Work Text:
Hiori Yo's chest had been hurting ever since he had changed into the Blue Lock uniform for that night's match. It was a familiar yet unknown feeling, as his body was freeing cold and showed little of the thoughts or feelings that circled in his mind. Having such a pit in his chest made too many things he was trying to forget real and tangible, as he had hoped they weren't.
Lying to himself was something he was used to, omitting and forgetting bits and pieces of his life had been almost relieving for the past month and a half, and having them crash down on him with a single declaration felt like a game he didn't want to participate in. Not that he had any choice on taking part in it or not: everything was an imposition in the blue prison, and it had been feeling way better than any other imposition he had had forced on him until that day.
He had been wondering how he was, at times, when sleep wasn't coming to him and he was left without screens to keep his mind occupied. He had not told him about the program, because why would he care about that? He hadn't received a single update from him for too long to make a single text not stood out in the complete lack of words.
As he stood in line with his team, Hiori Yo looked at the back of his head and told himself not to make rash decisions, now or ever.
He hadn't glanced at him once. It was as bad as he had hoped it wouldn't have been.
Not that it mattered in any way, he had to convince himself it didn't or he wouldn't have survived those ninety minutes. Being benched wasn't that big of a deal when he didn't feel like playing in the first place, but maybe, it was a detail he could have used against him.
How, though? And most importantly, why? Karasu Tabito wasn't the kind of person to use knowledge like that, but Hiori had thought he wasn't the type to cut contact as abruptly as he had done, so maybe he never knew him at all.
He was as charming as always, he had grown a couple inches, maybe now they were of the same height. His hair was still neatly glued in that high shape, such a signature mark, that was, one that could have made him spot him from two miles away. He didn't think anything about it other than finding it cool, how his demeanor seemed to be based on how combed his hair was. He had always found it cute, something he had never dared to admit to himself fully, but that now could be thought, because who cared, right?
Who the hell cared anyway.
It was easy to see how much he had improved, Hiori knew his style like the back of his hand, and the memory of their days together clashed violently with what he could now see from the seats beside the field.
He hadn't cared about being left behind, or, he tried to tell himself that, it was exactly was he had hoped would have happened at some point, even if he was fighting with all himself to stay in the prison so as not to go back home. His childish dream of keeping his family together with soccer burnt with feeble light in his chest, but it had yet to die out completely. Seeing him there, playing and fighting with a different kind of grit, of self entirely, made the pit in his stomach so deep he thought he could have fallen in it, had he dared to move a muscle.
Maybe Karasu had really left him behind. Maybe there was nothing he could have hoped for anymore. Maybe his feelings had always been stupid and futile, and he should have been glad he had never found the guts to confess them to him. Maybe there was never any destiny intertwining their lives. Maybe Karasu had never cared about him at all.
Of course he had, couldn't he remember the day they first met and the sleepless nights spent playing games together?
Of course he hadn't, couldn't he remember the day he hadn't dared to look him in the eyes when he told him he was gonna leave and his radio silence over the course of the following months?
Hiori closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, his face was blank and his attention back on the match.
When he got subbed in, he played as he always did, because there was nothing he had to demonstrate to him, and because he wouldn't have cared for a demonstration anyway.
+
Seeing the Blue Lock team win made him feel relieved at first and angry a short while later. It felt like a lie, not because he didn't believe in the program, but because he couldn't fathom how he could be so calm after being defeated, after having affirmed that the Japanese Under 20 team could have been replaced with the team members of a side program nobody had believed in until that moment.
He didn't get him, he couldn't, he would have been seething with rage at least in his mind, and maybe that was happening, maybe he was feeling that feeling of loss and resignation that would come after a defeat somewhere in the back of his mind, not out loud for the world to see.
Maybe. He didn't understand him anymore. The thought made him want to close himself in his room and lie in bed, just to get up a couple minutes later and start a brand new video game so as to have a break from his running thoughts.
Karasu Tabito stood there, catching his breath, his back straight and his eyes far, and Hiori almost walked up to him, just to see him more clearly, just to ask all the questions he had been needing to know the answers of.
Almost. It was Karasu who met his gaze, for a couple seconds at best, and looked away, his expression unchanged.
Hiori felt his world crumble beneath his feet, the overjoyed stadium disappeared in an instant, leaving his mind cottoned and a distant ring echo in his ears become louder and louder, until a hand was placed on his shoulder and the world crashed back on him.
"Are you okay?" Isagi was asking him. "We gotta go, Hiori."
Hiori glanced at him and found worry in his eyes, though, it was not his worry what he had been looking for. He glanced back in front of him, and found his eyes on him again, this time fixed and focused. His posture seemed more tired but his legs weren't relaxed. His mouth half-open, his hands still to his sides.
