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“I want to love you forever.”
Nick looked up, surprised. They had been lying on his bed in companiable silence for the best part of an hour, just soaking in each other’s company, enjoying the closeness they had missed for the time they had been apart.
Charlie had spoken up out of nowhere, and immediately flushed, as though realising what he had just said. He turned his face away, but Nick cupped his cheek gently.
“Char?”
Charlie looked back at him nervously.
“Sorry. I just- has it felt to you like we’re more fragile than we were before? Like… before we broke up, I thought we were invincible. I watched Elle and Tao go through it all, but I never thought it could happen to us. And then…”
“And then it did,” Nick finished, quietly. Charlie nodded.
“And I know it’s just a blip, I know that, and I know we love each other as much as ever. But I don’t know, Nick, I just…” he trailed off, staring at his knees.
Nick took his hand, stroking his fingers.
“Yeah, I get it. It was like we were inevitable, and now we know we’re more breakable than we thought. But Charlie, you know it doesn’t change how I feel about you, right? You’re still the most precious thing in the world to me.”
Charlie straightened up, more agitated.
“I know, Nick. But I still feel, I don’t know, like everything’s so up in the air now. Literally two months ago we were planning out what kind house we want in the future and how many kids, and now we’re scared we won’t make it through the next week,” he said, eyes brimming with tears. “And I want to love you forever, Nick. I want to wake up next to you every day of my life, and kiss you goodbye on the way out to work. I want to raise a child with you. I want- I want to be buried next to you when I die.”
Nick wrapped his arms around his boyfriend as he broke down into tears, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He breathed in the familiar scent of his hair; sweet coconut conditioner and expensive curl cream worked into soft, glossy locks. His own eyes stinging, he pressed a kiss to the top of Charlie’s head.
“I want all of that with you, Char,” he croaked. “I swear- I swear, Charlie, I will love you until my last breath.”
Charlie sniffled as he pressed his face into Nick’s chest.
“I’m sorry. God, it just makes me want to do something stupid, like ask you to elope. I love you. Fuck, I love you so much. I always will, Nick, I promise. Forever.”
“Forever,” Nick repeated quietly. “When the world ends, Charlie, I will come running to you. I never want to be away from you.”
Charlie shifted. “But we will be away from each other, and it doesn’t matter. We’ll love each other just the same. I swear, Nick, you could be living on Mars, and it wouldn’t matter. You’d still be all I want.”
Nick smiled, eyes shining. He traced the curve of Charlie’s jaw with his fingertip, as though committing his every feature to memory.
“Well, we can’t get married yet – yet being the important word there – but we can still make these promises to each other, can’t we? Then we know we’re going to live and die together, even if we don’t have a piece of paper to confirm it yet.”
Charlie grinned. “Ok. How do you want to do this, then?”
Nick sat up, turning to sit facing Charlie with his legs crossed. Charlie mirrored him, taking both of Nick’s hands in his.
“Char… Charlie Spring, owner of my heart, treasure of my life, fire of my loins…”
“Nick!”
“Sorry, sorry. Char, you bring out the best in me. When we were broken up, I told my mum that I’d lost the most beautiful thing in my life, and I meant it. You are everything beautiful in this world, Charlie. There’s no-one who knows me like you do, no-one who has your mind, your heart, your beauty… I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I promise, Char, I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”
Charlie sniffled again, but kept it together.
“Nick, I love you. I don’t know if I even have the words for a fancy speech, so I just need to tell you over and over again how I adore you in every way. You’re the kindest, sweetest, most caring boy I’ve ever known, and if there’s anyone out there who can even try to compete then I don’t care. I’ve never wanted anyone but you, and I never will. You- you complete me, Nick.”
They were both crying by now, but Charlie wasn’t finished.
“I want forever with you. It might be all I want in life, actually. And yeah… I promise to love you until the sun explodes and there’s nothing left.”
“Forever…” Nick whispered.
“Forever.”