor home has~"
"Oi!"