Hiori wasn't sure of what he wanted. He had been until then, the urge to run away had been hammering against his head hard enough to make his temples pulse. And still, as he saw his gaze not lowering, not running away, he was all but sure about it.
He wondered how it looked like to the world around him, if it could notice their shared stare and the silence hanging between them. He didn't know, but he hummed a Yeah, comin', just a sec before starting to walk towards him.
He saw his eyes widen, he saw his posture tense, and he didn't stop his motion. He couldn't, not now that he had decided what to do.
He reached him and they stood in front of each other for a couple moments before Hiori found the courage to open his mouth.
"Are ya goin' back to the Prison?" Karasu asked before he could speak.
Hiori wanted to break his nose. "Hi to ye too."
"Hello," he said, "are ya–?"
"I've been good, thanks, what aboutcha?"
"Hiori–"
"Shut up," he gritted his teeth. "Why do ye wanna know?"
"'Cause I can't stay now," he said, "and it would be better to talk not in front of thousands of people."
"Are ye scared of havin' an audience?" he asked, his tone rising slightly. "Really?"
"Really," his tone came out dry. "So?"
Fuck, to have his knuckles pulsing and his blood smeared on his fingers… "I am."
Karasu grimaced, clearly not expecting that.
"We'll be set free tomorrow, tonight we're still imprisoned."
His eyes fell on the grass at their feet. Hiori looked at him and found someone he didn't recognize, someone unsure, if not scared.
When Karasu looked at him again, his eyes were devoid of any emotion in such a fake way it made the pit grow. "Can ya come with me then? Away from here?"
Hiori just looked at him. "Why?"
"'Cause I need to talk to ya," he said, his voice unsure, "please."
"Now ye need to? After how many months, just because we met tonight?"
"I tried to text ya."
"After how much time?"
"Ya never texted me either."
"I'm not the one who left."
Karasu's eyes widened. "Damn, okay, whatever. I'm tryin', ya know that?"
"To do what, exactly?" he tilted his head. "'Cause yer not making any kinda sense."
"If ya just–" he huffed, his brows furrowed. "I just need ten minutes with ya alone and then this can end and we can fuck off. Please, Hiori."
Hiori shook his head to himself. He didn't understand what his body was trying to tell him anymore. But he supposed that breaking his nose in private was better than a possible disqualification. "Fine."
Karasu nodded. "Okay, 'aight, can ye follow me?"
"Hurry up, I'm hungry," he just said, not without guilt gnawing at his heart as he did so. Fuck, maybe he should have been more polite, he wouldn't have become an asshole in this mess too.
The room Karasu brought him in was just the bathrooms on the first floor of the structure. Nothing fancy, nothing spectacular, just a more private and quieter place.
As soon as they were in, Karasu spoke again, his eyes shone with a light he couldn't decipher, his posture clearly relieved. "I'm sorry."
Hiori leaned his back against the closed door of a stall. "For what?"
"For leavin'," he said, "most of all for never textin' ya again."
"If yer sorry then why didya do that?"
"Fear," he knew he was honest because his eyes didn't leave him, because he didn't hesitate nor stumble as he did when he had seen him lie. "So much fucking fear."
Hiori found himself surprised to hear that, and he didn't try to hide it. "What were ye scared about?"
"Ya," he said, made a face, and sighed, an embarrassed smile on his face. "That sounds weird, I know, issa… ya were messin' with my head, it was drivin' me nuts, I…"
"Me?" Hiori felt the confusion take over. "What did I do?"
"Ion know," he huffed again, "I look atcha and I–" he stopped suddenly, closing his mouth shut in a blink of an eye. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Ion know how to say this without makin' it sound cheesy or dumb or lika excuse. 'Cause it ain't, it's on me how I acted on it, and I'm sorry I never texted ya again, I…"
"Karasu, one thing at a time," Hiori said. "Who the hell are ye? Never seen ye this worked up before."
"Yeah," he grimaced, his gaze low, "yeah, I'm…" he brought his hand to the back of his neck, his face had a light blush spreading slowly over his cheeks.
Hiori felt his heart stop in his chest at that sight. "Karasu."
"Shut up."
"Karasu."
"Shut up–"
"Oh man, I fucking hate yer guts," Hiori said, his voice so low it was barely audible. "Why?"
Karasu didn't look at him.
"Why couldn't ye just…" his mind was starting not to make sense again, too much running around in it, "…tell me?"
He gritted his teeth. "Yeah, 'cause confessin' some' like this right before havin' to leave the team would have been so perfect."
"Yeah, it–" he couldn't help the disbelieved smile that appeared on his face. "It would have, it–"
"How can ya think that when–?"
"'Cause I like ye too, ye dumb piece of trash," Hiori snapped. "How could ye not see that? Ain't ye an analyst or some'?"
"How could– Ya just–" he stumbled. "I couldn't risk bein' wrong about it."
"Why?" Hiori. "Ye could have saved me so much time spent wonderin' and wonderin' and hatin' ye and missin' ye and ye just–"
"Because, Hiori," he raised his voice back at him. "I didn't even know I liked guys like that, cut me some slack."
"Did ye not trust me?"
"What?" now it was his turn to be disbelieved. "When did I even say that?"
"Ye didn't, I'm askin' anyway," he said. "Did ye not trust me?"
Karasu huffed. "I did trust ya."
"Then why…?"
"Why didn'tcha?" he asked back. "Why didn'tcha say it first?"
"I didn't know," he said, his voice quieting down, "I didn't know, ye were my first friend and I didn't wanna mess up my only friendship because of feelings like that."
Karasu looked at him without saying a word for a couple moments. He sighed. "I'm so fuckin' dumb."
"Ye are," Hiori hummed, he tried to give him a smile, "ye so are, hell, ye're so..."
"Ya see it thought," he said, "I ain't remarkable enough for someone like ya."
Hiori's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, shut up now."
"Ya asked me to talk."
"Yeah, and yer only sayin' stupid stuff," he shook his head, the smile intact on his face. "Damn."
"Don't say that."
"I will repeat it so many times."
"Yer the worst."
"And yer the remarkable one," his eyes burnt. "A remarkable fuckin' idiot, that ye are. Didn't think ye'd think like that 'bout me– yerself– us," a breathless laugh left his lips. "Are ye insane?"
"Okay, this convo's over then–" his eyes fell on the floor again, he went to leave and Hiori shot to reach him in a blink of an eye, his hand holding his shoulder lightly.
"Cut me some slack too," Hiori whispered, his eyes on him as kind as they had always been. "I haven't had any chance to tease ye in so long, I gotta make it weigh just a tiny bit."
Karasu looked between his hand and his eyes for a couple times.
"But I forgive ye," he continued, "I'm… happy yer back."
Karasu's eyes widened suddenly before going back to show a disinterested expression that just looked like him trying not to seem embarrassed. "I'm happy to be back too, I've missed ya."
Hiori's face lit up.
"Okay, less of that."
"Ye don't like ma happy face?"
"Not what I said," he smiled. "I…"
Hiori looked at him for a moment, his gaze falling on his lips twice and his face betraying the act he had been trying to put on.
Karasu's face was red as he had never seen it. It was so fucking cute. He reached for his face, his hand gently cupping his cheek, but Hiori was the one to lean in first.
Karasu met him in the middle, sharing a soft kiss that made Hiori's chest dissolve into dust and stars as he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his neck.
It felt so nice to kiss him. It felt exactly as he had daydreamed about, if not better. Definitely better, for the sole reason that it was real.
He hugged him as soon as he leaned away, burying his face on his shoulder and breathing in. He smiled. "Ye stink so bad."
"Ya ain't any better," Karasu didn't let go of him.
"I'm hungrier now."
"Will ya read the room for once?"
Hiori raised his head and turned it to the side. "Do ye know what Lazio Merda means?"
"Idiot," he held him a but more, until he broke the embrace, his hands stayed on his hips with a light touch. "Go wash yerself. Sorry for makin' ya late for that."
"Who cares," he shook his head and looked at him for moment before trying to make up a more charming expression. "Care to make me… be even later?"
Karasu was clearly weirded out. "Cut that shit now."
It made Hiori snort. "I'm tryin'…"
"Well, stop."
"Ye've become ruder."
"Reeducate me then."
"What the absolute hell–?"
"See? That's how ya sounded," he laughed and Hiori basked in that sound until it calmed down. "Let's go then, I can stop by to pick ya up tomorrow, if ya feel like it."
Hiori nodded. "That would be nice."
"Good."
"Mhm," he gave him a side-eye, "ye know yer supposed to let go of me at some point, right?"
Karasu hummed. "I know, gimme a moment."
Hiori rolled his eyes, a fond expression on his face. They walked together back to the field and hurried to their respective changing rooms. Hiori dodged all the possible questions thrown at him and didn't explain the joy in his smile as he did so.
That night, when they gave them their phones back, he found a long and articulated text from that number he had missed talking with, one that made him blush and grin like an idiot and that made more questions rise around him.
He texted him a down bad remarkable idiot :p that made Karasu call him instantly just to tell him If ya ever say a word about this to anyone I'll block ya.
It just made him laugh, no fear of that reality coming true. He wouldn't have, also because they had a month break, and Hiori knew damn well where he lived. He told him so, Karasu called him an idiot, an Hiori text a love ye too <33 that was sure made him scream somewhere in the privacy of his home.
The thought made his smile soften. He couldn't wait to make up for all the lost time.